~Vindicates~

            Hyungwon sits back in his office chair with a long sigh. After hours of pouring over file after file that needed his review and signatures, he was finally finished for the day. Well, he was finished with the paperwork but he still had his rounds around the hospital to do a final check on his patients before he could head home. The seemingly young doctor stands from his seat, stretching a bit to loosen his stiffened muscles after sitting for so long and heads towards his office door.

            He's only out two steps, maybe three if he counts the minuscule stumble he does when his sight lands on Minhyuk, another young looking doctor currently dressed in scrubs indicating he came from a sterile clean room, who's standing right outside his door. The older, although slightly shorter, blonde isn't looking directly at him or even says anything to hint that he knows Hyungwon is staring at him.

            But of course Minhyuk knows and Hyungwon doesn't have to ask, he already knows too.

            "You could have just came in to get me…" Hyungwon states plainly, "I was only doing paperwork."

            It takes Minhyuk a second before replying with a meek, "…I actually just got here."

            From the way Minhyuk stiffens slightly and avoids eye contact by looking past Hyungwon rather than directly at him, gives the latter a hint that Minhyuk was definitely here longer than he says. Hyungwon gives Minhyuk a disapproving look, "The patient's loved ones shouldn't be kept waiting."

            Minhyuk seems to shrink slightly into himself at the reproval and lifts the file towards Hyungwon with a slight tremor in his hand. "…It's their first child. The newborn's heart defect was irreparable, the mom delivered while she had a fever and the newborn caught an infection in the process as well driving the survival rate down close to none."

            Hyungwon's disapproving look softens just a fraction. Minhyuk continues to stare at the floor. Hyungwon takes the file from Minhyuk's hand and wordlessly skims it.

            "Parents?"

            "In the waiting area, third floor."

            Hyungwon walks past Minhyuk but not before giving the other a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder as if to say he's got the situation handled. As Hyungwon steps into the elevator down the hall he sees Minhyuk step into his office before the doors shut close. Hyungwon knows what Minhyuk's going to do. The blonde will take a seat on the floor behind his desk and curl into himself, sitting as still as stone until Hyungwon comes back to shake him out of it.

            When the elevator opens to the third floor, Hyungwon easily spots the parents. They're sitting huddled closely to each other. Their faces are stricken with worry and fear but soon enough grief will override both those emotions once the news reaches their ears.

            This should be Minhyuk's job.

            Telling the bad news to the loved ones when things go wrong and death decides to take another life is just another part of being a doctor.

            But it's fallen on to Hyungwon to do it for Minhyuk.

            The parents see Hyungwon approach them and their eyes light up with just a small sliver of hope. It's never a good feeling to be the one to give them that glimmer only to snatch it away seconds later. Hyungwon sets his expression to a grim one but lightens just enough to show his regrets that they couldn't save someone precious to them.

            The parents see it and the worst possibilities begin filling their minds.

            And so begins the downside of the job.

            "Hello. I'm Doctor Chae Hyungwon. I'm terribly sorry to tell you this but…"

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

            A great degree comes with great knowledge and immeasurable responsibilities.

            Being a doctor means you accept the fact that someone else's well being, their life, is in your hands. But it's not a one way street, the patient has to be willing to make an effort as well, after all it's their life that they're fighting to keep and prolong.

            Hyungwon's eyes scan over the test results to look for any abnormalities but the results look clean to him. He smiles pleasantly at the patient laying on the bed riddled with concern. "Everything looks good so far. You're just going to need to take a few more days for the treatment to completely flush through your entire system and you should be out of here within a day or two."

            The patient, an elderly man, looks relieved at the good news. "Thank you."

            "You're very welcome," Hyungwon hangs the clipboard back on the edge of the bed and heads towards the door, "I'll be back to check on you once more on my later rounds."

            As Hyungwon steps out into the hallway, a hand grabs his arm and a chirpy voice chimes up.

            "Are you ready for your lunch break? It's on me today as thanks for the last time." Minhyuk grins in hopes of looking more inviting for Hyungwon to agree.

