Word count: 8018

Song: Interstellar first step piano

        Part. 3 COLLISION (Final Chapter)

It’s hard to describe what exactly is going on in Kyungsoo’s head. Based on the personal beliefs he previously had, he thought it would be impossible for him to feel any attraction for anything else than the universe but then he now finds himself hoping his superior would slightly touch him to point out his gratitude or his good work. Something he absolutely despised not too long ago. It’s true that from their very short night together he didn’t really have good impressions to carry on a proper relationship with the man but after spending a couple of days in the company of his boss and getting to know of his thoughts, he can say he wished their first personal contact wasn’t the mistake they made months ago.

Jongin was good at redeeming himself and making others feels important, though. It played a good part in their recent rapprochement. Kyungsoo’s theory related to how they were meant to meet again and found themselves having another chance is that Jongin is an asteroid and Kyungsoo is a planet on his trajectory.

People meant to collide together will. No matter what time, dimension or galaxy they live in. Attraction is something stronger than human’s willpower and the universe. It’s a powerful unknown force that’s meant to stay indefinite.

Kyungsoo might be the type who would rather be expedited to another planet than endure humanity’s stupidity but he can’t help thinking nature made some very good-looking people.

**

Thursday is probably the busiest day for the planetarium. The peak of visit always happens on those days. But today, thinking at the people’s expression when they leave one of the exposition rooms isn’t what motivates Kyungsoo to go to work.

 He did avoid talking about the business man’s confession to his boss earlier, on the phone, but that’s only because Jongin proved him he doesn’t have to worry. He has the situation under control. Finally, someone he could rely on. The last two days of the weeks the CEO gave him to prove his pint now look less gloomy. He sees them in a better light. A hopeful one, almost as he already won.

The first thing he does when he enters the planetarium is look for the man who’s been catching his interest lately.

Jongin is silently writing papers and busily clicking on stuff Kyungsoo can’t see from where he’s standing on his computer when he notices the presence of the man looking at him from the doorframe. The smile that automatically lights up his face moves something in Kyungsoo, but he’s way too proud to admit it.

Maybe later he will share his recent realisations with the man. When he’s sure of his decision or when the man decides the planetarium is there to stay.

‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’Checking the profits from my other buildings, the planetarium’s and answering my messages.’’

‘’You’re already deep into a busy day.’’

‘’Always. Did you want to talk about something?’’

‘’No, I’ll let you finish your work. Try to have a nice day, nonetheless.’’ Kyungsoo nicely says, shocking both himself and his boss who breaks into giggles at his sudden character development.

‘’I will. Have a nice day too, Kyungsoo.’’

**

In the middle of the busy atmosphere surrounding the planetarium in the afternoon, Kyungsoo escapes in one of the room to reconnect with the space. He feels as he’s neglect his passion recently. It’s true that the universe was always on his mind but he didn’t take the time to actually think and reflect about it for a good time now. His mind mostly busy with the stupid contest with Bob the builder.

 This time, he finds his peace in the room dedicated to a phenomenon which happens closer than all the others. Auroras.  He finds it fascinating to have such beauty so close to us. As a special gift the universe specially made for the Earth. Because, yes, 140km was considered close. Very close.

Shooting stars were overrated in his opinion. It was odd to him how people found romantic and beautiful the fact something threatening their lives entered the atmosphere at an incredible speed. Of course, the rocks were too small to cause damage but there never was a 100% possibility that none could be a threat to their lives. Meteoroid fell and would continue to fall on their planet. It wasn’t because they have been lucky even since humanity appeared that they would never receive a meteoroid that could destroy an entire country, or worse.

That’s why he was more of a fan of Auroras. They were beautiful and harmless. He liked to watch their time-lapse viewed from space; it looked like a silent symphony was being played in the sky. One human were allowed to see but not to understand. A secret exchange between the Earth and whoever was her lover. It wasn’t his business anyway. Their planet deserved to be in love with whatever planet, moon, star, supernova, galaxy that she wanted. He couldn’t care less since the Earth deserves it. After all humanity did to the poor globe, the least they could allow was her falling in love.

Wasn’t love a human invention, though?

 **

Friday. The decisive day.  The time whether Kyungsoo or Mr. Kim will face a harsh defeat. The odds were in his favour, at least. But he couldn’t help but worry about the economic factor. If Bob really did offer millions to Jongin, the man would be crazy not to accept only for Kyungsoo. But at the same time, he’s also convinced his boss found something personal in the sky. Something Kyungsoo helped him find. And that, that’s a good reason not to give up.

Tension is felt all over the planetarium, the employees are anxious, because this is the time they know if they’re fired or not, Kyungsoo can’t stay in place, and Jongin is nowhere to be found. The manager secretly regrets not calling the man the night before just to make sure he was okay. His double intentions were gone now. He genuinely cared about the CEO after witnessing the effects it had on the man. Jongin might have a lot of money but the stress that filled every second surely stole away many years of his life. It had to stop. He couldn’t go on like this. It wasn’t healthy. Having many projects and buildings was fine but the thing is, Kyungsoo notice Jongin only wants to please everybody and that isn’t favorable for a business man.

