Yifan walked into the waiting room and sat on one of the comfy couches as he typed away on his phone. He had done his performance, and now he was just sitting down, waiting for his manager to give him the go ahead to once again emerge and take his seat amidst the other celebrities who were invited to the awards show tonight. He wasn’t in a particular rush to go back and mingle with the audience, he liked the peaceful lounge, it was a break from the constant screams of several fans and the conversations of those around him. He ran his fingers through his brown locks, slightly ruining his styled hair. It’s not like he’d be up on stage anymore, so he’s not too conscious about messing with it. He can almost hear his hair stylist nag about how long it takes her to fix his hair.

Just then he hears someone come in from one of the doors, it’s one of the stage workers. Yifan gives her a polite smile and he goes back to typing away on his device. There’s so much commotion going on in twitter, but Yifan can’t bring himself to open up the app. He knows what the excitement is about or rather who it is about. All he’s willing to acknowledge is that he’s apart of it. Well, rather him and someone else, someone he doesn’t want to talk about. Several people go in and out of the lounge, but Yifan is too preoccupied with his thoughts to acknowledge them anymore.

Does Tao know I’m here?

Has he read what everyone is saying about the both of us showing up at the same event?

He can’t help but let those thoughts run through his mind. But the younger male should know Yifan is here. Every guest is given an elegant brochure, providing them with the list of performances and names of the celebrities who are attending the show. So he must know, unless he didn’t bother with reading the thing, something Yifan was guilty of doing. But Yifan didn’t have to read the brochure to know Tao was going to show up too.

Yifan is brought out of his revere when he spots two other stage workers who’ve entered the lounge.

“He’s still in there?”

Yifan initially thought they were talking about him still being in here, but they don’t even seem to notice he’s there.

“Yeah, poor kid. I think it’s stage freight or something,” he hears one of them say, but Yifan doesn’t pay them any mind as he goes back to texting.

“No, that’s impossible. He was apart of Exo, he should be used to that by now.”

Yifan halts as his finger hover above the keyboard. His eyes are still on his device, but he’s listening to their conversation. They don’t even seem to notice him, that or they’re just ignoring his presence; Yifan thinks it’s the later, seeing as how people don’t bring up the topic of Zitao in front of him, almost as if uttering the younger male’s name will burn Yifan.

“I don’t know then. He’s in complete break down though, don’t even think he can perform next if he continues like how he is now.”

They’re talking about Tao.

Tao is having a break down.

Apart of Yifan wants to pretend that he hasn’t overheard their conversation. Apart of him just wants to walk out unnoticed and join the crowd outside, pretend like he doesn’t care what’s happening, but he does. He does and he knows he can’t just leave, he knows that he won’t leave. Without any further thought, Yifan arises from the couch, approaching the two unsuspecting workers who are going through the snacks facing away from him. He clears his throat to let his presence be known. One of the workers, a rather short woman jumps in surprise, quickly turning on her heel to face him. Meanwhile the other worker turns around calmly.

“O-oh we didn’t know you were here, we’re sorry,” says the shorter one as she bows. He feels like she’s apologizing for talking about Tao in front of him rather then ignoring his presence. The other woman calmly turns around, not fazed by his presence.

“Where is he?” Yifan asks. The shorter one stares at him in shock, thinking about whether she should disclose the information to him.

“Um I-I don’t think it wo-”

“Down the hall, two doors down to the left. It’ll have his name on the door,” says the other female with a steady gaze.

Yifan nods and turns around, heading out of the room as he shoves his phone into his back pocket. He heads out the door, but not before overhearing their hushed whispers.

“You brought us here on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Someone has to calm him down.”

Yifan passes the various doors, looking through the name plates as he searches for the one door that holds someone who used to be very dear to him. Deep down, he knows Tao is still special to him, but it’s too soon for Yifan to fully accept it.

He hears a frantic sound come from on of the rooms. “Zitao, I need you to calm down.”

Before he knows it, he’s right in front of Zitao’s dressing room. There’s still time for him to walk away. He can still pretend he hadn’t over heard anything, that Tao isn’t having a breakdown, but as his will would have it, he still reaches for the door knob. He can hear the muffled sobs coming from the younger.

“We’re not ready yet,” the manager says as he tries to calm down a shaken Tao. He doesn’t spare a glance at the door, completely unaware of who stepped in.

Yifan can see Tao’s body backed up on the farthest corner of the room, his knees brought up to his chest, with his arms wrapping himself up. He looks as if he’s trying to protect himself from an outside predator when it’s only just him, his manager, and Yifan.

