You hate lying to him.

It feels dirty. It’s stifling and crushing and you’ve had just about enough of it.

You’ve never kept anything from him before; you’ve never had reason to nor wanted to. Everything about your relationship with him was like a breath of fresh air. Fresh, honest air. You’ve tried telling yourself that they’re small lies, miniscule really, but you can’t help but feel like you’re tainting the air between you two.

You’re honestly a micro-second away from caving just to see his expression change from confused disappointment to his special kind of joy. It’s killing you that you’re the reason for the deflated Chanyeol in front of you.

You’d met him for an early morning coffee before you have to be at work and he has to go in for practice, like you’d done almost every day since the beginning of your relationship. It was normally a happy and relaxing little tradition to start your day. Now it was just nerve wrecking.

You’ve just told him that you can’t make it to his special birthday dinner you’d planned together. To be a little fair to you, it’s not actually his birthday, but this was the only night that you both could find in your schedules to celebrate together. It was supposed to be a lovely dinner for two followed by window shopping; a snuggly couple night full of twinkly lights, teasing and soft words.

Well, that’s what you’d proposed to Chanyeol anyway.

You had something different planned; something a little more exciting if you do say so yourself.  You’ve been planning this for weeks and it’s going to be amazing, so you try your hardest not to fold like a napkin under the weight of your tiny lies and the guilt that accompanies them and ruin your surprise.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. If this weren’t my fault, I’d skip it in a heartbeat, but I can’t leave the team to clean up my mess by themselves.” It burned you that you had to pretend you’d messed up at work. You loved your job and you’re ing good at it, but this was for Chanyeol, so you’d bear this lie like the others for a few more hours. “I would 10,000 times rather be with you.” You wrap your arms around his torso and bury your face in his chest so he can’t see the guilt manifest itself there.

“I know, babe. It’s okay. Maybe I could come by the office later and bring you dinner?” His hope is so evident in the tone of his voice that you’re pretty sure your stomach is going to fall out of your .

You feel your chest tighten uncomfortably. Your heart is so close to breaking with love for this man. “Really? You don’t have to do that. You should do something fun.”

“Jagiya, being with you is fun!—“he shakes you back and forth—“ There is nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Wow, now you really feel like . Could he please just be a little bit pissed that you’d canceled his birthday date? Could he not be the most perfect, understanding boyfriend in this moment making you feel like the actual worst? You hold him tighter and wriggle closer. “I love you so much. You know that, right?”

He rubs his hands up and down your back, filling you with warmth you feel you don’t deserve. He doesn’t answer, but presses his mouth to the top of your head. “Are you okay?”

You let out a shake-y breath and say, “yeah, I’m alright. Just stressed out.”

“I know how that is—“he lets out a conspiratorial chuckle and rocks you both back and forth attempting to sooth you.

You groan. “Okay, I’m going to work hard and look forward to you. Do you want to stay over tonight?” you ask with a cheeky lilt.

His hands leave your back and come to your shoulders, pushing you back to look at you with wide eyes and a mocking open mouth. “Aish, what kind of person am I dating?” The feigned horror in his voice was too much and you laughed genuinely for the first time all day.

“Shut up!—“you shove him lightly—“You love me.”

“I acknowledge that,” he says with a smile.

You look up at him with your own grin splitting your face and shake your head. “You’re dumb.” Your voice is laced with affection.

“Yeah, but you love me, so that statement says more about you than me, don’t you think?”

“Yah! Why are you like this?”

Instead of answering, he kisses your forehead and says, “See you tonight, jagi.”

…

You’d been in close contact with Baekhyun all day. He’s supposed to be keeping track of Chanyeol’s movements and reporting back. And both he and Kyungsoo have been tasked with getting Chanyeol to where you need him to be on time.

BAEK: he’s going to the bathroom. Should I follow him? Make sure that’s all he’s doing?

YOU: baek, pls no.

YOU: seriously, don’t. He’ll know something’s up.

YOU: omfg, you’ve already done it haven’t you. You’re in the bathroom right now being creepy. You know this isn’t what I meant when I asked you to keep tabs on him! Well, I guess its fine. You’re always at least a little weird, so this isn’t really out of the ordinary.

BAEK: ya! Rude. I didn’t…okay, I kind of did, but I’m an actor, y/n! I can pull off this covert stuff no problem.

You don’t answer. You don’t have enough patience to deal with Baekhyun right now. You’re so tense over this whole thing that you’ve been snapping all day at people who don’t deserve it, but you feel like maybe Baekhyun deserves at least a little bit. Before you can type out something snarky he texts again.

BAEK: he went to his studio. Said he was going to work on something. A song, probably.

You take a deep breath and stop yourself from sending a sarcastic ‘no way’ and instead type back a short thanks. You put down your phone and hold your head in your hands. At this point, you might not make it to tonight.

Your phone vibrates again and you’re about to ignore it, but the vibration is persistent. You grab it about to throw it across the room, but sparing a glance at the offending object, you see Chanyeol’s name pop up. You smile before you can even think about it and answer the phone.

