Someone once said that living with your eyes closed is easy, but Yixing is not so sure. Maybe one day it will get easier, less painful for him to rest his eyelids and accept darkness into his life, but today is not that day. He is still scared, still sad.

Always watching without thinking, relishing in the beauty of things without really giving it a thought is a dangerous thing, Yixing knows this. It is what he has always done, all until recently, and the pain and remorse now resting heavily in his chest because of his tendency to look past things before it is too late is the main reason for why his heart aches so much every night. While his eyes are what will eventually stop working, they are not nearly as broken as his heart. There are so many questions, but not as many as there are regrets.

He constantly finds himself thinking back, with hopeless tears running down his cheeks wondering what would have happened if he had acted differently. There is no point in it though, because even though Yixing has never believed that time is a straight line, he still knows that those beautiful moments will never come back to him.

The most dangerous thing is taking something for granted. He knows this all too well, because he learned it the hard way.

-

The moss is still soft where he walks, not yet frostbitten or covered in snow. The view is nice, he thinks peacefully while humming, the trees and bushes painting the ground far below him with their leaves and flowers, but it will be nicer from the top. From there he will be able to see everything.

He moves calmly but with fast steps, because he knows all too well that time isn’t on his side. Turning his gaze to the sun and accidentally tripping on some log he failed to see, he lands on his and sighs. He hopes that he will reach the peak before the sun sets, because even though he can still see clearly - the blue sky, the dew covering the grass still moist from morning fog - he knows what nightfall might bring. What it will bring, eventually.

Rising again, he continues. With light steps walking towards the peak, his feet only slightly aching, he pauses for a moment to pick up a stone. A single blister stings on his heel, not more, caused by a small dent in his shoe, but it doesn’t bother him. He will reach the peak soon, and he knows that it will be worth it.

Weighing the small stone in his hand, he brings it close to his eyes and examines it. It’s a pretty stone, he admits, even though he has seen prettier and though he has never really cared about minerals before. Small trinkets and treasures has always been Luhan’s thing, not his, but he can’t help to smile anyway.

Turning the unrefined gem carefully to look at it from all angles, to make out every little cut and scratch, he considers putting it in his pocket but refrains. It’s green in colour, maybe blue or purple. The thin, black vein running from its corner towards its center is barely visible, yet Yixing puts his finger on it, tracing along it. While it hurts a bit, cutting through the calloused skin of his fingertip, he doesn’t really mind - all he can do is wonder how many years the now bloodstained stone has seen, how many more it will see before it is turned to sand.

He feels just a little bit sad throwing it over the edge, watching it disappear into the distance, because it was a nice stone and it would have looked good in Luhan’s collection. Luhan already has enough stones though, he thinks, smiling, and then he keeps walking.

As the air turns colder and the sky darker, walking soon turns into climbing. He has been moving the whole day, his cheeks now rosy and frostbitten where he finally stands, on the edge of a high cliff looking out over the rocky landscape. The sun has just started setting and he lets out a sigh of relief, happy that he made it on time. Not caring to catch his breath, to sit down and rest his now aching limbs, he focuses his eyes on the yellow sun and squints. He thinks about climbing, he thinks about him.

I’ve always wanted to see the sun set behind a snowy mountain. We should climb one, Xing. We should climb one one day.

Yixing has, like most people, always relied on his senses, his sight most of all. He has always counted on it, always taken it for granted. This is why he finds himself a bit sad standing on the edge of that cliff, with already dying eyes watching the sun set slowly behind snowy mountains. While twilight is still before him, still shining with its wide spectrum of colours, he knows all too well that it will be there even after. He knows that the sky will be there for aeons, even when the world which he has until recently believed will be forever bright turns dark.

To slowly but at a steady pace lose your sight because of some rare disease is a scary thing, but Yixing took the news quite well. While he grieved the fact that there will come a day on which he won’t be able to see the sky anymore, and while he still grieves that fact, he did in that moment of shock have someone to rely on, someone to share his pain with. Luhan has always supported him, has always guided him through his darkest of moments. He has always been there with him, and he always will be.

