JinWoo realized he was in love with TaeHyun too late, to be honest, he knew he loved the maknae from the first day they met and he saw that resting face from afar as he waited for their audition but he only became aware of how deeply he loved the younger when they kissed for the first time.

JinWoo was scared, terrified actually, of being in love with someone like TaeHyun because his heart hang from a thin line of selfishness and possessiveness mixed with whims and mood swings. Still, the mat-hyung looked at their maknae as if he was the perfect boyfriend and everyone often complained.

Love was something complicated for JinWoo. As a child, he despised the idea of love because it destroyed his family and childhood, but his idea changed completely after he grew up. Long nights spent among love songs, love stories, love poems and interviews of the people he admired speaking about their ideals of love made him fell in love with love, the kind of love that you die for, the devoted, selfless love that couldn't hurt anyone. JinWoo wanted to love someone with his whole self and he wanted to be loved the same way...then Nam TaeHyun came along.

Spoiled, bratty, Nam TaeHyun, the boy who thought of himself better than everyone yet brought himself down everyday because there was always something wrong with everything he did. JinWoo felt the need to try and make TaeHyun's unhappy moments into better ones even if it took his own happiness away, he felt it was worth it. No matter the cost, JinWoo wanted to make TaeHyun happy.

"So what, JinWoo? He's...not..." SeungHoon covered his face with one hand before he ran it up until he pulled his bangs back, feeling frustrated to be in that place again with a sniffing JinWoo at the end of the bed, always keeping a distance between them because TaeHyun was still present in JinWoo although he was too busy as always to care about the person he ed any other night, "you're not going to leave him, are you?"

"I don't want to...he's not how you think, he's just...stressed," but JinWoo was trying to convice himself, not his friend, "I love him."

"Then let him go," SeungHoon didn't mean to sound so harsh but maybe JinWoo needed it, "if you love him so much, you're clearly not what he wants. If you were, he would be different."

"What can't you understand? Relationships aren't easy and perfect like they say, it's not all laughs and kisses, there's rough times too!"

"This is not even a relationship, JinWoo! And if it is, it's a suicidal one," JinWoo's eyes filled up with tears again, "you're dying for him. Look at you, please, have you ever considered that there's someone else who loves you and could treat you so much better?" SeungHoon had taken a few steps closer, arms stretched in an attempt to hug JinWoo before he moved away, avoiding his touch.

"I don't care," SeungHoon's heart broke, "I only want him," and JinWoo was well aware of it when he left the room.

SeungHoon was his best friend, he trusted in him with blind eyes, he loved him as a friend and nothing more. JinWoo was a person with short attention spans (except with TaeHyun) most of the time but he knew of SeungHoon's feelings for him, mostly because he voiced them out more than once over the years, he felt bad after every rejection he gave even before he was with TaeHyun yet he had no other way to make the other understand he would never like him back, it only became worse when TaeHyun's jealousy started keeping them apart since it was "too damn obvious that SeungHoon wanted to him but he belonged to TaeHyun".

So many times JinWoo wondered if he could have spoken up, to say all the things that hurt him, to cry in front of TaeHyun only to think of that one time where he did, where he opened up to the younger just to have TaeHyun broke his heart with every word he said, "Stop pressuring me, I want to do what I want, not what you want. Give me a break, JinWoo, God, I need to smoke." JinWoo stopped in front of TaeHyun's door, sobs at the tip of his lips, and even if the maknae wasn't there, it still hurt but that was okay, he could hurt as long as TaeHyun smiled. He sure was a fool, believing in someone who didn't believe in himself, hoping to bring out the best of him and losing his own light in the process. JinWoo blinked the tears away, he would gain nothing by standing there crying for all the things done wrong to him, it was time to make a change.

TaeHyun didn't notice at first, whenever he would move away or keep a bigger space between them, JinWoo couldn't say "no" in itself but he felt proud when he would take a bit longer to do what he was told to. Slowly, very slowly, he could stay longer away from TaeHyun without feeling his heart's shards digging deeper into his chest so he guessed he was getting better, not in a sense when he would look at TaeHyun with any less adoration, he could just stop looking at TaeHyun when they were in the same room. JinWoo felt he was kind of betraying him after he started spending more time with the rest of the members, IKON and even their sunbaenims yet TaeHyun didn't seem to be affected by it.

Was he ever corresponded? Did TaeHyun ever think of him? Was it...all in his head? Perhaps...he was wrong.

JinWoo could remember every time they argued over things that TaeHyun turned into a fight because he felt he was controlling him when he was just trying to keep the younger from doing harm to himself. His smoking habit, his decisions when sick, his desire to whatever he wanted without thinking of how it could affect others, his words which could cut JinWoo, how he would JinWoo as revenge. He could take it all, he could do it, but would it matter? Would it change something in TaeHyun? For TaeHyun? Would it make TaeHyun finally appreciate him? How much more would he be able to take without having enough?

JinWoo once heard that sadness was beautiful but loneliness was just tragical. He didn't want to be either sad or lonely anymore so he gave into SeungYoon's offer after he couldn't take it anymore, it hurt too much, it was too much, he just wanted TaeHyun but it was so hard to keep loving for the two. The oldest hyung cried for one last time the same day of SeungYoon's intervention which was the limit to TaeHyun's indifference. He had spent weeks leaning into SeungYoon for help, finding himself, regaining his confidence and finally smiling again until TaeHyun decided that maybe it was off limits, it was then that he knew that things couldn't go any further if TaeHyun just wanted to use him, not caring for him at all.