He realizes now that his superior is just too nice to own buildings but he’s the last person to be in the position to tell the man. Being scared to disappoint makes terribly sad people. Just imagining Jongin alone with his thoughts and worries is enough to make Kyungsoo regret and scared for the man. He wished he could give a part of the way he doesn’t care about anyone to him. Like a protection. Jongin needs protection and he shouldn’t. Being vulnerable is a big weakness in a world where the wealthiest were like wolves going on a hunt to vulnerable prey.

The planetarium is closed today for obvious reasons but Kyungsoo still called some staff just to check everything, and because he needs to see people. Of course, sharing stress with others was all but right but then, what was he supposed to do? Sit by his desk and play with his pen until the owner called him or showed up? That couldn’t be healthier.

When Jongin arrives, it’s a bit past lunch time. The man smiles and salutes everyone as he’s bringing the good news. Exactly what he needs to do to uplift the atmosphere. It’s like the man suddenly absorbed all bad vibes and replaced them with his own special vibes. The Jongin vibes. Even Kyungsoo can’t help but smile when the man walks by him and gives him one of those smiles that make you completely powerless.

The manager is so drawn by the smile that he forgets to look at the CEO’s eyes. That’s his second mistake.

It’s the reason why when Jongin calls Kyungsoo into his office and Kyungsoo notices the drastic change in the man’s behavior that he understands.

‘’Please go right to the point, don’t play any comforting games on me.’’

‘’You know?’’

‘’I guessed and you just proved me right.’’

‘’You’re not…mad?’’

‘’I’m disappointed and realization will probably crash on me when I’m home but I can’t be mad at you. You did all you could.’’

‘’Don’t you want explanation? Know why I decided to let it go?’’

‘’I think I know but go ahead.’’

‘’First, I don’t want you to think I chose money over you. Mr. Kim did offer me money but it’s more complicated than that.’’ Kyungsoo whispers a small ‘’I know’’ to calm him down because Jongin looks like he’s about to pass out.

‘’I’ve tried to get some sponsoring or contributors to upgrade the planetarium, make it more interesting, more modern. But nobody wants to invest and it was to be expected because like I told you, I’m mostly losing money than gaining. I know I have other buildings to balance but the gap is too big. I can’t afford keeping the planetarium.’’

‘’I understand.’’ Jongin extend a shaky hand to hold the manager’s.

‘’Kyungsoo, I swear, I tried, I- I did and…’’ The desperation on the CEO’s face is too much for Kyungsoo to handle. He knows Jongin tried. However he can’t bear to look at his face. Unknown to him, his boss interprets the action as him pushing him away which is far from the truth, it just hurts too much to see the man in pain. Thankfully, Kyungsoo starts speaking up before Jongin breaks down even more and gets lost in messy explanations.

‘’I’m thankful for all you did. I understood a while ago that it was meant to be destroyed. That doesn’t mean I accept it but I was ready to hear your decision. I won’t rebel against it because I know you better now. I know you’re a good person. I respect you and your choice. Don’t you need to tell me something now, though?’’

‘’…Like what?’’

Kyungsoo smiles and runs his thumb against the CEO’s. What he’s about to say is the last thing he can do to prove he’s forgiven but also and more importantly, the only thing he will have ever done for the man.

‘’It’s fine, I can do it myself. Do Kyungsoo, we’re thankful for your hard work but I have the regret to announce you we no longer need your services. You’re fired. Would you like us to write a recommendation letter to help you find another job?’’

Jongin looks at him with big eyes, both sorry and scared. Kyungsoo’s hand moves without his consent to the startled face blankly starring at him. He needs to lean forward to reach his objective but the second he touches Jongin’s face, he feels as he just set fire to his cheeks. Oh.   

‘’So you feel it too.’’ He says out of amazement.

‘’F-feel what?’’

‘’The sun under your skin.’’

‘’That’s because you’re touching me.’’

‘’So?’’

‘’So I like you.’’

Ah, so that was it. The sun was for lovers. How come it never was considered romantic then?

Death and love were part of the same star. A bit contradictory considering one broke apart the other. But Kyungsoo likes contradiction. Wasn’t he the biggest one, anyway?

‘’I’ll take the recommendation letter.’’ He says before standing up, breaking the contact.

‘’What? Oh! Yes, sure. I’ll make you one.’’

‘’Thank you.’’

 Just before he leaves the room, Jongin suddenly exclaim something:

‘’Kyungsoo! Will you…are you okay?’’

‘’I am. You should be the one taking care of yourself.’’

‘’Are you leaving?’’

Kyungsoo turns to the man, a sad smile on his lips. He doesn’t want to be the one to break it to him but it had to be done.

‘’Thank you, Jongin.’’  Goodbye.

In short, it looks like they finally weren’t meant.

Who knows in how many years they would meet again? Earth did take 365 days to orbit round the sun after all. They needed to be patient. And if they don’t meet in this lifetime, they would in another.

