She was there. Right behind him. He couldn’t help himself to not turn his head and look at what she is doing, where she exactly is, so he did. He turned his head, and saw her.

She was still there. Playing with the fake snow. she shook the can, and tried to spread the snow out, but it didn’t. she kept shaking it, but it still didn’t came out. Her face suddenly made a sulky expression, which is fun to watch for him—who was standing like 2 meters away from her. His lips turned into a smile.

She was still there. Close, but far yet. Close, but he couldn’t reach her. So what he did is just stand there, and watched her from the distance. The distance that never existed before but now it does between them.  But its okay for now. At least he still able to see her. That’s enough for him.

It still hurts when he realized that the distance is quiet far. It hurts when he remembers the distance never existed before. It hurts when he remembers how he always stood beside her, with smile on his face, also on her. And now there are so many things separate them. It hurts by just remembering it.

Does she remember that moment, when they stand side by side, walk along, hold on to each other?  Does she remember the tears and the laughter they have shared? Does she remember all the love words and promises they made before? Does she remember—even just a little bit—about him?

The answer is… maybe no.

She found her new chosen one. She is happy now without him. She loves someone else now. She maybe would never remember those moments they had before. She has been moved on.

But he can not.

He still stucks on that moment when they were together. He has not found his new chosen one yet. He is not happy without her. He still loves her, no matter what happens. He maybe would never forget those moments they had before. He couldn’t move himself on.

His thin lips made a smile again, but now it’s a sad smile. He realized that its too hard for him to move himself. He realized no matter how he tried to erase those memories from his brain, he never could. He realized how stupid was he for made her cried a lot. He realized how much he loves her, eventhough she doesn’t love him anymore.

“I miss you,” he murmured to her, but he knew that she wouldn’t hear it in this crowd. Maybe he said it just for himself.  After denying that fact for million times.

---

Donghae layed his back on his bed. He felt tired after he did some of his schedules. Different from the others that never wanted to get busy, he wanted to get busy. Busier the better, so he could forget what he wanted to forget.

But he knows, no matter how hard he tried to forget, he would never be able to forget it.

That girl.

He sighed. That eye-blinding smile crossed his mind again. The smile he could never forget even time passed. Its too beautiful to be forgotten. He would never, and never could.

“Donghae,” someone called him.

He turned his head to where the voice came from, and then he found it was Leeteuk, his hyung and also his bestfriend.

“You should stop thinking about her.” Leeteuk adviced in a wise tone, like he always does.

“How?” Donghae asked back.

And now Leeteuk couldn’t say anything more. He really wanted his dongsaeng to be moved forward, forget that girl, but he never could. Or he never wanted to forget that girl. Leeteuk cant stand it how Donghae seemed weird lately, it stressed him as the leader and as his oldest hyung in Super Junior. But he also couldn’t find any way to make Donghae forget all those memories that saved on his mind.

“Just get her back. Its not too late.” Leeteuk said again. Then he made his steps closer to Donghae, and took a seat beside Donghae’s bed. Leeteuk’s brown eyes look at Donghae, and how is he now. He looks… broken. Everyone can see the broken part of his heart on his eyes.

“Its too late.” Donghae replied back. He ruffled his black hair, frustatedly.

Leeteuk let one sigh went out from his mouth, after saw the frustrated Donghae. “Its up to you,” he said, and then he walked out of the room, left Donghae alone.

Being left alone, again and again, that girl he has been thinking about crossed his mind for million times. Min Sunye. Now she is somewhere, with her fellow Wonder Girls members, and maybe she is on the phone with that lucky guy who replaced Donghae’s place on her heart.

It should be Donghae. It should be Donghae who Sunye is talking with. It should be Donghae who makes Sunye smile. It should be Donghae buying all the Christmas presents for Sunye. But its not him.

Its someone else.

Sunye with that guy, with a comfortable smile, holding hands to each other. Donghae could imagine all of that. At the first, he saw himself beside Sunye, but after some moments, its not him anymore. Its that guy.

Now he couldn’t do anything. Not even a bit. He could only watch Sunye smiled, even its not because of him. He could only watch Sunye from the far distance. He could only let her go, even he didn’t want to. And he never wanted to let her go, eventhough just for a step away from him. He just couldn’t stand if Sunye isn’t beside him.

