"In my memory, I can erase your voice. In my memory, at least I have a choice." - Memory, FT Island

Flashbacks of the day swarmed Seokjin’s mind as the rain fell around him and the thunder rolled.  He recalled how happy he had been, laughing in the autumn sun.  He reminisced the warmth of Namjoon’s hand curled around his, protective yet gentle, swinging them together as they walked around the city, oblivious to the staring eyes of passersby.  He remembered the warmth of Namjoon’s voice as he confessed words of love in Seokjin’s ear.

 

All that that had happened only hours earlier now seemed like a distant memory as he thudded up the outdoor stairs of his apartment building, trying desperately to escape the voice hollering after him, the voice that once caressed his very soul.  He just wished the rain would drown Namjoon out, wash him away.

 

“Seokjin! Stop, just talk to me!” Namjoon yelled, his footsteps catching up to Seokjin’s own.

 

“No!” Seokjin cried, not even bothering to look back, his tears now falling as fast as the rain. 

 

“Seokjin, please! I can fix this,” Namjoon pleaded as he ran up the stairs, no matter how bad his legs were hurting from lack of exercise.  Seokjin was worth it.

 

“Just leave me alone, Namjoon! You can’t fix me,” Seokjin screamed.  "Let's just pretend that we never happened!"

 

Seokjin gathered his breath as he kept running, cursing himself for choosing to live on the seventh floor of a building with no elevator.  He glanced at the sign at the top of the staircase.  Fifth floor.  Only two more to go and he could lock the door, and shut Namjoon out until he finally just gave up and left.

 

“I don’t want to fix you, I’m not going to leave you, Seokjin," Namjoon screamed, gaining on Seokjin.  "I can't just pretend we never happened! You are all I have! I love you, I want to spend my forever with you!"

 

“No, you don’t!” Seokjin shook his head. Almost there…

 

“Yes, I do.  Dammit, Seokjin, listen to me,” Namjoon demanded, his hand clamping down on Seokjin’s shoulder, finally catching him.

 

“Oh my God, just off!” Seokjin growled, shaking Namjoon off and turning around just in time to see Namjoon lose his balance on the staircase slick with rain and go tumbling backwards down from the top of the sixth-floor staircase to the bottom of it.

 

“Namjoon!” Seokjin screamed, pulling out his cellphone to dial the emergency line as he ran down the staircase.  He reached the bottom, reached his boyfriend, sinking to his knees as he saw the blood from the fall being washed away by the falling rain.  He shakily held his phone up to his lips, sobbing out a report to the emergency line, before he hung up and cradled Namjoon’s unconscious head in his hands, moving it to rest in his lap, holding his hand until the ambulances came.

 

-

 

At 3: 57 in the morning, Seokjin found himself sitting in a hospital room in a chair right next to a sleeping Namjoon, wringing his hands and worrying himself to death.  The hospital was cold and blank white, stark in contrast to the blood that stained Seokjin’s jeans.  All the man could do was alternate his stares from his own jeans, to his own hands, to Namjoon’s pale, pale face, and back to his jeans again.  The tears threatened to fall again, causing Seokjin to wonder how his tears weren’t all dried up at this point. 

 

Seokjin mostly passed the minutes alone, save for the nurses that filed in from time to time, checking on Namjoon’s vitals and offering Seokjin blankets and coffee, which he gladly accepted.

 

It wasn’t until an hour later that loud, familiar footsteps pounded into the room, followed by quieter, much more considerate footsteps.

 

“Hey, Seokjin-,” came a voice, which was promptly cut off by a hand over the mouth of the owner of the voice, causing Seokjin to return to reality from his thoughts, turning around to look at the new visitors.

 

“Taehyung, you idiot, be quieter.  We’re in a hospital,” Hoseok, owner of the flower shop that Namjoon worked at, scolded the younger male before removing his hand from his mouth “Sorry,” Taehyung, Namjoon’s roommate and coworker, shrugged, much quieter this time, while wiping his mouth off.

