P.O.V. Sehun.

 

 

- WHAT THE  ?! Lu’, can you explain ??

- Baek calm down...

- Get off my back Kai !! Luhan, I was thinking that you’re dating with Soo ok and we find you doing k..kiss... THE HELL ! It’s really disgusting ! Oh my god ! Are you a ing queer too ??

 

Luhan was completely petrified. He stood away from me and kept his head down. I was sure that he must be in tears... I admit that I wasn’t overconfident either. Why things turned like that ? And Baekhyun who’s starting seriously to gets on my nerves...

- Cat got your  tongue ? Though, I saw that she was very active in the Sehun’s mouth ! How can you be fooled like that ?! Did you feel pity for him ?

- Stop it Baekhyun ! got angry Chen.

- DAMMIT GUYS ! Am I the only one who’s disgusted ? Will you say that all of you are ing gays too ? It’s unnatural !

- JUST SHUT UP !!!!!!

I was staring at my friends who’s killing each other without knowing what to do. I tried to keep my calm but I felt that I cannot hold myself much longer. And that’s when my eyes fixed upon her. My rival. All this time, she said nothing. She was there, immobile, staring into space. It seems like she was disconnected from the reality.

I heard Luhan called her weakly. His voice was broken and it hurted my heart.

- Sook ok... I’m sorry... I regret so much...

 

« Has he regrets having kiss me ? »

 

- Please look at me ! Tell me something...

He came up to her , begging softly.

- Soo ok please...

- What am I for you ?

Her voice was cold and she was staring at him with a stern look.

- I...I love you ! You’re very imp...

- STOP LYING TO ME ! You don’t. Otherwise, you would never do that.

- No I’m...

- You keep me under your hat when you’re too and  that your boyfriend can’t you ? I’M JUST A TOY FOR YOU !

She was in a rage now and her cheeks was flood of tears. In shock, Luhan moved back. Kai, Chen and even this stupid Baekhyun stayed quiet suddenly.

- No.. no you’re mistaken !

- HAVE THE AUDACITY TO REPEAT THAT, STARING AT ME RIGHT IN THE EYES !! You said that you loved me... When we made love, you repeated at me that I was the most important person in your life... And like a ing jerk, I trusted you.

I felt that Luhan would give way soon. I came closer to him and I put my hand on his shoulder. I wanted to show at him that I was there, that he could count on me. But, unexpectedly, he pushed me away violently.

- Lu ?!

- GET AWAY FROM ME ! All it’s your fault !

The rage raised inside of me. I didn’t fantasized alone. We kissed each other. He kissed me back while knowing how much I loved him !

- MY fault ?! I didn’t force you to put your tongue in my mouth !

My tone was very cold.He was acting like a coward and I disliked that !

- What are you playing ? You spend the night with Soo ok and after you’ve done, you beg me to not leave you and you kiss me while knowing perfectly my feelings ! I LOVE YOU ! Do you understand that ?!!

These words burned my tongue, making the meaning too real.

- Sehun, stop it please.

His voice was squeaky and his eyes was throwing lightnings. But I didn’t care. I wanted that he explain at me. I wanted that he choose between us.

- Do you love her? Or, like you got what you wanted, you jump on me? What’s your point of view? She or me?

- You don’t have the right to ask me this kind of things.

- I can have hope that my feelings are shared given that what's happened between us !

- Don’t tease me.. !

- You can keep him.

Suddenly, we’ve turned back towards Soo ok.  She looked at us scornfully but behind her glance, I could see her sadness and her bitterness.

- W.. What do you mean ??

- You can keep him, Sehun. I don’t want a guy like that. He use his pretty mug to catch hearts. And, when he succeeded, he crushed them without any remorse. You should take care of yourself...

She shooted at me a weak smile and she turned around and walked away. At this time, I couldn’t help myself to think « good riddance ! » but.... She was a collateral damage. She had to be in pain too, maybe more than me....

- W...Wait !! SOO OK !!!!

Luhan rushed forward her while yelling.His voice had ripped the air and we could feel the despair across his scream.

 

« No.. ! »

«  No ! NO ! »

 

I couldn’t let him go ! Not again ! He kissed me back !!! This kiss was full of promise for me and I won’t allow to lose the person that I love the most in the whole world ! I ran after him like a desperate man. Chen, Kai and Baekhyun were completely overwhelmed and looked at us, helpless.

Luckily, I  grabbed his arm before he could catch her up. She disappeared quickly from our view and Luhan was yelling like a madman. He struggled so hard and I had trouble holding him back. My heart was in shred... Heard him screaming his pain for his lost love and fighting against me to join her, devastated me.

- Luhan, please, calm down !

- SOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Luhan !!

- NO ! Lay off me !!! ing hell ! GET OFF MY BACK !!!!!!!

- NO WAY !!

I tightened my arms harder around him to stop my friend running away. He was completely beside himself. I never saw him like that...

 

«  if only it was for me... »

 

- SEHUN LET ME GO !!! OTHERWISE, I SWEAR THAT I’LL BUMP YOU OFF!!!

Chen, Kai and Baekhyun came closer, feeling that something bad would happen.

- She made her choice ! Simmer down !!

- He told you distinctly to let him go. Luhan made his choice too.

- MIND YOUR OWN BLOODY BUSINESS, ING HOMOPHOBE !!!!

