WonAh waited at the cafe near their--

No.

--His house for an hour before gathering the strength to drive the three blocks. Even at the house, she sat in the car unmoving for long minutes. Knowing that hesitation would make her task no easier, she marched up the steps and opened the door to the kitchen. She looked down at the key in her hand and carefully set it on the counter. She wouldn’t need it anymore.

Habitually respectful of his space, Wonah switched into the slippers that were still by the door. Heading straight to the sink, she reached under it for trash bags. And with one more steadying breath, she opened the fridge and started throwing away the foods that she knew he would never eat.

After that she glanced around the dining room to be sure there was nothing important that she needed to take. There wasn’t, so she went to the living room next. She was halfway into the spacious area before noticing Junsu sitting on the couch. His posture was relaxed, but the look in his eyes were the opposite.

“Why are you here?”

“I live here,” he answered simply.

Wonah sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.  “You told me you had a session.”

“I did.”

She raised her eyebrow. “And?”

“I canceled it.”

“Why?!”

“You know why,” he replied softly, and stood.

Taking a step back, Wonah growled in frustration and walked away. Trash bag clutched in her fist, she went to the bathroom next. She could hear his footfalls behind her as he followed closely. She could feel the heat of his gaze as he leaned in the doorway watching her every move.

Not to be intimidated, she did her best to ignore him. Cosmetics, hair pins, a toothbrush, the feminine products stashed discreetly under the sink--everything got tossed. In the shower she grabbed a bottle of shower gel and hesitated.

On more than a few occasions, Junsu had grabbed her post shower. Water still clinging to her skin, he would pull her to the closest surface and her senseless with his nose pressed to her skin.

Shaking off the memory, Wonah threw it in the bag too.

“That’s your favorite,” he said unnecessarily.

“It was,” she replied sharply. Turning around, she had to look right at him. “Let me pass. Please.”

When he didn’t move fast enough, she shouldered him out of the way. She looked around their shared office briefly before walking out. The only room left was the bedroom. There were no words to express how much she didn’t want to venture past that door. Her body language told the story though. Every tense muscle in her body screamed doubt and trepidation.

“Wonah . . . “ Junsu said quietly and touched her back. He meant it to be a soothing gesture, but it emboldened her. It stiffened her resolve. She threw the door open and marched inside. Eyes straight ahead, Wonah refused to acknowledge the bed they had shared and went to the closet.

From a low shelf, Wonah pulled out the same two suitcases she had used when she first moved in. Tossing the lids back, she began to pull clothes down from her side haphazardly, wanting to get the take over with quickly. She folded nothing, just tugged and threw. One particular shirt refused to go, so she yanked and yanked until the damn thing tore in half.

“!” she screamed and threw the offending scrap of fabric to the ground. Dropping to her knees, Wonah reached around herself in a circle, grabbing at the garments and stuffing them in the open suitcase. When she tried to close it, it was obviously too full to zip properly. But that didn’t mean she didn’t try it. She sat on the bag and pulled on the tab. Pulled so hard that she broke the damn thing off. “Son of a !”

Unable to watch her struggle anymore, Junsu grabbed her arm until she stood. Feeling his hands on her, Wonah immediately began to struggle; desperate to get out of his hold. But the harder she fought, the tighter he held.

“Stop this!” he yelled at her.

The sound of his voice seemed to get through because she stopped fighting and tried to catch her breath. Sufficiently calm, she looked him in the eye. “Let go.”

There was a pregnant pause before Junsu complied. He moved away and resumed his station at the door. “You don’t have to do this.”

Wonah scoffed and started filling the other suitcase. “Well, I asked you to do it and you told me no. So yes, I do have to do this.”

“I mean,” he spoke with forced patience, “you don’t have to move out.”

“That’s what ex’s do,” she muttered but he heard.

“You also don’t have to be my ex. That was your decision, not mine. You didn’t even ask me how I felt about it!”

“Kim Junsu!” Wonah yelled. She took a breath to calm herself and spoke slowly. “We’ve been over this--”

“Then go over it again,” he demanded. “I deserve that, at least. Do you think that, I don’t know, maybe you want to hear my thoughts on the matter?”

She threw a pair of pants down and turned to him. “You want to know why I’m leaving? Because we aren’t happy! Because we’ve eaten apart more than we’ve ever eaten together. Because our schedules don’t match. Because you keep forgetting that I’m allergic to mushrooms. Because I can’t remember if you don’t like onions, or is it garlic? Because the majority of our communication is done electronically. Because you dyed your hair bright ing blue and I didn’t even know until I saw it on Twitter! Because I hacked eight inches off my hair and you didn’t even notice. Because we haven’t made love in over two month. Because moving in together was supposed to give us more access to each other, but I see even less of your now than when I lived across town. Because we failed, Junsu. We failed,” she concluded with a woeful shake of her head. “Do you need more reasons?”