**

                                                                                                                            -9 months later-

It would be a lie to say the planetarium’s closing down didn’t have any impact on Kyungsoo. He might have acted like everything was fine in front of Jongin but he broke down when he finally arrived home. He broke down the second he closed the door to the world. He could allow himself to cry in his universe. It was okay for men to cry in his made-up galaxy. Even though his galaxy crashed down.

 One of his biggest landmarks was gone.

 There was a period where he stayed indoors, only going out for essential needs, like food. He never picked up his phone either, particularly when he saw the calls were from a certain someone he wasn’t ready to face again yet. He couldn’t help the feeling of betrayal inside him, always popping up in his mind in the most unexpected moments. Even if he tried with all his will to let it go and start living again, it was too hard. A whole part of him had been torn off, yes somehow willingly, but we all do stupid things, don’t we?

Even though he found another job, secretly because of Jongin’s recommendation, all he did for the last six months, after his hermit period, was going to work-one he didn’t even like- counting the minutes until he goes back home. If he was dreamless before now he was also hopeless. The slump he had going on felt like a lifestyle he adopted more than a ‘’phase’’.

A part of him always wants to go back to see the apartment complex they’re building on his precious site but it’s too painful. The memories had been snatched away from him, he knows, and that’s exactly why it’s easier not to think about it or see anything that will revive them. Avoiding was a solution he used to put in practice a lot before and kind of brushed away when he had to fight for the planetarium. Now, it was one he used almost every day.

The thing is, avoiding doesn’t make the problems go away; it only gives one a temporary peace of mind. And to rest in said peace of mind, you need to be someone who don’t think or regret a lot.

What was there else to do then think when that’s all the sky is asking for and is your only friend?

That’s why avoiding was a very bad solution for Kyungsoo. He learnt the harsh way. As always.

The name of his job is something he completely forgot the second his new boss told him about it. First of all, he didn’t care of whatever status it implied, second of all, he wasn’t going to stay there for long, and third of all, remembering means caring. The only reason he got a new job was to keep his apartment. The last thing he wanted was to lose both his homes at the same time and to pay the bills, it did. It was boring, though. He hated always being confined into a small cubicle. The worst part was that he rarely got the opportunity to look outside since he was sitting far from the windows, but all his breaks were spent his nose looking down the twenty something stairs of the building. He liked the proximity with the sky but he was far from having a superiority complex. Wasn’t that why rich people like owning high buildings? So they feel as they conquered the city or something?

While those wolves were busy having their power trip, he was enjoying being able to see the clouds closer. That’s where all the difference was. That’s why he didn’t fit. He was a sheep and they were wolves. It was still a mystery why wolves were considered smarter while they weren’t enjoying the present moment, but the future. Money, always more money in their heads. While in Kyungsoo’s head, common-sense, more common-sense. At this height, humans were fighting, yes the invisible hand as Adam Smith intended, but an even more powerful opponent. Another one that couldn’t be seen. The wind. And Kyungsoo was totally on his side. Knock those buildings over, make your rules, you’re the king. Why did nature give them so much space to grow?

He’s mechanically filling papers when he sees him. The man he’s been avoiding for nine long months now. They seem short now that he gets to see the face he wished to never see again. Luckily for him, he goes unnoticed and the man continues chatting with one if his superior while laughing and looking like two idiots. He’s safe. This time.

Focusing back on the screen in front of him he tries to repress the sudden rush of flashbacks taking over every galaxy his mind holds. He’s been good at ignoring them but seeing the familiar face ruined the mental barrier he put up. He can’t even imagine if the person he saw had been Jongin. The barrier would have exploded, most certainly, and a sudden white flash would have erased every sign of life in his head. Completely blank. He’s not sure he would be able to just look at his prior boss.

He was having a hard time accepting he misses him sometimes. Mostly when he watches the stars. Once he let his eyes slip on Capricorn and he automatically regretted it.

They missed the timing, the one that would have allowed them to have a proper relationship. Of course, he was curious about how the man was doing and if he felt the way he did when he allowed his mind to wonder in his secret universe.  However, a single step in society is enough to change his mind. People want too much and he can’t give that to Jongin.

He knows it’s selfish considering everything the man did for him.

He’s selfish.

And dreamless.

And hopeless.

A shell, really.

Who would want of him?

 **

April was slowly coming to an end meaning the summer was drawing closer. With summer came bad and not-so-bad memories. Those are the thoughts he needs to keep buried inside him.

 Last night, Kyungsoo looked Jongin up on the Internet. Even if it was late and the time perfect to look into his telescope, he spent the whole night reading every page related to the man. He can’t say he didn’t learn anything. He did. Nothing that really interests him but just being able to see that pretty smile of his was enough to make him feel like his time had been well-spent. He also saved that picture of Jongin smiling directly into the camera. Absolutely not because he feels like the man is directly staring at him!  

The conclusion of his nocturne researches is that he really should contact Jongin.

