Park Minji. That’s me alright. When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with cancer. It kind of to have the doctor telling you that you have cancer when you haven’t even gone through complete puberty yet. Still, I was really, really, really lucky that the doctors found the damn cancer early which means I don’t necessarily have to die. Well, yet. Not now at least. I’ve been in remission for a few years now, so my cancer is unofficially gone. I mean, its still there. Its just, not moving, not active. Which means I can still carry on with whatever I’m doing with my life.

         When I was in my senior year and was just graduating from high school, I bumped into a boy around my age in the hospital when I was on my way out. I managed to say an ‘I’m sorry’ to him. He ignored me and carried on to wherever he was going with a nurse beside him. Damn. I thought. What a rude patient. Before I turned away from him who was walking away, I saw the nurse tell him something before he ran along without the nurse. Then, I saw the nurse walk towards me. “Hey, I’m sorry about him. He’s just having a hard time right now.” she bowed and apologized.

“No, it’s fine really. But what’s up with him? What’s keeping him here in the hospital?” I asked, cutting right to the chase.

The nurse pursed her lips and sighed before replying the question that I asked her. I could tell that she was debating with herself whether to tell me or not. “You know, its fine if you don’t want to tell me. I understand that you have to keep your patient’s profile classified. I get that.” I paused, “and, I also used to be embarrassed of myself when they told me I had cancer, so I completely get it if he has a disease and he’s embarrassed about it.” I explained. A look of surprise was displayed on the nurse’s face, and a moment later she let out another sigh.

“Just like you, he has cancer too. If I’m not mistaken, he was on yesterday’s newspaper. Go ahead on look at the article if you’d like to know about him more. It’s sad for a good looking young man like him to have cancer isn’t it?” She said. Before she left me there, she smile and said that she’ll look forward to seeing me again.

         When I got home, I did what she told me to, I took a look at yesterday’s newspaper and it was true, his familiar sour face was there in an article in the news. I studied it carefully. His name was Park Jimin. He’s diagnosed with cancer around a week ago and he still can’t accept the fact that he has cancer. He’s a student from an International Arts High School, and he had missed an important exam due to chemotherapy. That particular exam was suppose to determine which company would hire him as a trainee and offer him a place at the company. As one of the top admission in contemporary dancing at his school, he was devastated. In other words, he was not as lucky as I am and I feel very bad for him. I realised that apart from our experiences with cancer, we shared another similarity. We both had the same name.

         I decided that I just had to meet him. I don’t know why but I just felt like I needed to see him. I tried hard as hell to persuade my parents to take me to see him at the hospital, and thank god, I succeeded. It was a Saturday, its drizzling and freezing cold outside. The grey clouds looks like they’re going to be there for a long time. I told my parents that I’d call them when I’m done and immediately darted towards the elevator. I didn’t know why the hell was I excited to meet a stranger. Maybe that’s why, I was meeting a stranger. Upstairs, I asked the counter which room was the patient named ‘Park Jimin’ is staying in, she gave me the directions and I followed exactly what and where she told me to go to. On the door of his room, his name was written on a paper that was tucked behind a transparent piece of glass. ROOM 295 ; PARK JIMIN it said. When I entered his room, it looked exactly like mine when I was a kid except for the fact that I was not the one on the bed this time. He saw me first, before a boy who looked like his younger brother, and greeted me rudely. I, in return, stuttered an introduction of myself. I was still standing where the door was right behind me, finally realizing I had absolutely no idea what to say.

He looked at me as if I were crazy, called me a and a rude piece of skunk and told me that I needed to get the hell out of his room before he phoned for security. Fortunately, his younger brother, unlike he was, was much kinder towards me.

“Your name is Park Minji right?” his younger brother asked. I nodded. He smiled and patted an empty sit next to him and told me to have a seat.

“Hey, you’re kidding me right Jinyoung? We don’t even know who the hell she is!” Jimin protested.

“Actually we do, he name is Park Minji. That counts.” he smiled.