Junsu looked away and swung the door lightly between his hands. ‘You didn’t say ‘because we don’t love each other anymore.’ Do you still love me?”

“That’s irrelevant. Whether or not I love you has nothing to do with whether or not we can make each other happy.”

“Do you love me?” he asked more insistently. Junsu stopped the motion of the door and turned his full attention to her. “Answer me!”

“It doesn’t matter!” she cried. “You’re too busy to love me back.”

“You told me to take the part in musical!”

“Of course I did! I’ve always pushed you to do as much as you could for your career and I always will. But what about the months when you weren’t promoting? Do you remember what you did?” He looked at her with a blank expression. “You repeatedly flew back and forth to Jeju to check on the hotel. Did it even occur to you to invite me?!”

“Wonah--

“I mean, I know how to make myself invisible. I’ve pretended to be a part of your staff for over a year! I know your set lists as well as you do! I followed you around like a puppy. Over and over I’ve swallowed my pride for you. We won’t even discuss how demeaning that was.”

“No, let’s discuss it--”

“I’m a goddamn mathematics professor!” she yelled in outrage. “But in my spare time, I have people throw sweaty clothes at me and dab nonexistent sweat off your face in order to spend seconds with my boyfriend who can’t even look at me in public!”

“I’m sorry!” he yelled right back. He looked right at her, hoping she could see his sincerity. “I’m sorry that you feel that way--that I’ve made you feel that way. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give me a chance to fix this!”

“You had chances!” Wonah wailed. She walked farther into the closet to put more space between them. Back against the wall, she slid down it; the strength in her legs fading rapidly. The anger that had been propelling her vanished and genuine grief set in. “Every day was a chance, Junsu--for both of us. Every time that we could have, or should have, just stopped and really looked at each other, reconnected in some way--we didn’t do it. We were both in the wrong.

“But the worst, the ing worst, was last week when you left to go practice and you walked right past me.” Wonah wiped at tears she hadn’t realized were falling. “I was on the couch. I called your name, but you were on the phone.” She laughed humorlessly. “You even stopped and looked around, but you didn’t see me.”

He knelt down in front of her, and grabbed her dewy cheeks to be sure he had her absolute attention. “I see you, Choi Wonah. I always see you. I only see you.”

She cried harder. He pressed her face into his shoulder and held her as securely as he could. She jerked in his arms; clutching at his shirt and trying to push him away at the same time.  It was no ordinary weeping. The sobs rose from the center of her soul. They wracked her body unyieldingly.

Junsu hummed and rocked, did everything he could to sooth her. When she composed herself enough that he thought she could hear him, he spoke lowly in her ear.

“You can’t leave me, Wonah. You can’t go because I know how much you hate the taste of over steeped tea. Black tea especially. Because I know all of your favorite snack foods. Because I know when to stop you when you're working too hard. Because I know exactly where on your back you want it scratched. Because I love that you started using the bathroom with the door open as soon as you moved in. Because when you call me ‘Superstar’, I actually feel like one. Because I love how you look at me when you think I’m asleep. Because I love you too much to let you leave without trying.” He shifted her back far enough that he could see her face. “Let me try again, jagi. Please.”

With tears in her eyes, Wonah his cheek and shook her head. “Look, Junsu. I lost some of me while I was trying to be an us. All of that compromising and capitulation wore me out. I've never been 'that girl' in a relationship; the one who lets everything slide, the one who doesn't argue back, the one who makes excuses for a man before he even apologizes. I need to get myself together.”

“But I don’t want to lose you," he pleaded. "I want to try, Wonah!”

“I do too,” she admitted. “But I can’t, because I want to too much.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If I say yes,” she cut in and touched his lips, “then we’ll both be on our best behavior for a month or two, and then we’ll fall back into the same pattern.”

“I don’t believe that,” Junsu objected. “You said we stopped trying before, we won’t do that again. We learned our lesson!”

“Maybe, maybe not,” she argued. When it looked like he would argue back, Wonah gripped his cheeks. “Give it time, Junsu. Give me time. I’m not saying never, just not at this moment.”

He looked at her, saw the resolute expression on her face, and knew it was pointless to argue. “You need time.”

“Yes.”

“And some space,” he added for clarification.

“Yes.”

“Fine, but this isn’t over. I love you and I’m going to do better with showing you that. I’m going to win you back and this is never going to happen again,” he declared.

A slow smile crossed Wonah’s lips. Unable to help herself, she leaned forward and kissed him sweetly. “I like the sound of that.”

* * * * *