Final Track.

 

 

She didn’t mean to hurt him. Or that’s what she told him when he caught her lip locking with another senior.

 

“Right,” Jaebum whispered, slowly shaking his head.

 

“I’m sorry,” she muttered.

 

He didn’t even know if she was sincere because when he looked back at her and that another senior, she was holding his face with her small hands and he could swear on that moment, he just wanted to run back at them and hit the guy’s face. But he didn’t anymore.

 

He didn’t want to waste his time anymore.

 

That’s what happened on his last year in high school. He caught his junior girlfriend cheating on him.

 

On his next relationship after that, it was with a guy.

 

To be honest, Jaebum never imagined himself breaking up with Jinyoung.

 

Jinyoung was the best thing that happened to him — before he cheated on him with a foreign exchange student named Mark. Unlike his girlfriend back on high school, Jinyoung wasn’t even apologetic.

 

He looked at him in the eyes when he told him. “Let’s break up.”

 

And Jaebum just had to ask. “Why?”

 

That was when Jinyoung laughed on his face as if he was kidding him. And ultimately crushed the remaining pieces of his already broken heart. “Are you serious? I don’t love you anymore. Is that what you want to hear from me? It’s not you; it’s me? I’ve been sleeping with Mark for two months now and you’re asking me why? Are you even aware of the fact that sometimes I wear Mark’s boxer because we had before you come to my place and he’s only hiding in the bathroom while I chase you away?”

 

It was the middle of winter then and it was snowing badly. Probably twenty inches of snow cover the city but Jaebum still went home walking without an umbrella. He wondered how he (or his feet) survived walking for two hours from the university to his place.

 

Probably because his entire being was aching more than his feet were. He still felt sorry for his feet though when he barely opened his door and collapsed on the floor, with disheveled hair and bloodshot eyes, asking himself what the hell is wrong with him.

 

That’s just been two out of his many failed relationships. Either they cheat on him or they cheat on him.

 

He is not a bad guy. He is not a bad son. He is not a bad person.

 

And yet… And yet…

 

“Hyung, please,” Jimin doesn’t know what to say to him anymore. He just told him he’s getting married next month and he wants Jaebum to be there, along with their other friends. It’s been seven years since university and it’s a bit sad how the reason they are only seeing each now is because one of them is going to get married.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” Jaebum gives him a smile, opening the purple invitation Jimin has placed in front of him again and checking the details. “November 14, right?”

 

Jimin’s million watts of smile is priceless and Jaebum doesn’t regret his decision anymore.

 

After university, all of his friends started getting married, or just settling down with whoever and building their families. It was two months after graduation when Namjoon announced he was marrying someone from the US. He lived there ever since.

 

Jaebum wonders if he’s coming back to Seoul for Jimin’s wedding.

 

The most recent has been Seokjin’s wedding — which has also been the most extravagant he has attended of his friends. From the church decorations to the hotel reception, it is almost unbelievable how someone could spend that much money for a one-day event although when Jaebum thinks of Seokjin’s husband, he doesn’t dwell that much on how unbelievable that could be.

 

He is just lighting a cigarette while he waits for the bartender to get his drink. Jimin left earlier after giving him about four bone-crushing hugs because the younger probably thought Jaebum will pass on his wedding. Jimin has some inspiration because he did pass on Hoseok’s wedding four years ago, Yugyeom’s wedding three years ago and Taehyung’s wedding nine months ago.

 

Seokjin’s wedding was three years ago. So it wasn’t exactly recent.

 

He just couldn’t say no because Jimin already looks like he was going to beg him already even before he could say no. And Jimin has been one of his precious dongsaengs back in university. He couldn’t exactly say no to him. Jaebum is sure Hoseok, Yugyeom and Taehyung will give him hell for that though.

 

He gives himself a small smile, wondering if he should begin attending weddings again. It’s not everyone’s fault he’s unlucky when it comes to love, right?

 

“Excuse me. Can I borrow your lighter?”

 

Jaebum returns back to reality as he digs into his pocket and hands it to the person two seats away from him on the bar. It’s only when he is handing the lighter does he get a proper look on his face.

 

Jackson Wang.

 

“Thanks,” Jackson reaches for the lighter without touching Jaebum’s hand. He even smiles at him.

 

Jaebum wants to flip.

 

This is Jackson Wang. This is the Jackson the freaking Wang. He’s not sure how he is able to keep breathing but he does look away quickly when he catches himself staring more than how he should normally look at a person. He calms himself down, gulping all of the vodka in his glass and asking the bartender for another.

 

“Whoa, you trying to get drunk?” Jackson asks, chuckling. He hands him back the lighter. “Thanks.”

 

Jaebum can’t believe Jackson is talking to him because Jackson Wang is just the biggest celebrity nowadays. Everything has his face on it. Literally everything and Jaebum can’t even stop himself from joining the bandwagon because Jackson is such an angel. He’s not those typical popular people who smoke weeds and have unprotected all the time. He helps communities and he actually sings.

 

“You’re welcome,” Jaebum says.

 

Jackson blows rings of smoke and even that amuses Jaebum. Like he hasn’t seen a lot of people do the same thing.

 

“You’re Jackson Wang, right?” And right after it left his lips, Jaebum immediately regrets it. He looks like a sick fanboy or something!

 

But Jackson only gives him a small smile as he looks at him. “I thought that’d be pretty obvious because I’m not wearing any disguise.”

