Once upon a time, Yerim fell in love with a boy. He was one of her year’s heartthrobs; he sings, he plays soccer, he has charming eyes, and she could go on with the list. He has an aura about himself that made people attracted to him and she was amongst those who were caught in his charms.

She wasn’t sure if she did fell in love, but she once read that if your crush has exceeded four months then you’re considered in love. And she really thought she did. Honestly, it was more of a puppy love (because it happened throughout freshman year), but it was one of her earliest memories of having her heart broken.

Goo Junhoe is someone that you’d call “wickedly handsome”, and he seems aware of that. He could be arrogant and cocky (which sometimes he is, unintentionally) but he’s not. Yerim likes to admire him from two seats to his left. That's it; their only interaction outside of class is saying hello whenever they pass by each other.

So it surprised Yerim when Junhoe asks her if she’s free this Saturday night because he wanted to go to the cinema with her. A few dates after, he asks her if she would like to be his girlfriend. She couldn’t say no, even if she wanted to. But she didn’t want to say no.

He’s not exactly boyfriend material but at that time he’s all that she wants and just having him by her side was enough. He is not romantic, but that’s fine because his smiles and late night calls were enough. They only had one picture that’s decent enough for public to see but it was enough; she didn’t need a lot of pictures together to prove that they’re an item.

At month 6, he slowly drifted away.

He stopped responding to her messages, and eventually stopped talking altogether. Yerim was sad at first because she never felt that she said anything that hurt his heart. But as time goes by, she learned to live with that pain. She still scrolls through her texts and sometimes stopped at the sight of his name and the last text he sent her, but she tried to no longer care why did he stop talking to her. She stopped caring about him either.

But one day, she found out the reason he becomes so distant, so ignorant. That was when she started realizing all the meanings behind his less-than-frequent texts and his gestures. Yerim didn’t know if she was the one who was too sensitive or he actually meant to drop hints, but she got the message. He is bored of their relationship.

They broke up after eight months of the relationship. This is her first heartbreak; it stung and it consumed her for a few months after that. She’s so heartbroken that she closed off any chances of herself falling for another person, in fear of repeating the same thing.

So, who is Jeon Jeongguk?

At first, he was no one. A mere stranger. But then he smiles at her and her world turned upside down. All he did was smile, but it made her feel things she didn't know she could feel, do things she didn't know she could do. Her wounds are still there, but the sight of him made it bearable.

Yerim would never say this out loud, but Jeongguk is the reason she is motivated to be the best version of herself.

Maybe it’s because she has such a strong wish to be noticed by him, but it succeeds in making her push herself to do more, to do better. She understands that she is not good-looking enough to make him become aware of her. And she’s fine (okay, not so much, but she can’t really complain, can she?) about it. It just means she has to make him notice her by other things.

(her self-confidence hasn’t always been this bad. but admitting being Junhoe’s ex and seeing the shock on people’s face when they realized she’s telling the truth is scarring, to be honest.)

That is where her love for dancing comes in.

No, she didn’t join dance because he was in it and she wanted to impress him. In fact, she genuinely forgot that he is a member if not for Hoseok mentioning him. Instead, what she had in mind was: if I can do something that I love and being good at it, maybe he’ll notice me.

But it turns out, as time goes by, her objective is no longer to be noticed by Jeongguk. Achieving the goal might bring happiness, but it doesn’t mean along the way to reach the goal itself you can’t be happy. It’s not supposed to bring her instant joy, but instead, she brings joy to herself.

She feels liberated when dancing. No restraint, no limitations. Isn’t that what dancing is about, though? To experience no restrictions, including from your own body.

Then, what is Jeon Jeongguk’s role in this story?

Everything.

Yerim’s feelings for Jeongguk are—to put it simple—strong. It’s overwhelming, massive, and suffocating but at the same time, it feels right.

In her sixteen years of living on earth, never has she felt something as intense as this one. At first, before they know each other, it feels like an incessant thrum of curiosity tugging at the back of her head, urging her to know him better, or just to know him at all. It’s like the first couple of seconds on a rollercoaster as the cart climbs slowly up the lift hill and you’re building up the strength to scream and you’re wondering if you can’t turn around now.

The time she starts to know him, the exhilaration takes over. Now that she actually has a chance to be with him, it’s becoming even more exciting. Feels similar to reaching an anticipated place and you can’t stop yourself from bouncing your legs continuously because you can’t wait to see what happens next.

Knowing him a few months after that brings contentment. The proximity between them is now unquestionable, where fleeting touches and spared glances are often exchanged. She is comfortable with not only the idea of Jeongguk but also with Jeongguk himself.

