[8th February 2016]

I sat down with a thud and sighed as I placed my Venti sized paper cup on whatever space I could find on my desk. “Coffee again?” asked a voice as it passed behind my seat to the cubicle next to mine, greeting the rest of our neighbours with only polite ‘good mornings’ since they were both new to the department.

“I keep telling you - it’s earl grey tea,” I grumbled, unreasonably annoyed.

“Well my humblest apologies, fair lady, for my insolent assumption,” countered Finn in a horrible attempt at a British accent as he arranged the stash of snacks which he probably just stole from the pantry.

“You do know tea has more caffeine than coffee, right?” he continued, leaning back in his wheeled chair to cast a pointed look at me.

“Stop nagging so early in the morning, old man.”

“Oh and you think you’re so young? All the coffee and tea you drink is probably halving your lifespa- oh look, you got another one today.”

I cocked an eyebrow at Finn’s interrupted speech and turned my head in the direction he was nodding his head to. With a barely interested grunt in reply, I picked up the cookie placed on the stack of books on my desk. Perhaps I had not noticed it when I first walked in because I had been too preoccupied with my thoughts.

Or perhaps because it had been going on for so long, I had gotten used to it - expecting it to be there. As though it belonged there just as much as the haphazardly arranged files, books and documents that covered almost every inch of my table, leaving only the smallest space for my laptop and mug.

I turned the pack around, noting the design on the transparent packaging. The day before it had been cute red roses, that day it was little yellow chicks. Eyeing the circle treat, I wondered for the umpteenth time who had placed it on my desk.

“If you don't want it you can just give it to me, you know~”

I stuck my tongue out at Finn as I shoved the cookie into my bag and turned my laptop on, ready to get to work. He was babbling on about how it was soon going to be the 14th and he didn’t even have a date much less a secret admirer to make him chocolates or give him cookies and I simply nodded noncommittally in reply.

I had more important things to worry about, like the article I had to submit by that night. Being chief editor for our firm was proving to be the hardest during occasions like these - romantic holidays where I had to act happy writing up and reviewing chummy “What should you and your partner do this Valentine’s?” articles when all I was actually going to do was sit in front of the TV back at home, alone, with an extra-large bowl of homemade caramel popcorn and ice cream on the side.

-~-

“Bye, see you tomorrow!” Finn was happily shrugging into his coat as he waved at everyone in the office from his tiny cubicle as though he was some superstar. My eyes were still glued to my screen since I got back from our lunch break earlier. A pair of hands suddenly gripped my shoulders but I was too concentrated on my work to feel shocked. I rolled my shoulders back, peeved.

“Get going already, Finn,” I shooed him away with my left hand. He tried to coax me out of my seat, complaining that it had been so long since we last walked home together. I turned my head to him, pulling my eyes away from my screen for just a moment before continuing my work.

“Stop being such a baby and go home on your own. I need to finish up my work. Besides, you can always drop by my place if you really want to see my face that much.”

“No thanks, man. Go to your place? I don’t wanna get killed by Zi- I mean, come on, it’d be nice to walk back together with my neighbour, right?”

I was no longer listening to him by then and just waved him off dismissively, “Sure, sure whatever. Some other time, okay? I really need to catch this deadline.”

He huffed as he walked off, acting upset for just a few seconds before sashaying away, his bubbly voice chorusing down the hall as he bade everyone goodbye once more, blowing kisses to the ones at the back. I shook my head at my best friend. One moment the pouty princess and the next the dazzling diva.

I got back to work, making final changes and minor tweaks to the article. As much as I hated that holiday, the article had to be perfect. Even down to the subtitle font and background images. Because I was that much of a perfectionist (despite the cluttered desk and all). And he was just as much of a perfectionist as me. I stilled, shaking my head at the unwelcome interruption to my train of thoughts. Why had I suddenly thought of that person?

My eyes shot back to my screen and I quickly submitted the finished article to the department head for the final screening before it would be published. A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned back in my chair and stretched, looking around the office to see that it was already empty. The people in our office had always been infamous for leaving the moment the 5 o'clock mark arrived. I gathered my belongings, slipped into my army green trench coat and tapped my staff ID as I walked out of the office and left the building.

I checked my watch as I walked towards the junction. The thin hands pointed at seven and three. Well that’s alright, at least I didn’t stay till 10 again. I thought just as the pedestrian light turned green. I crossed the road and stopped by my regular cafe, deciding to grab a bite before I headed back.

I eyed the jar of cookies above the counter before recalling that I already had one in my bag, so I bought a sandwich instead. I moved to walk out of the premise, but a flash of blonde hair jumped into my peripheral vision, making me stop short. There was a man seated at a table in the corner, a book covering his face.

I stood frozen, staring at the top of his head that looked all too familiar. It can’t be… as if he felt me staring, the man looked up from his book and I released a breath I had not known I was holding. It wasn't him. I turned away, not wanting to seem like a creep. Stepping out onto the street, a cold breeze hit me as my foot met the pavement. My mind was reeling as my feet took me to the path that led to my apartment building, the directions already ingrained into physical memory.

Why were my thoughts continuously returning to him? Hadn’t we closed the chapter of our lives where our lines briefly intersected? Had we not, albeit in silence, decided that we would go our separate ways? And yet, thoughts of him were still haunting me till that day. Why… why am I… With a sigh and a slight shudder, I keyed in the passcode to my front door.

“I’m home,” I called into my empty apartment. My voice echoed across the walls and returned to me in a mockingly hollow whisper. I dropped my bag onto the couch and walked into the kitchen, setting a kettle of water to boil before retreating to my bedroom to take a quick shower.