 Will he?

Never.

His life goes on, without any other visit from Bob at his work and it’s perfect like that. Isn’t it what he always wished? People leaving him alone? The brain really was a mystery. How come when one gets what they want, they get bored and want something else. Sometimes, even something they had before.  

He surely doesn’t want of Mr. Kim but having….certain people around him, wasn’t that bad now that he thought about it.

He never wanted of a boring life, though. Just one where he would be surrounded by the right people.

**

Sometimes, at work, they send him, along with other workers in various companies to give speeches about their working methods and that’s probably what Kyungsoo hates the most. It was one thing to talk about stuff he loved and another to talk about business. He at explaining how their company came to be so successful and the programs they established. It was obvious that the companies he visited also thought he was a terrible worker and orator but for some reasons his boss always sent him. He thought about giving false information to make sure they never ask him to go again but he would also lose his job.

The one he has to go to this time isn’t that far from theirs but that doesn’t mean he feels like going. Embarrassing himself wasn’t one of his favourite hobbies, unless what his boss seemed to think. Only this time, he won’t be the one presenting, he’s in charge of giving out the informative documents. A task he had a bit more abilities to accomplish. As long as he didn’t trip on anyone, he could consider he did a good job.

When he and his co-workers enter the meeting room, the feeling that something is wrong suddenly becomes too overwhelming. He doesn’t feel good at all. There are too many people sitting at the table for him to calm his anti-social self. It’s intimidating. Even if he only has to give out documents, he can predicts he will do something wrong. He does feel sorry for his co-worker that will have to speak in front of those either old men or young. The lack of feminine presence was flagrant. He doesn’t even need to look for them as they automatically stand out.

Difference is noticeable.  

Maybe that’s why he feels so uncomfortable standing there.

The meeting goes surprisingly well; his colleague was definitely a lot better than he is at speaking in front of a crowd as he only struggled once about a subject someone is quick to offer him help on. The stressful moment being over, Kyungsoo almost storms out of the room once they shook hands with everybody and heads to the elevator as his life depends on it. Finally, he can go home!

However, life has something different planned out for him. He’s about to leave the building when he abruptly stops walking. There, in diagonal, was standing Jongin with two other men. They were obviously having a light conversation as Kyungsoo doesn’t note any frown on Jongin’s face.

The conflict he faces is quickly solved. Not because Jongin sees him or because he decides to act like he didn’t see him and leave. No. He was right about being scared to face Jongin and him destroying his barrier because that’s exactly what happens. However what doesn’t happen is the blank. Instead of an empty mind, he realizes he always had the solution under his nose. He realizes that instead of waiting for destiny he has to be the one making an effort.

So he walks to Jongin. Absolutely not sure of what he’s doing but it feels right.

And, god, the look he gives him when he finally notices Kyungsoo walking toward him is worth all the effort he can make. It’s like Jongin suddenly stopped orbiting. His attention only on and for Kyungsoo.

There’s a hesitation in his eyes, though. Like Kyungsoo is only playing and will simply walk by to disappear into himself and in the space again. He’s wrong. Terribly wrong. Kyungsoo has so many things to say, he can’t allow himself to walk away this time.

He sees Jongin excusing himself to the men and meets him half way. None of them break the eye contact as they walk toward each other. They stand still half a meter away from each other, none of them talking. Kyungsoo is the first one to break into a smile and to break the silence.

‘’Hi.’’ He says sheepishly. That seems to take all the apprehension off Jongin’s shoulders as he lets out a shaky sigh and laughs.

‘’Hey.’’

 ‘’Were you scared of me?’’

‘’Trust me, I have many reasons to be scared of you.’’

Kyungsoo notices a weird sparkle in his eyes.

Boldness takes control of him again as he lets out:

‘’Missed me?’’

‘’So, so much.’’ The answer satisfies Kyungsoo who smiles brighter. He’s not sure where this conversation is going but before anything can separate them again, he says what he should have said long ago. With no regrets.

 ‘’I missed you too.’’

And it does take Jongin by surprise. So much that he proposes they go somewhere else to talk. To which Kyungsoo doesn’t oppose. The place where they are standing is definitely not one he wished to be in, and by leaving the buildings he will finally be able to put the presentation behind him.

Kyungsoo lets Jongin lead them to the nearest park. They look like two business men taking a walk. It’s chilly outside, summer not quite there yet, but that’s only their excuse to let their shoulders brush together. The temperature is probably what will force them to part but not forever. Not this time.

They finally find a peaceful spot, a bench in this case. It’s far from the playground so there aren’t that many people around them. Yet they still feel the responsibility of their statuses. Business men don’t hold hands. But they do in Kyungsoo’ world. So he reaches for Jongin’s.

‘’Did you go see the apartment complex?’’ Jongin asks out of the blue.

Shaking his head, Kyungsoo adds ‘’ I’m not ready for that yet.’’

‘’It’s ugly.’’

‘’It doesn’t make me feel better.’’

‘’Sorry.’’

