Donghyuck stared at his three best friends laughing. Laughing about who knows what, but that's not the important part. The important part is that donghyucks heart ached. Something or someone pulled on his heart strings. 

"I'm I jealous?" Donghyuck thought to myself. He's never dated any guys or thought himself as gay, but maybe it's the same way his heart hurts when he sees the girl he likes get taken by a jock. Or how he gets annoyed when his favorite toy is gone. 

Just maybe he didn't notice how pretty guys can be. Or how hot. Gym class was pure eye candy, how could he not have noticed? 

Was it the girly jaemin who said he was manly but acts like gossip queen? Jaemin who's smile could brighten anyone's day.

Or was it jeno? Who instead of smiling with his mouth chooses to use his eyes? His no-fun hyung!

Or was it lastly their eldest hyung mark? Who's tall, dependable, not funny at all, but fun to poke at. His seagull eyebrows, giving him the nickname parrot hyung made by yours truly. Was it the way donghyucks body warmed up at the touch of his contact? Or maybe that when marks sick, school becomes more boring than usual. The sleepovers he and mark had years ago were burned in his memory, unlike jaemins slumber party that happened 3 weeks ago.

Crap. It's him.

1 year after donghyuck realized his feelings:

"Hurry up loser, we're gonna be late for the bus!" 

Donghyuck and Mark were running to the bus stop near their school. Marks teacher, Miss Kim had to talk about his science fair project, which resulted in them being late for the bus. Them meaning donghyuck and Mark, because donghyuck won't sit on the bus by himself.

"There's s and kidnappers! What would happen if someone took me! I need a body guard!!!" donghyuck hollered.

"I'm guessing the bodyguard is me." Mark dead panned. 

"Correct, my dear bodyguard!" Donghyuck teased with a grin on his face while poking marks cheek.

The bodyguard puts up with it. And he doesn't know why. Since last year, when he asked donghyuck why he should be the body guard, all he got was an earful of something about being tall and strength. It's no surprise that Mark excels at sports, while donghyuck is his cheerleader. 

The said cheerleader is always at marks games and tournaments. He's the loudest and claps like a seal whenever marks team gets a basket, goal, or touchdown.

"YES GO MARKIE POO! eVERY ONE THATS MY BEST FRIEND!! THE ONE THAT SCORED THAT 3 POINTER!!"

"SEAGULL EYEBROWS NICE GOAL! JUST DO IT 10 MORE TIMES !"

"HOLY SMOKES MARKLEE (pronounced like broccoli) THAT WAS AMAZING!"

The whole team knows donghyuck and he always brings them snacks and water. Jaemin accompanies donghyuck time to time for games, but tends to just clap and cheer like a normal person. Sometimes just a little louder when jeno scores. Not that donghyuck can notice over his (yelling) cheering. 

Back at the bus stop, Mark and donghyuck finally arrived just in the nick of time and squeezed their way in the crowded bus. Lots of "excuse me," and "oh sorry," filled the empty spaces. There were so many people that everything became squished and sweaty and hot. Rush hour was donghyucks favorite time of the day. 

Since the bus is so full it gives donghyuck full advantage to use Mark as a pillow and get so close he can feel the wrinkles of his shirt pressed against his. Donghyuck blames his red cheeks on how humid it is. They don't talk. There's too many people around and a 100 conversations buzzing around all at once, so it's just silence between the two. It's just donghyucks head gently laying on marks shoulder. It's the speed bumps and sharp turns that donghyuck gets to lean even more into the boy he's liked for a year. Possibly more.

 It's where no one can give him crap for being so close to a guy. 

The two boys get off at the same bus stop but separate as soon as they step off the bus. Not many words are exchanged, after an exhausting school day there's really nothing left to say. A causal goodbye and it's the end.

If donghyuck were honest, nothing's really changed between him and Mark. Except that whole sentence above is a lie. 

Everything's changed. It's just not that noticeable to the eye.

He feels his touches linger slightly longer than what would be considered "friends". Or will wish marks touches lasted longer on his bare skin. He longs for what couples do. Things like wearing matching clothing, or a sweatshirt with "Mark Lee" on the back of it. Even just cuddling under a blanket and watching a boring teen movie sounds fun. He wants to have stupid, meaningless "No, I love you more," and "no I do," conversations.

Donghyuck realized how different he feels in the same situations. At jaemins slumber party, although he doesn't remember much, what he remembers is all in the span of 2 minutes.

Jaemins slumber party 2 weeks ago: 5am

Sprawled on jaemins basement floor lay blankets, sleeping bags, pillows, and 7 sleepy boys. There was snoring heard around the room, precisely what has woken donghyuck up at 5am. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he could make out the main shape of marks face inches away from him. Oh right, they decided to sleep next to each other. Fantastic. His eyes were closed and mouth open in a cute little oval, softly snoring. Donghyuck could feel his breathing on his cheek. His hair was messy and some drool was gathering at the corner of the lips, but he looked beautiful.

He wanted to kiss him. Just a little peck. His lips looked soft in the dark and no one would ever know.

Donghyuck turned his back to Mark and forced himself to fall asleep.

_____________________________________

No one knows donghyuck quiet like he does himself. He knows that he can be outgoing and the life of the party, but he also knows the lonely part of himself. The part that craves people's attention and affection. People meaning Mark.

Some days he purposefully avoids having sleepovers with Mark, or going to the movies with him. He doesn't really know why, so maybe he doesn't know himself that well. 
What donghyuck does know is that being gay is something that is wrong. Implie