I took slow steps to the chair and sat down next to him.

“Don’t be so scared of my brother right here, he’s just a bit stubborn that’s all. My name is Park Jinyoung, and like I said, this stubborn piece of is my brother, Park Jimin.” he holds out his right hand.

I shook in in return, reintroduced myself and smiled. My gaze shifted from Jinyoung to Jimin, he has his earphones on now. Completely in his own world, with a frown on his face. I can tell that he can’t hear anything from my conversation and his brother’s.

“So what brings you here?” he asked. Honestly I don’t know why myself.

“I don’t know. I saw him in the newspaper, and I also bumped into him a few days ago.” I explained. Jinyoung laughed at my explanation. When I thought of it more, I found it kind of funny too. Me and Jinyoung didn’t really talk much that day. He did tell me a few things about Jimin and all. Turns out, Jimin actually did get casted by an entertainment company. Its just that Jimin thinks that he’ll die before actually getting the chance to get on with his dream for a career in being an artist. Before I left, Jinyoung pulled me aside and whispered into my ear, “Don’t worry, Jimin hyung will open up to you eventually. He’s just a bit dense but he’s not heartless.”

         During the next few days, when I visited him, he’d open up more and more. We talk more and got to know each other better, Sometimes, it would be me,him and Jinyoung, but most of the time its just me and Jimin. As time passes, we were like two long lost friends reunited. Like him, I too took interest in dramatic arts such as dancing and singing and, basically, that was all we talked about. He once asked me why didn’t I go to an Arts High School like he did, and I told him I just never really got the chance, and that I was unconfident about my dancing. Then he told me to dance right there and then in front of him. And eventually, I did. When I danced, I focused on my dancing but when I looked at him, I saw his passion for dancing twinkling in his eyes. He told me I was really good and gave me a lecture that I had wasted my talent just because I was unconfident. We would get caught up in our arguments and end in fits of giggles and laughter. Thats how we got to know each other better. He said that he’d teach me dance if he wasn’t lying around in bed all day. There were some days I couldn’t visit him as the nurses had told me that they needed to attend to him. There were other days where he would ask me to dance for him. So i did. And every day before the day I visited him, I would work on a dance routine so he could see it. So that he wouldn’t lose his passion for dancing, and I just fell in love with how his passion for dance twinkles in his eyes when he watches anyone dance.

         There was this one day, he was allowed to go out of his room if he wanted to. We both went down to the hospital’s park. I had to carefully bring him down with his wheelchair, its not like he’s unable to walk or anything, but the nurse had insisted. Plus, she thinks it’ll be easier to handle the IV bag with it attached to a wheelchair. Honestly speaking, I didn’t really care as long as he’s allowed to go and see the outside world instead of just staying in his room all day. I pushed the wheelchair next to a bench and parked it next it to it, and I sat down on the wooden bench. We were facing the kid’s playground in front of us, none of us uttered a single word as he just intently watched the kids play.

“You know, I kinda miss playing like that with my brother, Jinyoung. Its been a long time since we’ve really spend time together. Since I’ve entered the arts high school, I only focused on my dancing and working my goal to be an artist.” there was a long pause, and I knew I shouldn’t interrupt yet. “And now, I’m going to die. Damn, aren’t I just hell of a great brother?” he scoffed.

I could see the pain in his eyes. I didn’t really know what to say since I don’t have any siblings, so I’m kinda short on experience here. So I just stayed quiet, hoping he won’t be disappointed by my silence. His gaze stayed still to the ground, and my gaze was fixed on him. Those sad eyes, they’re clouded with pain and grief, and the guilt he’s been keeping to himself. Not knowing what to do, I just patted his back and tell him don’t worry and its wasn’t his fault. And then out of all this dramatic that’s happening, I thought of something that could help lessen his guilt towards Jinyoung. “Hey Chimchim, I’m sorry to interrupt your time of grieving, but when is Jinyoung’s birthday?” I asked. His facial expression lit up as well, as if he’s thinking the exact same thing I was thinking. “Its in another two days.” he smiled, “and I think I now what you’re thinking right now, Minji.” I cocked my head a bit and grinned. My next two days consisted of planning out Jinyoung’s birthday that we’re gonna throw in Jimin’s room. Its not gonna be like those hell of a wild party, considering the fact that we are in a hospital. Its just going to be me Jimin, and Jinyoung celebrating. It would be better if their parents could come over as well but they were overseas right now so yeah.

