Joonmyeon really didn’t know where he went wrong.

            He performed well, smiled pretty for the fans, prevented as many fights between the group and the company as humanly possible, and overall just did a lot of for EXO. He was determined, hard-working, and anything but negligent (except of his room’s cleanliness, as Sehun would fervently point out, but that wasn’t the issue here). Overall, he thought he did well, and that all of his hard work would pay off in the end. Yet here he was, sat in the living room of their dorm with three iPads open to skype and eight members staring at him, and he couldn’t help but wonder if he should feel disgusted, infuriated, or concerned.

            Perhaps a mix of all three.

            “Hyung, what’s going on?” Sehun questioned, tapping his foot incessantly in an attempt to piss off anyone in a 10 kilometer radius. Too bad he didn’t realize that he annoyed everyone well enough just existing.

            “Yeah, what gives?” a deep voice was heard from one of the iPads, and Joonmyeon sent a tired gaze towards Kris’s grainy face on the screen. “I have a photoshoot to get t—”

            “Shut the up Kris or I swear to god I will fly to China and cut your off right now,” Joonmyeon cut in, a hand already coming up to rub at his temple exasperatedly.

            “Get rekt Kr—”

            “Tao for dear lord’s sake don’t even get me started on you and your supposed -snapchatting.”

            “…”

            “Can you tell us what’s going on, though?” Kyungsoo spoke up softly. “I wanna start making dinner or else Jongin’s probably going to start eating Chanyeol. Not that I mind, but it’s probably not the best timing for another group emergency.”

            “I thought you loved me—” Baekhyun started smothering Chanyeol with a pillow to shut him up, and Joonmyeon had never been more proud of the vocalist.

            “I just have one thing to clear up, and then you can all disperse,” Joonmyeon finally started, eyes roaming around the room while everyone slowly settled down. “So usually, when people are in relationships, they’re very affectionate with each other, especially with physical interaction and compliments.” No one responded, though Joonmyeon could practically feel Luhan holding himself back from saying something about the hoes he got (in his dreams).

            “What I mean to say is… or so much as ask,” he corrected himself and paused, wondering how to word what he wanted to say before just sighing. “Raise your hand if you’re dating Yixing.”

            Nine hands went up, and Joonmyeon regretted everything.

            “W… we cooked together… It was our thing…” Kyungsoo was whispering slowly to himself, his body retreating into a corner as he rocked back and forth, eyes wide (or, more than usual).

            “Wha—we literally made out! Like on proper TV!” Sehun exclaimed indignantly.

            “Pshh, that was barely a peck compared to the Yixing and I do when we’re alone,” Minseok scoffed.

            “Yeah, I call bull; as though anyone would go for your crusty old ,” Jongin scoffed. “Hyung and I… when we dance together, it’s beyond compatibility! We’re electric together!”

            “If anyone’s electric with Yixing hyung, it’s me!” Jongdae this time. “It’s even in my power, like, duh?”

            “Jongdae shut the hell up no one cares about MAMA anymore move the on,” Chanyeol snapped. “Now me and hyung, that’s a pair.”

            “You and a garbage can, that’s a pair.” Kris chortled at his own joke, a disgustingly loud gorilla laugh that nearly made Joonmyeon cross the room to end his call. “Y’all don’t know ‘bout Yixing, that’s for sure. I mean, EXO-M, anyone—?”

            “You were literally ing me for like most of our promotions don’t spout that .” A grating sound followed Tao’s words, and Joonmyeon looked over to literally see the boy filing his nails. “Of course, I was always thinking about you while it happened, Xing ge.” Yixing smiled softly at the younger and Joonmyeon wanted to slap him because why the do you keep encouraging them like this—

            “You’re forgetting the true MVP here though, guys,” Luhan was suddenly speaking, and dear god why didn’t he just mute everyone. “Like, hello, ‘roommates?’ Xing’s blowing my flute all day long.”

            “‘Lu’ was literally a year ago ing get over it you overpriced potato,” Joonmyeon snarled, but it was useless. The room had descended into chaos, bickering and yelling filling the room. Heaving a groan, Joonmyeon glanced over at Baekhyun in slight relief. “Well, at least you’re not delusional about Yixi—”

            “He’s my religion.”

            “…What.”

            “Zhang Yixing is my religion. My god. My most holy. The only reason I breathe the air I do. He is an angel among men and can never be tainted by the vile wants and longings of mortal greed.”

            “Oh for ’s sake.”

            Joonmyeon was about three seconds away from just making his way over to the kitchen to down every bottle of soju they had in the fridge, when a hand gently wrapped around his. He looked down to see Yixing looking up at him, concerned but determined.

            “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this,” he said steadfastly, standing up and walking to the center of the room, immediately bringing the room to a hush as he did.

            “Yixing…?” Joonmyeon started slowly, watching from the side with brows furrowed.

            “Guys, this is all just a misunderstanding,” he started, and Joonmyeon couldn’t help but feel some pride at the man for taking things into his own hands. It was starting to look like he didn’t need to rsh to the convenience store to buy seven aspirin bottles after all.

            “I love you all, equally.”