Trigger warning: Mention of murder

Interviewer (I): So, tell us how you met each other.

Jinhwan (J): High school.

(long pause)

I: Ok… more detail please.

J: We met at high school. What’s more to say?

I: I mean, how? Like, same class, or same club, or something like that.

Bobby (B): We went to the same class.

Hanbin (H): Bobby and I joined the basketball club, but Jinhwan took choir.

B: And we ended up entering the same university too.

I: I see. How did you end up together?

J: (crack finger) It’s a long story. So, first, these two were fighting each other for me. (flip hair) I’m just that awesome, thank you.

H: (roll eyes) Not really…

J: They have been doing that since high school all the way to uni.

B: (snarky) Thanks to Jinhwan being unable to decide.

J: It’s not my fault, ok? How can you choose between these two gorgeous guys? Anyway, it’s pretty much a Deathmatch, and it only got more intense as time goes on. Until finally…

B: We fought.

H: For real. With fist. Like a man.

J: There’s nothing ‘like a man’ with fistfight, ok? A real man uses their brain! Obviously, they ended up horribly bruised up from the fight. But it’s not only that…

H: We also ended up… (shy)

B: Getting friendly… (shy)

J: Friendly my ! That was way more than friendly!

I: What do you mean?

J: So, I stopped them from fighting, treated their wounds, and made them promise not to fight. I forced them to stayed in one room for that night, hoping that they would be nice to each other. But, the next morning, I found them…

B: .

H: Cuddling.

B: And bruised… with hickeys.

J: (sigh) They fought for me but they ended up losing their purity faster than me…

B: Hey, I lost my purity long before that!

H: What!? You said it was your first time! That’s why I let you top!

B: Well, I can’t let you top me! Naturally, the stronger one should top. (shrug)

H: And why are you the stronger one!?

B: Just be honest, you liked that, right?

H: (blush) No, I’m not!

I: But how did you end up as a ?

J: It’s simple. Now that everyone is all ‘friendly’ with each other, I told them we should just do a polyamory. And voila, we’re official!

I: And how was the relationship?

J: (sigh) I was doomed as a forever bottom… These two guys are too proud to be topped.

B: Hey, not really. Hanbin also bottom when you’re not available.

H: Do you have to spill that out!?

B: (shrug) Just saying the truth.

J: You two… (twitch eyebrow) How dare you did it without me!?

I: (throat clearing) Actually, I’m not asking about that… I’m asking about your relationship. As in romance.

J&B&H: Oh…!

H: Well, we’re not an obvious couple.

J: Yeah. We hung out a lot, but most people thought we’re just best friends.

B: After all, we’re not really expressive with our love. Most of the affections stay within bedroom.

J: And many people are still unfamiliar with polyamory. So, they thought, “Well, there are three people, so they can’t be in romantic relationship.”.

H: Anyway, most of our dates involve… Just us playing around, really. Since there are three of us, we couldn’t do couple activities that are designed for two people. So it sorts of narrow the option a little bit.

J: Most of them ended up like a family activity… Like, when we saw the pictures that we took, we looked like siblings.

B: (bluntly) That’s because we’re all awkward with camera.

H: Or we just don’t like rubbing our skin together… (smirk) Not with clothes on.

J: Oh, and I helped them getting close a lot. Like, they’re still awkward with each other at first. But after I forced them together for a while, they just melted.

H: Not like we have a choice.

B: (look at Hanbin) You always act cold, but I know you want to know everything about me (wink)

H: (roll eyes)

J: See! They’re more gross than me.

H: Hey! It’s just Bobby!

I: (chuckle) Ok. Now, tell us your most memorable moment as a .

B: When we kidnapped Jinhwan.

H: Definitely that one!

I: What… kidnap? How?

J: (sigh) That one… I was moved by the company I worked for to another city…

B: And we can’t let him, of course.

J: (point finger at Bobby) Do you know how hard it is to find another job?

H: Easier than finding another Jinhwan.

B: What he said.

J: Anyway, they kidnapped me so I couldn’t go. Chaining me to the bed…

H: And doing stuff to him. You know the drill.

J: And I ended up having to resign and look for another job. Otherwise they wouldn’t let me go.

B: Isn’t that wonderful? Our plan worked just as planned. (high-five with Hanbin)

J: Oh well… I was stuck with these two fools for better or worse.