-~-

The hosts of the music programme Duet Song Festival were excitedly introducing the next act, but their voices sounded distant from where I stood in the kitchen, making a cup of hot chocolate. I took the can of whipped cream from the fridge and placed it on the coffee table, flopping onto the couch and grabbing the remote control as the music began to start. My finger froze as I was just about to change the channel.

The woman’s voice floated around me, singing ‘Go Back’ by Dynamic Duo as the man behind her nodded his head to the calm rhythm. I was transfixed, hand still holding the remote mid-air, my finger hovering above the button. The camera panned, focusing once more on the woman who was singing but my eyes were glued to the white beanie and army green coat in the back, the coat that was much like my own, except mine was plain and free of designs.

I came to my senses and dropped my hand back down next to me on the couch just as the man walked to the centre of the stage, bringing the mic to hip lips with a confident “Drop it!”, the beat dropping on cue. This was one of my favourite songs. We had sung it together many times before. In the car, in his studio… on this very couch. Him laughing when I tried to rap but beatboxing along anyway.

I watched as he effortlessly rapped his part, bouncing around the stage with that electricity he always had when performing. That unparalleled energy. He was always the happiest when he was on stage. Surrounded by his fans. Pouring his heart out through the words that spilled from his lips in perfect flow and rhythm.

The song finished and I quickly flipped channels, not sure I could handle it if I heard his voice for a second more. A news reporter greeted me with the day’s headlines as I brought my mug to my lips, the whipped cream staying on my lips upon taking a sip. I hastily it away, shoving away the memories that come racing to the forefront of my mind. Memories related to hot cocoa and whipped cream on rainy stay-at-home days.

Frustrated, I switched off the TV and reached for my bag to pull out the sandwich I had bought, accidentally yanking out my earpieces and the cookie too. I hesitantly reached out for the macadamia nut and chocolate chip flavoured treat. It was one of my favourites, which was what always struck me as odd - how did the sender know my preferences?

I examined the cookie’s packaging yet again, narrowing my eyes at the yellow chicks. We had gone to see chicks once. Him and I. On one of those rare days we were both free. He told me about how in his hometown, his grandfather used to raise little chicks, and his eyes lit up as he spoke fondly of his childhood. It was those rare times that I had truly cherished.

Could the cookies have been from him? No, it was impossible. He was too busy to do such things. And besides, who was I to him anymore? I bit my lip as I fiddled with the oversized sweater I was using. I hadn't realised when I blindly fished it out of my closet and put it on, but it was one of the sweaters he ‘accidentally’ left behind at my place, knowing I liked them. My thoughts began jumbling up again. We never did get proper closure to our relationship. What if…

I smacked my head hard, then whined as I rubbed the sore area, chastising my stupidity on so many levels. I promised myself I would put it all behind me and move on yet here I was, four months later and still wishing there was something left. Wondering if somehow, I still meant something to that idiot who just stopped contacting me without a word when he was on tour. I sighed and raked my fingers through my hair, turning the TV back on to let the news anchor drone on about the rise and falls in the stock markets off late.

I quickly ate my simple dinner, having the cookie for dessert before turning in for the day. I had another long day at work the next day and it would not do me well to stay awake pondering on such useless things for so long. What’s past was past. But it was taking a lot more in me to remember that off late. And try as I might, it was only after an hour that I finally managed to drift off to sleep, his voice still playing in the recesses of my mind.

-~-

[12th February 2016]

“TGIF!!!” Finn exclaimed as he shook my chair, making my body jolt repeatedly.

“We’re only halfway through the day, you know?”

“Yes, but it's Friiiidaaaaayy~” he sang, shaking my chair again.

“Stop that!” I smacked his hands and he pouted as he released his grip. “Don't you have work to get to?” I cocked an eyebrow at my friend who seemed to have nothing better to do than annoy me.

He rolled his eyes and mumbled something about me being a killjoy as he retreated back to his seat. Less than 5 minutes later, he tapped my shoulder.

“What?” I swivelled around to face him, annoyed.

“Did you get another cookie today?” he extended his hands to me as he jutted his bottom lip out. “I'm starving.”

“No,” I said breezily, although the fact had shocked me at first too. I hadn't bought a cookie that morning, figuring that there would be one from the anonymous sender on my desk. Yet this time, there was nothing. “Guess whoever it was gave up on trying to get my attention since I couldn't figure who sent it even after all this time.”

Finn eyed me quizzically. “I don't think someone who's been doing that for almost three months would give up that easily.”

I simply shrugged, trying to appear unperturbed as I continued typing on my screen just as an email came in. I gritted my teeth as I read through its contents. “ing Dartha…” I hissed.

“Why, what’s the witch asking you to do now?” Finn asked in a conspiratorial whisper as he leaned over to peek at my laptop.

“She wants me to modify the website’s background and look for - get this - ‘authentic, not from google photos of couples’,” I rolled my eyes, “does she want me to check tumblr then?”

Finn snorted and patted my shoulder. “Good luck,” was all he said before returning to his own work, ranting to no one in particular about how journalism graduates were still making grammatical errors in their submitted drafts.

I surfed the web for about half an hour but could not find any pictures that would appease our madame de bosse Dartha, as Finn and I liked to call her - FYI that ain’t real French. Finn was the only one between us two that spoke it and he laughed when I called her that to mock her status as our boss because apparently it translated to “Mrs. Bump”. Which was rather fitting for the bunned hairstyle she always donned - with horribly last century multicoloured hair nets.

Giving up, I opened my personal folder of images, looking through photos from my older sister’s wedding last year. It was held at a beach, so surely I had some photos stashed there of the guests watching the sunset or walking along the shore. The typical romantic backdrop. I wasn’t exactly feeling creative that day. I picked a few suitable ones and saved them on my desktop.

I had some of my sister and brother-in-law though I was pretty sure Dartha did not want wedding dresses involved considering how our magazine’s target audience were foolish teenagers, naïve enough to buy into the corny bull that was plastered all over our site and every other page of our magazine this time of the season.

