My heart starts to tense as soon as I saw him. No, i shouldn't. I shouldn't be nervous right now. Not today. Not in front of everyone who's been waiting for me since who knows when! I'm aware that I've delayed this ceremony for about an hour (mainly because of palpitating very hard, and not because I'm nervous to see him. No, I really shouldn't be.)

As I'm nearing the first row of the bench with my feet that clumsily takes each step, I kinda regret stepping forward for the third time. I don't know why, but in this second I just want to back-out. I just want to run. I just want to escape. I just want to breathe.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly like this, like I just want to vomit and teleport away from this area, but I clearly can’t think straight as I watch the cute little girl before me started to walk which means the signal for me to walk down the aisle. What if I misstep and ruin the ceremony? What if my gown malfunctions and they’ll see my Pororo cycling in an instant? What if they’re plotting some ploy then kidnap my soon-to-be-husband because they can’t still support us? Am I at the right church? Is this the day of our wedding or tomorrow? Thoughts were rushing through my head that I can’t help but to feel the churning of my stomach as my panic attack probably was triggered. I started to sweat cold as I made up my mind to run away until a cold hand touched my arms that made me shiver back to reality. "Dear, I know you're nervous, but please don't ever think of running away!" My eyes widened as I thougt how in the world does she knew what I'm planning to do? "Silly, you’re too obvious! I know how nerev-wrecking it is but why don’t you just calm yourself and look at how nervous he also is?"

I tried to divert my attention towards the one Mrs. Kim, or my soon-to-be mom, was pertaining to. There he stood, still handsome as he is. Yet his not-as-usual styled hair was combed to  perfection. His slick, black three piece just made him look more ethereal than ever. As usual, he stands out of everyone, looking as glorious as the cherub placed at the altar. His tall height that he had always boasted was making him more like the human version of Adonis. I might be biased for praising him, but that's what he's trying to show off.

On the other hand, what I can see was a pale, stuttering and insecure man who's round lips are now quivering even it was shut into thin line. He even fidgeted when our eyes met that caused him to force an oh-so-handsome smile, but his lack of confidence made him look fluffy and cute.

For that moment, I forgot all the worries my anxious mind was stressing about. For that moment, I really want to laugh out loud. For that moment, I thought everything's fine, everything's ok. But as soon as I met his eyes, I suddenly felt wrong.

I felt that I'm not supposed to be here to be exact. Do I even have the right in front of him at this time?

I tensed so much that I've had to grip Mrs. Kim, or rather Mom's, hand. She enveloped my hand gently before I even mutter an apology for hurting her. Am I sure she's the only one I'm hurting right now? "Set your worries aside, dear. I'm sure he'll overworry once her bride looks like in distress wanting to run away from him."

A pang of guilt striked through me, but as she smiled—the most prominent feature her son had inherited—, she made me feel free, unburdened by my not-so-helping conscience. Her smile illuminated my mind that I'm supposed to be here.

That I did no wrong, because by the time he said that we should be inside this together. That as long as he's here, then I'm also supposed to be here.

He promised to me that I'll enter this church with him waiting for me at the front. He promised to me that as soon as I walk towards the aisle, he'll be the first one I'll see, the first one to smile at me, the first one to compliment me through his eyes.

Those mischieveous eyes. Those high cheek bones like his soothing, angelic voice was welling up inside. And oh, his voice that managed me to forget everything. And his smile, his lips that promised me thingd that I've had hold onto. Yet, in the end, we—or I rather, still can't let go of those promises that existence seems to magically disappeared.

"Things have changed" I've said it mindlessly that caught the attention of his mother. I just chuckled and shrugged. As I walk, I saw how my imagination became reality. Everything i dreamed of for this wedding, it's perfectly done. White roses everywhere, little chrysanthemums being scattered by the flower girls. I subconciously smiled as how, according to him, loser I am for flowers.

"Seriously, you have addiction"

"Well excuse me, did I forced you to bring me another bouquet of flowers, Mr. kim? "

"No, but my cousin was"

"Then tell your petty cousin to stop using those flowers as an apology. Why do you need to deliver it to me anyway? You can just shrug off like what you're always doing." I sassily asked as I smell the natural scent of the tulips given to me. "I thought you don't like me for your cousin?"