The smile the shorter man sends the taller is a forgiven one. It’s fine. He wasn’t being serious.    

‘’You look happy Jongin.’’

‘’Do I?’’ After seeing Kyungsoo nodding in approval he continues. ‘’ I’m not, though. The last months have been hell.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because I kept worrying about you.’’

That’s it. That’s the answer Kyungsoo came for.

‘’It’s a good thing you only have me to worry about, then.’’

 ‘’It is!’’ They laugh together before dozing off in the distance. Kyungsoo to the left and Jongin to the right.

They would be synchronized one day. Kyungsoo isn’t worried about that. In the meantime he gives a small squeeze to Jongin’s hand to bring him down to Earth. It works, and the man suddenly voices out what he’s been thinking about.

‘’You wouldn’t happen to be free tomorrow night, by any chances?’’

‘’Free time is all I have besides work.’’

‘’Great. Would you like to come for diner at my house, then?’’

‘’Sure! Are you cooking?’’

‘’I’ll do my best not to poison you, yes.’’

Kyungsoo wonders if this is what love is about ; spontaneity. Because when Jongin carefully brushes away hair covering his ear and kiss him on the cheek just above his jaw, he wishes those lips never leaves his skin. Ever.

It also makes anticipate the time when they will be in private.

If Jongin doesn’t kill him with his cooking skills.

**

 Work is always boring and times always passes very slowly but it seems like it does even more. Nothing to do with the fact he’s seeing Jongin after. Not at all.

He suddenly understands when people say you better have a job you like. Well, it’s not like he never tried. He liked working at the planetarium. But let’s not look back at the past again. He already plans on quitting in a month or two anyway. Money really wasn’t everything. It didn’t bring much except problems, actually. As long as he had enough to live comfortably, he didn’t need to make millions.

When Jongin sends him a text during the day about his favourite wine, Kyungsoo snorts. He was far from being that person that looks at the critics to buy wine. Not that he particularly drank a lot anyway. Drinking was a fun thing to do in groups but not alone. In his opinion, at least.

The next message he gets is way more ambiguous. If the first one was clear, this one is all but easy to understand. He might have realized his feelings for Jongin, he still have no idea how to interpret people’s feelings.

Jongin seems the get the hint because he sends another one. Very clear this time.

This is a date.

Oh… Oh!

It’s a date!

There goes Kyungsoo usual calm self. He hates Jongin for turning him into such a stressing ball. He misses not having to worry about anything. Like that ever happened.

He spends the rest of the afternoon secretly searching on his phone how he is supposed to act on a date. The answers he gets are all so contradictory and vague that he gives up and settles for acting as he always do.

**

The first thing that Kyungsoo notices when he’s in the elevator to Jongin’s house is that the man lives in a penthouse. Power trip is the first thing that crosses his mind but his heart weirdly forgives Jongin once again.

He needs to stop doing that.

The second thing that strikes him is how happy but nervous Jongin looks when Kyungsoo walks in.

The third one is that Jongin also owns a telescope and ironically the curious look on Kyungsoo’s face is the first thing the taller man notices. Each visibly had their attention on different things.

‘’I’ll tell you about it later.’’

‘’If I’m not dead.’’

‘’Stop making me sound like a terrible cook without even tasting the food!’’

Kyungsoo chuckles before patting the upset man’s cheek.

‘’Alright. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.’’

‘’Mh, since you were amazingly clear about your favourite wine, I took the discretion to choose one myself.’’

‘’Good initiative.’’

 ‘’Want some?’’

After accepting the offer, Jongin sends him off in the living room while he pours them two glasses.

The sky changing color is what attracts Kyungsoo’s attention. The view from the penthouse was breathtaking and must cost a whole lot of money. He’s a bit sad that he missed the sunset since the sky was almost all black now but the apparition of small shinning spots up there comforts him.

When he hears Jongin entering the room with the two glasses, he looks back in time to see him set them down on the table in the middle of the room.

‘’What are you looking at?’’

‘’Nothing in particular.’’

 ‘’Do you like the view?’’

‘’It’s gorgeous.’’

‘’Isn’t it? I’m still not used to it.’’

‘’I don’t think you can ever get used to a view like this.’’

‘’You’re right.’’ The way Jongin says. His tone makes Kyungsoo wonder if they’re talking about the same thing. But before he can ask him, the man hands him his glass, effectively making him shut up. Jongin doesn’t expect Kyungsoo to comment on the wine, he knows, and it’s fine. He likes how different it is when he’s with the man. He doesn’t feel like he needs to be his business, serious self. He likes the carefree vibe Kyungsoo gives off. He likes the way the man thinks. He likes watching him talk about the universe. He’s completely whipped. He’s been since the day he interviewed the man for the job. Usually it would have been the manager’s task but he was sick that day. Never in his life was Jongin more thankful for doing an interview. And never in his life had he regretted more having that one night stand with him. Until now, it’s still one of his biggest mistakes. The fact that Kyungsoo moved over it and forgave him is still something he has a hard time believing but like he promised himself, from now on he will treat Kyungsoo like he deserves it. Meaning, just like the man cherishes the sky he will cherish Kyungsoo.

