She had already noticed him from the moment she walked into the club. In fact, she probably saw him way before he even knew of her presence. While it wasn’t inconspicious per se, his similar shade of silver does make it difficult to miss him after all. But then again, he did sit in a far corner of the club so he was pretty hidden. It’s probably just her and her somewhat uncanny ability to notice every single thing about him that drew her sight to his direction the very moment she entered the club early that evening.

She felt his eyes on her the entire time, from when she downed her first shot to when her friends tried to get her to dance. In fact, the thought of him watching her make a fool of herself on the dance floor made her flatly refuse the idea of dancing.

She knows. He’s a damn good dancer. His style is different from JHope or Jungkook’s but there’s something finesse about his movements that made her fidgety at the thought of him having to see her dancing. Who cares if it’s a club? Dancers do tend to unconsciously make a judgment on other people’s dancing. What if he finds her ungracefully funny? It’s embarrassing.

She was already embarrassed enough by that time when she had to dance against him. She was determined not to make any more of a fool of herself tonight.

Her resolve to stay put by the bar was strong.

That is, until she caught him smirk at the corner of her eyes as she refused her friends for the second time that night.

What was he smirking about? It raised her ire for some unfathomable reason. And like they say, anger leads you to make stupid decisions.

She took his smirk as a challenge. He probably thinks she can’t dance.

She actually can’t. But she would never let him think that way again.

So against her better judgment, she downed another shot before letting her friends drag her to the dance floor.

She didn’t know what to do. It was awkward. But a brief glance behind her back confirmed that he was staring. And for an unknown reason she refuses to delve a deeper thought into, a vengeful side of her wanted him to acknowledge her. To see her. To watch her.

It always frustrated her to watch him discreetly walk away backstage whenever she’s around the BTS members. One time, he and Taehyung were talking when she happened to pass by. The friendly Taehyung called her immediately and engaged her in a conversation but her mind cannot shake how Jimin naturally slid away from the conversation.

And he’s doing the same thing again.

Trying to walk away from her as though she carries some sort of a contagious disease.

“You’re avoiding me.”

It wasn’t the smoothest way to trigger a conversation but she cannot let him walk away again. She did not spend more than half an hour stalling her friends with pointless conversations outside the club just to have him walk away from her again.

She did not risk her safety and pride by stupidly walking down the dark street alone while fervently hoping he’d have enough decency in his body to follow her to ensure her safety. If only he could imagine how much her pride almost shrivelled to nothing when she thought he’d just hop on the cab without sparing her a glance, he wouldn’t even have the energy to walk away from her right now.

“Why are you avoiding me, oppa?”

She mentally heaved a sigh when he finally turned to look at her.

“I am not.”

The nerve of this man to lie with a straight face.

“I saw you. You had your eyes on me the entire evening in the bar.”

She made herself sound so confident with her words but deep inside, she wanted to just duck in embarrassment and hide for the rest of her life. She was bluffing. She caught him looking at her many times but it’s a stretch to claim he was looking at her the entire night.

But then he sighed in what sounded like defeat and she felt a surge of inexplicable emotions rise up from her chest.

“I thought I wasn’t making it obvious.”

His admittance left a pricking feeling inside her.

So he was really avoiding her.

“You weren’t obvious. You actually fooled me into thinking I was just being paranoid to think you’re avoiding me every time you quietly leave whenever I’m around the vicinity. If I didn’t see you ducking your head like a fool when you saw me tonight, I would have never confirmed it.”

Jamie couldn’t help but let out a small victorious grin as she watched him grimace at her words.

“So you knew? That I was avoiding you?”

She swallowed the lump on before nodding. His admittance suddenly made her very aware of her tiredness. She’s drunk and tired. It was merely the adrenaline and her desperation to confront him that pushed her this far. Now that she heard him admit it, she felt like the rest of the energy in her body left.

She tried to take a step forward but she wobbled instead, her vision slightly blurry as the intoxication belatedly hit her. And her struggle didn’t go unnoticed. It didn’t take a second longer before she felt his warm arms wrapped around her waist, his body supporting her as she lost her balance.

“Are you okay? He finally asked her as he guided her to sit down on the grassy field near the river.

They were gratefully on the more secluded part of the Han River. They don’t have to fear anyone seeing or recognizing them for there is no one other than the two of them.