Pulling a small camera out of his bag, the camera which he gave Luhan on his birthday one year ago, Yixing directs it at the sunlit mountains and smiles. He promised the other that he will capture everything, and so he will, even if he deep inside knows that even photographs will fade in the end. Still smiling, he presses the shutter button and pulls back, grabbing his pen and giving the sunset one last look before continuing his journey.

To: 鹿晗

The air is very cold up here, but it’s nice. The sun is setting and there’s even snow on the mountain tops. I wish you could see it. It’s beautiful.

From: 艺兴

-

Travelling the world in order to see everything before it is too late, to see all those things of great beauty before finally losing his sight forever, Yixing occasionally finds himself longing for home. Knowing that there isn’t much time left, he sometimes doesn’t care about great wonders or spectacular nature. There is only one thing he truly wants to see before the end, but he’s got it all planned perfectly, his time laid out perfectly clear in front of him. While he knows that his sight will be almost gone when he finally gets to see it, because the doctor has told him so, it doesn’t really matter. His world will be fading when he returns, his eyes only capable of distinguishing light from dark, but he tries to not care. A bit of time at the end is all he needs, he thinks, because he will in that moment be able to see him perfectly clear no matter what. Yixing is sure.

Now walking through warm sand, feeling his sweaty skin stick to the clothes covering his overheated body, he stops for a moment and thinks. The wind is almost still, doing nothing to help soothe the burning on his skin caused by the harshness of the sun, but little does it matter. It’s nice here, nicer than he ever thought was possible. Looking up, with a small laugh thinking that he would in another situation have prayed for rain, he realizes just how wide and beautiful the sky is. While his eyes are already sensitive, hurting slightly when he turns to look at the golden dunes covering every area of land before him, he once again realizes that it doesn’t matter. He just keeps walking, quietly wondering if Luhan would have appreciated the sight, but laughs again. Luhan loves the sun, Yixing knows this.

I know you can’t stand the sun, Xing, but let’s visit the dunes one day. I’ve heard it looks like liquid gold.

Many hours later, Yixing finds himself exhausted and a bit down. It’s still bright and it helps him see - the wide horizon, the few palm-trees swaying slightly next to some oasis in the distance - but he still can’t help but worry about nightfall. Reluctantly shutting his eyes every night, never knowing how much he will see once he opens them again, has turned to be one of his greatest fears, the thing he hates the most. He never knows if next morning will bring the same brightness as the previous one, and while it scares him a lot, it also saddens him. Knowing that his world will turn dark hurts more than the deepest wound, and while he has always been a loner, proud of his abilities to care for himself, he just can’t help but wish that Luhan was there to comfort him like he usually does.

Despite these somber thoughts and the cruelness of fate, Yixing now smiles by the sight of dunes resting majestically before him, like an endless sea glowing beneath the forever burning sun. It’s a rather funny thing, he thinks, how the photo he snaps doesn’t nearly do the landscape justice, but it doesn’t really matter. He knows that Luhan will love it nonetheless.

Sinking to his knees, he buries his hands in the warm sand and shuts his eyes for just a moment, just to feel the microscopic stones tickle his fingertips with their smooth surface. His heartbeat suddenly quickens, desperately asking him to stop this nonsense, to open his eyes before it is too late, and while his mind agrees, his body tells him no. Letting his heavy eyelids rest for just a few more seconds, he searches his mind for happy memories but stops, all of a sudden overcome with an inexplicable sadness. He can’t keep his eyes shut now, he thinks, not when Luhan is not there with him.

Once again looking up, Yixing ignores the sharp pain caused by the sun and pretends that he is still able to see the small, golden grains get caught in the wind and swirl through the dry air. It really is beautiful, he thinks, wondering why they never went there before.

To: 鹿晗

It’s a lot warmer here than in the mountains, I’m not sure if I like it more or not. The sand is very soft and it looks like gold. You would love it here. 

From: 艺兴

He puts the photo in his pocket along with the message written on the back of it. He doesn't care to post it, hasn’t cared to post any of them - he will hand them over once they meet. Now giving the endless dunes one last look just like he did with the mountains, he laughs - compared to him, all these wonders are pale in comparison. He laughs, but it somehow doesn’t sound bitter.