         Two days passed in no time, the next thing I knew was that I was busy carrying a box of cake in one hand and two boxes of gift for Jinyoung in another hand, and around five silver helium balloons tied to my waist. My journey to Jimin’s room was rather awkward as the nurses and the hospital staff were staring at me when I was walking down the hallway. I mean, who wouldn’t want to stare at a girl carrying all those stuff around in a hospital where sick people are supposed to be, even I’d be amused if I saw my self right now. Eventually, I reached Jimin’s room and pushed the door open with my and slowly waddled into the room. This sight of me made Jimin burst into laughter. Damn that kid, he should be dong this as a guy not me. “Hey, you should be the one carrying things instead of me since you’re the guy here. You’re so not a gentleman.” I stated as I gently put the cake and the two boxes on the table in front of him. “Well, I’m sorry that I’m attached to an IV bag and that I have cancer that makes me stay in bed all day.” he frowned. “Damn chill dude, that was a joke.” I said, “now call Jinyoung and ask him where the hell is he.” I ordered. Jimin rolled his eyes at me before calling his younger brother. “He’s on his way to this room right now, he just got out from the elevator. Better hurry up, lady.” I hurriedly open the cake and pitched in a few candles into the cake. Jimin handed me a lighter and I lit up the candle. Just as I was about to finish lighting up the last candle, I heard the door open behind me. In no time I pitched the candle back in and turn around and wished HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY in his face. His face was covered in shock as me and Jimin started singing the birtday song. When we finished, he hugged Jimin and me next. He suddenly started laughing when he saw me. I was confused. “Is there something in my face or something?” I asked. He shook, but still laughing. “Why do you have silver helium balloons tied around your waist?” he laughed. Oh. My eyes trailed from Jinyoung to my waist, so I did forgot to untie them from myself huh. That realization hit me and I started laughing as well, followed by Jimin.

         Then a sudden smirk appeared on Jinyoung’s face, “Or maybe, you’re my birthday present.” and took a step towards me. He kept getting closer and I kept taking steps back, until I couldn’t as my back hit the wall, and Jinyoung stopped right in font of me. My breath hitched as he brought his face nearer to mine. I could feel his hands intertwine with mine and he pins them up to the wall. My mind went blank and I didn’t know what to do. “Jinyoung, what the hell are you doing.” I asked him sternly, and I tried to move my hands. But with him being taller and stronger than I am, I couldn’t. I caught a glimpse of Jimin behind Jinyoung, his eyes were wide and I could see anger boiling through his veins. He had his fist clenched as he gritted his teeth. “HEY PARK JINYOUNG, WHAT THE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING TO HER!” Jimin yelled to his brother. Jinyoung didn’t even flinch and his face is closer than ever to mine now, I could feel his warm breath against my neck. Our faces were so close to each other that our noses brushed against each other. A grin suddenly appeared as he tickled my sides and yelled, “Chill guys I was only joking,” as I was already on the ground, laughing hard as hell. Jinyoung helped me up and I hit his chest repeatedly. “Damn you Jinyoung! You could’ve given me a heart attack. Never ever do that to me again next time.” He smiled and we turned to Jimin. His face was covered in a shade of red, I couldn’t tell whether it was from anger or embarrassment. I went to him and ruffled his hair, asking him to calm down and why was he so mad. He just mumbled something to himself and brushed my hand away. To lighten up the mood, I told Jinyoung to blow out the candles on the and cut the cake as well. With Jimin calmed down, everything went well. Jinyoung loved Jimin’s gift for him which was a pair of Timberlands boots. “Wow how did you manage to get these shoes when you can’t even get up from the hospital bed?” Jinyoung asked Jimin in awe. “Well, I texted Minji your foot size and gave her the money so she could fetch them.”he smiled. Then Jinyoung took my box and opened it. He couldn’t stop smiling as soon as he saw what my gift was. It was a pair of branded headphones. “Damn Minji, how the hell did you get these? These worth more that your life does.” He and Jimin laughed again. I scoffed at them and rolled my eyes. I just gave him a thumbs up as a reply. The day went well and I went home smiling, I just couldn’t stop.