They sit on the relatively comfortable couch in his living room. To make up for it being hard on the , it faces the window. Kyungsoo does make a face at him when he sits down, and Jongin laughs at the expression of pure betrayal on his face.

‘’You need a new couch.’’

‘’I really do. I rarely sit here, though.’’

‘’My deserves better than this.’’

‘’I’ll treat your like a king so stop complaining about my couch.’’

‘’Can you stop with your suggestive comments.’’

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about. Here, sit on my lap if you’re not happy.’’

‘’I will.’’ And he does.

Jongin tries to hide his joy at having the man in his lap but he’s doing a very bad job at it. It’s only because Kyungsoo has some manners that he doesn’t say anything. It’s comfortable, though. Having Jongin’s hands around his waist.  It’s definitely more comfortable for his to be on some natural cushions people usually called thighs than to sit on the bony couch the man owned.

‘’It’s funny how some time ago you wouldn’t even allow me to touch your shoulder as a professional gesture to show my satisfaction towards the great work you’re doing.’’

‘’Why do you always bring that up?’’

‘’Because you hurt my feelings.’’ Jongin knows he’s not playing fair but that doesn’t stop him.

‘’And so did you!’’

‘’I’m sorry about that. I thought that’s what you wanted.’’

Kyungsoo stays silent for a while, lost in his thoughts before admitting:

‘’I’m at fault too. I know you would have stopped if I asked. I guess we just both at communication.’’

‘’Definitely. But you know what I learned thanks to you?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’A star is like a stranger.’’ Kyungsoo seems taken aback by the sudden metaphor. Mostly because it’s about stars.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’You can’t judge of their nature from afar, you need to get closer to really understand their characters, their physical traits and most of all you need to study them to understand who they are. Take time to observe and understand their routine, listen to their desires, give them space to live, and cherish them once they acknowledge you because they can disappear at any moment.’’

The loving smile usually on Jongin’s lips when he’s looking at Kyungsoo now changed of owner. Maybe he loves people talking sweetly about him, or maybe he just loves the way Jongin made up a complete explanation about him related to stars. Whatever affects him the most encourages him to put an arm around the man’s shoulder.

‘’You worked hard.’’ He smiles playfully, while patting Jongin on the shoulder, triggering a series of giggles when he understands what Kyungsoo is referring to.  

‘’Did I?’’

‘’Yes. You got it right, too.’’

‘’Amazing.’’

A second they’re smiling teasingly at each other and the next their faces are completely serious, both searching for the other’s eyes. When their gaze find each other, there’s a pause where Kyungsoo’s mind goes crazy imagining what’s going on in Jongin’s head while Jongin is trying to find a way to get them out of this position that he would have usually brushed off with a kiss. He knows better than to push Kyungsoo into doing something he doesn’t want to. He’s not that kind of person. So he says the first thing that goes through his mind:

‘’Hungry?’’

‘’Very.’’

Jongin pauses for a second, wondering if Kyungsoo is aware of what he’s doing. How he’s testing him but finally decides to let it go.

It turns out the food cooked with so much love by Jongin is edible, even more than edible actually. It’s way better than what Kyungsoo imagined. Which is a good advantage. If they ever were to live together one day-yes, he let his mind imagine that possibility- he knew he could count on Jongin for cooking too.

Kyungsoo is busy cutting his meat when Jongin speaks up.

‘’You know, I made some research during those months.’’

‘’About?’’ The man answers while successfully putting the piece of meat in his mouth.   

 ‘’Stuffs.’’

‘’Well…enlightened me.’’ 

‘’I’m sure you already know about all those things, though.’’ Jongin says almost pouting which brings a fond smile on his lips.

‘’Maybe I don’t. Go ahead. Inform me.’’

 ‘’Did you know Mars has two moons?’’

‘’I know that, yes. Phobos and Deimos, right?’’

‘’See it’s not fair, you already about it. How can I possibly impress you with knowledges that interest you when you already know everything?’’

‘’That’s all I know, I swear, tell me more. What about them?’’

‘’It’s nothing too technical, but you know how only one of their face is always facing Mars, because of how their orbit. Well they kind of remind me of you and me. Minus the brother part.’’

‘’How come?’’

‘’Well, like I told you, I did some research and I found their Greek origins. Phobos means fear or panic while Deimos means terror. They’re Ares’s sons. The thing is, even though they are meant to be feared, I see it otherwise. The face you always show is that one, the scared one. To me, at least. And the impression you had of me, at first, was the terror one.’’ Kyungsoo frowns a bit but it’s quick to leave his face when he realizes it’s true. There was a moment where Jongin did scare him. ‘’While in fact, I’m as scared as you.’’

 ‘’You are full of surprises Kim Jongin.’’ Kyungsoo says sincerely. The compliment seems to please the man, who shyly smiles at the praise. ‘’Want to know what I always thought. The reason behind why we keep bumping into each other one way or another?’’