"I'm paid." He smiled mischieveously as he handed his hands, "Now, my fee for being a messager isn't free so make sure to ready your cash so I can deliver your message to him in direct quotation."

"I knew you won't do something for free. And no, I'll not pay you."

I heard him tsked as I put the flowers gently on a basket and quickly stole the basketball he's lazily dribbling. "Why do you even accept those flowers if you won't accept his apology?"

"Because I love the flowers"

"No. You don't love them." He tried to assault and steal the ball yet I manage to dodge his attacks and his competitive spirit now firing on his eyes. "You're addicted to it, flower loser!"

Because im a girl. That's what I've always reasoned out but he will just tackle me to the gorund saying "Who do you think you're kidding? You've just knocked Jongin because he beat you during that basketball! That's why you don't want to accept his apology!"

He'll never fail to bring me into tears as he always reenact and make fun of every accidents I have done. He'll always make jokes on how ugly I am, then will whine if i wrestled with him. Then he'll say "I'm just joking! You're now beautiful, so now could you please let go of me?!"

As I reached the altar, the first thing he mouthed was "You're beautiful". I stoped the urged to scoff as I jokingly mouthed "Should I now let you go?"

He made face quickly that made some of my family members shook their heads on disbelief. No matter how derious the situtaion, his goofyness will always remain. And that will never change.

I listened intently as the he started the wedding rights. He's serious, that made me feel a little bit shock. I will always get frustrated when he do things without any trace of seriousness with him.

I was too absorbed on secretly looking at him that made me flinched when our eyes met together. He laughed so much which made me hush him, saying "Stop ruining our wedding" as he mouthed multiple sorrys. As always.

"Gosh, Dae. When will you take this seriously?!"

"When you took me seriously"

Then he'll laugh. I always hate it. I thought it was because I hate being not taken seriously. "Never say you like somone if you don't mean it!" I'll always repimand him, but he'll just laugh and run as soon as my hands grab onto something. I thought I hate him because he either bully me or make fun me whenever his grades are higher yet he didn't study like I do. But it hit me that the frustation I feel everytime he jokes about his feelings for me is all about something deeper than I thought.

I'm supposed to hate him. But why did it turn to this painful feelings, unconciously?

My painful reminisce were interupted as the he gestured for our vows. The mic was passed on to me, and knowing thatI'm not good at speaking, I prayed that I just get through this the sincerest way I can.

However, I still felt nervous, feeling that he's also looking—or starring— at me, studying my emotions if I'll panic and waiting to make myself a laughing stock as I fail or how the people anticipate for this supposed-to-be the cheesiest part of the ceremony. This nerve-wreking, giddy yet unexplainable feeling is somewhat familiar— too familiar to the moment I also felt these foreign feelings as he confessed again during that night.

"I loved you."

"You what? Loved me?" I stuttering ask, trying to see if the others that were also dancing in the slow tune of some lovely, promenade music were prying down on us, waiting for the moment this creature holding— or more like burning— my waist will bring out his ultimate prank for this prom night.

But no. It was my mistake to look at his eyes directly that made me avert as I felt like he's creeping on my soul. "L-loved? As in love with d? Past tense? What about now? Don't you love me anymore?" I jokingly said, thinking perhaphs this is again one of his trolling game. Yet he shook his head, making me smack him in his chest as we continue to dance. I wanted to scream 'Stop messing with my feelings' as I felt my heart pounded crazilly because of his crazy antics.

"Don't you know I'm serious?"

"Don't you know I know you're not serious?" I shot back, but as I see again his black , hypnoticing orbs, I knew that it won't take too long before I surrender. So I mumbled, "It hurts, you know?" not knowing he'd hear my desparate, weak voice.

"It also hurts." I instantly look up on him, not knowing where I took my courage from as he lifted his gaze to level against mine, "It hurts that you also always see me as someone joking about my confessions."

