On the day he was going to depart, I left it at home on purpose. I bit my lips, my fingers which were gripping tightly onto the paper trembling as tears start to spill one by one from my eyes.

My heart ached as I thought of the reason we were walking again. The day I dreaded has finally came, the day he had to go to Korea to pursue his dreams; a step closer to his successful future.

Well, it was inevitable anyway right?

I then turned my vision to look at the said guy, taking in his visual.

He was wearing a quite thick, light brown jacket over a white t-shirt, to keep himself warm from the cold winter. The dark blue denim jeans hugged his masculine feet, complemented by a pair of Timberland shoes. He was also wearing a bag on his back, containing the clothes he was going to wear in Korea later on.

He must’ve caught me looking at him, because when I looked at his face, he had a teasing smile on his lips. I quickly tore my gaze away and looks to the other side bashfully.

For some reason, the walk was full of silence. Not the awkward type of silence, it was the comfortable silence. The one where none of us felt the need to speak, so instead we just let the sounds of shoes against the ground accompany us all the way to the train station.

As we finally arrived, we went straight to where the train would arrive. My mind was full of thoughts, on whether I should confess to him or not.

We sat on one of the benches they had prepared at the side and had small talks, a few jokes thrown here and there. At that moment, it seemed as if time was running faster than usual; as the train was going to arrive in a few minutes.

He stood up and opened his arms at me, gesturing for a hug. I stood up as well and walked into his arms, my arms wrapping itself around his padded jacket. I held in my tears, feeling an overwhelming amount of sadness.

I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want him to feel as if I was holding him back.  

And so, I didn’t.

I buried my face into his chest, inhaling his scent for what seemed like the last time. I let out a mumble, unsure if he could understand me or not.

“I’ll miss you, Jackson Wang.”

I felt his hand caressing the back of my head gently, before hearing his usual deep voice that was laced in sadness.

“I’ll miss you too.”

We stayed in that pose until the train came. He pulled me away hesitantly and wore his bag again, a small sad smile on his face. He walked backwards into the train, facing me as he waved. I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at his antic; although it felt empty.

He finally sets one foot in the train, then the other. He stood in front of the entrance, making way if people wanted to enter. The whole time, his eyes were on me, and my eyes were on him.

I chewed on my lips, wondering if I should say it or not.

When I noticed the train door was about to close, I immediately shouted for his name.

“Wang Jia Er!”

There’s no turning back now, right?

He let out a small smile as a response. I too, smiled at him, but a bitter one as I said the words.

“I like you.”

The smile on his lips seemed to slowly disappear, as his eyes widened from what I assumed to be, trying to process my words. He opened his mouth, about to let out his voice to say something. But in that moment; the train door closed.

I managed to hear him calling my name out, before I hung my head low, not being able to see his face as the train moved.

I stood in place as people slowly cleared out from the place, not able to find the strength to move.

I said the words, I confessed to him, but why does my heart still feel so heavy?

I felt the tears slowly gathering in my eyes once again, chewing on my lower lip. My fingers gathered into a tight fist as I fought the urge to cry. But I wasn’t strong anymore, not without him by my side.

I let out a heavy sigh, closing my eyes shut as a tear escaped my eye, followed by more.

It should be fine to cry now, right?