‘’Sure.’’ Jongin answers, looking genuinely interested.

‘’At first I thought you were as asteroid meant to collide with me, now I think we’re defying time and space since our orbits seem to be on the way of the other. Except, we orbit way too quickly. I guess we’re impatient. Or time just doesn’t matter to us. ‘’

Jongin smiles.

‘’Impatient, definitely. Want to know about my theory?’’

‘’Of course.’’

‘’I think when the universe was created our atoms were close to each other and until now they’ve been searching for each other, constantly trying to collide to create something beautiful.’’

Kyungsoo looks like he’s considering the theory for a while before he says:

‘’So now, who’s right?’’

‘’Is there really a need for right and wrong? Can’t we stay in-between, where everything is allowed?’’

‘’That’s where I live.’’

‘’Do you accept my company, then?’’

‘’I’ll consider it.’’

‘’I need to admit something.’’

‘’Yes?’’

‘’I moved here not too long ago and I might or might not have think about you when I decided to buy the penthouse. I imagined seeing you standing right there, one day. ‘’ He points toward the telescope. ‘’ Looking at the stars from my window and teaching me about all you know.’’

‘’For how long have you been fantasizing about me?’’ Kyungsoo asks, trying to hide the blush creeping on his cheeks.

‘’Too long.’’

**

Because of Kyungsoo’s refusal to sit back on the uncomfortable couch, they are sitting on the floor instead, in front of the window, looking at the city lights and the stars. Jongin playfully playing with Kyungsoo’s ear, taking advantage of the fact he’s sitting between his long legs and can’t escape. There’s almost no awkwardness left between them. Of course, they still need to fully adapt to each other’s personality, but that was a matter of years. They had time and were particularly good at defying it too.

 Kyungsoo finally locks his fingers with Jongin’s, preventing him from harassing his ear any further. The subtle change of position doesn’t bother Jongin at all. He’s more than happy to be able to lock his fingers whenever he feels like it with the man he loves. Leaning his cheek against Kyungsoo’s head he whispers into his ear.

‘’Are you still unable to love?’’

‘’I still only love the universe. I haven’t given up on the Horsehead Nebula just yet!’’

‘’What about me, then?’’

‘’You are…threatening them.’’

‘’So you there’s still chance for me?’’

‘’You and your chance. He shakes his head.Yes, you have more than good chances.’’

Jongin lets out a childish celebration exclamation before circling Kyungsoo’s waist and letting them fall backward. The yelp the man lets out is so adorable that Jongin doesn’t even register what he’s doing when he pins him down, effectively exchanging their positions.

He’s about to lean down when Kyungsoo’s hand stops him by touching his chest. He doesn’t move until the man speaks his mind.

‘’This won’t…it won’t lead further, right?’’

‘’I promise it won’t.’’

‘’Okay.’’ He looks relieved.

‘’Can I?’’

Kyungsoo bites his lips shyly before answering.

‘’Please do.’’

That’s how they find themselves kissing for the first time, officially. This is a new start for them. And unlike most people, they don’t feel fireworks or sparks. They feel nebulas forming inside them. And it’s beautiful.  

They’re light-headed, their attention focused on the other’s lips. The feeling completely different from their previous kisses. This one is slow yet needy. They take their time, their lips brushing lightly, pausing shortly to breathe and then more eagerly to fulfill the waves of pleasure taking over their body every time their lips touch.

Finally parting, they lie down, side by side, on the floor. The hardness of the surface they’re laying on completely going under the radar, as their nerve endings are still muddled by the strong feelings that animated their bodies a few seconds earlier. They’re panting when Jongin turns his head to look at Kyungsoo, feeling completely satisfied with the man by his sides and everything he has to offer and can offer him.

Kyungsoo found his happiness.

And he found it in the same galaxy as him, even more extraordinary, on the same planet, and to go further, in the same country, in the same city and neighbourhood.

He doesn’t want to think about the statistics because he knows he’s incredibly lucky. But if he really had to, on the 88 constellations in the sky he found himself sharing the same one as Jongin and that was enough coincidences to convince him he’s right.

He does plan on treating his star like one. He won’t let it go. He’s done orbiting.

He ready to settle.

**

                                                                                                                                 -Months later-

Jongin hurriedly leaves the meeting he’s attending the second it’s over without biding goodbye to anybody. He has more than four missed calls and doesn’t even want to think about the number of unread texts. He mentally prepares himself for the storm waiting for him once he calls back.

Just as he sits in his car, his phone rings again. This time he doesn’t even bother looking at the ID before answering.

‘’Kim Jongin! Where are you!? I want you to bring your home right now! I’ve been trying to reach you all evening. I thought something bad happened.’’

‘’I know I’m sorry, the meeting finished later than what I expected. I’ll be home in less than fifteen minutes. Do we need anything at the grocery store?’’

‘’Later! Just come home!’’

‘’Okay, okay. I’m on my way.’’

‘’Hurry up!’’