         After one month of visiting him, he started to get sicker and sicker. We stopped debating and talked less than before. Even though, our bond together didn’t fade even a bit, instead, all the silence actually made our bond stronger. One day, he felt so much pain that no one, not even his brother or his parents were allowed to see him. That night I cried so so much for him for the first time. I wasn’t the type of person who always cried over something, but he just makes me cry. I knew exactly what it was like to be in that much pain and I wished with all my heart that Jimin didn’t have to feel the same stinging pain I felt once. From the start, I’ve wished that he wouldn’t go through the things that I went through, or even worse. But then I forgot something, wishes don’t come true. I couldn’t sleep, all I thought of was him. He was like my soulmate. Its like, when I got to know him more, it feels like I’m remembering these memories of my past life. It wasn’t at all like getting to know another stranger, instad it felt like discovering this hidden part of you thats been there for so long. So maybe it was true, maybe I do like him after all.

         The very next day, I visited him again. It pained me to see him in this current situation he was in. He looked so soulless and his sin was so pale. But somehow, he had so much more strength in him than I had ever seen before and I was glad. Jinyoung had left us both alone in Jimin’s room and told me that he was outside if I needed anything before heading out. I took a seat next to Jimin’s bed as his eyes trailed my movements. I took his left hand and caressed them, they were cold. “Hey, so how are you doing?” I gently asked. He smiled, “Other than lying here and being close to dying of cancer? I think I’m doing pretty good,” he jokes. I laughed and told him stop joking. “You’re not gonna die you idiot, stop being so negative,” my voice was already cracking. He just nodded without saying anything. That day, he told me something I had never known. Turns out that he had stopped taking medications for quite some time, but stayed at the hospital so that he could be fed and supervised by the doctors and nurses, as his parents could not afford a private nurse.

We then talked about our dreams, our ambitions. He told me about his dreams about being an artist even though we had talked about it quite a few times. He also told me that he liked this one song in particular. It was somewhat an upbeat and slow song, but not too slow. He said that the song suited a modern contemporary styled dance, and that he’d like to create a choreography for that song if he would ever make it out alive of the hospital, which he doubted. Then, his cold hand went up to cup my cheek. A familiar warm smile appeared on his face, “Hey idiot, please don’t lose your passion for dancing. All you need is just more confidence, and I know you’ll have it. Keep dancing for me.” I squeaked out a small ‘okay’ to him. I swear to god that I was on the verge of crying but I know I had to hold it in. The feeling of his hands against my cheek comforted me in a way no one else ever did, even if his hands were ice cold. That night, I listened to the song that he said he liked. I had to admit, I fell in love with the song as well. I realized why he liked that particular song so much. It was about how one was going through a hard time with everyone around him going completely against him. He almost went mad himself but somehow he remembered that the dawn right before the sunrise is the darkest. That before you find the right path, you have to get lost first. In fact, the whole thing sounded a lot like him and I was impatient to tell him that it was.

