The day has been too long and too tiring and ChangKyun volunteers to do the dishes after an extremely quiet, late dinner. Some of them refused to eat even tho they had been living on coffee and vitamin drinks for the whole day, some weren’t able to swallow a single bite and and just pushed lettuce around the plate. Yet all seven had to be there - around the portable table in the middle of the living room. It was probably one of the most quiet evening they had had since debut. It wasn’t necessarily bad, just heavy for the heart as all of them had something to think about and ChangKyun is still thinking, plotting even, on how to help, how to reassure.

Slow steps echo ominously around the empty kitchen and a pair of ridiculously strong arms wrap around ChangKyun’s shoulders, pulling his back flat against as ludicrously strong chest. A chin rests on his shoulder and he can feel still damp, fresh from the shower hair tingling his cheek and neck, deep silver and blue can be seen from the corner of his eyes. It’s comfortable and warm - a hug safer than brick walls and titanium doors, provided by a wounded heart.

For a moment there’s nothing more but comfortable silence, ChangKyun’s hands still soaking in the soapy water in the sink. They stand there as if it’s perfectly normal and the time is stopped for a moment before the man behind him finally speaks.

“You know I didn’t say more only because I ran out of time, right?” he asks and ChangKyun let’s out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He wants to move and get a towel to dry his hands, but he’s being held in place by the embrace.

“I could have said more. I can say more. It’s not like I can say a lot only about Hyunwoo and Minhyuk or others. I can say as much and more about you too,” the silver-hair speaks with deeply rooted regret in his voice. “I simply ran out of time,” he ads so quietly ChangKyun barely hears it even tho the speaker's lips are just few centimeter from his ear.

“I know, hyung. Don’t worry,” ChangKyun replies and tries to move again but he is stubbornly being kept in place.

“No, you don’t,” the older one shakes his head. “I’m thankful for you being here. For looking after other’s, me as well, even though you are the youngest. I’m thankful you don’t take our teasing seriously and can laugh about it. I’m thankful you joined our team, because we wouldn’t be who we are now if you weren’t with us. I’m thankful you stuck through the rough beginning and I am so sorry I couldn’t help you more then nor can I help you more now as I should,” he pours his heart out the same way as he did earlier at the radio, his voice starting to shake again. “I know it wasn’t easy back then and it’s not easy now. From the very beginning you were a little different from us and instead of us changing for you, you changed for us. I could have done more. I could have been on your side more, like you are so often on my side now,” he speaks quietly to keep his voice under control and ChangKyun grips at the edge of the sink, flashbacks washing over him in waves. No. Not now. His past was nothing. The man falling apart behind him was the main concern now even though in all honestly, a break down wasn’t a surprise to anyone.

The packed schedules, the nasty cold he was still sporting, helping his mom with the cafe, not skipping a single gym day and still practicing his vocals to not let anyone down all summed up. He was nearing a breaking point and no one knew exactly when it would come, but today the final string was cut, his poorly mended together heart bursting open. The whole evening ChangKyun was plotting how to sew at least a part of if back in place, as he knew others were thinking of the same thing. Now he head to improvise and maybe tear his own soul open a little bit.

He is finally able to move out of the embrace enough to quickly dry his hands. He doesn’t waste a second and turns to the man behind him, meeting to glossy chestnut brown eyes, damp blue and silver bangs partly covering them. He didn’t look like the cool hyung he tried to be, but more like a puppy lost in a storm - frightened and drenched to the last fiber of his soul.

ChangKyun is a centimeter or a few shorter, but that doesn’t stop him to pull his hyung close. The arms clad in grey fabric of the few sizes too big hoodie wrap around ChangKyun’s middle and the older one hides his face against the curve of ChangKyun’s neck. The latter rests his cheek against the still wet silver hair and squeezes the broader male as tightly as he can.

“I knew it all,” this time ChangKyun is the one who speaks. “And neither I nor the others need words to know, how much we mean to you, Hoseokie hyung,” ChangKyun rarely uses terms of endearment, but now they weren’t just cute talk. “We can tell it by your actions, by the simple way of how you look at us. We know it as deeply in our hearts as you feel it and I a genuinely speaking for all of us and myself especially - we are thankful to have you .” he feels the arms around him tightening and he wishes he would have more strength to hold the other male closer.

“Hyungwon said it - we can learn a lot from you, the list is endless. We look up to your hard work and ability to smile even when it’s clear your tired or in pain. There wouldn’t be Monsta X without you, and you need understand that,” he places his hands on the soft cheeks of the grown man hiding against him like a little child and makes him to look up, “You are our core. The center piece that holds us together, that helps and inspires. And even though you might think you don’t gives us enough, you have already handed out your heart out to us - piece by piece - so selflessly until there’s only a little bit left for yourself, desperately trying to contain all the joy and sadness that’s unavoidable,” ChangKyun feels how is ripping a piece of his own heart out. It hurts, to put it all in words, to become vulnerable, but the man before him has done far too many times without receiving anything in return. Now… now ChangKyun could give him a piece of himself in return.

“We know,” ChangKyun’s own voice breaks as he can see hundreds of emotions dancing in the watery chestnut brown eyes looking at him. “And we want for you to know how much we love you and how much we need you. Please, don’t deny it,” there is a weak nod and ChangKyun swallows back the lump in his throat before he pulls the sad looking man closer again. Such affection was something new for him few years ago but he learned, he changed and largely thanks to the man who was breathing unevenly and deeply in his arms to keep himself together.

“I’m thankful for you being you, hyung,” ChangKyun whispers, “and I don’t want you to change. I don’t want you to become cooler and manlier. I don’t want you to lock up all you feel just to impress those who do not matter. I want you to stay like this - to recklessly give out your heart with smile on your face. I just wish you would accept mine in return”

They stay like this in the middle in the kitchen. They don’t say anything else, both of their hearts ripped open. This the hundredth time Hoseok’s heart bleeds - the first one for ChangKyun, but both are worth it - be it the thousandth or the first time.