            The taller does. Although Hyungwon really doesn't care if he gets anything in return for doing what Minhyuk can't, free food is free food and all he's had for the day so far is an unhealthy amount of coffee.

            "Café down the street or the cafeteria downstairs?"

            Hyungwon shrugs, he really couldn't care more or less. "Whatever you want."

            Minhyuk nods. His mind was probably long made up and he only asked out of curiosity than Hyungwon's preference. "Café it is. I hope you like walking."

            "Sure why not. I'm a doctor, gotta like all that healthy stuff."

            Hyungwon shrugs at his lame attempt at small talk and Minhyuk chortles a small laugh as they make their way onwards.

            The café is fairly busy but there's plenty of options when it's just a table for two in the back away from all the bustle going on. They place their orders once the waitress comes by and then they're left to their own devices until the food arrives.

            Hyungwon isn't good at small talk. Never was in all honesty.

            Minhyuk on the other hand could probably do small talk all day everyday with anyone but the only exception to this seems to be Hyungwon. Minhyuk never attempts small talk when he's with Hyungwon.

            "How'd it go when you told the couple about their baby?" Minhyuk always gets straight to the point. The blonde avoids Hyungwon's eye contact a majority of the time but it's only during questions like these that Minhyuk really looks at him.

            Hyungwon doesn't mind, he prefers straightforwardness than the people who skirt around the main subject and waste time for no reason. He answers with a type of smooth sterile tone, one that derives no emotions in it as if he was just reciting something from his textbooks. "The same as it always goes. Crying, tears, denial, more tears, pain, hurt, blame, and then acceptance…"

            "Blame? What, themselves?" Minhyuk's eyebrows crinkle in confusion. He couldn't see how the parents could possibly-

            "…They said you told them things could work out for the best," replies Hyungwon hesitantly.

            "Ah," Minhyuk's eyes immediately shift to the left, out the window away from Hyungwon's gaze as he says softly, "Now that makes much more sense."

            There's more Hyungwon should probably say in response. Maybe a reassurance that Minhyuk only did what was natural by attempting to comfort the parents or how that's just the way their job is and there isn't much they could do to help it. But why bother when it would sound like nothing more than empty words to both their ears because neither of them could believe it. You only tell those things to the idealists or the optimists who can swallow those placebos whole.

            It was a good thing that the food arrived before the silence stretched out any longer. Being the busy people they are, the both of them ordered a quick sandwich with some fries on the side (which Minhyuk often picked from Hyungwon's plate once the blonde ran out of his own to munch on).

            They got a few bites in and Minhyuk made a few half-assed attempts to grab Hyungwon's fries simply on the basis that they seemed to be crispier, to which Hyungwon rolled his eyes at and just pushed the side plate towards the other. Minhyuk ate it gleefully, temporarily abandoning his own sandwich while Hyungwon observed in mild amusement.

            "I'm a horrible doctor." Minhyuk states it out of the blue while plunging another fry into a puddle of ketchup but this time he doesn't lift it to eat, he just uses the fry to stir it around.

            Hyungwon responds reflexively, "You're not." He almost wants to curse and cringe at how automated that sounded.

            "I am. I give them false hopes."

            "We all do." Hyungwon opens his mouth to say something further but rethinks his decision and chooses to take another bite out of his sandwich instead.

            Minhyuk notices though, "Say it. Whatever you were going to say a second ago but didn’t."

            Hyungwon sighs after he swallows his food but an exasperated half-hearted grin ghosts by on his lips, "I was only going to say that we all can't be omnipotent and all that, we're just human. Just like our patients, eventually we'll become patients ourselves."

            "Yeah, maybe so but… doctors are expected to have the answers. We're expected to be all knowing and provide a cure. We're expected to save them all."

            "Those are expectations. We're living in reality, it doesn't work like that. It never has given the statistics of things. It only seems that way because the patients get emotional and take it out on us, they gave us their hope and to them we killed it. There's just limitations to being human that not everyone understands or worst of it all they choose to turn a blind eye towards."