She heard his clothes rustle beside her and before she could even think clearly, her hands already grasped the edge of his shirt, holding him back as he made a motion to step away.

Her knuckles turned white as she clenched her fists; she is deeply aware of how desperate her actions look like right now. But she will just blame it on the alcohol.

She kind of understands now why people drink. It gives them an excuse to do stupidly courageous things that would otherwise be held back by their embarrassment and logic if they were sober.

Her hand has already reached out before she could even think about it. Every single cell in her body screamed at her to stop him from walking away. Because this might be the only chance she’d ever get to get answers.

If she lets go now, he’d continue avoiding her and she’d be too much of a coward to confront him.

She couldn’t even understand why she felt the need to hold on to him. To provoke him. But what she does know is that it bothered her. Every single time that he slipped away from the scene whenever she’s around, it left an empty feeling in her chest.

He confuses her. That damned Park Jimin has brought so much confusion in her twenty years of life that no one ever had.

“Why?” she whispered while she refused to look up at him, her eyes trained on the plain grass covering the ground she is sitting on.

“Why what?”

“Don’t feign innocence. You’re no longer fooling me!” she didn’t mean to raise her voice but the frustrations she kept locked away in her chest are threatening to burst now. “Is it because of it?”

She finally looked up at him with a strange burst of determination to air everything out tonight; to get answers to all the questions his actions left in her mind.

Their eyes locked for a second before he looked away, as though her eyes burned him. But Jamie only needed that one second to confirm she was right.

It only took that one second for the emotions from his eyes as he tried to avert his gaze to come rushing at her; and it felt like a tidal wave that knocked her off the ground.

It was that same look he had when they first met. It was that same look that got her torn between jolting out of the room to get away from him, and staying and reaching out to him. Because she looked at him and the way he stared back at her with understanding on his eyes made her feel like maybe he’s finally that one person whom she could shed her mask away with and not feel like digging a hole in the ground in fear of judgment.

His eyes looking back at her made her feel like it would be okay to reach her hand out to him because he wouldn’t let go.

.

.

But then he did.

In the worst way possible.

.

.

Him and the way he looked at her gave her hope only to crush it into smaller broken pieces the next few times they met and he kept averting his sight away from her like she doesn’t exist.

A wry smile graced her lips as she finally understood his reasons. He was just like everyone, isn’t he?

Like everyone who saw the Jamie behind her smile and realized they couldn’t handle her own emotional flaws and monsters; and so they ran away and put up a wall against her.

He was just like them. Just like everyone else.

But why does his avoidance bother her worse?

He wasn’t the first one to turn his back but why does his answer matter to her? Why does his rejections weigh heavier?

…because she wasn’t convinced. Because perhaps a foolish part of her still wants to hope that the Jimin she first caught a glimpse of is still there somewhere hidden behind stoic Park Jimin that’s in front of her now.

.

.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” she didn’t mean for her voice to sound so cold and emotionless but it must have sounded that way to him because it got him staring back at her, his eyes searching hers for something.

“You saw through me and it scared you…” she paused as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. “…my insecurities. My inhibitions. My flaws. You see it, oppa. Every single thing I worked hard to seal away from the rest of the world, it easily unravells with your gaze. I felt it. You see right through me. Is that why you’re avoiding me?”

A lifeless grin appeared on her lips.

“Did I scare you that much?”

.

.

.

Her words hit him like arrows pining his legs to the ground, disabling him from walking away. The words coming out of baffled him.

An empty smile eventually appeared on his lips as he sighed and plopped himself to the ground next to her.

He couldn’t believe it: this unbelievable woman beside him actually thought he’d been avoiding her because of her insecurities.

If only she knows how seeing her, all of her, and knowing that she’s hiding a lot more things behind her smiles made it all the more difficult for him to keep his distance away from her…

Because he realized that sees all her flaws and it still doesn’t lessen her pull.

.

.

.

“…Do you hate me?”

She doesn’t know why it felt so heavy to drop those words; it felt like she was hanging by a cliff as she waited with baited breath for his answer.

What would she even do if he does hate her? She never considered that possibility when she foolishly decided that she’s gonna confront him tonight.

“No.”

A short answer but it felt like a huge boulder was lifted up from her chest. But it’s not enough. She needs him to make her understand why he was avoiding her. Why he kept running away from her.

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