Some important information, please read. (or not, but then you could end up confused later in the story).

This started out as an idea by my younger sister. I took it and attempted to fix her plotholes and added to it. I dubbed it the Saltines Universe. I got the name "Los Blokeados" for Block B from a YouTube video my sister had shown me, but I don't remember what it was since it was a while ago. Thank you to that person! The story is mainly in English, but I've thrown some Spanglish to aid with the setting (my Spanish skills are lacking, sorry). There isn't anything graphic, but there's a character that gets pretty creative with profanities and insults, so a heads up for that. Oh, I've also written separate stories for each of the members that tell their history before Saltines I (which I'll add after  part I). PS- I at giving stuff names

Also, I should add a note that I don't mean to offend anyone. Anything the characters do is just my poor attempt at humor and me being stupid.

Setting: Saltines I takes place in some corrupt Latin American country (probably Mexico? I was thinking something like a drug cartels and El Chapo when I was writing it, so that's why I gave it this setting) in the year 2023 from July to November.

Main Characters: (and a brief intro)

Minhyuk- goes by Vitamina - He’s the self-described “cold” leader of Los Blokeados. He took over the family business after his parents were jailed after getting busted at a business party of notorious cartel leader El Chapo. His uncle El Chupacabras taught him how to fight from the age of three. He was kicked out of school when he was 12 for beating up his classmate Hwang Kwanghee for not agreeing to punch his own face. Legend says he had an older brother he killed in order to become the heir to the family business and fortune. He hates eating beans and likes to smack people’s butts randomly. When he was younger, he use to graffiti “any armys here xD” all over town. He likes collecting “dank” memes as a pastime and has quite an extensive collection.

Jaehyo - goes by Lonjas - Jaehyo is Vitamina’s younger cousin and the outcast of the family. His parents gave him the nickname Lonjas (meaning “fat rolls”) because he was a super fat baby and they never bothered remembering his actual name. The poor guy can’t seem to do anything right according to everyone who’s ever met him (except for his aunt [Vitamina’s mom] because he’s her favorite). He’s only in Los Blokeados because Vitamina’s mom told Vitamina to let him join, or else she’d beat him up with a chancla and only feed him beans when she broke out of jail. The only thing he might be good at is technology ( maybe a he’s a little smater than what he has others believing). He made fish robots for Nemo to use on missions as an apology gift after he’d gone fishing and Nemo started crying. His favorite song is “Who Let the Dogs Out” Kidz Bop Version.

Taeil - (middle name is Naruto) goes by Nemo - Taeil got his nickname because he’s emo and likes fish. Actually, “like” is an understatement. As a result of his fish passion, he cries when Lonjas goes fishing. He tries to bribe him by saying he’ll buy him a pet and “MacDonnas” as a reward, though he never actually does anything he promises. Nemo can be found listening to heavy metal, J-Rock, or My Chemical Romance; or watching anime alone in the dark and crying during the “sad” parts (like when Itachi gave Sasuke a piggyback ride). He says he identifies with Sasuke, although his dads gave him the middle name of Naruto because they were also weaboos. Even though he’s the smallest member of Los Blokeados, he’s the oldest and pretty buff. He’d be more intimidating if it weren’t for his overuse of cheap eyeliner that’s constantly running from him crying.

Jiho - goes by Juanetes - Unfortunately, he got his nickname after he had to get his big toe amputated after Jaehyo aka Lonjas ran over his foot while he was trying to back the van up out of the driveway and didn’t look in the rear view mirror. He now has a fear of cars backing up (especially when Lonjas is driving the car) and losing the rest of his toes, so he takes extra care of them. He’s Vitamina’s personal bodyguard and has to stay around him all the time, so he isn’t able to play Pokémon Go. He’s probably the closest to Vitamina, so he likes to act like second in command. Since he’s around Vitamina the most, he’s the victim of most of his smackings. He also can’t seem to form a complete sentence without throwing an insult here and there.

Jihoon - goes by 2Pe$os - He works as a taco delivery man as a part time job to pay for his college tuition and living expenses. His parents left to go follow Britney Spears on her world tour. His dad was going to give him ownership of their ranch once he got old, but he declined because his dream is to move out of their tiny town, travel the world, eat tacos, meet AKB48, join a polka band, and own his own tequila factory. He likes driving in his pickup truck and blasting his favorite song Soy De Rancho by El Komander even though it annoys everyone around because no one likes that type of music. He doesn’t have any siblings, so he treats his only cousin like his brother even though they are completely opposite. He got his name because he used two coins in self defense when he thought he was getting mugged.

Kyung - (middle name Obama) goes by El Q.Q - He picks his nose anytime and anywhere and is not ashamed of it. He’ll flick boogers on onto unsuspecting victims intentionally but will say it was an accident. He especially likes to stick his boogers on El Escamyong since he won’t feel. He never learned to use a gun, so he just throws them at people (he’s mastered the skill). His favorite shoes are his neon yellow Spongebob chanclas. He used to live in Canada and the U.S., but he fled after he got arrested for streaking at a Trump rally. He appeared on the show Fugitives of the Law: Los Angeles. One time he heard Juanetes aka Jiho listening to the song “Lean Like A Cholo” and it became his favorite song. He does the dance behind the refrigerator door when he opens it after he checks that no one is looking.

Yukwon - He’s addicted to Starbucks, Snapchat, and Instagram and complains about problems we wish we had. He’s the only son of his billionaire father who gained his fortune by ghostwriting La Chona and Chacarron Macarron. He was a participant in the show Pequeños Gigantes when he was younger (even though he was already too old to be in the show anyway) but was disqualified for laughing when that one girl got dropped on her head while dancing in season 2 and calling her a pleb.  One time he had to block Jay-Z on Instagram because he kept messaging him to hang out, and Kanye for asking him for money. He’s obsessed with watching re-runs of the show Niñas Mal (he says Nina is totes his spirit animal).

Minor characters:

Taeyong as El Escamyong - His story: a kid who liked to scam people online. One time he ended up scamming Vitamina, so Vitamina tracked him and killed him. Nemo thought it’d be cool and “dark” to hang his body as decoration, but Lonjas snitched on him to Vitamina (because who does that, really?) Nemo started crying and was about to beat up Lonjas for snitching, but Lonjas said that he’d make him an Escamyong bot instead if he didn’t beat him up.

Bang SiHyuk (BigHit CEO) as Yukwon's dad (Mr. Kim) - He wrote the songs La Chona and Chacarron Macarron and got super rich because of it.

People mentioned:

Suga as Azucar

Zion T. as 3 Blind Mice

CL as C Eh

Mad Clown as The Mime