            Minhyuk doesn't say anything more after and Hyungwon's pager beeps indicating an emergency that needs his immediate attention. So, Hyungwon leaves Minhyuk at the café with the bill and to ponder the words on his own while Hyungwon deals with another life hanging in between a delicate balance.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

            Hyungwon remembers his beginning years in this very hospital when he was nothing more than a resident physician.

            Minhyuk does too.

            But the both of them remember for very different reasons.

            Hyungwon remembers that Minhyuk was his senior only by a year. The bright blonde excelled rapidly and absorbed information like a sponge leaving a lot of his colleagues, Hyungwon included, impressed and often jealous of Minhyuk's capabilities. But even the best of them had something they couldn't do. No one is good at everything, it's impossible. It was a pure accident though, that Hyungwon happened to figure out the one thing that Minhyuk couldn’t do.

            Hyungwon finished putting in a central line for a patient and stepped out to check whatever else he had to do on his annoyingly long to do list but paused midway in grabbing the next consent form that needed signing when he spots Minhyuk passing by with their leading surgeon. He didn't catch all of their conversation but the dire serious looks on their faces and scrubs were more than enough of an indication that it was not a pleasant conversation.

            The two of them head quickly to the little waiting area set up in the corner of the hospital wing and a middle aged woman immediately springs up from her seat. Hyungwon can tell the woman is exhausted from the way her shoulders are hunched forward and she needs a hand on the side of the chair to hold herself steady. Minhyuk takes a hesitant step closer to the woman, but still keeps a respectable distance, before he begins his explanation. Hyungwon can't pick up the words but from the way that the woman paled, it only confirmed the bad news he predicted earlier.

            But as Minhyuk continued talking to the woman, her expression became more frustrated than crestfallen and more somber than sad.

            Something was off.

            Minhyuk continued explaining the situation but it seemed like he was becoming more nervous and his speech started to quicken. He was going through the motions but showing… nothing for it. It was dry, in a way, down from his blank expression to straightforward stance, and simplified answers.

            There was just a lack of something in the way that Minhyuk presented the news to the patient's loved ones. The leading surgeon quickly began noticing it too and immediately stepped in to save the deteriorating situation. Minhyuk stood back with a look resembling confusion as he listened on to what the leading surgeon was saying, learning and observing everything that he needs to know to get it right the next time. But as Hyungwon watched, he noticed that Minhyuk's confused expression didn't fade as the conversation wore on; in fact it was like Minhyuk only seemed to become further lost with the situation.

            Minhyuk must have sensed eyes on him because when he turned his head, he made immediate eye contact with Hyungwon and in that moment it seemed as though realization flitted across his face. The realization seemed to flush out the sense of frustration that clouded his expression before and replaced it with something a little closer to disappointment.

            In that split moment, Hyungwon understood just as perfectly as Minhyuk did. He recognized the factor that kept Minhyuk from working as flawlessly as he usually does. Hyungwon made it a point to meet with the latter later. Hyungwon knows if he didn't seek Minhyuk out, sooner or later, Minhyuk would just seek him out instead. After all the both of them were a lot more similar than either of them had initially thought.

            The opportunity presents itself in the form of an awkward late night graveyard shift where the only people coming in through the hospital doors are confused drunks and occasional late night mishaps. After seeing the floor staffed well enough, Hyungwon heads to the small lounge to grab himself some coffee because he really needs it to keep his eyes open for the next six hours of his shift.

            What Hyungwon expects to find in the lounge is lukewarm coffee and maybe one or two staff members accidentally passed out from exhaustion but instead he's greeted with Minhyuk sitting at one of the tables staring absentmindedly into his cup of coffee.

            It's been a few weeks since Hyungwon found out about Minhyuk's weak point in this career but he doubts the latter wants to speak about it now at three in the morning. So Hyungwon just goes about his own business and grabs his own cup of surprisingly hot coffee but just as he was about to turn around and exit the lounge, Minhyuk stops him by tilting his head back to look at him.

            The blonde greets him with a tired smile when they make eye contact. "Just a heads up, the coffee tastes terrible."

            Hyungwon lifts his cup to signal his agreement. "It always does. I expect no less from free coffee in the lounge."

            "Right," Minhyuk chuckles, "You're Hyungwon right?"