‘’Yes.’’ He chuckles at his lover’s impatience before hanging up.

He arrives home in a bit later than what he predicted. Exactly seventeen minutes later and he knows he will get his whooped for that. He is, however, met with a cheery Kyungsoo who almost jumps at his neck to kiss him.

‘’I missed you.’’ Is his simple reason and it’s enough.

‘’I missed you too’’ Jongin says properly answering the kiss. ‘’When did you come back from work?’’

‘’Hours ago.’’

‘’Is it starting yet?’’

‘’Almost!’’

He chuckles at his boyfriend’s enthusiasm.

‘’Did you set up the telescope?’’

‘’Of course, I always do.’’

‘’True. What did you eat?’’ He asks entering the kitchen, Kyungsoo following behind him after glancing a last time outside to make sure it hasn’t started yet.

‘’You only need to heat it up. It’s in the micro wave. It’s boring at home when you finish late.’’

That’s two things that changed with Kyungsoo in the last months. The first one is that he made peace with his feelings and fully accepted his love for Jongin. Which leads to some particularly cheesy moments even he still has a hard time believing. The words still too unfamiliar to be actually coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth. The second one is probably the one that makes him the happiest and most proud. Kyungsoo has been living with him for three months, and calling it home for less than a month now. At first, he was worried about his boyfriend adapting, since he knew it was hard for him to get attach. However, what he didn’t realize was that Kyungsoo’s landmarks were mostly in the sky, meaning eternal. However, one of his biggest new landmark was him. As long as he has Jongin by his sides, he feels home.

After heating his plate, they sit on the now comfortable couch, they bought together to make sure it was comfortable to both their butts, and that is now right next to the telescope, in front of the window. But it moves all the time, depending on where they need it. They will probably sleep on it tonight, though. Unless one of them wakes up in the middle of the night, a couple of hours before the sun interrupts their sleep, and force them to move from the couch to their bed.

Kyungsoo told Jongin about the shooting starts shower two weeks ago to be sure the man doesn’t make any plans. It wasn’t something the shorter particularly enjoyed but he liked spending time on the couch listening to Jongin making wishes every time he sees a shooting star, which was cheating considering there were so many falling at this time of the year but he allows it. That’s what they always did. There was no right or wrong with them.

 Jongin is also way better at finding the constellations but still lets Kyungsoo find Saturn and Jupiter. He’s always informed on the Moon’s phase and constantly brings information about Phobos and Deimos so they don’t feel left out.

It warms Kyungsoo’s heart to see him so invested now. It’s in those moments that he feels intense rushes of love for his boyfriend.

Life after death and his future are still scary and unclear but he knows Jongin will hold his hand all the way so it’s not as bad. He found a home too. A real home, full of meanings, memories and future anecdotes.

He lies down on the couch, looking outside while Jongin sits at his feet, with Kyungsoo’s legs on his lap. The telescope is ready for Jongin to use. Kyungsoo smiles at the way his boyfriend scrunches his nose to see better.

It’s just another peaceful moment of their life.

Where everything is allowed. Neither wrong or right

It might only be them, but it looks like Capricorn is shining brighter than usual. It’s a familiar sign now. A secret between the 49 Flamsteed stars and the couple.  

**

When Kyungsoo wakes up past midnight, his arms are around Jongin’s shoulder, while the man’s are around his torso, his face lost into his chest. Jongin almost looks like a child when he sleeps. He always looks so peaceful. Every sign of worry completely off his features. Their limbs are intertwined in whatever comfortable position they found. He honestly doesn’t even recall when they fell asleep. He definitely fell asleep before his tall boyfriend but he has no memories of Jongin cuddling him.     

He gently tries to replace Jongin’s fluffy hair he’s been breathing in while sleeping. When the result is satisfying in his eyes and he won’t risk waking up with hair in his mouth again he lovingly kisses his boyfriend’s head before letting himself fall into Morpheus’s arms again.

He’s content and the multiple galaxies invading his mind and hiding countless of secrets and thoughts are now finally one.

It feels good not to hide anymore.

It feels good to be accepted as he is.

He dreams again because he knows that he only needs to find the right people to make his journey on Earth enjoyable.

He was able to find Jongin and wasn’t worried about finding other ones.

There was hope.

Always.

Spes.

He found it. He found his planet.

It’s Jongin.

                                                                                                                                                       🌠The End🌠

**

Hey everyone, I know this is late :/ I just haven't been feeling really well lately and my writing keeps disappointing me. But this is the end! Hopefully you enjoyed the story! Thank you for reading and subscribing<3<3<3<3<3<3 It means the world to me.

You would make me really happy if you left some comments since this is the end <3

Just like Kyungsoo, I hope you find your way *Hugs you all*

-Lyli

Credit for the chapter gif: https://slverlining.tumblr.com/post/140372759026

Sources: Source: Nasa web site/ psychology&politics notes/stelvision/ Science& vie les merveilles de la science (Book), The universe story (Book)/Dictionnary/planetarium rio tinto alcan/ Wikipedia