You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?

 

"So can we kill him because she's talking to him?" Sehun said while they were sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for the bell to ring to head to first period classes. She was pointing at Tao, who was currently asking Luhan about something

"We're not killing anyone."

"He's mine." 

"No, he's not." Yixing rolled her eyes, she'd heard this before- heck, she was once like this...almost.  Zhang Yixing wasn't as idealistic as many people thought, always thinking of reality and the worst possible scenarios rather than having hope in anything. A person is not yours unless they're your best friend or if you are in a romantic relationship with them. If they are neither, they don't belong to you and you don't belong to them- end of argument.

 

What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?

 

"Then what, he's yours?" 

"No, he doesn't belong to anyone. Look, Luhan is his own person."

"Fine, then he's not mine...yet."

"You think everything is gonna be just fine, but you're gonna get hurt. You need to learn your place-"

"But what if he was rich?"

"That has nothing to do with this. You don't understand your place, okay? You need to know your place-" and that your selfishness could get him in trouble. Yixing sighed as she put on her headphones. She didn't wanna hear the stupidity spouting from the other's mouth.

 

What's the point in saying you love me like a friend?

 

First bell would be ringing soon, Yixing headed to her seat and sat down. She looked up to see Luhan standing several feet away.

Smile he gestured, the student's eyes softened and she allowed herself a small smile at the other.

"It's really hot in here, eww." the teacher said, fiddling with his tie.

Yixing agreed and chuckled before the elder began to gather his papers. She felt a little safer now, a little better compared to how she felt after talking to Sehun. As the bell rang she watched Luhan as he left the cafeteria, most likely heading to his room.

 

What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?

 

"Hey, Maestro." Yixing teased as she stood next her friend and music teacher who was on lunch duty.

"Hi, Xing." Luhan chuckled before they began having their usual lunch time discussion about music and the idiocy of humanity and whatnot. 

"Maestro, can I ask you a serious question?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"What do you do if your friend has crush on a teacher and you need to snap them out of reality?"

"Do it gently?"

"Let's say you've tried that but they're that dense and they're becoming a bit possessive."

"Ah, I see. Well, first of all- age difference. That's like a 20 year . And I've noticed that with a few students actually, are the initials BB?"

"Yeah..."

"Yeah...some students need to understand that not all teachers play for the same team."

"Wait, what do you mean same team..." the student was quiet for a moment before it dawned on her- maybe the teacher was a rainbow too, "OH, wait I get it now. I'm the same way so I know where you're coming from."

 

You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake

 

"Minnie~" the girl crooned as she saw her best friend with their other friend, Jongdae.

"Hey, Xingie! What's up?"

"I'll tell you next period, I even wrote it into a story so you understand it better." 

"Uhmm...okay?" Minseok and Jongdae looked at each other, confused. It wasn't until they were in lunch and they read the ABCD scenario written by Yixing that they understood.

"So let me get this straight, Luhan isn't?" Minseok said.

"Heh." Yixing scratched the back of her neck awkwardly

"Oh , how do we tell this to Sehun?" Jongdae said, looking at his best friend with worry.

"I dunno, he said gently but we all know that isn't gonna work." Yixing sighed, knowing what he had to do.

 

You're a coward 'til the end

 

"Xing, oh my gosh, guess wha- hey, what's wrong?"

"Sehun, we need to talk."

"Uhm...okay?"

"It's about..." Yixing hesitated, "actually, I'll tell you later."

"No, tell me."

"It's about Luhan...uh, how do I phrase this...we were talking and he said not everyone plays for the same team?"

"He's gay?!"

"Don't say it so loud!"

"Sorry..."

"Yeah, our school has ears, besides we're in a catholic school, remember- an all-girls one."

"Also, I asked him for advice and he said are the initials BB and yeah he knows you like him."

"He- he knows...wha- what did I do wron-"

"Bathroom. Now. C'mon, I don't want you making a scene."

 

I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit

 

Yixing watched as her friend leaned over the sink in the smaller than was probably safe girls’ bathroom of the main building.

"I just- I can't believe you spoke to him and-"

"Look," Yixing said, "I didn't wanna watch you get hurt, okay? He's my friend. You're my friend. But above all, he is your teacher-"

"And he's gay. That's just great! How am i gonna face him now?! I feel so embarrassed; I don't think I'll be able to look at him."

Yixing sighed as she scratched the back of her neck; at least the other was taking it slightly better than expected,

"Listen, he told me that because I'm his friend and he trusted me enough to say that. Don't tell that to anyone else, please. I don't want anyone to do anything or try to use that against him."