"J-jongdae. . ." I can feel his hold against my waist loosens that made me panic, "Y-yah—"

"But seriously, who am I to you? A friend. . .or are we even friends? Am I still your competitor that you always wanted to beat with this non-stop pranks? Am I still your enemy that you've always loathed because I step on your pride everytime I won against you? Or am I just a Jongin's mere cousin that you'll always bicker with whenever my cousin didn't show up when you need someone to accompany you to your walk home? You always took me for granted, you always leave me when your Jongin is there to ask you tutor him. You're only here by myside when you feel bored, unhappy or sad. I'm just a absorber of your negative feelings that I feel obliged to make it turn into positive because you'll always punch straight to my face that we are friends!" He shouted and I knew this situtaion was serious as I saw those tears forming on his eyes. But even before I remove it, he stormed away from the gym, making my panic even worst. 

Without thinking, I removed my heels just to run and catch him, only to backhug him because I'm afraid that he'll run away from me again. I sobbed hard, pleading him to "Don't go!" and "Please listen to me." I'm abaout to whine, feel hopless as he removed my arms around him but as he faced me, quickly cupping my face with his warm hands as he quickly erase every tears that are still falling, I felt thankful. I felt relieve that he won't leave me alone. Foe the mean time, I just focus on him to see through him as i felt that his eyes were boring deeply to my soul. Words such as "I'm sorry" and "I'm hurting too" wanted to come out from my mouth but as he grinned and say, "I'm just kidding" I coudnt stop my tears from welling up at the same time my hands painted his cheeks red. As much I'm shocked, I can see that he's also, but my anger and frustration controlled me much that made me confessed, "Who are you to play with my feelings? I-i'm being crazy on thinking if I only like you or have I loved you already, but now I'm guessing that I loathed you now so much more than anyone else!" 

I quickly went home and locked my self as I heard his voice against the door. I couldn't face him, the fact that I really do loved him. I loved how he's there for me, how he manage to make me happy at the time I'm feeling down. I loved him, very much that it took me months long stressing my whole life just to figure it out.

I couldn't face him because I know deep inside that this anger Im holding up will be gone, making me love him even more. For days, I locked myself with my mom always asking me to eat. She'll always come up and ask me to eat but she got use to the rejections I'm always saying. One night she said she'll go to grocery that made me a chance to come out without someone seeing my messed up state.

And there, I saw him. Looking at me while laying outside my room, concluding that he'd camped outside my room seeing the sleep bag he's using. I'm about to close the door but he managed to barged in quickly, trapping me in a bone-vcrishing, yet surprisingly comfortable hug. I cried again as I repeatedly punch him thinking he'll let me go, but the tightnes and warmness of the hug is what made me want to wriggle out, fearing I'll got used to it. The feeling of being cared becaause of pity is not what I wanted, but the care because he truly love me is what I yearned the most. He mumbled "Sorry" multiple times and he only let go of me as I end my weakening punches.

"I love you, and I'm not joking." he started, making my eyes welling that made him panic even more, "Evrwything i said was true. Its true that i loved you, its true how hurt i am when jongin is always with you. The only thing lied about is that I didnt feel obliged to make you smile. Im happy when you are happy, and care so much you that im sorry being a jerk. . .I thought that you only see me as a friend that I can't take the rejection and the fact that youll leave me as i confess so i instead said it was all joke. But no, loving you is the only thing i'm serious upon."

I cried before I even started my vow, and I'm thankful that they thought I cried because of the vow itself but no. I cried because I remembered again how he confessed to me, how he care for me, how he loved me the way i am.

And it hurts me because it was him I'm thinking when i made my vow. It hurts me because I still cannot remove him in my heart, that I know it seems impossible. It hurts me that I can't escape these painful fantasy of still having him by myside but clearly, I'm the one who widthrawn and shatter he dream we've weaved.

"Jongdae, l-let's live our lives. . .separately" is the last thing I've said before running away for the first time. It's true that I have loved him more then my life, but seeing him struggle because of me is just. . .too much. I can't live with hi while seeing how his dreams are runing short because of me, how we both struggle and making tired because of the commitment we knew love isn't enough to help has. I remember how shock he was, I remembered how our dreams of being wedded at this church are being shattered, like fragile glass that can't be put back together.

At some point, I still mourn for our lost, but as I remembered his genuine smile as he reached his goals one by one, I know this pain was worth it. That at som point, I didn't messed up.