JinWoo was in love with TaeHyun but TaeHyun wasn't in love with JinWoo and still JinWoo wanted him to be happy even if it was with somebody else. The memory of TaeHyun's heartbeat under him as he laid on top of him kept him going, it wasn't beating for him yet he liked to pretend it was when it was hard to take. TaeHyun distanced himself even more while JinWoo fell back into the world around him. Mino and SeungYoon asked if he wanted them to help him get back at TaeHyun and it wasn't as if TaeHyun wasn't harsh enough on himself, isolated, kind of depressed and lost in his bad habits yet somehow that didn't make him happy, at all, because whenever they eyes met by accident, JinWoo wanted to run back into his arms and give everything to have TaeHyun feeling better, JinWoo said no before he disappeared out the door.

The love he had for TaeHyun didn't let him completely ignore the younger, the one time TaeHyun came back to an empty home (except for JinWoo) drunk and lost, he just sighed and looked after the maknae because it hurt to see him so broken. He didn't say or do anything other than helping him into bed, letting him lash out at him for leaving him before he quietly explained that he still loved him, that TaeHyun just needed to try and remember his words if he wanted to find out the reason behind his actions.

TaeHyun spent another four months on the same path while JinWoo just healed. JinWoo stopped expecting TaeHyun to come back to him, stopped believing that TaeHyun's love for him would ever be bigger than his attitude and he was happy, he was okay even if they still saw each other on a daily basis.

JinWoo lived his life after TaeHyun until TaeHyun decided to come back in small baby steps. He tried to overlook them at first because he didn't want to go back to give all his love to a world that didn't want it.

The words that TaeHyun could easy forget, still cut JinWoo like a knife. JinWoo was scared because TaeHyun could break him apart with mere words while he held no power over him yet JinWoo knew he could take it, he could stand it all, just for TaeHyun but he just didn't want to anymore, he didn't want to.

JinWoo just wanted to feel okay, to be okay.

The weeks went on, TaeHyun kept on doing small things for him, nothing at all, maybe because he was trying to redeem himself for what he did, but JinWoo still thought so much of them, he couldn't help it. His bad habit of overthinking was also a huge deal breaker for their relationship, he could drown in his thoughts and TaeHyun barely looked his way since it was something he couldn't comprehend.

"You think too much of him," Mino absent-mindedly said one night as he was huddled up at his side on the couch, he was feeling lonely so the rapper kept him company while everyone was out, "you keep thinking about his feelings, about the way he would react, about how it would affect it, Jinu-ah. Stop it. He'd never do the same for you, he doesn't understand how you feel, he never thinks of the way he has ever hurt you before he said or did something. He may be feeling guilty, yes, but it doesn't mean he would treat you better now."

"...They say lover start resembling each other after a while," JinWoo's lower lip trembled, his heart still very much covered in dark bruises from the previous pain it withstood, completely exposed by the words his friend spitted, "do you think...I took something from him?"

"Would you ever say something that would hurt someone else's feelings without feeling bad about it?" JinWoo shook his head, "would you use TaeHyun's flaws against him in order to hurt him?"

"No...that would be awful," Mino's eyes softened, "why would I try to hurt him if I love him?"

"Then no, you've taken nothing from him," a tan hand wiped away an astray tear, "he should've taken something from you though."

"I think he took enough..." Mino's shocked expression ripped a bitter laugh from his throat before he was pulled into a tight hug.

JinWoo woke up late for practice, his eyes were swollen, his body hurt, he felt like he wanted to die. It was one of those days, great. He pulled himself out of bed, didn't have breakfast and headed straight for the YG building. He waved at some of IKON's members who were working on a new track as he walked by the studio, his sweet smile deceiving and convincing. SeungHoon just took one glance at him, "You look like ," JinWoo arched one brow, "I mean it, what happened?"

"Nothing, I just...had a rough night, that's all, where's the rest?"

"Mino and SeungYoon went to buy some coffee, I have no ing idea where's TaeHyun, as always," JinWoo was pretty sure the last part reached TaeHyun's ears because of the annoyance in SeungHoon's voice.

“We should start without him,” SeungHoon side-eyed him, unsure but JinWoo was sure enough to start stretching.

SeungHoom squinted his eyes a bit as he stared at JinWoo from the other side of the practice room, he crossed his arms in front of his chest, still a bit skeptic of JinWoo’s attitude. He hadn’t seen that determination in his expression ever since their audition. JinWoo was on his feet again, somehow, even with a broken heart. SeungHoon felt a bit envious of how strong JinWoo could be, although it was taking its toll in their pretty hyung, he was sure there’d be a time where JinWoo would be able to look at TaeHyun without breaking down, without giving in, without being ready to get hurt and finally sharing half of the blame that the maknae should’ve taken responsibility for from the beginning. Mino opened the door for SeungYoon just as he was about to ask him so he decided not to, “C’mon, get in your positions, lazy lovers!” the two whined as they handed SeungHoon his coffee but JinWoo only held onto his.

“I suppose I no longer have to ask you guys to buy TaeHyun’s coffee since I don’t like coffee.”

“That’s why I brought you a hot chocolate,” SeungYoon’s warm smile almost moved JinWoo to tears because he felt so lucky to have them as his fellow members and much more as his friends.