 

“I thought, maybe, you just look like him or something,” he embarrassingly blabbers. “Sorry, I’ll just shut up and —”

 

“Why are you alone?” Jackson interrupts, completely turning his direction to him now.

 

“I was with a friend earlier,” Jaebum answers, thankful that he sounds like a decent human being now instead of a crazy fan. He doesn’t really mean to give details but he still ends up doing so. “He asked to meet up. Turned out he’s getting married and he wants me to come.”

 

“Can’t he just call you up with that or something? Send you an invitation?”

 

“Well,” Jaebum begins. “I don’t exactly attend weddings nowadays.” Nowayears. “Or similar affairs.”

 

Jackson nods, listening intently. “Why?”

 

Jaebum doesn’t think he’d ask why. But he answers it though. “Been broken too many times. It’s not that I don’t wish for other people’s happiness but I’m just afraid I might loath it if I’m there. And they’re my friends. How worst can I get if I loath my friends’ happiness? I’d rather not attend the happiest day of their lives.” He can’t help chuckling when he finishes because after all those years, a stranger — no less than Jackson Wang, but still stranger — is the one who gets him to talk.

 

Jackson nods again. “What’s your name?”

 

“Im Jaebum.”

 

“Well, you know me already but it’s still proper to introduce, right? I’m Jackson Wang,” he stretches his hand. “Nice to meet you, Jaebum.”

 

“Yeah,” Jaebum says, shaking Jackson’s hand.

 

He figures Jackson should be leaving already. But he stays.

 

Jaebum figures if he should leave. But he also stays.

 

It’s probably strange for some people to talk to strangers, no matter who they are, but maybe the thought that he’ll probably never see Jackson again, this close, or talk to him makes him feet at ease to actually talk right that moment. And that’s what they both do.

 

Maybe he and Jackson has the same thinking or whatever.

 

“I dated a woman in our office but she was only using me to get our boss’ approval. She ended up being our boss’ mistress,” Jaebum says like it’s fresh memory. “And there’s this another woman who cheated on me with our maintenance man.”

 

“That’s how many?”

 

“Nine.”

 

“And you gave up on love already?” Jackson gulps another shot of vodka — they’re on their second bottle now.

 

“I never gave up on love. I just gave up on getting played, and cheated on, and made fun of by people I give my whole world to.”

 

“Dude, that’s some deep .”

 

“I get pretty poetic sometimes.”

 

“You’re pretty.”

 

Jaebum laughs. “Stop.”

 

“I’m serious,” Jackson tells him, moving a bit too closer to Jaebum. They’re sitting next to each other now and maybe it’s the alcohol or the fact that both of them are not in their best shapes that night but the celebrity’s lips end up on the secretary’s.

 

When they pull away, Jackson asks him. “Do you want to be with a woman now or it’s okay to be with a man?”

 

“Why are you asking?”

 

“Be with me?”

 

Jaebum laughs but this time, it’s not the alcohol anymore. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

 

“I’m not,” Jackson assures him.

 

“You just met me!” Jaebum yells. Yes, he yelled at Jackson Wang.

 

“I know,” Jackson nods.

 

Jaebum finishes the vodka on his glass and stands up. “I’ll just leave now. I don’t want a famous celebrity to be on my hate list, okay? I actually like your songs!” He picks up his bag and moves to leave but Jackson catches him by his waist in a tight hug.

 

“Okay, okay,” he tells him. “Just don’t go. Don’t leave yet.”

 

He’s not certain if Jackson is serious or he’s just drunk. But he doesn’t move an inch and stands there for about a couple of minutes. “This is wrong, Jackson.”

 

Jackson pathetically smiles through Jaebum’s back. “My life is wrong. My career is wrong. Everything in me is wrong. Believe me, right now, you’re the only right thing that is happening to me.”

 

“You barely know me,” Jaebum quietly says, breaking Jackson’s hold on him and looking at his face.

 

“I know, I know,” Jackson tells him. “But can you stay with me? Even only for tonight?”

 

Jaebum knows he should have said no, seeing the brokenness in Jackson’s soft brown eyes against the dim light of the bar. He thinks Jackson might be more broken that him and he’s already figuring out to how fix himself to take care of another.

 

He is damaged. Very much damaged.

 

Maybe if he and Jackson gets together, they’ll just explode or something.

 

But he does stay for some reason he can’t put logic to.

 

They didn’t kiss anymore. They didn’t touch anymore. They just sat there and talk… and talk… and talk. It was around four or five in the morning when the bar began closing and they eventually had to go.

 

“It was nice talking to you,” Jaebum sincerely tells him.

 

“It was nice talking to you, too, Im Jaebum.” Jackson answers, smiling at him.

 

There’s something in Jackson’s smile Jaebum can’t put a label, too. It’s blinding but it’s not those smiles on his boxer billboards or hotdog commercials.

 

The next time Jaebum sees Jackson on the television, he finally understands.

 

Jackson is laughing on the screen but he is not laughing.

 

Jaebum listens to Jackson’s title track right after he buys his copy of his album. There’s one song that immediately captures his attention. It’s called “The Only Right Thing”. He doesn’t know why he cries but he does when he listens to it the entire night after he receives a notification on his phone from Jackson’s official fanclub.

 

The singer has taken his own life.

 

 

End