When I was 3 years old, my family moved to Seoul. His house are next to mine. His parents, which I called papa and mama Tuan came to our house to greet us and help moving in the furniture and stuffs. To thank them, my mom invited his family to have a dinner at our house. It was the first time I met him. We get along very well since we are the same age. His name Mark Yien Tuan. When I was little, I had a problem with the letter “r”, so instead of mark, I called him yien. He didn’t like people call him that name, but he never asked me to change it.

We grew up together. We went to kindergarten, primary school, and secondary school together. Wherever I am, he would be there on my side. We’re inseparable. He really care about me. He always there. when I had fever, when I failed my test, when I was bullied, when I won a swimming contest and yeah he always there, beside me, wiped my tears, made me smile, laughed with me, lend me his shoulder and the list still going on. Every single day he would came to my house and we walked together to school. He often came to my house to finish our homework together. My parent didn’t mind either. They even treated him like their son.

He might treated me like a baby sister, people around us might called us twin, siblings, bff, or called whatever they want, but I couldn’t lie to my own feeling. My own heart. Because deep down inside, I like him. No, I love him. But im not brave enough to confess to him. Im afraid he’ll hate me. Im afraid if he’ll reject me. I don’t want to lose him. But everything changed after the incident. I thought I was dreaming. No, im not. The kiss. It’s too real. I couldn’t help myself anymore. I ditched school and ran home. Tears started to flow on my cheeks. Those lips, its supposed to be mine, not her! The scenes keep replaying in my head. She kissed him. and he kissed her back. That ! I’m curling on my bed, hugging my knees and burst into tears. No, she’s not a , she’s a kind girl, and she’s so pretty. Choi Yoojin. I know she has a crush on yien. But I never thought that he will like her too.

Next morning, I wake up with my swollen eyes. I take a shower and massage my swollen eyes. I put on some make up to hide my eyes and go down to take my breakfast. I need to go out earlier. I don’t want to see him. I need to ignore him. It hurts me everytime I think that he belongs to someone else. Omma told me that yien send my school bag last night. I told her I ditched school yesterday because im having period pain. I lied. Thanks god she didn’t notice my swollen eyes. I eat my sandwich quickly and bid goodbye to my parents. I slip on my converse and start walking to school without him. It’s still early in the morning, not many people have come. I walk in my class room, sit on my usual place. My head keep thinking about him. It damn hurts. No, I need to stop this, his not mine, I’m just a little sister to him. I don’t want to think about him anymore. So I force myself to sleep.

“Jinny-ah ireona,” I fell someone shaking my arm. That voice. It’s him. I wake up and rub my eyes.

“wae” I asked him short, trying not to look at him in the eyes.

“Why you left school yesterday? You didn’t even wait for me this morning. Are you ok?” he ask with a concern voice

“I’m fine. I got period pain yesterday and this morning, I just want to get fresh air,” I said, still avoiding his eyes.

He about to asked something else but our teacher come in. Thanks god. He go back to his seat. I have no interest with the whole class. I can feel that Yien keep on glancing at me. Why would he do that. The bell rings. He come to me again. “Lets eat, I haven’t take my breakfast this morning. I fell like starving right now,” he said. “You go first, I’ll catch up latter,” I lied, why bother eating with me when you already have a girl. “ok I’ll wait at our usual spot,” he informed and jogged out of the classroom. How could he