I can’t help but smile

I’m just looking at you, because

In the morning, as if nothing happened

You’ll wake up

I’m always appearing in your dream

We were always together

"Hey babe, sorry I'm late," Jongdae apologises as he enters the booth. As per usual, the both of them are fully disguised with caps, masks and sunglasses despite being indoors. It does not surprise her that this is the fifth time Jongdae has been late in a month but yet she cannot find it in herself to complain about it. Sheepishly smiling at her, Jongdae picks up the menu and proceeds to order for the both of them.

Being together with Jongdae for 4 years has been nothing but a dream for her. From strangers passing by each other in the hallway, to friends thanks to Baekhyun and now, lovers despite their busy schedules. They may not get to see each other as often as they would like but she makes do with it knowing that he cannot risk being seen with her in the day. Jongdae has been especially cautious after the backlash received by Baekhyun and Jongin with their own partners.

Jongdae tells her all about his day and laments about their dance practice earlier on. No matter how tired Jongdae is from performing on stage all over the globe, just a simple meal with her is enough to give him hope and strength. She has been with him since his trainee days and he cannot imagine how she feels when her friends introduce their boyfriends to her.

“Babe, today was so tiring! Our choreographer kept picking on me and even said that Chanyeol is a better dancer than me! Have you seen that boy dance? Oh my…” Jongdae whines while unknowingly stomping his foot.

She laughs in response before Jongdae going on a full-fledged rant.

“Why are you laughing at me? You’re supposed to be on my side-” She cuts him off by pressing her soft lips against his.

“Are you feeling better now, Prince Jongdae?” She smiles teasingly.

Jongdae pretends to think for a while before saying, “Hmm…I think I need another one, my dear Princess.”

Rolling her eyes, she stretches across the table to plant another kiss on his lips. It is the little moments like these that cause them to feel so blessed to have one another.

"Do you want to walk around after we're done? Maybe get some dessert?" He murmurs as he her hand with his thumb.

"No, it's alright. You have a busy day tomorrow; get some rest," she sighs while avoiding his eyes. Jongdae immediately senses that something is wrong. She has never said no to dessert.

She sighs again before admitting softly, "It's just that your fans might recognise us. We can't have that happening."

Hearing her voice crack slightly at the end makes Jongdae's heart ache a little. He knows that it has not been easy for her, always needing to remain hidden. He thought that she was alright with the unconventional relationship that they had but who was he kidding? No girl in the world deserved to only see their boyfriend once a month, if she's lucky, and not get to go on dates in the day.

The ride back to her home is silent but her tight grip on his hand tells him that she is not upset with him but rather with the circumstances they are in.

"I'm sorry, you know I don't mind that we can’t always hang out. It's probably the time of the month,” she blushes while apologising. Jongdae cannot help but wonder what he has done to deserve such an angel. He does not reply her and just rubs his thumb over her hand letting her know that he does not blame her. And that's how they know that everything is going to be fine, or at least they will try their best to make sure that is the case.

Jongdae parks the car before they walk up to her apartment hand in hand. The security guard has gotten used to their odd disguises and just smiles gently at the sight of their interlinked hands before greeting them.

"Monsters' Inc. again?" Jongdae laughs while preparing the popcorn for their little cuddle session.

"I- I just really like it! You can't deny that Boo is plain adorable!" She whines. Of course Jongdae knows how much his girl enjoys that kid's show. It has been years since the release of the next installation but she can't help but continue watching the first.

Wrapped up in her blankets and finally without their disguises, Jongdae takes time to just appreciate her features - her eyes that sparkle as she watches Boo and Sully interact, her little button nose that never fails to turn red each winter and lastly, her dimples that reveal themselves each time he meets eyes with her.

Every day, Jongdae wakes up fearing that she will stop loving him and find someone else who is able to give her the love she deserves. This is also what has been stopping him from saying the three special words to him. He is afraid. He is not oblivious the countless guys commenting on her posts and complimenting her. Jongdae trusts her but he knows it is unreasonable for him to expect her to always stay by his side when he himself cannot do the same.

The girl does not even notice Jongdae getting lost in his thoughts while watching her eyes water as Boo and Sully part. Only when tears start to fall does Jongdae snap out of his thoughts.

"Silly girl, come here!" Jongdae wipes her tears away as she continues to hiccup. But that only makes the girl cry even more because she realises just how much she misses Jongdae's touch. Jongdae heart is pained knowing that she is probably overthinking again so he switches off the television and carries his girl back to her room.

She snuggles deeper into Jongdae's embrace as he hums. Feeling the soft rumbles of Jongdae's chest just makes her heart swell. She loves him so darn much and she can only wish that he feels the same about her. It does not help that Jongdae is not always here and never knows when he will be back.

It is only when her sniffles are reduced to soft snores that Jongdae realises that she essentially cried herself to sleep. He wonders how often this happens and starts to feel guilty knowing that he is not there most of the time to rock her to sleep and wipe the tears of her rosy cheeks. It hurts him to know that she probably has so many things she wants to share with him yet their time spent together is always so limited.

Feeling her soft breaths against his neck, Jongdae cannot help but realise that she still is the vulnerable girl he met 5 years ago. She still is the girl who puts him first in everything she does. Never once has she posted anything on her SNS accounts to hint at any sort of possible relationship, limiting her posts to food and her solo photos even when they go out together. Jongdae loves her so much. But the coward in him fears that one night he will come back only to find that the both of them have woken up from this dream.

It baffles him how he is able to say 'I love you' to his fans so easily but when it comes to the girl who has been by his side throughout, the words always get stuck in his throat. He earnestly hopes that the girl feels his love for her. Yes, he does meet thousands of girls daily, from other girl idols to the many fans who attend their fansigns and concerts. However, there is only one girl who looks beyond his flaws. There is only one girl who sees him with his walls down. There is only one girl who understands that some days, Jongdae hates being an idol. And that girl is the one who loves him nonetheless.

With the moonlight shining down and accentuating her features, Jongdae sighs knowing that in the day, she will act as if he is not a part of her life. She will wake up and go about her day without him. He can only hope that she will still love him again in the night.

When his phone beeps at 5 a.m., Jongdae knows that the moon has gone and so must he. Because their love can and will only exist when the moon is up and even the stars are asleep. Because it is only then that they’re dreaming.

It’s false hope, when the morning comes


You won’t remember, I’m afraid that I’ll be forgotten

No no no come back
When the deep night is about to be over

I’ll disappear like smoke

But when the night darkens, I’ll bring the dream

And fall down on you

Thank you for reading! As this is my first story on AFF, please forgive me if you did not enjoy it and comment on how I could improve! If anyone is interested, I might write another chapter from her/your (whatever floats your boat) point of view. Please subscribe if you'd like to read more. Also, please let me know if the formatting is odd. I never knew writing on AFF would be this complicated. Once again, thank you for reading!

Cheers,

Gwen