Hoping that you won't forget
I live through pictures as if I was right there by your side
But you'll be good without me and if I could just give it some time

I'll be alright...

 

He took out his key from his back pocket. His fingers a bit cold and clumsy as he try to insert the right one into the knob, but before he can open the door with the key, someone did it for him easily. Everything was dark. The only thing that was lit was the lamp in the corner. He entered as he followed behind the man who opened the door for him.

"Jungkoo-- "

"Sleep. You should sleep. I don't want your explanations, I don't need one."

Without even facing Taehyung, Jungkook closed the door of their room right on his face. His heart folded once, it hurts.

-

Its a day before Christmas, Taehyung asked Jungkook out to hang out or rather have Jungkook's warmth by himself in a very cold day. He wants Jungkook all by himself and he doesn't even flinch even it sounded so selfish. Taehyung knew where Jungkook belong, in his arms. They stroll down the streets of Seoul. Taehyung holding Jungkook's hand inside his pocket. The latter could just smile at Taehyung's possessive side. Jungkook never really get used to this side of him but he knew he'll never get tired of it.

In the middle of their walking, Taehyung made a snow ball and threw it at Jungkook who were trying to catch snow crystals with his hands. With that, they had a snowball fight that lasted like forever to Jungkook. That was the happiest piece of his life that was carved in his heart.

-

"Jungkook. Open the door! You need to atleast eat."

Taehyung keeps knocking at the door while holding a tray of food he prepared only for Jungkook.

"I don't want to eat, Taehyung. Go away."

"No. Open the damn door or I'll open this myse-- "

"Please... Leave... "

Jungkook sound so broken. Pleading Taehyung to leave. Leave him alone that moment or was he telling Taehyung to leave his life? Taehyung softened his grip against the knob as he turned around and place the tray somewhere in the kitchen.

He just don't understand why his heart always feels like folding. His heart painfully folded again when he heard Jungkook's soft sobs that night.

-

"I told you orange suits you!"

They just got out of a parlor shop. Jungkook had Taehyung's hair dyed into orange. The color Taehyung hated the most.

"But I don't like the color, Kookie!"
He pouted to Jungkook.

"But you look so good in that."

Jungkook smiled warmly at him. Trying to tell him that its okay to have an orange hair as long as Jungkook liked it.

"I only did this because of you, you know that right?"

"Yes. Because you love me that much, you're starting to love the things you hated because of me. So don't un-love me, okay?"

Taehyung chuckled at Jungkook's failed humor. He grabbed Jungkook's waist and scooted closer to him as he angled his phone above them.

"Say cheese, Kookie!"

They smiled before the click.

-

The door finally opened. It was ing one in the morning and Jungkook just decided to present himself infront of the door to Taehyung. Taehyung felt like bursting in anger.

"Where on ing earth have you been Jeon Jungkook?!"

Jungkook seemed to not hear him as he stumbled out of his shoes and coat. He smelled alcohol. Taehyung's blood reached its point and he wanted to punch the out of Jungkook that made him act like this.

"JUNGKOOK! Where have you been all this time?! Have you been drinking all day?! You were gone for almost sixteen hours!"

Jungkook scratched his head annoyingly.

"Shut up."

Shut up?! Taehyung feels like his world collapsed at the response.

"You're telling me to shut up now when I'm worried sick for you all day long I can't even reach your phone-- "

"CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP?! You think I wasn't tired just as much as you do?! Leave me alone Taehyung."

Taehyung wasn't sure anymore. It this was the Jungkook he met years ago. He wasn't sure if it was tear that rolled down Jungkook's cheek before he locked himself on their used to be shared room. His heart folded thrice. He wasn't sure what hurt anymore. Seeing Jungkook like this or being an that doesn't know anything that Jungkook might be going through. He wasn't sure. The only thing he was sure of was that he was almost breaking, tearing painfully apart.

-

"I love you. Do you know that?"
Taehyung said between their mouths. Jungkook just smiled as a response and tried to deepen the kiss.

"I love you more, I think you know that."

"No, I love you more than you love me now."

"Eh? Who can ever top me?"

"Kim Taehyung."
They kissed again as Taehyung pressed click at his Polaroid.

