Wang So

So threads down the pathway to mother’s palace. He arrives. None much changed since he last left. Mother surely will be waiting for him. He notifies the court lady to signal his presence.  

His heart pounders against his ribcage. He wipes his sweaty palms against his robes. Bile threatening to overtake his stomach, as he waits. His scar itches beneath his mask, he balls his fingers into a fist until he draws a little blood and it relieves the itch. 

The court lady returns, pacing down the stairs. She dips her body low, avoids his eyes and his face.

“What about my mother?” So asks.

“Empress Sinmyungsunseong has fallen asleep, as she is very ill,” she replies, “Perhaps you should come back another time,” her tone apologetic.

This is not new. He’d walked down this path of disappointment one too many times. It was rejection back then. It is rejection now.

Hope creeps on him, like a tiny bug clinging to his boots, curbs the swelling disappointment filling his chest. He dreams of so many what-ifs where he’s the moon in Mother’s life. Once upon a dream, it was. He longs to see mother’s lips curling into a proud smile. Longs for mother’s hardened expression softening at So’s gift.

Call him crazy. Maybe he is.

After all, he had to be. To survive the harshest years of his life. So turns on his heels, stomps his feet across the ground, makes his way to the palace’s gates.

Mother’s voice was loud. Louder that he can hear through closed door. Loud like thunder that scared him. “What do you mean, a wife? Your Majesty!”

Mu bent to his level, grasped So’s arm. Together, they huddled close, seeking refuge behind the vase. He sniffled. Mu held him tighter.

“Move,” Father commanded. He’s dressed in robe, So knew, for men about to enter marriage. But Mother wore all white. As did him and Mu. Mu had his hand over So’s mouth. In the attempt to not attract anyone’s attention. 

“Your Majesty,” Mother tried, grabbing his forearm. Mother’s hair all unkempt. Her eyes, they looked sad to So.

“I will die. Our first-born son has died. How can you get married?” Mother repeated, staring at Father. But Father kept his gaze away from Mother. Father kept his mouth close.

There’s desperation ringing in Mother’s voice, “How can you marry at a time like this?”

“South of Goryeo is in danger. This marriage is the way to deflect that danger,” answered Father, yet he did not spare a glimpse at Mother.

“Before you are a ruler, you are the father of my children. Are you not sad? Does your heart not feel torn? Don’t you wish you could die and bring your child back?”

Father said, “There are lives at stake,” turned to stare Mother in the eyes. He took his leave, heading for the door.

“Emperor,” Mother called out. Father stopped in his tracks. Mother walked towards him and Mu. She grabbed So’s hand, jerking him away from Mu.

Father glanced at him and Mother. Mother dropped to her knees, So next to her.

“If that is all you care about … why should we bother living anymore?”

“Mother,” was the only thing So muttered. He didn’t want Mother and Father to fight. His brother just died. Why can’t they be nice to each other?

Mother brandished a knife from nowhere, held the tip of the blade over So’s neck, “Do you choose to marry, or do you choose your son?”

“Empress!”

“Choose.”

Fat tears won’t stop wetting his cheeks. He did not make a sound. Only stared up at Father to stop this madness.

“Is it Goryeo or your son’s life?”

“Put down that knife,” Father barked, “You cannot stop my marriage by doing this.”

A hollow laugh escaped from Mother’s throat. So did not like the sound of that laugh. “You really are something. You really are. If I do not have your whole heart, I do not need it.”

Mother brought her hand down, the knife heading for So’s chest. Father lunged forward, grabbing her hand. Stopped the hand from plunging deep into his neck. They wrestled for control. And he’s trapped in between them.

So made noises of protest. Cried haplessly. The blade sliced – deeply, across his face. One slash. Two slashes. Blood sprayed out. So cried harder.

“So!” Mu screamed in panic, ran to So on the floor. His older brother turned him around, called out, “So!”

The damage was done.

“Is anyone out there?” Mu’s voice echoed. So wailed. It hurts. Cried until his throat hurts. His face burnt with searing pain. Stop the pain.

Mother did nothing, but wept.

Father did nothing, but stared.