Kibum awoke to the sound of thunder outside of his window. Nearly jumping out of his skin at the noise, he took a moment to try and calm his pounding heart. It was to no avail, of course, because Kibum was afraid of thunder. 

He reached beside him to find his phone, turning it on and checking for any notifications. Nothing, as usual. Unconsciously, he tapped his messaging app, about to text Jonghyun. 

Wait. 

His heart plummeted to the floor as realized what he was doing. He and Jonghyun... were broken up. Right. He was still getting used to it; to the not talking, not texting. It wasn't like they were on bad terms or anything- Kibum just couldn't bring himself to do it. 

Tears stung the backs of his eyes aas thunder roared outside. 

It's all my fault. 

He'd never given Jonghyun the attention he needed, taking him for granted, rarely taking the time out of his day to tell him just how much he meant to him, let alone to do something for him. Meanwhile Jonghyun would have stopped everything to do even the smallest task for Kibum. Of course, eventually, he just couldn't do it anymore. Jonghyun broke with him, and leaving to keep Kibum from hurting him more.

I'm sorry. I'd do anything...

All he wanted was his Jonghyun back. The short boy with godly good looks and the softest smile, the boy who did, and still, held his heart captive. But he knew better. There was no going back. He'd had his chance, and he blew it. Jonghyun would never be his, would never come back to him. 

Tears began rolling down Kibum's cheeks, and he made no effort to wipe them away. The thunder had yet to cease, and with a sinking feeling, Kibum realized it was unlikely he'd get any more sleep tonight. 

-----

After falling asleep in most, if not all, of his morning classes, Kibum dragged himself to lunch, ready to take a nap for the forty minutes allotted the students to eat. It wasn't like he'd brought food, anyway. He walked slowly, head down, half-closed eyes on the ground in front of him. It wasn't until he nearly bumped into them did he realize there was a person standing in his path. 

"Ah, sorry. Didn't see you there..." He mumbled, not bothering to see who it was, just continuing to walk on past them. All he wanted was to sleep. 

"Kibum?"

Oh God. 

That voice. He knew that voice; he'd know it anywhere. Pain tugged at his chest as he stopped in his tracks. 

What do I say? What do I do? 

"Hey, I haven't seen you in ages, where've you been?" Jonghyun's voice was friendly, but it sounded forced, as if there were some other emotion underneath that he was desperately trying to cover up. 

Kibum turned around, eyeing Jonghyun's shoes, unable to look him in the eyes.

"I've been around. You know, the usual."

"Are you okay? Um... you're- uh... you look exhausted."

"I'm fine, I guess. Just the thunder last night kept me up." 

He glanced up then, just in time to see Jonghyun nod as if in understanding, although his expression remained unreadable. Kibum felt his throat begin to close, felt the familiar sensation of hot tears pricking at his eyes, and knew he needed to go.

"I-I have to go now," Kibum could barely force the words out. Quickly turning away, he hurried off in the opposite direction, away from Jonghyun, who was left to watch his rapidly retreating back. 

Blindly, he turned corner after corner, just trying to escape from the previous situation. Finally, he stopped, sliding to the floor in the corner of an abandoned hallway, letting out his sorrows as he began to sob.

Jonghyun, why'd I ever let you go? If only I'd known, if only I wasn't too stupid to tell you how I really felt, none of this would have happened. I was blind, and I'll never forgive myself. I still love you, but do you still love me?