Its his birthday and Jungkook gave him a Polaroid as a present because he knew how much Taehyung loved to take pictures about everything. He loved how Taehyung captures everything that defines him. Taehyung was Jungkook's everything.

-

"I c-can't reach him. I-It's been t-two weeks hyung. W-Where should I find him? I've been walking around Seoul for weeks now why can't I f-find him? And w-why aren't you a-answering?! Seokjin h-hyung please tell me where is he. Where is J-Jungkook? Please tell me he's with y-you. I-Im coming over, I-Im picking him up okay? I m-miss him, I c-can't live tomorrow if I c-can't see him now-- "

"Taehyung... "

"Hyung, I'm coming. Tell him to wait for me."
He run out of their house and started running. Running with blurred eyes as tears covered his eyeballs.

"Taehyung, you... "

"I'm almost there hyung-- "

"Stop. Stop running. Don't come here or else I won't let you see him ever again. Listen to me first Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung stopped running. Frozen at his hyung's sudden change of tone. He was kneeling at the midst of an empty street. Only the street light were the one's that was witnessing the breaking part of his life. His heart pounded loudly, painfully again.

"Jungkook.. Jungkook's gone Taehyung."

"You told me that yesterday and the day before yesterday. Aren't you getting tired of fooling around saying Jungkook's gone? Is this kind of joke to you Kim Seokjin?!"

He yelled at his hyung for the first time.

"I'm tired Taehyung. I'm so tired of saying this to you for almost everyday around that two weeks. Jungkook is dead. Aren't you tired of hearing this from me everyday? Aren't you tired of breaking repeatedly Taehyung? Please help youself, he's not coming back."

He's not coming back...

He's not coming back...

He's not coming back...

Jungkook is not coming back...

He slammed his phone on the concrete ground. Screaming at the top of his lungs, clawing his hair, his face, his chest where it hurts the most. He laid down on the cold street while crying. Sobbing to his hearts content, still trying to cope up with everything. How would he know? How would he know that Jungkook had cancer? How would he know if Jungkook would leave him like this, knowing nothing? How would he know that Jungkook's been hurting multiple times as much as him? How would he know if he's too ing dumb to even ask. If he's too ing afraid he'll hurt Jungkook by just asking further? If he's too confident Jungkook would never leave him even he acted like that. If he's too contented with just Jungkook being there beside him, knowing nothing about him. Without knowing how many times Jungkook's heart folded when he acted like a trash to Taehyung, trying to get far from him and try to not hurt him once he's gone. It must've been so hard. Taehyung could imagine Jungkook's heart crumpled before he died. It hurts Taehyung more.

Taehyung cried so hard, thinking it would be the last time he'll cry like this and only for one certain person.

-

Its been two months. Two months without Jungkook. It feels like forever to Taehyung. Their house doesn't change. He left it like Jungkook would. He doesn't touch anything except for the bottles of beers scattered on the floor of their room and Jungkook's pillow. It still smells like him. Like Jungkook was still there last night and they just shared their last first kiss. But its not. Jungkook wasn't there and Taehyung's all alone now.

He's not crying. But the bags under his eyes were visible and one could tell how many sleepless night he'd been through.

Taehyung dranked one more beer in one go and slammed it hard to the wall, hitting something and let it fall. A box fell and his bottle broke into pieces. Taehyung doesn't move first but Jungkook's smiling face came into view as one of the content of the box flew to his feet.

It was a box full of their pictures.
Jungkook was here. He lived through pictures.
But for Taehyung, it wasn't enough.
The first tear fell on his left eye and it went flowing nonstop again.
He was a crying mess again as he embraced and laid down on their picture. Not bothering the pieces of glass bottles just around him. He felt like he can't be over this anymore. And he lived to feel like this. He want to stop because he knew Jungkook wouldn't want him to live like this.

He grabbed a piece of broken glass and ended everything for himself.

 

 

 

'They said heartbreaks are like folding papers. If you fold it and opened it once, its happiness.
If you fold it again but opened it twice, its sadness. But if you folded it again and again and repeatedly opened it until the paper teared apart, its pain.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fin