“Hey, babe,” you say automatically. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice. Are you busy?”

You glance at the papers on your desk that you’d been going over before Baekhyun texted. “A little, but it’s okay. You’re in your studio?”

“Yeah, how’d you guess?” he asks.

You experience a brief flash of panic before coming up with, in your opinion, a brilliant and totally plausible answer. “It’s really quiet. Usually I can hear the guys in the background.”

He laughs. “Yah! Baekhyun is driving me a little crazy today, so I thought I’d sneak away for a while. I mean, I love him, but sometimes he’s too much. He totally just followed me into the bathroom a second ago and then sat on the sink and just kind of waited for me to finish.”

You sigh and make a mental note never to ask Baekhyun to take part in any future clandestine missions. “That is pretty ing weird,” you agree, but you need to keep his mind off of your erstwhile operative so you pivot. “Are you working on something now?”

“Yeah, I’m having a time with it though.”

“Anything I can help with?” you say and lean back into your chair.

“You’re already helping,” he says without guile.

You giggle and say, “So cheesy,” under your breath. He hears you and masks his own chuckle as a scoff.

“You love it,” he whispers and you can’t stop the familiar tingle that runs through you. “Oh, I almost forgot! What do you want to eat tonight? Because I was feeling pizza, but I could be persuaded to get Chinese food.”

There’s a definite tightness around your heart at his enthusiasm over a meal that will never happen, but you’ve come this far. “I’m fine with whatever you choose. It’s your birthday; you should get what you want.”

“Oo, I like the sound of that. I’ll remember that tonight.” His voice is so deep and tone so low you can hardly stand it.

You feel your entire body heat up and you clear your throat before you respond. “Chanyeol, I—“

There’s a knock on your office door and your assistant sticks his head in. You hold up a finger asking him to give you a minute. “Babe, I have to go.” You say, regret seeping into your voice.

He sighs. “Alright. When do you want me to stop by?”

“Is 6 alright? Will you be done with your schedule by then?” You already know that he’s done at 5 and Baekhyun and Kyungsoo have orders to physically drag him from the building if he stays any later than that.

“Yeah, sounds perfect! I’ll text you later.”

…

“Where are you headed?” Kyungsoo asks Chanyeol at the end of their schedule.

“I’m going to pick up Chinese for my birthday dinner with y/n. I’m running a little late, though, so I have to hurry,” he says, gathering his things.

“Baekhyun and I were going to get Chinese at this new place,” he lies easily, “it’s the best Chinese I’ve had outside of China. Come with us and we’ll drop you off at y/n’s office.”

“Are you sure? That’s really nice.” Kyungsoo is shocked that it took so little to get him on board with this plan, but Chanyeol’s always been able to adjust and go with the flow.

They pick and poke at each other on the walk to the car where Baekhyun is waiting.

…

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun deliver Chanyeol to the main gate of the amusement park where you’ve been waiting. Your heart leaps when you see Baekhyun’s car coming toward you. He stops the car. Kyungsoo and Baek wave at you, their hands full of Chinese takeout bags. You didn’t actually expect them to get Chinese food after Kyungsoo’d texted you an update, but you smile and wave at your co-conspirators.

Baekhyun yells out the window, “he guessed that we weren’t taking him to your office!” You just shrug and shake your head, it didn’t matter. He was here now and you’re mostly excited, but a little nervous, too. This is essentially a grand gesture and it could fall flat. You push the thought aside as Chanyeol opens his door. You automatically stand on your tiptoes and crane your neck around like a loon trying to catch a glimpse of his face. You want to see him when he gets his first good look at everything.

He shuts the car door. The moment you see Chanyeol and the look on his face, your entire being lightens. All the extra anxiety and stress and guilt you’ve been feeling about keeping secrets dissipates. Everything feels so worth it and you can’t help the enormous, teeth rich smile that forms on your face. His hands come up to cover his gaping mouth. You let out a happy giggle and jump up and down.

“Happy birthday, baby!” you practically scream as he walks awestruck over to you.

Kyungsoo leans out his window and yells, “have fun, kids!” But you’re too busy looking at Chanyeol who is looking between you and the park to answer him. You vaguely hear the car drive off, leaving you two to your night.

His eyes are so wide you can see the lights from the rides and games reflected in them and his mouth is open and turned up at the corners. “You did all this for me?”

“Well, yeah,” you barely get out before being crushed against his chest. You snuggle into his warmth, thawing your nose and lips. “Are you surprised?” you ask, your words muffled slightly by his jacket. His hands travel up your back, stopping at the base of your skull. He tilts your head so that your eyes are locked. You’re so close you can feel his warm breath on your face.

“This is crazy amazing! You’re wonderful.” He slams his lips into yours and you can taste his happiness. You smile into the kiss and then so does he.

…

The owner of the amusement park would be the only other person in your bubble of excitement and joy this evening. He walks over to greet you with a polite smile on his face, his hand extended.

