Dosirak

SunDae Drabbles (Contest Entries)
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Week 3 Prompt

"I can't take this anymore

I keep getting deeper and deeper

Let me breathe."

- Infinite, "Air"

Length requirement

Length = 250 words, no more, no less

 

                I saw you sitting at the table having already purchased and eaten your lunch and my heart dropped a little.  You know I always bring you a lunchbox.  I sat down across from you and pushed the carefully packed lunch in your direction anyway.  The frown you gave me made my heart drop.

                “You don’t have to keep making these,” you said as you pushed it back towards me.   “I don’t need them.  I can get my own lunch, hyung.”

                “You don’t have to eat it now, but I made it for you, take it to eat later then,” I replied with a small but hopeful smile. I could only sit and watch as you got up and walked away leaving the meal I packed you with so much care, leaving me without a single glance back.

                I let you go, gave you the space you desired.  I didn’t realize that my love had become so smothering to you.  I only watched as you moved on and lived your life without me.  Until the day you knocked on my door.

                I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood there, frozen and unsure.  Then the texts from you started to come through on my phone.

-Please let me in.

-I know you

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Author's Thoughts
SunDaeDreamz
Still going to keep this as completed, but will probably post other drabble contest entries here as well
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Comments

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Foreverins #1
Chapter 4: Trick or treat is my favorite one. It is cute and beautiful
Kasung #2
Chapter 4: Thank u for writing this :") it's so well-written and I finally got something abt ma SunDae :") ❤
LoneShiba #3
Chapter 4: Ah this is 'warm' as contrast to Halloween nor Autumn itself (I consider candy as sweet than warm , lol) which is a good thing after the angst you put me through (the 3rd chap) ;p

I love reading stories about family and also fluffy drabbles (my favorite novel ever is My sister's keeper by Jodi picoult, so yeah I always have a huge thing for family stuff) and since I'm terrible in writing one, it's always a blessing to come across one ;3

Thank you for writing this eonni ♡

Halloween isn't popular in Asia I guess, and i always wish to one day be able to experience the euphoria of it :)

Awww little princess , happy Halloween! And also to sundae too, kkk, I wanna know what kind of Halloween costume would fit sundae, you think? :3

Dae's last sentence got my heart in tears, lol it's so sweet, heartwarming, endearing, lovely...you name it.

It makes me miss my daddy a loooooooot ♡♡♡♡

I love this one, is this the last though?
-Tigress- #4
Chapter 2: I'm so glad to see that you have posted your drabbles up! I am concerned about the negativity you have written towards those who commented on them, that is not really aN encouragement to comment!
but on the good side, I am so happy that you joined and I hope that getting to participate was motivation for you! (I'll tell a secret, there were several people who didn't receive any votes at all, so don't feel so bad! It's all personal preference, not a reflection on your writing prowess).
-Yuan- #5
Chapter 1: as mentioned before I seriously love love love the first drabble.
I don't even know
why i just found it fluffy but not to mushy and a
cute and nice read
-Yuan- #6
Chapter 2: i personally loved the teligion put in, because yes it is for some people a big deal especially very believing people somthis made sense.
I also was funnily the one who wrote that about the note
and i admit daesung is cheesy somit matches to him but I didn't know it was daesung and there fore it didn't match to
the character i imagined to the drabble.

i think that the pro and cons of making the drabble open and no named like it mah atract more people
because of biases but on the other hand because of own imagination may vonflict with yours.

i found this one one of the most poetic of your four drabbles my favourite so far was the first one though it was so sweet and cute and made me really happy while reading it.

Please don't misunderstand my critism I didn't mean to out it there to make your drable bad but inspiere you to get better. what could be an issue in other peoples eyes that doesn't mean you weren't right but sometimes it's helpful
to know why people didn't vote and took another one instead right?
-Yuan- #7
Chapter 3: Sorry the stretching text comment was from me.
I totally understand that you wanted to show Daesung true heart. But for a drabble it isn't necessary to be that detailed if you have a more important part that needs to be in. Then it would have been more then enough tomjust go with 'I'm sorry but I still love you, can we talk?' or something along the line.

However in case it didn't came across in my last comment this really gives of the feeling of suffocating. Anticipating of someone you love just to be punched by hsi action and lost of air to breath. and I loved that it wasn't so dark but had an oppen happy end

i also know i told in my last comment to not let him
in. How ever reading it with the alternative ending i liked it too.

I think it might have been better if you would have used names because it's easier to imagine the feeling of people we can imagine, BUT i understand why you didn't.
as people might be biased else

anyway you are a good author on the way of getting better and better with each drabble and story.
Please don't give up :)
ca_eire #8
Chapter 1: Please, never think that your writing , you just happen to write about a couple that is not very popular. I've always wondered if Bae is not yet in a relationship, maybe pairings with him in it would be more popular than they are now.
LoneShiba #9
Chapter 3: Ah angst, ><
And the open ending, I need to breathe first.
Okay, here's the comment.
I didn't see it coming, actually, I thought the drabbles will be sweet and fluffy or hurt/comfort, so I was kinda taken aback by this one lol.
Seems like dae is suffocating from the attention from his hyung...but eventually missed it once he went away. gosh, love is so complicated we often didn't realize we need someone until he's gone...right,
I was in this position and I honestly dont know if I want Youngbae to take him back since it hurts a lot to be rejected in the first place especially about loving.
But if he takes him back, at least this time I want dae to give as much attention to Youngbae too, he better does.

Keep writing eonni, I love your drabbles ♡
Thank you for writing ♡

AND SORRY FOR RAMBLING AND LONG COMMENTS GOSH. can't stop myself pffft
LoneShiba #10
Chapter 2: Honestly, I love drabbles that don't mention characters. It gives us option to choose which is which like that. Not that I don't like sundae, really, I mean this is my thought for general, even for todae stuff. I love it when the author doesn't really mention characters, but instead explaining feelings and other stuff. I just kinda have a thing for mystery (lol) and the art of drowning in something thats a little unclear, undefined.
Okay, this might confuse you a bit.
Anyway, this one is sweet ♡ its like putting me in youngbae's shoes and qalking through his life, his feeling for dae, his fears and hopes, and also his happiness in the end. It's so sweet but in a lovely way that makes me awwwww-ing after reading.

Oh and yes, religion thing can be a hot topic, but i guess recently people are more open minded. Me personally, didn't really think a lot about this kind of stuff. I don't mind at all, tbh. Love is love ^-^

Thank you for the lovely drabble eonni ♡
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