At this moment, Yerim doesn’t want to think about chances and possibilities of being with Jeongguk anymore. She just wants to be at this moment.

Jeongguk has never been so accustomed to the idea of love. What is love, exactly? Why do they have to be declared? Why are people in love with someone one day and the next they’re suddenly not? How is it sensible?

Sure, he tried dating, he had had girlfriends before. But they’re exactly just that. Just dating. Just girlfriend. He supposed his exes are nice and tolerable, and he is sure that was his reason to date them. Because they’re nice, not because he feels love.

His parents are in love, yet he still can’t grasp the concept of love itself. He thinks that it’s because they have found each other, but he hasn’t, so maybe his person is still out there somewhere. He’s in high school, he still has plenty of time to find her, and the idea of ‘the one’ just shuffled itself into the back of his mind.

Staying put has never been Jeongguk’s thing. He is someone who needs to keep moving to function and he is a man of various interests. He likes playing basketball, likes playing video games, likes dancing, and even though studying is the least thing he likes, he’s still outstandingly smart.

When he first entered high school, his reputation for being head of the committee of his year’s farewell party was heard by his seniors. With an interview and a few tasks, he’s elected to be one of the new members of Student Council.

Jeongguk is a man of reason who prefers logic. This makes him quite a perfectionist and a realist. Which is why he is a favored member of the Student Council itself, because he likes things practical and efficient as opposed to decorative.

But it's different with dancing. He may be excellent in terms of technique, his movements perfectly executed and clearly defined, but there's something off about it. Like it's missing something. His dance is visually pleasing but it doesn't move people, doesn't make people feel.

His seniors like to say he lacks feelings. He thinks it's true to an extent; he does struggle with expressing his emotions sometimes.

And what does Kim Yerim have to do with this?

All that matters.

The first time he saw her dance, he wasn’t sure what to think.  She doesn’t lock her movements; they’re not sharp enough and not quite steady. But there’s something about her dance that makes him can’t look away. He can’t quite pinpoint what it is.

When he slipped up that one time he drove her to Jin-hyung’s event, he cursed himself. He wasn’t supposed to be there, he really did have an errand to do but he managed to sneak a peek into the dance studio for a minute before he got going. Thanks to his perfect timing, it was her turn.

As time goes by, he noticed one thing. Yerim’s techniques aren’t perfect, that part is true. It’s just that she has something that he doesn’t; she pours emotion to her every motion. She’s not mesmerizing because her skills are outstanding but because she lets herself lost in her routine.

Which is ironic, since Jeongguk is completely contrasting to that. He has perfect techniques and skills and so on and so far but he’s plain. How are you going to make people feel if you can’t feel it yourself?

So he pays attention closely to her. He wants to know her, how is she in real life, how does that reflect on her dance. He just never considers the possibility of him catching feelings for her.

Because Kim Yerim is a magnet the opposite of his pole and pulls him closer with every step he took towards her.
He falls slowly but he fell right in from the very first moment they spoke to each other. She’s pleasant to be around; he’d give her that. But at that time he only thinks, so he doesn’t really do anything about it.

(that’s not true, he begs Hoseok to persuade Namjoon to let her stay. he’s whipped from the very beginning, he just didn’t know. and then Seulgi gives him that cryptic advice about being okay to have a crush and everything goes down hill from there.)

Being around her is easy, every inch of her screams sunshine and rainbows and warmth. He found himself craving her presence every time they’re not together. Even mundane activities with her feels exciting, just because it’s with her. He still doesn’t realize that he’s falling for her, he just thought it’s because she’s fun that he misses her. Nothing else.

Nothing else soon turns into late night conversation and the occasional video calls. The sight of her name on his screen makes his heart pump in both excitement and nervousness and he slowly likes the feeling, liking how she made him feel. He completely forgets the fact that this kind of thing is highly irrational and unreasonable to the point he impulsively calls her when she told him she won that debate competition.

And he was utterly caught off guard when she asked him why did he call just to congratulate her. Since he is panicked, he told her the truth: he just wanted to hear her voice. Hearing the surprised joy in her voice was relieving.

He thinks he’s got a good understanding on what love is. It’s doesn’t have to be grand, it doesn’t have to make sense, but it’s a lot like taking shower after a long day. The warm water splashes onto his skin the way warmth makes its way into his heart, comfortable and relaxing.

At the same time it’s a lot like performing on stage, the audience and the lighting and the heat of the stage making his insides burn like there’s no tomorrow. The thrilling pleasure flooding his veins like fire and he can stay this way until his time is up.

Right now, Jeongguk wants nothing more than to pull Yerim into his arms, wrapping around her protectively and her head buried to his chest. He just hopes she wants the same thing too.