“I’m Kang Woojae,” he says cheerfully and you feel Chanyeol stiffen beside you, “and you must be y/n and the birthday boy! Since I’ve already talked to y/n about what’s going to happen here tonight, I just want to briefly go over the rules one more time.” He launches into the dos and don’ts, but you stop listening when you look over at Chanyeol and see that he’s gone very serious and very still. You reach over and slip your hand in his and squeeze and he seems to come back to himself.

Mr. Kang is finished talking and looks at you both expectantly. You give a half-hearted smile, unsure of Chanyeol’s sudden mood change. “I guess we’re ready to go.” You say to Mr. Kang, bowing before he makes his way to the control booth and leaves you two to your own devices.

Chanyeol makes a move toward the various, colorful game booths, but you grab him before he gets very far. “What’s wrong?” you ask him, unable and unwilling to bare the weight of any more hidden things.

He freezes and says in a low voice, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t play that game with me. What happened when Mr. Kang greeted us?” you ask firmly, determined to get to the bottom of this and get on with the fun filled night you’d planned.

“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it! Can we just drop it?” his cheeks are red and he won’t look at you. You’re high-key starting to freak out because you have literally no idea what’s going on in Chanyeol’s head. “Come on. Let’s go play a game.” He grumbles and you fold your arms across your chest.

“I’m not moving until you tell me what’s up with you. Do you not want to be here? We can go somewhere else,” you offer.

“No! This place is great,” he interjects.

“Then is it me? Are you mad because I kept this from you?” There. You’ve said it. You’ve been agonizing for weeks over this very thing, over your little lies and secrets, and now all you’re terrified that all your fears are about to be validated.

He reaches out to you and even though you can see the softness in his eyes, you can’t bring yourself to go to him. Not until he answers you. “Baby, no. Of course I’m not mad. This…this is a great surprise. An amazing gift from my amazing partner.”

“Then what is it?” you persist.

He lowers his head into his hands and groans. After a moment, he speaks. “Mr. Kang called your phone when you were in the shower last week—“you open your mouth, but Chanyeol barrels on—“I didn’t answer it, but I saw the name and I didn’t think anything about it at first…but then you were acting weird and…” he trails off and lifts his head out of his hands before he starts again. “I thought you were going to break up with me. I thought you were going to leave me for Kang Woojae. I’m so ing sorry, baby! I feel like such an .”

You’re silent for a long time. You hear Chanyeol call your name a few times, but you’re honestly trying really hard to process everything. You look up at Chanyeol and there are silent tears making their way down his cheeks as he searches your face for the smallest hint of what you’re thinking, so you speak. “Let me get this straight: you thought that I was cheating? With the amusement park owner?”

“Well, I didn’t know who he was, did I?” he says with a pout.

“Yah! Park Chanyeol! Do you seriously think that I would cheat? Why didn’t you say anything?” you demand. You’re hurt. Where was the trust?

“I didn’t want to bring it up and have you end everything right there! I’m not mentally prepared to let you go, you know? I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my person and maybe you weren’t going to leave me and I didn’t want to have the conversation we’re having now.” He says it with such earnest frankness that you want to cry. You place one of his hands between both of yours, gently massaging warmth into it and coaxing him to continue.

 

He sighs. “When your phone rang, I swear, it took everything in me not to answer it. It was a number I didn’t know and the name was a man’s…God, it’s so ed, but I wanted to hear his voice. I—“his voice cracks and you wipe furiously at the tears that are rolling down your face—“I’m so, so sorry. I should have trusted you.”

“Yeah, you should have.” He nods and breathes deeply like he’s preparing himself. You’re not exactly sure what you’re feeling. You made him insecure by your sneaking around and keeping secrets that had made you feel dirty, but it’d been for him. It’d been for that look on his face, but if you’d known that this was how tonight was going to unfold, you don’t think you would have done it. You sigh and throw your arms around him. He tenses for a brief moment before he hugs you back. “I’m sorry I kept things from you and made you feel this way. I swear I’ll never surprise you again.”

 “I like your surprise though! It means a lot to me that you did all this—“one of his hands leaves your back to, you assume, gesture at the park—“It’s beautiful and fun and perfect for me, just like you.”

You nudge his chest with yours. “Aish, so cheesy!” but you don’t really mind. He just smiles at you. “But I don’t think I could go through this again. It didn’t feel good at all to keep stuff from you. I was too stressed and anxious and you thought that I was going to end our relationship! I would not call this a clean win in the surprise department.”

“I don’t care,” he says, pulling back to look at you and then adds after seeing your face, “I really don’t. This is the most perfect thing anyone’s ever done for me and I plan on enjoying it with you. Also, it’s kind of my birthday, so we’re going to have a stupid amount of fun. We can be responsible adults tomorrow and really talk about this, okay?”

“Okay.” You want to talk about the secrets and how they’d hurt you both, but not tonight.

Tonight was about you and him and a few hours of carefree living.