"Jagi. . ." As I saw Jongin's worry-stricken face, I came back to the realization that the past will stay where it was. And it wasn't right to still bring it up to the present, for I need to let go because somebody is waiting for me. "Are you. . ."

"I'm not done with my speech, Jongin." I said it through the mic that caused laughter to erupt. This is my life now, and this is the life I should live with, and not in the past. "To finish my vow, I will not promise to be with you every single time of the day, nor tell you I love you because I need you. But rather, I will show and let you feel it from me, and make you feel secure that you have me, near, far, wherever you are."

I'm proud to myself as I managed to lighten up the mood I did burdened a while ago and now, as I listen intently to Jongin's vow to me, I kinda feel relief at the same time. That I knew that desicion I've made is not just for Jongdae, but for the best of eveyone of us.

"You may now kiss the bride" he said as he jokingly nudge his cousin while mouthing, "You have my permission"

I laughed on the playfulness of the wo, not noticing Jongin's quick yet sweet asault to attack me, making the other's coo on hoe shy Jongin was.

"Finally," Joing flashed his toothy grin that made me chuckle a little bit as he now cooed me, "Aww, do you regret being Mrs. Kim today? You should have away from the strart."

"I wouldn't do that! I can't run without tasting the foods on my own reception!"

"So the food is more important than me?" He pouted cutely that made me felt the sudden urge to cage his face so tight.

"Is my cute little Nini sad? Who made my baby Nini sad?"

"You"He acted like a baby but I can see the spark of mischieveousness on his eyes, "Nini wants to punish her..."

"Yah, let's divorce right now." I mocked before I hugged him tighter for him to be assured, "I will never be in this church if I dont want to be yours in the first place." I knew that there is pain visible on my lips but he smiled, saying that I've improved much. That I'm not the lady he's always doubting that my love for him was only a rebound type. That I'm now the lady—his wife, his second half, his eveything— that will do his best just to him feel how much I love him.

"How cute the two of you" I heard Jongdae's laugh but my body isn't now tensing much more. We face him as I chuckle how he looked pure in the priest's clothing he was.

"You look pure," I jokingky said, "I didn't recognized you"

"It's because I'm still a " he laughed as we smack him due to his playfulness, "But it's true!"

"That you're a ?"

"Nini, you're both still inside the church" I hissed, but it hits me how great hypocrite I am when I just subtly disobeyed the 6th commandment earlier. But at least, that would be the last time I'll disobey that golden commandment. "And you jongdae, can you please be more serious?"

"Yah, can't you see how serious am I?" He whined that made both Jongin and I chuckle. We were still chatting until the official photographer gather everyone for the picture taking.

"Girls please let the priest be in the middle." I chuckled as I hear the girls whined as Jongdae went up beside me.

"You're really famous" I whispered that made him laughed.

"Of course, I'm a handsome priest. I'm the best looking church oppa aroung Gyeonggi-do."

"Tsk, how vain and proud of you. You're even lying. You're sinning too much" 

"That's why you've fallen for me"

"That's also why I've fall to much it knocks to my senses that made me realized, oh, how did I love this cheek-bone-like walking dinosaur?"

We occasionally laughed but then I manage to hear his soft "I'm sorry."

"Never be," I took his hand as an assurance, "I guess it's much better that you loved God more than anyone else. Atleast, I wouldn't have the right to feel jelous"

"I know." we both smiled as I let go of his hand and hold jongin's instead. "I know that you loved Jongin more than anyone else." I nodded as I heard him.

I'm still a fool that I let these past emotions burdened me, and very much a fool to let the one I love the most worried towards me because of the past I can't let go. Jongin hugged me tight as soon the photographer take a picture of us. "I love you." I said as I hugged him even more and I chuckled how he cried so I cooed him as he thank me for loving me.

"No, I should be the one to thank you. I would never be here if you didn't help me in those times. I love you and no one can change that." I smiled before leaning in to give him a kiss, and I'm pretty much happy that I've reserved it only for him.

It's 3:52 am here so apologies if I haven't edited this huehuehue

p.s. this isnt the orginal plot yet as i read LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH, i kinda pull the story to this one shot (and yeah, I know that I need to change the foreword and discription dor clarity im so sorry  ㅠ_ㅠ