I: (to Jinhwan) But how long did it take until you gave up leaving?

B: It was pretty quick.

J: Hey, he asked that to me! (getting ignored)

H: That’s because we ganged up on him.

I: Ganged up?

B: Well, there was always someone with him.

H: And there was always someone inside him.

J: (blush) How can you say that stuff like it’s normal? It’s technically a freaking !

H: (pout) But you didn’t mind.

J: (sigh) Whatever…

I: So that’s the good thing. Was there any hardship going through a ?

H: Hmm… Not really.

B: I guess it’s because we used to fight before we got all lovey-dovey. So any conflict after we formed our relationship was not really taken seriously.

J: That’s for you two! I have a lot of thing to complaint against you two!

I: Such as?

J: They never remember my birthday, or our anniversary, or any important dates in general! (grumpy) I’m the one that always have to remind them of stuffs!

B: Hey, those dates weren’t really that important for us.

J: Of course it is! Let me test you! How long have we been in relationship when we passed away?

B: (thinking) Hmm… 10 years…?

H: No, I think it’s 8. Yeah, it’s definitely 8.

B: Really? Oh, right. It’s 8.

J: It’s 6, you dummy!

H&B: What!?

H: How!? Did you skip a year?

J: No!!! (full blown rage) You guys are the one that forget important stuff all the time!!! (take a deep breath) Calm down, Jinhwan… Calm down.

B: Well, sorry… We couldn’t help it… (pout cutely)

H: We’ll try to remember better from now on.

J: (nag) It’s too late now! We’re already dead!

I: Oh, right! Speaking of dead, how did that happen?

J: Eh…? That was a bit… I’m not sure if we should talk about it…

I: Why?

H: Do you believe that psychopaths are everywhere? You know, mass murderers and stuff?

B: What he is trying to say is… It got rather graphic.

I: Ok… Can we skip the graphic part and talk about it?

B: Well, I was the first one that… disappeared. So, if we skip the graphic part, I cannot say much more than that. The point is, it happened so suddenly; nobody saw that coming.

J: We realized something was amiss pretty much straight after we lost contact with Bobby. He never disappeared before.

H: For one full week we didn’t receive any info about Bobby… But of course we didn’t give up. The police were doing their best as well, but there was just no clue to begin with.

J: I was dead worried. Hanbin tried his best comforting me. To no avail.

H: And one day, when we’re just some fresh air, boom. It happened.

J: Skip the graphic part, and we’re gone.

I: That must be scary… If you don’t mind, can we focus on that one week. What did you and Hanbin do?

H: I don’t think we did anything special as a couple, if that’s what you’re aiming on. We just did the usual thing that you do when someone goes missing. Printing flyers, asking around, and all that.

J: But I personally felt a… closer bond, at that last week. It’s like, our shared feeling made us feel more intimate.

B: You guys did romantic stuff without me? That’s not fair. (pout)

J: It’s not romantic… Well, I guess it is. But it’s a feeling that came out of extreme situation. And I know most people wouldn’t want to be in that situation in the first place.

H: (Awkward chuckle) Yeah, true… (looking at Bobby) But… we did had , without you! (tongue out)

B: You…!?

J: Even before you died all you can think about is … (sigh)

H: I don’t see that as a problem. (proud)

J: (sigh) I’m sure you can see why they’re stupid…

B: We’re not stupid, ok! (confidently) We’re just underappreciated.

I: (chuckle) Oh well, we had a dynamic group here. Last question, after living your whole life, what do you now think of each other?

J: They’re jerk. That’s it!

B: What did you say? (hug Jinhwan) Do you want to be kidnapped again?

J: (shudder) Stay away.

H: That’s a good idea! Let’s kidnap him again!

I: Umm… Can I get a better answer?

B: What more do you need? Isn’t it obvious how we think of each other from the way we act?

I: (confused) As partners that sometimes hang out together?

H&B: (nod) Exactly.

J: No! (sigh) We’re more than that, ok. It’s just so hard to think of anything flattering about these two when their brains are smaller than their d*cks.

B: Did you just imply that we’re… (wink wink) big?

J: (sigh) Yes, yes… Whatever you want. Can we just end it here?

I: Alright, fine. We’ll stop here.