As my turn, I yelled too, losing entirely my patience. I’ve turned back violently towards Baekhyun, releasing lightly my taking. In my rage, I didn’t notice what was coming in the opposite and, suddenly, a sharp pain invaded my face. I stumbled under the impact and when my mind snaped out of it, I saw Luhan standing  in front of me, his fist clenched, covered by my blood.

 

«  What the... ? »

My best friend, the man that I was crazy about, hit me. He gave me a ing bunch of fives, blowing up my nose and, at the same time, my heart and my soul.

- I..I’m so sorry...

His voice was distant. I was completely anesthetized. I didn't want believe about it. I refused to trust that he did anything like that.

- Guys...

Kai stood me up and inspected my face with an anxious look. Like a robot, I let myself be pushed around.

- Hunnie.. Oh my god! I...I’m really sorry! I should never have done that!

He was crying. I could see his shoulders shook by his sobs and he was begging at me to forgive him. He was telling me that he regretted bitterly his gesture.I was deaf about his tears. I didn't want his apologies.

- Do you love me at least a little?

My question has jumped over my mouth and my tone was cold. He shuddered and lowered his head, daring not facing up to my look. Like I didn’t obtain any answers, I insisted:

- I repeat. Do you love me at least a little?!

- Please... Hunnie....

- ANSWER!!!!!!!

- I..I don’t know!!!

- And her?

- Don’t ask me things like that....

- DON’T ACT LIKE A WITTED!! Answer!!

- ..... it doesn't matters anymore.

- For me, it do. I need to know. Our kiss doesn’t means nothing for you? Why do you kissed me back?? I haven’t dream, you did it.

- I was completely out of my depth! You and me we are...were.... like brothers, I would have done anything for you! When you made your declaration, my world was upset. I didn’t know how to act with you, how to consider you! Like a friend? Like a lover?

He was staring at me now, his beautiful face ravaged by tears. My heart was shivering.

 

“How we got there?”

 

- I...I think.... I was so afraid to lose you like friend. I gave in to your advances.

I had my answer. Maybe he didn't know where he was, but, I’ve clearly understood the message.

Luhan wasn’t in love with me.

 

- Forgive me Sehun...

Heart-broken, I gave him a last look, having no longer the strength to fight. What’s the use? I waved to Kai and Chen than we could go and without further delay, I left this place as faster that I could.

 

~OoO~

 

One month later... Luhan’s p.o.v.

 

 

- Are you sure that you have all your stuff?

- Yes! Don’t worry, Suho! I checked yesterday and this morning too. All is in my suitcase.

- At worst, we'll can send it to you.

- Are you kidding? China isn’t near. It will cost an arm and a leg.

 

 

 

- Luhan?

- Hmm?

- Are you really sure about your choice?

- No... But I think that’s the best thing to do.

- Don't you have the impression that you're running away, in fact?

I smirked bitterly. Maybe Suho was right. But, it was too late.

- I hurt enormously the two persons that I love the most in the world because I was scared. I couldn’t take any decisions and now, I lost them. The best that I could do, it's to disappear of their life for good.

- Yeah... I not sure about that but.. Hope you’re take the good. In any case, You will really miss us!

- You’ll miss me so hard too.

I held affectionately the leader in my arms but this moment of emotion was broken by the elegant voice of our favourite chenausor:

- LULU! SUHO! Move your , we will be late!!

- This guys....Sighed Suho.

- He exaperate you but you love him.

- Sometimes, I wonder why.

He smirked at me and we burst in laugh immediately.

- GUYYYYYYYS!!

- WE’RE COMING!

While laughing, we joined our friends in the hallway. All of they was here. Except one...

- So... it’s time....

- Oooh Xiumin, don’t cry! You promised me...

- I..I know but... I can’t control myself.

I hugged my friend to comfort him a little and the others took advantage of the opportunity to make a “collective cuddle”. Some tears fell down on my cheeks...The Exo’s members became more than simple friends for me and take this decision wasn’t easier at all. But I didn’t have the choice...

I looked towards upstairs with a little hope that Sehun will come to see me a last time but, in vain... Maybe, It’s better like that...

- He’s too obstinate. He will not go downstairs.

My heart tightened in my chest. But I knew Sehun very well and Lay was right. He won’t come.

- I know... Lay?

- Yes?

- Would you like to take care of him for me please? He’s so stubborn and he'll claim that he is fine even if he’s not.

- You could stay, you know?

- He don't need a coward and an egoist like me in his life. I won't that this mess be repeated. And since this day, we can’t be in the same room together without suffocating. It’s an hell for us and for you.

- So.. It's no use that I attach you and hold you back by strength?

- It’s useless.

I smiled at my friend warmly and after glancing at my watch, I catched my suitcases and crossed the doorstep, following by the others. Before closing definitively the door, I looked a last time towards upstairs.

- Goodbye Hunnie...

My voice was just a whisper, and I prayed that the wind brings my words to him.

I didn’t notice the silhouette behind the window staring at me painfully leaving the house. If I had seen it, I think I would be unable to go ahead and, I’ll run into his arms, begging  Sehun to keep me always with him.

 

And hurt him again. I’ll can’t handle it.

 

 

I know what “be in love” means now...

 

 

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

So.. my first fanfic is over! I hope you liked and see ya for next! (I think I'll translate on other one for you ^^)

Sorry about the mistakes, my beta didn't correct yet and I was very impatient....