He looks in the mirror. The face staring back at him is the same one he as had for most of the last few years, random scatter of moles included. It is strangely unfamiliar. He’s been seeing more and more of the face covered with expertly done makeup, hiding every one of his moles except the one under his eye. This bare face he’s looking, the one he has when all the makeup is washed off, is suddenly not what he usually looks like anymore. Yugyeom’s not sure what it means. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. He suddenly feels tired.

He’s only 20, and that’s in Korean age. Internationally, he’s only 18. That makes him barely even an adult, if one at all, although being the tallest in GOT7, it’s pretty easy to forget. It’s easy to forget that even though he doesn’t act like it, he’s technically the maknae. It’s easy to forget that even though he looks like he’s the same age as the hyungs, he’s actually 3 years younger than most of them. It’s easy to forget that even though he looks like a put together idol, he’s also just a person with his own flaws and issues. There’s Kim Yugyeom, the GOT7 member, and then there’s Kim Yugyeom, the guy who just graduated from high school last year and isn’t too sure of himself at times.

Right now is one of those times.

It started earlier that morning, when Jinyoung was scrolling through his phone and suddenly shouted, “Yah, Yugyeom-ah, a bunch of fans commented that you look fat topless!”

It wasn’t a terribly offending comment, to be honest. Given what Jinyoung often jokingly says to rile him up, Yugyeom should be used to it by now. He is, most days. But for some reason he didn’t feel quite put together today, and Jinyoung’s comment put a scowl on his face. “Who cares if I look fat? I can still dance pretty damn well.”

It was a lousy comeback and he knew it, but he hadn’t felt like trying to find a better one to banter with Jinyoung, so he hadn’t. Jinyoung didn’t stop though. “Gosh, Yugyeom, are you offended?” That last word was drawn out in a teasing drawl, and Yugyeom had closed his eyes so he could ignore that and Jinyoung waving his phone in front of him.

“Shut up,” Yugyeom eventually said because Jinyoung wouldn’t let up. It didn’t work to get Jinyoung off his back, and Jaebum had to intervene.

“Jinyoung, stop bothering Yugyeom. You’ve had your fun teasing him, now let him rest.”

It got Jinyoung to back off, though not entirely willingly. Still, it was a small comfort, so Yugyeom had mumbled, “Thanks, hyung.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jaebum replied, giving him a small pat on the shoulder. “And don’t pay heed to what he or the fans said. We all have rolls when we sit down.”

Yeah we all have rolls, but you don’t have the same kind of softness in your belly like I do, Yugyeom wanted to say, but didn’t. Jaebum was trying to comfort him after all, and he decided to just accept the words offered, although he didn’t quite believe them.

“Yeah, hyung. Anyway, I’m okay, why don’t you go rest or something?”

Jaebum had given him a long look, but had eventually gone off somewhere else.

Later in the day, they had an interview. They went over the usual things but when the interviewer asked if anything has changed since they’ve debuted, instead of the answer they’ve prepared, Jackson had suddenly said, “You know, Yugyeom used to act more like a dongsaeng but these days he doesn’t even behave like my chingu. He acts like he’s older than me.”

Everyone had laughed at the declaration, even Yugyeom. Jackson had said it with an exaggerated enough tone so he knew it was probably just a joke, especially after Jackson wrapped his arm around his shoulder, giving him a side hug. Still, Yugyeom couldn’t help but feel upset somehow. He didn’t show it though, just gave a polite smile and played along when the interviewer asked if it’s true.

When the interview had ended, Jackson had asked if he was okay, and Yugyeom replied, “Yeah, don’t worry hyung. I’m okay. I know you didn’t mean what you said.”

“It’s just to make the broadcast more funny, I don’t actually mean it. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, hyung, don’t worry about it.”

Jackson was about to say something more but he got called by the staff, and their conversation ended then.

The conversation had ended then, but Yugyeom’s still ruminating over it. He’s in the room he shares with Bambam right now, alone, still staring at his reflection. He’s not too worried about Bambam walking in and finding him sitting there just spaced out because the guy’s out at the moment, filming. Yugyeom kind of wishes Bambam is here though. He’s the one Yugyeom talks to most of the time when h