Yeah, the corny bull I once bought into myself.

I stopped scrolling through the photos as one in the top right corner of the folder caught my attention. . Shiiiitake mushrooms. Of course that would've been there. What was I thinking, looking through my photos so happily? I was bound to find the pieces of him scattered in those moments… I right clicked on the image, my cursor hovering over the delete button but I simply could not find it in me to press my finger down. It was quite a beautiful shot too - my brother-in-law, an avid photography enthusiast, had taken it himself.

I copied the photo onto a PowerPoint slide and scrolled through the file’s contents again, finding another picture that sent a pang of longing coursing through me. I inserted that to the slide too. And another. And another. And another. I arranged the photos prettily on the slide until I had a simple collage of sorts.

I stared at the pictures for a moment, rewinding the little movie reel in my head back to that time. When fairy tales did not seem so farfetched because everything was perfect. Just perfect. But nothing that perfect ever lasts. I shook my head firmly to clear it; something I found myself doing a lot more often lately.

I bit the inside of my lip and pressed the ctrl+p shortcut on my keyboard. These were just references, I told myself. References. I glanced at the screen and huffed, realising I accidentally set the output printer to the one all the way at the front of the office. I got up from my seat and stalked over to the printer, which was pretty far since my desk was situated near the back.

My shoes made a clicking sound as I walked; it was one of those rare days I decided to use something with a bit of a height. I was less than 7 steps from my destination when I saw Finn walking out of the pantry. He noticed me walking to the printer and raised an eyebrow at the piece of paper that had just slid out into the tray.

He tucked his bag of chips under his arm and picked the paper up, staring at the photos for a moment before looking back up at me, that single eyebrow still midway across his forehead. I half sprinted the rest of the way, almost tripping in my heels and snatched the piece of paper from between his fingers. “They’re just resources,” I muttered even though he had not asked me anything. His eyes softened as he tried to reach for my hand but I was already stomping back to my table.

“Hayi.”

I ignored him.

“Hayi, I'm sorry for looking at that-”

“THEY’RE JUST RESOURCES!” I snapped as I turned around to face him. He took a step back as all heads swivelled to look at what all the commotion was about. I held the paper to my chest, making sure only the plain white back was what they saw. Not that anyone could see who the man in the photo was from their seats, anyway.

Not that anyone would believe that a dork like me was once a thing with a top star and producer in the music industry. Not that it mattered anymore. Because we were long over. So what was I still protecting that idiot for?

I ignored the curious glances from our co-workers as I walked back to my table and shoved the paper into the file in my bag, yanked my phone out of the charger and made my way out of the office. “I'm gonna go get my lunch,” I said to Finn as I passed him, still standing where he was, with his mouth half open as if he wanted to tell me something, but a cat got his tongue.

-~-

I returned to the office an hour later, paying no heed to the quickly averted eyes and whispers directed my way. Soon enough they would stop anyway. It was always best to turn a blind eye to office gossip. Especially if it was about at you. I picked a few photos from earlier and sent them to Dartha, even feeling courageous enough to put one of Jiho and myself, since all that could be seen was the silhouette of our figures against the sunset.

She was surprisingly happy with the photos and told me to put them up on the site. I did as I was told then grabbed a file to my left to clear some backlog I had accumulated because of the stupid Valentine’s specials. As I pulled the file, however, a little box tumbled down along with it, landing on my laptop's keyboard with a soft thunk.

I stared at the white box with a baby blue ribbon curiously, wondering if someone had misplaced it. Upon closer inspection I noticed the ribbon had the words “To Hayi” printed on them. Huh. It wasn't a mistake then. I opened the box to find a key ring along with a small folded piece of paper. A printed note.

Namsan tower ground floor, near exit B. Sunday. 6pm. Be there.

- Cookie Monster

Who the heck did this fella think s/he was? Ordering me about like that? But that name… this was definitely the person who had been leaving those cookies on my desk more than two months. I looked around the office, trying to figure out who had placed that box where it was. I turned to the intern that sat behind me.

“Did you see who put this here?” I asked, holding up the little box for her to see. She squinted at it before shrugging and turning back around. I sighed, about to give up when I saw the new trainee casting a glance at me before quickly avoiding my eyes.

I placed a hand on her chair and pulled myself towards her. “Spill.”

She looked around nervously, chewing on her lip before leaning closer as she dropped to a whisper. “Actually, I saw Finn put that there just before he left for lunch-”

I dropped my hand. “That’s ridiculous,” I voiced my thoughts, slowly pushing myself back to my desk. “Absolutely ridiculous.”

I returned to my work, trying to take my mind off what she had said. It was impossible. Finn was like a brother to me, nothing more, nothing less. We had never showed any kind of romantic interest towards each other, and we never would. We were too much like brother and sister to ever look at each other differently… or so I thought.

Someone nudged my head roughly, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned, pissed but immediately turned back, acting engrossed in the word document opened before me. I scrolled down the pages slowly as I cleared my throat, making sure my voice did not come out in a croak. “What do you want?”

Finn smiled as he pulled his chair over to my desk, placing a small pack of gummy bears on it. “Come on, don’t be mad~” he rested his elbows on my table and cupped his chin in his palms as he pouted and batted his eyelashes. There he was again - the pouty princess.

“Look, I’m sorry I looked at the pictures without permission, okay? But honestly, you didn’t have to scream at me like that,” he frowned, returning to his usual chatter as he always did whenever we fought. It was our way of making up with each other - acting like nothing had happened at all. I sighed as I took the pack of gummy bears, placing one between my teeth and looked him in the eye.

“Apology accepted,” I said through my clenched teeth, the green bear still caught between my incisors. He smiled, content as he popped a bear into his mouth before his focus landed on something else. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing to the white box. “Oh-” I feigned ignorance as I passed him the box.

