But if you loved me

Why'd you leave me?

- Kodaline

November  11, 2016

It's winter again.. it reminds me of you. Do you remember? Of course you don't.. or maybe there is a slightest chance that you actually remember, but you just don't care. You always said you would be there to take care of me but where are you now? I thought you were the one that I could trust with everything, without you I don't know what to do. You showed me another side of this ed up world. A side I thought didn't exist anymore. Now it's all gone and so are you, but do tell me.. Why'd leave me? You know how much you ment to me.. is it really that you just don't care? Really? ..I see... You told me not to listen to the others because they were stupid for not realizing how perfect I was.. Are you the stupid one now or was that just another lie as well? I get it, I'm not beautiful, rich, skinny, tall or even girly.. but did you ever realize that I'm a human as well. I'm as much of a human as you, mom, dad and her. But why do all of you act like I'm not? I own feelings as well! I get hurt, I bleed but the difference between me and other people is that I want to go through it alone. It's not like I'm not used to it. It was like this before you came and now it's like that again, the only difference is that this time.. it hurts twice as much as it hurt before you. I love you. But you don't love me.. So please I'm begging. Please, just please! Go on with your own life and don't cross paths with me again. Once was more than enough. You made me laugh and cry. You were my first in everything.. You were the first person who made me feel loved and I'm extremely thankful for that even if it was just for a little while.. I'm still going to be thankful for the rest of my miserable life. You never realize how much you like someone until you watch them love someone else. Yes it hurts like hell but as long as you're happy I'm going to manage. Please be happy with her because you couldn't be happy with me. I really hope she will treat you better than I did and she probably will, she seems like a nice girl.. but it still hurts to know it's not me.. it's sad. But. So is life. Life is full of goodbyes and there's nothing we can do about it. You brought out the best of me, you made me a better person. I just wish that I could have done something like that to you as well. I know this might sound selfish but I just hope one day you'll think of me and think that "I shouldn't have let her go". I know it's never going to happen but.. A girl can dream, right? Every night I tell myself I'm brave because I made it through another day without you.. but how much longer can I act braver that I'm not? A week? A month? For the rest of my life? I don't know. Nobody knows. But one thing I do know.. I will never forget about you... but for now I think it's best for me to just cry. Cry outloud so maybe the pain would stop. Thank you for everything Park Jimin, You will always have a special place in my heart♡

"I miss you.."

"I love you.."

"I'm sorry.."