Yifan waits for an indication for him to step further inside. He’s feels awkward just standing, but what did he expect? He’s not Tao’s leader anymore. He can’t just barge into his room, move Tao into his arm, and hold him close as he whispers sweet nothings into the younger’s ear. He’s not Kris of Exo anymore. He’s just Yifan, someone Tao used to know.

Yifan clears his throat, this time effectively managing to capture the manager’s attention.

“I don’t think he’ll be-” The words die down from the manager’s mouth. There’s question in the manager’s eyes. But he doesn’t verbalize anything as he stops trying to comfort a still weeping Tao. Tao doesn’t even seem to notice the presence of a third person in the room.

“It’s never been this bad before. I don’t know what to do,” the manager whispers as Yifan nods in understanding. He knows perfectly well what’s happening. Yifan is no stranger to Tao’s breakdowns. And Judging from the unlocked device layed carelessly on the floor and the all too familiar twitter screen, Yifan knows Tao’s been reading what the fans have to saw. Yifan walks further into the room, picking up the device as he hears the manager leave the room, closing the door behind him. It’s just him and Tao now.

Yifan reads the last tweet Tao had probably read before breaking down. It’s a pretty nasty remark.

Can’t believe Tao is going to see Yifan today. After all he said, I hope Kris ignores him all night. He deserves the cold shoulder

Yifan sighs as he puts the phone down. “Tao,” he whispers, putting a hand on the brunet’s shoulder. Almost instantly, he hears the sobs die down, Yifan can feel Tao’s shoulder become tense as the younger lifts his head all too carefully.

“Geg- Y-yifan?” Tao corrects himself. Tears well up in the younger eyes and Yifan pulls him into a tight hug. This reminds him of the old times, when he used to comfort Tao when the younger was feeling down, how he would kiss the younger’s temple and tell him everything was going to be okay because Yifan was here, and Yifan would do anything to soothe him, just like he was doing right now.

He can feel the tight grip Tao has on his neck, how Tao’s breath caresses the crook of his neck.

“Why would you read them if you know how sensitive you are?”

“I-I couldn’t h-help it.”

The dressing room is engulfed in silence, neither of the two speaking. Yifan knows how sensitive Tao can be, he’s seen how hurt the younger can become if anything remotely negative is directed towards him. His heart breaks at the sight. Zitao had always been precious to him, always been close to him, Yifan being the only person who can every truly calm him down and make him happy again. He doesn’t know if he can continue with that, but at this moment he’ll try.

Minutes pass by, and there’s still a pregnant silence surrounding the two. Yifan can hear Tao’s sobs slowly dying out. He presses one final kiss on the younger boy’s temple as Tao slowly pulls his tear stricken face away from Yifan’s chest.

“Y-yifan.”

Yifan knows what’s coming. He knows Tao has always wanted to make things right between them. And Yifan wants to as well, but he can’t. Tao’s words hurt him too much that a simple attempt just won’t do it anymore. His words ran too deep, they cut Yifan too far for that to happen.

“Yifan, I-”

“I can’t forgive you,” he cuts in.

“But, I-I I’m sorry, I was angry. I was hurt. You had just left, and you didn’t even tell us, you didn’t even tell me why? but I understand now. Yifan, please,” Tao pleaded. Fresh tears threatening to spill out.

“I can’t,” Yifan repeated.

Tao cried silently. He was sitting besides Yifan, both of their backs to the wall. Tao looked dejected, but at least he wasn’t flat out breaking down again. He had significantly calmed down.

“Why? If you can’t forgive me, why come now?” Tao asks in a small voice, barley above a whisper.

“I don’t know… I just-”

Just then the door opens “Your manager is looking for you,” interrupts Tao’s manager. Yifan turns to look at Tao, but he doesn’t catch the other eyes. Tao is looking at his lap, his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. There’s nothing more for Yifan to do or for him to say. He rises and heads out the door.

“You just what?” he hears Tao question right before he can leave. Yifan was trying to answer that question too. Why had he come? Why after all this time had hecome back and comforted Tao when he was supposed to be angry. Why?

“I just… I just don’t know.” And he leaves. He leaves Tao to his manager and he goes to look for his own. Yifan manages to find his manager and he’s given the go ahead to be seated outside again.

The rest of the night is all but a blur to him. He remembers clearly Tao’s performance. He could see the pain on the younger’s eyes, the plead of forgiveness that he silently asked as he looked over at yifan’s side of the audience. And now, as Yifan heads home, he comes to think that he wants to forgive Tao, he really does. Maybe by coming to him today, by comforting him again, it shows that he already has, he just needs to accept it. Today though he finds that he just can’t.