“Anonymous cookie person a.k.a self-proclaimed ‘cookie monster’ finally picked their guts up to say they want to meet me.”

“Interesting,” he mused, inspecting the box.

“S-should I go?” I asked, stuttering in my act - hey, there’s a reason why I'm not an actress, okay?

“I don’t know, Hayi… This person could be some criminal or fugitive or serial killer on the loose, ya know?”

“Yeah. A serial killer that gives people cookies. Totally.” I rolled my eyes.

“That could be his modus operandi, for all you know!”

I continued scrolling down the article slowly, checking for typos or grammatical errors. “In all seriousness, though,” Finn continued, “are you gonna go?”

As much as I was sure he was trying to hide it, his voice sounded hopeful. And that broke my heart. Because if it really was him that put that box there, if it was really him that had been placing cookies on my desk all this time… “I guess. You know I can’t fight the need to quell my curiosity.”

The smallest smile blossomed on his lips which he quickly hid, but not fast enough. Every moment I saw the hope in his eyes broke me into tinier little pieces - because I knew I never saw Finn in that light. His expression darkened and he furrowed his brows at me.

“You better not go alone, though… it could be dangerous.”

I nodded, although clearly I wasn’t going to call anyone. There was no danger. It was Finn. Silly old Finn who may never smile at me again after Sunday night. At that point, I was more afraid of losing my best friend than he was (acting) afraid of my getting harmed by a stranger. Finn sighed as he scoffed, knowing I wasn’t going to listen to his advice.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked so nicely. I’ll come with you,” he said in his typical I’m-doing-you-a-favour-you-owe-me-one tone.

I squinted at him. What the hell was he pulling? Was he gonna follow me there only to turn to me when the clock struck 6 and tell me he was the one behind all this? Unsure how to answer, I turned my head back. “Do whatever you wanna do,” I replied passively, hoping my nonchalance wouldn’t give me away.

He grinned as he glided back to his corner, his elation only adding on to the heavy weight on my heart. From the corner of my eye, I caught him tapping away at his phone, the corners of his lips still curled up. I inwardly sighed, forcing my attention away from him. All this drama would have to wait. I still had a whole stack of papers to review.

-~-

[14th February 2016]

The sound of Tchaikovsky’s violin concerto in D major filtered through the speakers, tinted with the sound of cutlery against plates and teacups clinking on saucers. I cut into my tuna croissant sandwich and shoved a piece of it into my mouth. The clock on the wall indicated that it was 2 p.m. I continued eating slowly, knowing I still had a lot of time on my hands.

Finn promised to meet me outside the tower at 5:30, saying he had something on before that. I wondered what he was planning, the feeling of dread returning to me as I pictured his forlorn face when I told him that I could not see him in another light. I wished this was all a bad dream. Although I knew that Finn would try to make us go back to normal, I also knew we would never be quite the same either.

I swallowed the last bite of my croissant and walked out of the Paris Baguette outlet, making my way to the bookstore down the street. Thankfully, there weren’t many people there. I pulled a book I had been meaning to read from the shelf, immediately purchased it, and slunk behind the aisles to a cosy corner where a bean bag was placed. I plopped myself down on it and made myself at home.

Flipping through the pages, I allowed myself to get fully immersed in the fictional world. It was a brief respite though, as soon my thoughts began to stray. I leaned my head back on the bean bag and covered my face with the book. I closed my eyes and let myself rest, too tired to think or continue reading.

I heard a shuffling of feet in front of me and opened my eyes, focusing on the small space in the lower half of my vision that wasn’t blocked by the book. I could make out a pair of legs, another customer browsing the shelves and realised how inappropriately I was sprawled. Embarrassed, I cleared my throat, pulled the book away from my face and straightened up, repositioning myself.

The man before me turned around at the sound and I looked up with an abashed smile. But as soon as my eyes met his, we both froze, staying as still as statues. The only give away that we were animate was the gradual widening of both of our eyes as the awkward smiles slipped away to be replaced by shocked expressions.

His mouth remained shut, as did mine – our vocal chords had seemed to stop functioning. The silence was deafening, my heart thumping loudly in my chest and the blood rushing through my ears. I was overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emotions, half of me wanting to throw myself in his arms and ask where he had been all this time, the other half wanting to slap him across that pretty face. I inwardly cursed myself calling him pretty even in my state of anger.

“H-Hayi?” the silence was finally broken as my name slipped through his lips.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away, unable to hold his gaze now that the initial shock had worn off. “Hi,” I replied meekly.

“What are you- It’s still earl-” he looked at his watch, back at me, then scratched his nape - one of his nervous tics that I couldn’t help but find endearing till now.

I remained silent, unsure of what to say in reply. Not even sure of what he was asking me. His eyes dropped to the book in my lap and the corner of his lip tugged up for the briefest moment before he caught himself and wiped the half smirk off his face. He coughed and looked around, the air becoming palpably awkward again.

“So… How’ve you been?” I decided to speak up.

His head darted back to me, surprised that I had said something. “Uh- oh uhm…” he stuttered, and it was almost comforting that he was just as nervous or caught off guard as I was. “Well, you know… I’ve been busy.”

I flashed him the smallest of smiles. “As always.”

A smile decorated his lips once more and I felt my stomach do a magnificent somersault, forcing me to look aside. “And you? How’re things at the office? Anything… interesting happen?”

I stopped breathing for a moment. Did he know something? He stammered as he quickly tried to find something to say, “I mean- well- uh- How’s Finn?”

I narrowed my eyes at him more. “He’s fine… I’m actually meeting him later…” I couldn’t keep the dread out of my voice. He raised an eyebrow as he watched me get up and place the book in my bag before slinging it over my shoulder. “I see you’re already on the third book,” he said, causing me to freeze mid-step.