         It suddenly came to my mind that I should create a choreography out of this song for him so that I could show it to him the next day. I hurriedly leaped out of my bed, my laptop and started working out the choreos in no time. Like Jimin said, I did a modern contemporary dance that’ll suit this song really well. I didn’t really sleep that night but I didn’t care as long as I could get this choreo to work perfectly for him. Maybe he’ll be cheered up a bit after I show him this dance. Morning came and I was done on the choreography. Maybe it wasn’t that great but at least he’ll be happy with it. In the afternoon just as I was getting ready to get going to the hospital, I got a call from Jinyoung. “Hey Minji, how are you doing? Look, I don’t think you should visit my brother today, the doctors said that we weren’t allowed to visit him again. But they say it’ll only be for today.” I told him that it was fine and thanked him for telling me. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on today that we weren’t allowed to visit him. With a heavy heart, I just had to brush off all the negative thoughts that were going around in my brain. At least I had time to catch up with my sleep for a bit and improve the choreography. So thats what I did, I slept for a few hours in the afternoon and continued to work on my dance in the evening. The next morning, I woke up quite late. Though, I was in quite a shock as my phone ringtone suddenly started playing loud. With me being half conscious, I lazily grabbed my phone from under my pillow and answered whoever that was calling me that morning.

“Hello, who’s this?” I asked with my fresh wake up voice, making it obvious that the person who was on the phone right now just disturbed me from my beauty sleep. And I ain’t happy with it.

“Minji, this is Jinyoung. I think you ought to come to the hospital right now. Jimin’s dying.” he said. His voice sounded panic, sad, but also resigned. I didn’t think of anything else and quickly rushed to the hospital. In less than 10 minutes, I arrived at the hospital to see Jinyoung walking in circles with his hand covering his mouth. Okay, this doesn’t look good. At all. I ran to Jinyoung and grabbed him by the shoulders, “What the hell is going on, this better not be a joke.” He looked taken aback by my statement and pushed my arms away easily. “Does any of this seem like a goddamn joke to you at all?” he looked at me in the eye. I think he saw it in my facial expression that I was about to burst into tears because he immedately pulled me into hug. He reminded me so much of his brother that it hurts.

         After what seemed like a few hours of waiting, the doctor came. I was the first to stand up and look at the doctor, hoping that he’d give Jinyoung and I a good response. Please, please just tell me that he’s okay and that he’s gonna go through this like I did and survive. The sigh and the resignated look on the doctor’s face was enough to tell me how it all turned out.

He’s gone.

That was it.

He’s gone.

I’m never going to see him again.

His smile.

His laugh.

I’m never going to get to see him like that ever again.

My eyelids suddenly felt heavy and I felt like the world was spinning in circles. “Hey Minji, Minji!” Jinyoung? That was Jinyoung. His voice sounded like it was so far away. My vision started to get darker and darker. I felt a bolt of pain in my body as I fell on the floor, losing my consciousness.

         I woke up to find myelf in my room. Jinyoung was lying next to me. I could see that he was awake and was looking at me the whole time, his eyes were bloodshot. The realization of what happened earlier hit me like a bullet and I started crying again. Jinyoung and I were sitting up on my bed now, with me in his hug. “Please tell me that was all just a nightmare. Please, please.” I begged. All he responded he did was shake his head slowly, and I cried harder. I cried for three consecutive days after that, I didn’t even attend his funeral.

         Today it is his birthday, and it has been a year since his death. I’ve auditioned for a spot in an entertainment company and they have accepted me as their trainee. In a few months time, I’ll make my debut along with my group members as artists in the entertainment industry. I am writing this beside his his grave and once I am finished, I will fold this piece of paper and place it under the flower that his mother planted here. Ever since he died, I’ve seen the world differently. I now know very well that you can lose a person you love in just a mere second. How hard it is to lose someone you care about so much. How it is to continue with life after their death. And how these people can change your life whether you realize it or not, whether you want it or not. It was sad to lose him, but I am glad I got to know him, and I want him to know what he has done for me. Now, I will always remember his advice. I’ll always remember our moments in his hospital room, room number 295. I will always have him in my thoughts whenever I dance on the stage, his face filled with passion for dancing when he once watched me. So, I end this with the words that I’d wanted to tell him, but never got a chance to. I hope he can hear me as I say it in my heart, whisper it to the wind and write it in this piece of paper.

“You changed my life, Park Jimin. Thanks.”