            The taller nods awkwardly, "And you're Minhyuk."

            "Yep," Minhyuk gestures to the open seat across from him, "Want to keep each other company before the next drunk patient walks in with a headache?"

            Hyungwon shrugs and takes the offered seat, he figures there's nothing to lose. Plus he's been curious about Minhyuk since that day, maybe tonight he really will find out if his assumption was correct or not. "Sure, why not. We have pagers for a reason anyways."

            Minhyuk hums in agreement as he takes a more solid hold of his coffee cup. "The graveyard shift hardly ever really needs the use of our pagers anyways, the second there's noise practically the whole hospital is aware of it."

            "Well as long as they keep things interesting enough for us not to fall asleep in a middle of a diagnosis," notes Hyungwon as he takes a sip of his coffee and makes a face at the nearly overbearing bitterness, "This is worse than terrible coffee."

            "After the third sip, it burns your tongue enough so you basically don't even taste it." Minhyuk demonstrates by taking his own sip and showing no reaction to the drink.

            "Thanks for the tip…" replies Hyungwon warily.

            Minhyuk laughs again, "You're a lot more laid back than I expected."

            "Surprisingly enough I get told that pretty often." Hyungwon doesn’t mind though, people judge based on appearances whether they're conscious of it or not. He keeps to himself and rarely bothers with a friendly look unless there's really a need for it. "You're a lot more harder to read than I expected though. You give the impression of an open book around here."

            "Is that supposed to be a good thing or…" Minhyuk trails off hoping for Hyungwon to fill in the missing gaps.

            The taller shrugs listlessly, "Just an observation."

            "You need a new hobby then," notes Minhyuk dryly. It wasn't that he was put off by the random comment from Hyungwon, it was just that it reminded him that Hyungwon was capable of seeing through him unlike most others who only bother to look at the surface level with just a glance. "Did you get that detail from just one peek into one of my job failures?"

            Hyungwon looks back down at his coffee cup in slight embarrassment, "Maybe. Seems like you're observant too."

            Minhyuk shakes his head, a slight upturn on the corner of his lips. "Nah, nothing like that at all. It was just the way your expression changed after I looked at you. It looked like you were pitying me."

            "It wasn't pity." clarifies Hyungwon quickly, "The connotation for that is too bleak. It was more like I was giving you a sympathetic look."

            "Sympathetic for being as stiff as an icicle while telling a patient's wife that we couldn't save her husband on the operating table?" Minhyuk's brow furrows in a curious manner, "Wait, you can't break bad news to your patients either?"

            Hyungwon shakes his head, denying the statement. "No… It's only you in that area. I only saw you do it once but you're really horrible at breaking the bad news to them."

            "I know." answers back Minhyuk bluntly.

            "You might as well have someone break the news to them for you," Hyungwon states in jest.

            "Will you be the one to do it for me?" jokes back Minhyuk half heartedly because a part of him really does wish someone would do this part of the job for him.

            "…" Hyungwon doesn't answer the question, rather it's more like he can't. There's something about Minhyuk he wants to make sure of so he chooses to ignore the question for the time being. There's more Hyungwon wants to say but he's hesitant to just spit it out since it may come out as a bit off putting to most people. But then again Minhyuk didn't seem like most people.

            The blonde raises an expectant brow as he sips on his coffee when there isn't a quick response to his question. It's almost like he can see the thoughts churning in Hyungwon's mind but allows the younger to take his time with the process.

            Eventually Hyungwon reaches the conclusion that he can blame his tactlessness on the late shift and lack of sleep later if things get awkward. "…This might come off as rude…"

            Minhyuk puts his empty coffee cup down and shrugs, "I don't care. Believe me, you'd have to hit a nerve pretty hard if you want to offend me."

            "Alright," Hyungwon starts swirling his own cup of coffee, "Why don't you just fake the sincerity? It's not that difficult."

            Minhyuk sighs loudly, "Tried. Doesn't work. Either they see through me or it's just not believable."

            Hyungwon gives Minhyuk another real sympathetic look. The way the older slumps into his seat a little more and stares glumly at the markings on the table looks almost depressing.

            "I