5. Jinyoung: Sinner

“Your flames are getting a little wobbly,” Jinyoung said, adjusting Mark's hand on his paintbrush. He smelled like smoke up close, but not in an unpleasant way. It reminded Jinyoung of campfires in fall rather than hellfire, but perhaps he was getting a little bit biased at this point.

“Maybe because you're breathing down my neck?” Mark laughed.

“See? I can do the ert thing, too.” Jinyoung dropped his hand away from Mark's. “Anyways, it's your fault for taking so long. I've already finished my painting of Heaven, and you're still taking forever to finish Hell. We're supposed to work on Limbo together, so I have to wait for you.”

“Patience. You're still in the mindset of a human. We're going to be in Limbo for one hundred years, remember? We could take thirty-three years on each painting and still finish in time.”

“Do you really think they'll let us stay in Limbo one hundred years without calling us back?” Jinyoung asked softly. “Considering everything that's going on?”

“No,” Mark said honestly.

“Then get painting.”

“Then pretty please back off a little so I can concentrate.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and descended from the ceiling entirely. If Mark didn't want to talk to him, he'd just talk to Youngjae or Jaebum instead.

He found the two of them in the reception hall. Youngjae was holding a piece of parchment in his hands, his expression more pinched than Jinyoung had ever seen in it before.

“I don't get this,” he was saying. “They know I can't approve these without them sending an official delegation, so why aren't they scheduling one? And how can they just issue a sanction against me when they're breaking the rules?”

“What's going on?” Jinyoung asked. “Is everything okay?”

“No. Everything is not okay. I received a message from your Ace this morning. They want to change one of their Divine One's rules on the books about suicides. They're asking all souls sent to Hell solely for committing suicide to be returned to Heaven and no new souls to be admitted to Hell for that reason.”

“Isn't that a good thing?” Jinyoung asked.

“Yes, it's great. I've only been requesting Heaven to change that rule since I got this job. But I can't change it without having an official ratifying council with Heaven, Hell, and Limbo. And I certainly can't go around demanding souls be relinquished from Hell without the council's majority vote. I mean, I don't even know if the process of transforming into a demon can be reversed. These are things that need to be discussed.” He another piece of parchment under Jinyoung's nose. “On top of that, they sanctioned me, claiming I'm actively holding souls that don't belong to me. Jaebum's listed, of course. I can't believe they would dare try that when the rules we agreed on are clearly in line with Jaebum staying here for his assigned one hundred years.”

Jinyoung looked at the big red stamp across the bottom of the page. This was definitely an approved missive from the Ace. They were certainly beginning to move aggressively, for whatever reason.

“On top of that, the Hyde Club has also decided to send me a letter stating that they want to update their list of damnable offenses—once again without saying that they intend to discuss any of these changes with Heaven. Next thing I know, Hell is going to be sanctioning me for ignoring all these stupid rules.”

Jaebum rubbed Youngjae's back. “They can't get away with this, can they?”

“Actually, they probably can. The Divine One and The Corrupted One are considered to be divine beings by their followers. I'm not. I'm an 100% human soul who wasn't good enough for Heaven or bad enough for Hell. Whatever they want to do with me, they can probably can get away with.”

“We won't let them,” Jinyoung said firmly. “If they keep going this way, they're going to dismantle all three realms, and everyone's going to be a casualty.”

“There's only so much we can do,” Youngjae said miserably. “We have to strengthen our defenses here. And most importantly, I have to arrange a real council between the Ace and the Hyde Club. I have to at least attempt to get them to do this by the books and bring the fight to each other so they're not throwing it all on me and the people here.”

“They're taking such unfair advantage of it,” Jaebum grumbled. “You and Limbo being physically in the middle. They'll try and use this place as a stepping stone to launch an invasion on each other.”

“This is a resting place, a place of healing,” Youngjae said firmly. “No one gets to hurt these people on my watch.”

“Who's going to hurt who?” Mark's voice came from behind them. He was wiping of a bit of red paint from his hands onto his pants.

“Hell and Heaven both dropped us a line this morning,” Jaebum said. “You can read them if you want.” He handed the two letters and the sanction to Mark.

Mark read through the letter for the Hyde Club quickly, rolling his eyes. “Typical,” he muttered. He picked up the letter from the Ace next. After a few moments of reading it, his eyes slowly widened.

“This...they can actually do this?” he asked urgently.

“Which part?” Youngjae asked. “They can certainly change the rules with proper procedure, including a majority vote—and I'd be willing to vote with Heaven on this, for the record—but I don't know if they can reverse the demonization process.”