“You were always complaining that you were too busy to finish reading that series. Guess you finally found some free time,” he continued the small talk.

“Y-yeah, I guess,” I rubbed my shoulder, still not looking him in the eye. I was surprised he even remembered that. I had only mentioned it passingly once. “Look, I gotta go. M-maybe I’ll catch you next time.”

With that, I hurried out of the bookstore but not before I heard him call behind me as he waved, “Yeah! See you later!”. A shiver ran along my spine when he said that, even though it was just a casual farewell. Could I have been mistaken? Could it have been him and not Fi- I stopped in the middle of the busy walkway, tears welling up in my eyes all of the sudden.

Why? Why couldn’t I just let go? Why was I still hoping for the impossible? I sniffed and wiped my tears away forcefully. Enough with the nonsensical fantasies, I told myself. I trudged over to the park nearby even though it was quite cold, needing the fresh air to clear my mind. I sat on a bench and pulled my book out, trying my best to ignore the couples that were walking by, hands intertwined or arms around shoulders.

I flipped through the pages, not caring if the book cover seemed like some fairy-tale book for kids. It was, after all, a fairy-tale with a sci-fi twist. A queer book choice for an adult; but I was never one to care about such things. A buzz in my pocket pulled me out of my engrossing read. I retrieved my phone and saw a message from Finn. I checked the timestamp. 5:02 p.m.

Finn seemed excited with the amount of emojis he sent in the text, telling me he was on his way and that he had a surprise for me. I bit my lip, feeling like I was really not going to like this ‘surprise’ - since it was not going to be a surprise for me at all.

I slowly walked down the path towards the bus stop with the shuttle service towards Namsan Tower, enjoying the park’s scenery and the serene ambiance that was worlds apart from my muddled thoughts and burdened heart. I boarded the bus and watched the trees whiz by as the vehicle made its ascent to the peak of Namsan, where the building was located.

I alighted, surrounded by many other visitors and tourists. My feet felt as though they had iron weights chained to them as I approached the 236-metre-tall building. There were many couples loitering around, giggling and gazing into each other’s eyes with such affection it was almost awkward to watch them, as if I were intruding on their private moments.

The metal railings to my left and right were completely packed with multiple padlocks, each one proclaiming a couple’s promise of everlasting love. I inwardly scoffed, wondering just how many of those promises actually carried through. Despite my condescension, I couldn’t fight the dull sense of longing in my chest.

I had always wanted to visit that place, but never found the time. Well, to be more precise, we never found the time. Jiho had promised we would go there together. But that day never came. Dates were a luxury to Jiho and me back when we were together. A luxury that neither of our packed schedules could afford.

I always believed that we had parted for the better but I guess I also always knew I was just lying to myself. Because I wasn’t just turning Finn down because I saw him as a brother. But also because I knew I still had Jiho in my heart. Seeing how everything came surging back when I saw him earlier today only served to further validate that fact. His presence still managed to leave me as an untangled mess even after all this time.

I slowed down as I reached the main entrance where Finn and I were supposed to meet. Visitors lined up to queue for tickets to the observatory, chattering happily. I stuffed my cold hands into my pockets, exhaling and watching the puff of smoke my breath made in the crisp air. The temperature was beginning to drop as the evening crawled closer to night.

My phone buzzed, making me jump a little as the vibration sent a little jolt up my arm. My hand clutched the device and pulled it out. The lock screen lit up at me, displaying the SMS that came in.

Bestie🍓: I’m here

I lifted my head, scanning the crowd for him. I thought it wouldn’t take me long to extricate a lone man in the midst of so many couples but when I finally spotted him waving at me from afar, I realised why I hadn’t found him sooner. He wasn’t alone, contrary to my prior expectations. I raised a brow at the sight before me. Finn was smiling so wide it could have been his birthday if I didn’t know better. He had an arm slung comfortably over the shoulders of a woman who seemed vaguely familiar, but I just couldn’t place a finger on it.

As they approached me I noticed something else. His smile had a tint of pride in it. A pride that swelled as he turned his gaze to the woman next to him. The corners of his eyes softened as he noted the shy, awkward air she had around her. The woman raised a hand in greeting. "Hey, Hayi."

Then it clicked. "Hara? Goo Hara? From high school? Oh my God, it’s been ages, I- How are you, what are you doing here, what’s going on?” I pointed a finger at both of them while my mouth went off on its own accord, bombarding them with questions. “Someone speak up and save me from my confusion.”

Hara laughed nervously as a blush crept up her cheeks. She tucked a hair behind her ear and stole a glance at Finn who was looking at her encouragingly. “Well, I kinda called Finn up yesterday and asked if he could meet me,” she paused, looking up at me as if to gauge my reaction. I simply urged her to carry on. “And so I gave him chocolates and asked if he’d be my Valentine a-and-” her cheeks turned crimson red as she tore her gaze away and covered her face.

Finn chuckled heartily and pulled her closer to him, squeezing her with the arm he had around her. “I asked her out,” he proudly stated. “You know I had a huge crush on her since freshman year but I,” he cleared his throat and scratched his head just behind his ear. “I never thought she… well, when she gave me the chocolates I seized the opportunity and asked if she’d be my girlfriend.”

The tips of his ears were tinged with red as he explained the situation. I stared at the two of them with my mouth agape for a few moments before squeezing them into a hug, pulling away with a huge smile on my face. I congratulated them over and over again, telling them to cherish each other, and they joked that I was like a mother who just married her child off.

I smacked Finn’s arm in response to that comment, sending Hara into a burst of giggles. I paused with my hand mid-air from delivering another blow to my best friend as I recalled the purpose of us being in that particular location. My hand fell limp at my side. I felt a surge of relief but it was quickly replaced with a thousand and one questions. “But… if this is your surprise, it isn’t you then,” I spun around in a circle, searching the crowd once more. I grabbed Finn by the shoulders.