 

“Hey, guys,” Seokjin tried to offer a small smile to the pair, but he didn’t have it in him.

 

“How is he?  “We came as quickly as we could once we heard about his fall,” Hoseok said, coming to stand next to Seokjin, placing a comforting hand on his shoulders.

 

“He’s been asleep for a while now, about six hours or so.  The doctors say he should wake up anytime now,” Seokjin’s voice shook as he spoke, and Taehyung sat down next to him, holding his hand to offer comfort.

 

“We’ll stay here with you until he wakes up, hyung,” Taehyung offered, smiling reassuringly.

 

“Thanks, guys,” Seokjin nodded before furrowing his brows, turning so that he could look at the both of them at the same time.  “Hey, I need you two to promise me something.”

 

“Sure, hyung, what is it?” Hoseok asked, growing more concerned than he already was.

 

“The doctor, he said that when Joon wakes up, he… he may not remember some things.  If I’m one of those things that he can’t remember, then please, don’t tell him about me.  He needs to forget about me.  He can do so much better than me, he deserves better,” Seokjin said, his voice breaking as the tears spilled over.

 

“Seokjin, that’s crazy.  We can’t agree to that!” Taehyung said as he wrapped his arms around the older male, pulling him into a hug to shield him from his suffering.

 

“Please,” Seokjin begged, not bothering to pull away from Taehyung’s shoulders, his voice muffled.  “Namjoon deserves a normal life, there’s no way he can be happy with me for the rest of his life.  He deserves so much more.  We have to pretend that we never happened.”

 

“Seokjin-,” Hoseok began.

 

“Please,” Seokjin choked out.

 

Hoseok breathed a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose before speaking. “Fine, it’s your life.  I just hope you can find it in you to tell him yourself.  You’re his destiny, whether you believe it or not,” he said, and Seokjin swore he could see disappointment in Hoseok’s eyes for the first time in the many years he had known him.

 

And it shook him to his core.

 

-

 

A little after daybreak, Namjoon’s eyes began to flutter open and his hand began to move.  Seokjin stood immediately, pushing Hoseok to sit in the chair he was sitting in before going to alert the nurses.  He slunk back into the room after the head nurse rushed in with the doctor following her, checking Namjoon’s vitals and helping him sit up and take in his surroundings.

 

“Where am I?” he looked around the room, at the nurse and doctor, at Hoseok and Taehyung, and finally at Seokjin hiding in a corner of the room.  “And why does my head hurt?”

 

“You’re in the hospital.  You had quite the slip and fall, buddy,” the doctor answered his questions.  “Do you know your name?”

 

Namjoon thought about for a moment, popping his knuckles before answering.  “I’m Kim Namjoon.”

 

The doctor nodded and asked another question.  “Do you know how old you are?”

 

“I’m twenty-three,” Namjoon answered quickly, and the doctor nodded again.

 

“Do you know these guys?” he asked, gesturing to Hoseok and Taehyung.

 

“That’s Hoseok, and that’s Taehyung.  We work together,” Namjoon answered, pointing to each man as he said their name.

 

“Very good,” the doctor spoke, pleased with Namjoon’s condition, telling him he would be discharged later in the day before walking out of the room to tend to his other patients. 

 

After the doctor and the nurse were gone, Hoseok and Taehyung gave Namjoon very gentle hugs, staying by his side while Seokjin continued to blend into the corner he was standing in.

 

“How do you feel?” Hoseok asked.

 

“My head hurts.  What happened to me?” Namjoon frowned.

 

“Uhh,” Taehyung began.

 

“You fell.  Slipped in the rain,” Hoseok finished, shooting Taehyung a look.

 

“Oh.  That sounds like something I’d do,” Namjoon shrugged and looked around the room again before noticing Seokjin’s figure standing in the background. He lifted his hand and pointed a finger at Seokjin, opening his mouth to let the inevitable words that Seokjin was dreading slip out of his mouth:

 

“Hey, Hoseok, who’s that?”