“But they can reverse the Seraphic transformation,” Mark said. “At least legend says so. Seraphim can have their souls stained by a damnable sin. Some people even say The Corrupted One used to be a Seraph. Why can't the reverse be true?”

“It might be,” Youngjae admitted. “I won't know unless we discuss this with the individuals who do know. Although, I suppose I could do some special research here. I'll get someone on that.”

“And this issue?” Mark waved the letter from Heaven. “Will you convene a council to vote on this?”

“I'll try. With the way they're acting lately, I can't promise anything.”

“Thank you,” Mark said, releasing his breath. “I know why they're doing this, and I know it's for the wrong reason. But it's reason enough for me.”

Jinyoung ran an idle hand through his feathers, straightening the areas where they were rumpled and cleaning out anything that had gotten caught in them throughout the day. It was a real pain keeping them clean since he didn't have the proper flexability to preen (he'd tried contorting his body to reach the difficult parts once with disatrous results for his back and shoulders), but there was something soothing about the process nonetheless. It was a relaxing way to end the day, especially since the day itself had been far from relaxing.

He looked out of the corner of his eye to catch Mark staring at him. That happened a lot recently, especially when Jinyoung happened to be doing anything with his wings. Mark seemed to love the sight of them, which Jinyoung couldn't really blame him for considering his own leathery wings weren't nearly as pretty. In a way, he felt almost light headed when he caught Mark looking at them, the way he'd felt the time Mark had played that little trick on him and made his heartbeat erratic. He realized, a little embarrassingly, that he liked being looked at.

Tonight, however, he had the feeling Mark wasn't really seeing him. Ever since their conversation with Jaebum and Youngjae, he'd been incredibly spaced out and for the most part keeping to himself. It was obvious that he had a lot of thoughts about the recent bout of activity between Heaven and Hell, but for once he wasn't actually discussing it with Jinyoung.

Jinyoung was pretty sure he knew why he wasn't being talked to. It brushed close to the subject they'd still never addressed with each other, and what for Mark was probably much of the source of his bitterness against the afterworld. It would be hard to bring up, but Jinyoung thought they knew each other well enough at this point not to hide from it. He knew he was ready to tell, and ready for Mark to know.

“It was a tumor,” he said, dropping his hands away from his wings.

Mark blinked, snapping himself back to the present. “Excuse me?”

“While I was applying for university, I found out I had a malignant brain tumor. I spent the next few years in surgery and radiotherapy trying to get rid of it and keep the cancerous cells from spreading. I lived for a few more years longer, draining my parents of almost all their resources to pay for my treatments. It didn't work in the long term. I died, wasting away in a hospital bed, and left them with almost nothing.” Jinyoung swallowed back the lump in his throat. “That's why I was scared to go back to Earth. I didn't want to ruin anyone else's future again. I didn't want to have my own future ruined.”

“Jinyoung,” Mark said gently.

“I know. It wasn't really my fault. I didn't ask for that to happen, and my parents would have given all the money they had just to see me live another day. But it hurt. It was a drawn out way to go, and I felt like I missed out so much on life. I know there was nothing I could have done, but I couldn't forgive myself for the longest time. I at least wanted to wrap things up on a good note by becoming a Seraph and helping souls on their journey to Heaven, but this wasn't what I wanted. War, conspiracy, other people getting involved...this wasn't the second chance I wanted. Heaven wasn't the bright spot in all of this. You were.”

Mark looked up at him in surprise. “You really mean that?”

Jinyoung nodded. “Mark. I've thought a little about the life you said you took. It was yours, wasn't it? You killed yourself.”

Mark flinched instinctively at his words, but little by little his shoulders slumped, a look of defeat crossing his features. “You figured it out?”

“I saw your face when you read that letter from Heaven. That's the sin you didn't consider to be a damnable offense?”

“I won't try to pretty it up. It's not a nice thing to leave your body around for people to find and clean up, especially if it's someone who cares about you. That's its own form of trauma, so if there has to be penance for anything, it should be for that last bit of selfishness. But do I think it should be a one way ticket to Hell? No, I don't. Especially if the life that person left was already hell.”

“And in your case...?”

“There wasn't really anyone left who cared about me at that point, so I didn't have to worry about that. I feel bad for whoever did find me, though, and the law enforcement officers. Drowning isn't pretty, I hear.”

Jinyoung's face blanched. “Drowning?”

Mark nodded. “It was supposed to be symbolic. God, I was such a little back then. It was a horrible way to go, but I suppose I deserved to know that before I died. That was how my little sister died, after all. Accidental drowning.”

“You had a little sister?”