“Who is it?”

“What do you mean-” he stepped back, flabbergasted.

“You know who’s been putting those cookies at my desk. You’ve been helping them put them there.”

“What nonsense are you-”

“Jimin saw you! She said you put the box on my desk on Friday.”

Finn looked away as if my eyes could stab through his own. Despite me being so much shorter and having to look up at him, I knew he was always terrified when I gave him that look. It was my best weapon when it came to making him yield his secrets. But this time, it didn’t work. His lips stayed sealed even after my interrogation. Who the heck was it that he was so scared to tell me? He was never scared of anyone else more than me except-

Could it be him? Am I really just being too much of a pessimist as usual? My thoughts halted. No. I wouldn’t let myself see that little glimmer of hope. I snuffed it out, pushing away the possibility that it could be him. I’d rather be a pessimist than bring myself up only to drag myself back down later on.

I was about to press on with the questioning when Finn grasped my forearm, pulling me along with him as Hara calmly followed behind us. She knew, then. He told her who this ‘Cookie Monster’ was but he couldn’t tell me? Why, the little bastard.

Finn stopped walking and left me to lean against a wall. “Just wait here. He’ll be here soon. You two…” Finn stopped himself from saying more, taking Hara’s hand. “We’re gonna go ahead and look around the place. If… if for some reason later you need me just call, okay?” He made a little phone signal with his hand and waved as they walked away.

I let out a frustrated groan while stomping my feet like a child throwing a tantrum, earning annoyed looks from the couples nearby. My curiosity was going to murder me. It was 5:56. Four more minutes, I told myself. Four more minutes and I’d know, there was no need to fuss about it. I checked my messages, replied to some to pass the time that seemed to be teasing me with its snail-like progress.

I heard a sneeze and lifted my gaze for a moment, finding a man in a mask. I looked back down to my phone, wondering if he was sick before my head snapped back up as my brain put together the blonde hair and the clothes that seemed oh so familiar. Clothes that I had seen just a few hours back. His eyes found mine and they crinkled slightly.

“Surprise,” he said, holding out a bouquet of pink and white roses, scattered with baby’s breaths and a few carnations. When I didn’t make a move to take them, he gently took my hands and placed the bouquet in them. I could no longer see clearly in front of me because my eyes were clouding over. I let out a strangled breath to hold back my tears but choked on it. Immediately, as if the walls of the dam had been broken, my tears flooded out and I punched him square in the chest.

Jiho grunted before pulling me into his arms; both in response to the tears on my face and to protect himself from another blow. With my arms unusable, I kicked him instead. He groaned and bent down at the sudden attack, but one arm still had not released me. I punched him again. He winced, but chuckled. That deep, throaty laugh I had missed so much. “I almost forgot how my tiny girlfriend could pack quite a punch,” he jested. I couldn’t see his lips behind his mask, but I could see his wide grin from the way his eyes shrunk and crinkled at the sides. ‘Girlfriend’, he’d said.

He pulled me in. I resisted at first, trying to push him away before my will dissolved and I melted into his embrace. “You’re an idiot.”

He held me tighter. “I know.”

“A complete and utter .”

He grunted in agreement as he leaned his chin on my head. I tried to pull away again, but his arms were holding me captive.

“Let me go.”

“No."

"Oh my God, Jiho just let me go, would you?"

"No. I'm never letting you go anymore.”

I craned my head back to look up at him, blowing a bang out of my eyes, irritated. “You’re crushing the flowers, pabo.”

He pulled away, embarrassed at how adamant he had been without knowing I had a valid reason for wanting to be released. Despite myself, laughter spilled from my lips when he looked away awkwardly and scratched the nape of his neck. I tiptoed and wrapped my arms around him. Without the bouquet between us, he wrapped his arms around my waist. We held each other like that for a while before he broke the silence.

“I’m sorry.”

I wound my arms around him more securely.

“I’m sorry I kept myself hidden all this time, it’s just…” he took a deep breath as his fingers dug into my sides ever so slightly, “I thought it would be better if I just kept my distance.”

I shook my head and pulled away to look up at him, cradling the bouquet in my arms. “Ah, right,” he let his arms fall from my waist as he retrieved something from his bag. A book. He handed it to me with a smile. “Good thing I bumped into you or I would’ve bought the third one instead.” The book, Winter, was the fourth in the series I was reading. So that’s why he was at the bookstore…

“You do know you’re doing this all wrong, right?” I held the gifts I had just received up, “The girl’s the one that’s supposed to be giving chocolates and gifts today.”

“Okay, then,” he stretched his palms towards me. “Where’re my chocolates?”

He laughed when I squinted at him in response, fixing the scarf around my neck. “It’s not like you ever celebrated this holiday anyway,” he countered.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re one month early for white day,” I kept the book in my bag and gingerly touched the flowers’ soft petals, trying not to get so flustered over every little action of his.

His hands stilled and I looked up to see his eyes casted down, and I could picture the apologetic smile on his lips, hidden behind his mask. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “And yet… I’m so many more months late.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I know that no matter how many times I apologize it won’t change what happened. It won’t change the fact that I hurt you even though I promised never to do so. It won’t change the fact that,” he wiped my cheek that was still slightly damp, his hand as gentle as his jaw was tense, “that I was ever a reason for your tears.”

To be honest, I hated myself for forgiving him that easily. But the way his voice and movements were laced with remorse just made me let down all my defences.

He sighed and stepped closer, leaning down to press his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to run back to you after more than a month of absence. I wasn’t sure if… if we were still the same. I broke too many promises and I just thought it would be better if,” - a sharp breath - “if you found someone who could treat you better than me. But I couldn’t quite let you go either so I told Finn to leave those dumb cookies on your desk.”