 

No, I'm not the type that you like

 

"What if I could change him, are you sure he's-"

"He's a rainbow, just like I am. You can't change a rainbow. It's just that he's a one way rainbow and I'm a two way rainbow."

"I should have listened to Chanyeol, he called it, you know? I swear I have the worst luck, every time I like a guy he ends up being gay. First Channie, now him." Sehun buried his face in his hands, unsure of what to do.

"You do know I doubt Chanyeol's rainbow status, right?"

"What? Why?"

"Because one minute he says he's gay and the next minute he's trying to hook up with you, and you're a girl. Seems pretty suspicious and manipulative to me." Yixing stated.

 

Why don't we just pretend?

 

"I'm just glad it was you who told me and not him- I don't know what I would've done." The girl said as she tried to hold back tears. 

Yixing couldn't help the cruelness in her tone as she responded, "You're right, it's a good thing it was me. I've been through it twice- and let me tell you it hurts a lot worse when you find out from him that he won't be with you or that his heart belongs to another."

Somehow, Sehun didn't acknowledge the malice in the other girl's tone and just agreed. 

"I just... I don't understand and I feel horrible and-"

"Look, you're still young and naive, okay?"

"I'm not naive."

"Yes, you are. Look, you're young, you don't know what love is. Your hormones are raging because you are in high school and you're trying to figure yourself out- but at the same time you need to know when you are making a poor decision. Someday you will find someone, but for now just focus on your studies, okay?"

 

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

I can't let you go, can't let you go oh

 

The next day, Yixing hoped everything would be fine. She didn't know what to expect, but she hoped there wouldn't be stupidity. She was wrong.

"Yixing, look I understand what you said yesterday, but I need to hear it from him okay? I can't just-" Sehun began before the girl dragged her friend to an offhand corridor where no one would hear them.

"No, you are not going to do that."

"But Xing, I can't just sit here and do nothing! I can't even face him; I need to know for sure-"

"Sehun he told me that because he trusted me- because I'm his friend! I wasn't supposed to tell, I said it to show you the reality. Do not put me in an awkward position because of your selfishness." Yixing said sharply, not allowing the other to cut in, she was not having any of this.

"Look I think I'm gonna have to skip his class," Sehun said before the other interrupted, "No, you are not going to skip class. How do you think that's gonna look? If I could brave four performances of the school musical after being rejected the night before opening night in person by the guy I had fallen for in the span of a year, then you sure as hell can sit through class when I'm the one who told you and not him."

"But-"

"Look, I get that you're scared and I know it's gonna hurt- heck I spent nearly a whole year recovering from that rejection- but you cannot run away from your problems."

"I dunno, I'll see." Sehun said sadly as she left.

 

I just want it to be perfect

To believe it's all been worth the fight

 

"Ah, Jongdae, just the person I wanted to see. Come." Yixing said as she dragged her best friend to the same spot she had spoken to Sehun earlier.

"What's up?"

"Did Sehun tell you about yesterday?"

"Yeah...You could've been a little softer but I mean it had to be done and I dunno how to make that smoother."

"It was putting him in an awkward situation. It put me in an awkward situation. I couldn't do nothing- he's my friend."

"I know, and you did the right thing." Jongdae said patting the other girl on the shoulder with assurance.

"Sehun said she wants to skip his class, like- are you kidding me? Really? I could've dropped out of drama club after fricking Junmyeon rejected me and did I? No, I didn't." Yixing grumbled while her best friend only sighed, "She's just being overdramatic."

"She's being an idiot."

"No everyone is as logical as you are, Xing."

"I know Minnie, but it annoys me..." The girl would've said more if Sehun hadn't appeared and said that they weren't going to ask him and they weren't going to skip class. Jongdae was proud, but Yixing was doubtful and just prayed for no stupidity.

Yixing was done with everyone's bull- especially after one of her classes resulted in yelling and screaming among her teacher and two disrespectful classmates in one of her classes. It didn't make things better when at the end of the day Sehun told the two that they had to run to the bathroom and cry after class. 

Jongdae could only give her friend a comforting hug as Yixing grumbled, "I'm too pretty to be dealing with this ing bull."

 

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

 

Yixing stared at her computer as she used some random chat site and asked for advice from total strangers. On the bright side, all of them agreed that she had done the right thing in the situation. However, the stranger she ended up befriending agreed that she should tell her teacher/friend about what happened and if it gets worse then she would have to have a sit down conversation with Luhan and Sehun and Jongdae as mediator.