“She was all I had. Our parents died when we were young, so we were in foster care together. Maybe we were fortunate because we were considered 'pretty foreign babies' and it was easier for us to find homes, but I couldn't have called us happy kids. My sister in particular was spoiled and treated like a little china doll, and she wasn't allowed to grow up like a normal kid, spending time outside and being playful. I had to do that for her sometimes, sneaking the two of us outside to play in the snow. She loved that most of all. Her last gift from our parents was an Abominable Snowman plushie she called Stuart. She was never happier than when she was making snowmen with me.”

Mark ducked his head, hiding his expression. “We slipped outside one time, down near the lake. I wanted to make her a real Abominable Snowman as a Christmas present, and I got so wrapped up into it that I wasn't paying proper attention to her. The lake was frozen over, and she hadn't realized that there was thin ice, and walked right on it to reach a stick some dog had left behind for her snowman. When I realized what had happened, it was already too late.” He closed his eyes tightly. “Her plushie Stuart was right by the cracked ice where she fell. It was the only thing I had to remember her by, after that.”

By then, Jinyoung had already crossed the room to sit down on the bed beside Mark. He didn't know how comforting it would be, but since he'd seen other angels do it, he thought he'd try wrapping his wings around Mark in an embrace. It didn't work as well as he wanted since Mark had wings of his own to contend with, but it at least brought Mark closer, to where Jinyoung could feel his head pressing against his chest.

“I never forgave myself,” Mark said softly. “My foster family never forgave me. I had to go back into the system, but everyone knew what I had done. Everyone considered me bad luck, an ill fated child. I was tarnished forever, from that day on. I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd killed the one thing that I'd had left in the world with my inattention and made her suffer something no child should have to suffer. She was an innocent little girl, and she would never get to live again. But I was going to exist on the planet for another seventy or so years, living with what I'd done, who I was. I couldn't do it. I was a coward, and I couldn't do it. I tried to wait it out until I was an adult and out of the foster care system to see if anything would ever get better or I'd at least learn to live with my pain, but I never did. I thought I'd never be able to be forgiven for that sin, so there was no point anymore.”

“So you came here,” Jinyoung said, gently rubbing his head.

“The old Median showed me my file,” Mark said, shaking underneath Jinyoung's wings. “Committed suicide at the age of 21 and resigned himself to eternal damnation in Hell. No other damnable sins on record. No other sins requiring long term repentance on record. Minor sins on record. It listed every single childish and stupid thing I'd done in my life after that, but said absolutely nothing about what I'd done to my sister.”

“That wasn't a sin, Mark.”

“Yes, it was. Negligence over the one you're responsible for is the worst kind of sin.”

“No. You weren't responsible. You weren't old enough to have responsibility over another human life. You were barely even old enough to be responsible for your own.”

“I know that, Jinyoung. I know every single ethical argument which excuses me, and all the ones that don't. It's okay. You don't have to forgive me. No one has to forgive me. I'm well aware that the law wouldn't hold me responsible, and that even Heaven wouldn't hold me responsible. But that doesn't change how I feel about it. My soul wants forgiveness, but I can't just take it without deserving it. I also wanted a second chance, just like you. I wanted to save someone in the place of the person I had sacrificed.” He pulled away gently. “But how is a demon supposed to save anyone? How can a demon possibly experience forgiveness when his whole existence involves listening to everything he's ever done wrong while dragging more souls down to Hell?”

“Don't think about what a demon would do,” Jinyoung said, looking at him earnestly. “You're no proper demon, even if you have wings and darkness inside you. You're Mark, someone who was sent to Hell without reason, and who now has a chance to change things for Limbo. I'll help you, I swear it. Even if I have to fight my own people, I'll help you.”

“You shouldn't-”

“Yes, I should. I told you, didn't I? You are the bright spot of my afterlife. You're not allowed to go back to Hell and fade away. You're not allowed to keep on drowning in self-pity until you can't find the surface anymore. And I'm certainly not letting myself go back to Heaven to forget about you. Heaven and Hell weren't our second chances. This is our second chance. Why should the two of us keep on being afraid to take it?”

Mark looked at him in surprise, and Jinyoung felt his heart stir in response. He felt alive again, really alive, the kind of alive only humans were supposed to feel. Having a purpose changed everything. He wasn't alone anymore, and existing wasn't pointless—it was the meaning of everything.

“What are we going to do then?” Mark asked, holding on tightly to Jinyoung's hand.

“This isn't going to be a war instigated by the The Divine One with Ace and The Corrupted One with Hyde Club against each other and Limbo,” Jinyoung said. “This is going to be a war of the souls against our masters. We're going to reclaim our fates from the people who steal them from us. We're going to retake the afterworlds.”