Sometimes, he didn’t want to face the truth that Sunye doesn’t belong to him anymore. He couldn’t. He couldn’t throw away the fact that he is still in love with Sunye. He couldn’t throw the fact that in his heart, Sunye is still his girl. He couldn’t let her go. He loves Sunye is a fact, that will never change even time passes quickly, or slowly, or whatever.

I hope you’re not having a hard time. Don’t ever waste your precious tears like when you were with me, okay?

Donghae prayed for Sunye in his heart. Even it really hurts to say those words.

I wont change my heart, like you always said it for me. My heart still beats only for you. Its unchanging.

He remembered when Sunye sang ‘This Time’ for him, so many times on the phone as a lullaby for Donghae. He still remembered how Sunye sang it with full of her emotion, and she said the song told what she wanted to say to Donghae. To not changing his heart, even just a little bit.

If you ever think of me, think of our beautiful memories… don’t cry. If you cry, I will cover it with my hands. I wont make you cry more, just because of me.

Donghae couldn’t stand it anymore, so he cried. He cried a lot, he blurted out what he has been felt after they broke up like few months ago. Or after Sunye revealed that she has a new boyfriend.

I love you.

---

 Sunye stared at the city lights of Seoul she could see through her window from her apartment. It was so beautiful, as usual. She always likes to look at city lights at the midnight, if she couldn’t sleep. Now, she cant sleep too. So she decided to look at these beautiful lights in the night. Maybe it can bring her mood up.

But somehow, it reminds her of someone.

A guy who accompanied her to watched the city lights back then. A guy who said that her smile are brighter that all of these lights. A guy she loved, after all this time.

Lee Donghae.

That’s the name of him. It means east sea, but he said it also means east sun and how happy he was when he found that his name and Sunye’s name both have ‘sun’. he said Sunye is his own Sun that he would never shared to the others, but Sunye always said that they both are suns, in their own world.

Sunye unknowingly smiled when she remembered that conversation between herself and Donghae. From the bottom of her heart, she said she miss that moment. For real.

But then, Donghae’s tears crossed her mind and broke that beautiful smile on Sunye’s face. The smile is now gone, being replaced by a sad look face. She would never forget Donghae’s tears that were rolling down when she said those painful words.

Break up.

Sunye still can feel the pain of that words, even its her who said it. Its her who decided it, but why is she feel sad for it?

Okay, Sunye wont deny again. She still think of him, all the time. What is he doing now? Has he eaten yet? How was his day? Did he take the rest well? Bunches of questions suddenly popped out if Sunye’s mind started to thinking about Donghae again.

He must be so in pain now. He must be hurting himself. Sunye knew. But what could she do? Comeback to him? But this situation wouldn’t let her that easy. There are so many reasons why they couldn’t be together.

First, distance. Sunye and the Wonder Girls usually stay in New York, and rarely come to Korea. And Donghae who lives in Korea, can only wait for her girlfriend to come. And if Wonder Girls come home, they wouldn’t be free. There must be some schedule to be done. Donghae’s schedule also wont let them meet each other. They both are busy and don’t have time for each other.

The long distance between New York and Korea, makes a different time. They were in a different zone time. When the sun rises in Korea, the sun sets in New York. All of these things made them hard to communicate.

But honestly, this isn’t really hard to stand. Sunye and Donghae believed in each other, so distance and different zone time are not the big problem.  They can stand it at the first time they started their relationship, and they went well. Donghae can stay up late just to talk with Sunye, so did Sunye. Sunye never got jealous when Donghae got paired with another female celebrity, because she believed in him.

There’s another problem.

Pressure from both companies and also from their fans, who don’t let them to be together. These two problems are really hard to hold. But they did through it, with so many tears. Until they cant stand as together anymore.  Until that time, when Sunye decided to end their relationship.

Without everyone knows, she feels hurt. She was also in pain when he saw tears were rolling down from Donghae’s eyes through his cheeks. She also wanted to cry at that time but she couldn’t show her sadness to Donghae. Even when Donghae’s gaze appears on her mind, Sunye got her eyes teary.

If Sunye could be this hurt, how hurt Donghae could be?

Sunye closed her eyes, and her tears were rolling down by just think of him.

You’re not having a hard time after I left, right?

She asked.

I miss you. I didn’t want to let you go at that time. But the situation makes me should. I’m sorry.

She cried.

Now I’m someone else’s girl, but I still think of you. You… don’t think of me, okay?

She wanted to stop crying, but she couldn’t. Her tears were keep falling like a heavy rain.

I love you.

---

###END###