 

You only ever touch me

In the dark

Only if we're drinking can you see my spark

 

Yixing walked into Luhan's room to see fricking Krystal there of all people- great, her plan to discuss the situation with Luhan was foiled. She had to tell him though; she had no choice- it was eating away at her on the inside.

"Luhan-ssi, do you have some time to spare after school today?"

"Yeah- is it about the project or-" He began to speak as he looked up, only to be cut off by the student.

"It's about what we discussed during lunch."

"Oh. Is everything okay?" His eyes widen slightly in recognition of the subject.

"Well uh...I slapped her with reality finally but uhm..." the girl grimaced not sure how to explain.

"Yeah, we'll talk later."

"Yeah..."

 

And only in the evening could you give yourself to me

'Cause the night is your woman, and she'll set you free

 

Yixing was awkward and didn't know exactly how to explain the situation- but when it came down to it in the end, just as she was about to say how the conservation went...ing Oh Sehun showed up.

"Don't you have practice right now?"

"Uh...hehehe..." the other girl looked around awkwardly; Yixing was indeed done with the bull.

"Go to rehearsal and practice." Yixing grumbled, pushing the cause of the problem out of the room.

"But I don't like the piece...its ."

"Excuse you," Yixing snapped, narrowing her eyes, "I know that piece by heart and it is amazing. Now go! Shoo fly pie! To rehearsal!"

After making sure the girl had left, the other two looked at each other.

 

You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake

You're a coward 'til the end

 

As the student explained what happened, Luhan started laughing.

"You mean to tell me, she thinks I'm gay? Well, that's certainly the rumor to start."

"She said it based on what I said you said, and thus as a result I went with it because that was the only thing that would sway her." Yixing exclaimed in embarrassment, "I'm sorry about that."

 

I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit

No, I'm not the type that you like

 

"No, it's okay. It was simply a hypothetical. If it gets back to me I'll deal with it then." the teacher chuckled.

"That won't happen, I may or may not have threatened her from telling." Yixing muttered, the other luckily didn't hear.

"I've realized I need to be much more careful with the things I say. They must thing I'm crazy or...I dunno what they think actually..."

 

Why don't we just pretend?

 

"Do you know how many times students keep asking me if you're gay, I’m like 'I don't know nor do I care, he's here to teach and that's about it.'" Yixing blurted out.

"Oh my..." Luhan's eyes raised slightly at the comment.

 

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

I can't let you go, can't let you go oh

 

At some point the conversation turned into talking about relationships. They didn't know how but it did, but it wasn't an awkward conversation for them- at least not for Yixing who was now relieved. In fact- Yixing felt extremely comfortable around the elder that he viewed as a mentor of sorts.

 

I just want it to be perfect

To believe it's all been worth the fight

 

"Besides I don't think there's anyone crazy enough to put up with me." Luhan added as he thought about his past.

"I feel the same when it comes to me." The younger agreed, leaning against a student desk, not bothering to sit down.

 

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

 

"It's like...there needs to be a common interest- you know? Someone that you can both be on the same train of thought with." Yixing said aloud, not fully realizing it, although she has realized that she doesn't mind just voicing her thoughts around the elder.

"Exactly! It's exactly like that," He smiled before continuing,

 

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

I can't let you go, can't let you go oh

 

"My friend has asked me- he was like oh how do you feel about going to bed every night is really just falling asleep while doing your work. And I thought about it and, yeah, I'm happy with that. I wouldn't change it- my life isn't friendly for other stuff."

 

I just want it to be perfect

To believe it's all been worth the fight

 

Yixing smiled softly, understanding what he meant. She was happy as long as she had music and stories; she was happy falling asleep while listening to a song or reading a story. It didn't matter if she didn't have someone to call hers, or if there was a person that somehow met her wavelength perfectly.

Maybe love wasn't what she needed, maybe it was just friendship.

Maybe it was just the desire to be understood...

 

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

 

"HOLD THE UP LUHAN'S STRAIGHT?!" Jongdae's jaw dropped as she came late to the conversation.

"I said he's not gay."

"Oh Lordy." Minseok's eyes widened before Jongdae attempted to continue, “Wait then what-" 

"You two interpreted it as such, it was a decent thing to run with considering uality is the only that stops Sehun. No one tell her, it's best she doesn't know."

"And he's okay with that?" Minnie assured for the umpteenth time in disbelief.

"Uh huh, he laughed his off when I mentioned that part."

"You're ing crazy, Xing." Jongdae shook her head at the girl who was simply grinning contently.

"Maybe."