He shook his head as if in disbelief, making my head move too due to our touching foreheads. “How can you… how are you not mad at me?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Not mad? I’m fuming.”

He pulled away and chuckled as if he didn’t quite agree with that proclamation but the look I wore silenced him. He coughed, avoiding my gaze. I sighed and reached for his hand. “I’m so mad, so tell me why I can’t seem to stay that way?”

His eyes lifted in a way that I knew he was smirking and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t make me wipe that cocky smirk off your face.”

He seemed surprised at how I knew he was smirking behind the mask for a moment before lifting a teasing eyebrow. “And how exactly are you planning to-”

His words were cut short as I pulled his mask down and stood on my toes, closing my eyes just before our lips collided. I held them there for a moment before slowly returning to my original height, my eyes fluttering back open to see his, opened wide with a gaze that could penetrate through my skull.

I gasped as I was suddenly grabbed by the shoulders, making me drop the bouquet as his lips crashed against mine once more, effectively silencing the gasp. His soft lips were pressed against mine, gentle and firm at the same time. I parted my lips just a fraction, my hands searching for him and clenching the fabric of his shirt in my fists.

His hands sled down the length of my arms before one found its way to the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss. His other hand sneaked to the small of my back, pushing me to press me against him. I was grateful as he took most of my weight away because my legs felt like they would give way right there and then.We pulled away from each other, gasping and I blushed hard, remembering we were in public.

I quickly pulled the mask back over his face. Just as much to hide his identity as it was to make sure I wasn’t tempted by those full lips. He seemed to realise this and laughed as he quickly pecked me through the mask, making the crimson in my cheeks turn a shade darker. Before I could retaliate, I was captured in another embrace. “Oh God, I’ve missed you. And I’ve missed being able to hold you like this so much.”

I pushed him away once more, looking around to see if anyone was watching but all the couples were too busy with their significant others to notice us. I bent down to pick up the forgotten bouquet. “T-thank you for the flowers,” I finally said, the words sounding as stiff and awkward as they had in my head.

His grin could probably tear his face even though I couldn’t see it. He was way too amused at me. “Come on, let’s go,” he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the entrance of the building. He fished two tickets out of his pocket and handed one to me. We scanned the barcodes to pass the barricades and he wrapped an arm around my waist the moment we had both reached the other side of the barriers.

I felt a warmth in my chest at the realisation that he probably felt the same way that I did - that after all this time apart, it was hard to spend even a second without feeling his warmth, as if to confirm that he was really there. That this wasn't a lucid dream formed from the fantasies I had forbidden myself from fathoming these past few months. We walked through the exhibitions in the lower floors of the tower, his fingers constantly interlocked with mine, pulling me along whenever he saw something that piqued his interest.

After a few rounds around the lower floors, we finally got into the lift that led to the observation deck. We huddled to a corner as the rest of the visitors piled in, sandwiching us between them and the wall. He laughed and wrapped an arm around my waist. My heart hammered against my chest at our proximity and I squinted at the cheeky glint in his eyes. The smile fell off his face in the next moment and he started searching his pockets.

“What’s wrong? Did you lose something?”

He shook his head and pulled his coat open slightly to check its inner pocket and I saw relief flood through him. He sunk back on the wall of the lift and pulled out an old iPhone with a cracked screen. I looked from the phone to him, and back to the phone, taking it from his hands. “How do you still have this ancient artefact?” I asked, remembering the day we’d first met . It was at a restaurant I was meeting a client at for an exclusive interview the magazine had managed to snag.

An interview with a top, up-and-coming producer-rapper-performer at the time. And he was none other than the man who stood before me, already an established and highly revered figure in his field. I remembered knocking the table, klutz that I am, sending his phone diving to the floor. I remember cursing profusely and covering my mouth when I recalled I was with a client.

I remembered the way his brow lifted in amusement as I apologized and flipped the phone around in my palm as if that would somehow make the damage magically disappear. And the way he insisted it was alright, that he was planning to switch to android anyway. And when I insisted I had to compensate for the damages somehow, he gave me a lopsided smile and requested something I never thought would have been possible. “If you really want to repay me, how about you let me take you for dinner. Is tomorrow at 7 alright?”

That smooth little motherer. The elevator ping-ed, making me jump. He led me out of the confined space, a hand securely placed on my back. I returned the phone to him as we stepped onto the observation deck, noticing a hole punched in its side as I did. I pointed at it and tilted my head in question. He simply smiled and pulled me over to a less crowded area, running past the other visitors to make sure we’d reach there first. I laughed at how childlike he was.

He crouched at a spot and pushed a few padlocks aside, finding for an empty spot on the railing. He lit up when he did and I crouched down next to him. He turned to me. “Did you bring it?” he asked as he held his hand out. I raised an eyebrow before remembering the keyring that was in the blue box. I dug through the bag, forgetting where I had thrown the little thing.

At last, my hand closed around it and I pulled it out triumphantly. The keyring had an easily adjustable screw that I opened to hook through the hole in the broken smartphone Jiho had brought along, as he had wordlessly instructed. I passed it back to him when I was done and he hooked the ring through the rail, then he pulled out a white paint marker from his pocket.

He carefully wrote on the back of the black iPhone, hiding his work from my field of vision and swatting me away when I tried to peek. I gave up and huffed, standing up to walk towards a bench a couple steps away. His fingers circled around my wrist to stop me and pulled me back down, pointing at his finished product. The number 1008 was neatly written in the centre; 8th October. The first day we met.

Surrounding the large numbers were doodles. A chick in the corner, a few hearts, a tree trunk, different objects that held a multitude of meanings for us both. I smiled and grabbed the marker, adding a tiny drawing of something that resembled the very phone we were drawing on. He laughed and I punched him for mocking my art skills. I continued drawing, joining the two zeros in the middle with something like an X, making them resemble an infinity sign.

