I don’t know how it happened, but it started from the first snow since I met you.

 

 

-

 

I never really liked snow, it’s too cold, and I couldn’t take the cold air on my skin. It was like my least favorite season out of all, you need to wear multiple clothing just to cover up your freezing skin. It was too much to handle, too hassle since I’m that kind of person who’s always late, I forget a lot of things when I’m running late. Unlike when it’s spring, the temperature is just great, perfect to lay down on your bed and read books.

 

They say winter is for couples, they say your partner will equal the temperature your body needs out of coldness, they say winter is the best season for love.

 

Love? I’ve never been fond of the word love. I never really liked the idea of love. And believing in love at first sight is dumb. It’s stupid, everything I know about love is stupid

I don’t like love

 

No.

 

Not until now.

 

 

 

As cold breeze hits my already cold exposed hand, I keep looking at this girl who looks like she’s waiting for something or someone. She looks beautiful, she has black hair, her eyes are sparkling, her skin is milky white but not as white as mine, and her nose, I’m in awe, it’s so pointy. To be honest, the construction of her face is just so perfect. I’ve never seen such perfection ever in my life. I’ve never thought there will be someone so perfect, guess I’m wrong.

She seems cold, she’s hugging herself even though she has a big coat. I can see some cold air coming from and nose.

Just as I look at her, everything seems to be disappearing, all I can see is her. I wanted the world to stop. But I do think everything stop since the moment I laid my eyes on her. There’s this weird feeling on my stomach. Is this what they call love?

 

I decided to approach the cold girl, I walked toward her and never removed my eyes on her. She noticed me and stared at me as I walk closer.

I stopped in front of her still staring.

 

We stared at each other.

And as if on cue, first snow falls down at this moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think I’m in love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She smiled at me

“You’re late” she said

 

 

 

I chuckled and rubbed my cold nape.

 

 

 Guess this wasn’t the first time I fell in love with her. It just happened that every time I see her feels like the first time I fell in love. I would just fall for Minatozaki Sana over and over again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

I started loving winter ever since we became official, she loves winter and I love spring but it seems like I loved winter more now because of her. They say you tend to love things your lover loves. I’m not complaining tho. She was the best gift I never asked for. I might think santa is real now because every year, winter has been the best season for me so far.

 

Her joy whenever snowfall is very visible in her face. It’s indescribable. I love seeing her smile, I love seeing her happy.

 

We were so in love, I’ve have fallen for her every single time. And I think I’m gonna fall for her more, my love for her will never be the same, will never be lesser, it’ll always be more.

 

That’s just me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how it happened, but it started from our 3rd first snowfall together.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Here I am outside her house.

 

I knocked at her door.

 

I smiled confidently, hiding what’s bothering me.

 

As she opened the door, I saw her face. I fell in love again, over and over again, it never changed. Falling for her has been my habit ever since, my love for her never changed.

What changed is how she loved me.

 

I saw her face as she opened the door, I saw her expression less face, hidden with guilt and pain. I don’t know what happened, really.

 

I almost frowned but still forced to smile.

 

“Hi babe” I smiled cheerfully. I shrugged off the pain I’m feeling

 

I saw her lazy sigh

She step one foot outside and the first snow started to fall.

 

I guess this is our 3^rd first snowfall together.

 

She signaled me to go inside since it’s very cold, so I just got in and removed my coat. I sat on her couch

 

There was awkward silence.

 

Its beginning, heavy feeling is starting to pull me down. I know what’s coming.  She did not mutter a word. I couldn’t speak either, there’s something preventing me. I’m afraid that one word I say might trigger everything.

So I stared at the ground, rubbing my hands for warmth. It’s the only thing the gives me warmth now.

I’m starting to hate winter again, I’m feeling cold. Not from the weather, but from her.

Winter isn’t the thing that’s very cold right now, the love is. It’s getting dead cold, I’m the only one heating it up.

 

I glanced at her,  she can’t even look at me for a minute now. I can feel the tension surrounding the room, the tension of pain and guilt. I’ve been trying to ignore it for almost 3 months now.

 

I love her so much, I fall for every time I see her. Not for her though, she doesn’t look at me straight in the eyes anymore, she’s not sweet talking me anymore, her cute smile had fade, she’s been avoiding me, I can’t seems to make her happy anymore, and it pains me, it pains me so bad that every time I fall for her, she falls out of love. I can’t seems to do anything for this relationship, I’ve been trying my everything, I’ve been trying hard.

 

It’s not the same as before.

 

Her loving stare turns into empty space, her smiles were fake, and her love was gone.

 

I keep staring at her most of the times, I couldn't receive loving stares anymore. I'm always the one staring at her lovingly.

 

I don’t even know what happened.

 

I heard her sigh heavily as I look at the ground. I looked at her direction and stared at the side profile.

 

She closed her eyes.

 

I lowered my head and close my eyes also, I know what’s gonna happen.

 

“let’s break up”

 

That’s the moment my whole world fell apart, the snow I loved has melted, the love I felt from her had faded. I tried not to cry for a moment, maybe, just maybe she’s just confused.

“Sana, I love you so damn much, you know that”

“I know”

“Then why are we breaking up?”  I’m trying to be in denial.

 

She didn’t answer.

 

“Can’t we work this out?” I said. I look pitiful.

 

She was still not responding, she didn’t give a second to glance at me.

 

I gave in.

 

“you don’t love me anymore” it was not a question, it was a statement.

She was still not responding.

A tear fell from my eye.

 

“I’m sorry dahyun, I loved you, you know that”

 

“Then why can’t we work this out? I love you too much to lose you, my love never changed, I still fall for you every single time”

 

“that’s the point, your love never changed, it never got lessen, you keep loving me more. It’s unfair for me to receive your love and not love you back as I used to anymore, it’s not the same, I can’t give back the same amount of love you’re giving me”

 

“This is much more unfair, loving you so much but hurting me this way.”

I still tried to stop my tears, the pain from my chest is getting worst and I think I’m almost choking.

 

“Tell it to me straight to my face”

 

She shut her eyes closed

 

“I don’t love you anymore, I fell out of love”

 

I didn’t not say another word and leaved her house.

“dahyun” I heard her call me, not a convincing one I might add

 

 

I saw the snow fall getting heavy.

They say winter is for couples. I’m starting to hate winter again.

No, I hate winter again.

 

it's too unfair, everytime I fell for her more, she falls for me less.

 

Coldness of pain is stronger than the coldness of winter. I feel everything all at once. I could never change the fact that I hate winter now.

I run as fast as I can even though I couldn't see the road clearly because of the snow storm.

the last thing I saw was a bright light coming towards me.

 

 

 

 

 

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whooopppsss I love angst! :P 

this is for my twitter friend @dahyunamite who requested a first snow au for saida

she didn't know I wrote angst lol.

 

 

enjoy! and don't forget to comment and upvote

 

 

 

ps: sorry if it's short