Why did you criticize me every time I did something "wrong?" 

Wrong as in you disliked it, but an action that came naturally to me. 

I know we were young. I know I was naive. I know I was insecure about myself, but annoyance is not a reason for you to treat me like that. It does not justify the endless nitpicking you did. 

Every. Single. Day. 

Two months. Every day for two months.

I convinced myself for a while that it was how you treated people. Just a part of your personality; something I thought you also did with your friends. 

I was in denial. 

Why me? Why did you choose me to tear down? Why would you hurt me, or anyone, like that? 

Power? Control? 

You were insecure. You were insecure about yourself to the point where you had to point out my "flaws" to feel superior. To feel better then. 

I was there. I could have been there for you. No matter how many times you ran me over, I still came back. Regardless if I cried myself to sleep dreaming of us. Regardless of the sharp, piercing pain I felt when you called me selfish. When you said, I made everything about me. When you asked, how could anyone deal with me, because of my constant pestering? 

I just wanted to get to know you better. I wanted us to be friends.

We couldn't even get to that point. 

Friendship. That was our label. It just scratches the surface of what we were because we weren't even close to friendship. We were a million miles away. 

We were not friends. You used me. 

You even questioned why I stayed, and I told you because I wanted to be friends. Because I wanted to get to know you. 

Because I wanted to be there for you. 

I wanted to be the shoulder you cried on. The person you laughed with. The person you vented with. 

Only one of those wishes were granted, but by then, it did not even feel like wish. 

It felt like a burden. 

It felt like a chain strapped onto my heart. 

Beacause I was being dragged around as if I were a puppet. A toy. 

--

Gradually, I started to realize my feelings were of no use. They would never benefit us. They would not help progress our "friendship," so I pushed them away.

I tried so hard. 

I wanted my feelings gone because the only thing I wanted was our friendship. No matter how hard I tried, I was never that shoulder you could cry on. I was never that person you laughed with.

I was the person you vented to, but I was also the person you felt threatened by. 

Once you tear down someone and are above them, you fear they will retaliate. You fear whether they will leave.

You feared if I would leave. 

But your fears were rooted to the fact that you used me. That I could be the source of your confidence because of how inferior you considered me. That you continued to use me, regardless of what I said. 

What I felt.  

We both knew I was attached to you. I even told you. Yet, you still trampled over my feelings and dragged me around. 

I felt the chain enclose the rest of my body. Not only was my heart being abused, but my mind. My body. Until the point where I became somewhat numb. Some call it denial because I gave you a pass to all the heart wrenching words you said to me.

To you, I was an attention .  

--

I stayed because I wanted to. I knew I was going to get hurt, but I held out hope that you would change. 

That you would change for me, but you didn't.

You didn't change, and you continued to use me. 

Why was I so naive? Why was my heart longing for you so much?

Why did I care when you clearly didn't? How hard would it have been to tell me whether you wanted a friendship or not? It would not have been the worst thing you could have said to me. 

I could tell you cared to some extent. That's why you were afraid I would leave, right? That's why you still continued to talk to me day in and day out, right? The only thing is, is that I confused your obsessiveness, your "overprotectiveness," and your care with selfishness. 

You only wanted me so you could feel better about yourself. 

So you could be superior. 

So you wouldn't be the attention , right?