The corners of his lips tugged up and he placed an arm around my shoulder, pulling us both to stand. The sun glared in my eyes for a moment before they adjusted. It had almost set, slipping past the horizon in a sight that took my breath away.

“It’s beautiful...” I was captivated by the landscape of the bustling city that seemed oh so serene as it basked in the warm colours of the retiring sun.

“Not as beautiful as you,” he said and I turned to him and made a face as though I was disgusted.

“Please don't tell me all this time away has made you cheesier.”

“Shut up, you love it,” he nudged my head with a finger to turn my focus back to the sky as it grew darker. He laced his fingers through mine and we walked around the deck, looking at some of the locks and stopping to look when we found weird things like socks or phone covers in place of the “love locks”. I paused when we stumbled upon a queer find and Jiho laughed as he found what I was looking at - a hooked to the railing.

“I think whoever put that there's just tryna make sure everybody stays safe- uhk-” I punched him in the gut and continued on my way, listening to him mumble about how he'd more likely need armour for protection than a darn contraceptive. All of the sudden, the tower's lights and I gasped as I watched it ignite. I turned to face the city below, noticing that in the dark, the city lights could now be seen clearly, sparkling like stars on the ground. A pair of arms clamped around my waist from behind and a chin rested on my head as I felt the owner of those hands sigh as if deeply contented.

“Can we just stay like this forever?”

I remained silent, allowing myself this moment of sappy romance but my tongue was just itching with a reply. “If you'd like to freeze to death out here then sure, why not?”

He pouted at me like he always did whenever I purposely ruined the moment before placing both hands on my shoulders and turning me around, pushing me back inside the tower like a two-person human train. He pressed for the lift and while we were waiting I decided to ask something I had been wondering about for a while.

“Jiho?”

“Hmm?”

“Why cookies? Why didn’t you give me candy or, I don't know, chewing gum or-”

“Isn't it obvious?” he asked, perplexed, like I should have known better. I shrugged with a helplessly clueless face. “Oh come on, not even with the ‘Cookie Monster’?”

All he got from me was another question mark pasted on my face.

“‘Cuz I'm a tough cookie, DUH!”

I stared at him for two solid seconds before I laughed so hard, I had to clutch my stomach from the pain. He said it in such a matter-of-fact manner I couldn't help but double over. Eventually, he smiled too and pinched my cheeks. “Ugh, why are you so cute when you laugh? Stop it,” he ordered, as though it was something I could control.

“Well then you stop being so handsome,” I deadpanned in a monotone as my arm found its way through his, walking into the lift that had finally arrived. When he didn’t move to press on whichever floor we were headed to, I cocked a brow at him. He placed the tips of his fingers against his chest.

“Did Lee Hayi actually just compliment me?”

I rolled my eyes and he pulled the mask off his face, pressing the button that led to tower 7F, the highest floor. It was my first time in the tower so when we stepped out and the only thing there was some fancy French restaurant I turned back into the lift, guessing we got the wrong floor but Jiho continued walking, yanking me along with our still locked elbows.

An employee bowed at us. “Do you have a reservation?” he inquired. Jiho nodded and gave his name and the employee escorted us to a table by the glass windows, overlooking the city below. I tried not to skip in excitement at the view but couldn’t help from gasping as I pressed my palms on the glass and looked down below. Jiho smiled and shook his head, pulling my chair out and gesturing for me to sit; ever the gentleman.

I took a seat as the waiter poured a glass of water for both of us. “Would you care for any drinks, Mr. Woo?” Jiho politely shook his head, saying that he was driving.

“And you, Mrs. Woo?”

I choked on the water I was drinking, quickly setting my glass down and waving my hands while shaking my head.

“I’m not his wi- we’re not-”

Jiho just watched how flustered I was, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. I coughed and the waiter bowed in apology. “I’m sorry Miss…?”

“Lee.” I answered.

“Nah, just call her Mrs. Woo, that’ll be her name eventually,” Jiho said nonchalantly, leaving me staring at him and back at the waiter who was trying not to grin.

“As you wish, sir. I’ll bring out the first course.”

Jiho refused to look at me while waiting for the food to be served, knowing full well that I would lecture him about unkept promises and rash statements. When he finally did look me in the eye though, there was a serious edge in them I had never seen before.

“I mean it,” he took my hands on the table, encapsulating them in his slender fingers. “And I promise this time I’ll stay true to those words, no matter what. I'm not gonna risk losing you anymore.”

I bit my lip. It was unfair how he always knew just what to say at the perfect moment. A notification tone from my phone made me jerk, piercing the fragile moment. Jiho gave me a look that spelt seriously? loud and clear. I shrugged and took my phone out to put it on silent mode but not before I saw the message, my eyes bulging at the same time the blood pushed its way to the tips of my ears.

“What is it?”

“Finn says he's gonna sell us out to Dispatch,” I turned the phone while massaging my temples with my left hand.

Jiho laughed out loud as he saw the picture of the two of us kissing earlier. Below it was a caption that said, ‘I was being a dutiful best friend and checking to make sure you were okay BUT CLEARLY SOMEONE DIDN'T NEED NO HELP. Imma get some money outta this from dispatch.’

Our food arrived and I tucked the phone back it my pocket. Jiho pressed his lips into a thin line to stop himself from erupting into a bout of chuckles again.

“Well,” he spoke as he picked his fork up. “Tell Finn I'm expecting fifty percent of his earnings.”

A/N: ayeeeee finally got this up. there were some problems with the indents earlier so I was fixing that xD anywho it's not perfect, but i do take some pride in this piece. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it~ till next time lovelies, and stay awesome! Love yall to bits :*