“breakfast on table. Do you want hot chocolate or milk?” my mum asked while doing my hair.

 

“hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate.”

 

“okay, honey. Eat your breakfast first or you’re going to be late”

 

my mum left me, straight to the kitchen. She’s only left to the kitchen, but still, I already feel lonely.

 

I can’t. I don’t know why. I know deep in me, I have mental illness since 13 years old. But I don’t know how to come out and tell my parents because I’m afraid that they might think that I just want attention or this is just a phrase.

 

I feel lonely every day. I feel lonely every single second. Whenever my mum leaves me to do her works, I’ll feel lonelier. I can’t think straight.

 

When people make fun of me, when my parents fight, when my siblings fight, I can’t help but to cut myself. I don’t know why, but cut is something that can make me feel much better.

 

Deep in me, I’m screaming. I need someone to help me. To rescue me.

 

“just someone. Please make my mental illness go away. Make it go away….”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Please hand in your homework. Now!”

 

all my classmates rushing towards my teacher’s desk, handing in their homeworks. But not me.

 

I’m sitting here. On my place, praying that no one could see me at least today. I wanna be invisible just for today.

 

I know, Ms.Park gonna screw me, but not today. Please. I’m not in the mood for that bull.

 

No one will ever understand me. I just don’t want to answer any questions from people. ‘where’s your homework?’ ‘why you didn’t hand in your homework?’

Those are bulls.

 

I didn’t do my homework because I was fighting in a losing battle with my own demon.

Alone.

In my bedroom.

Sometimes in my washroom.

 

I slept in washroom before. No one knows that. Because they don’t really care.

Even if I tell someone, they will never really care.

 

At the end, people only care about themselves.

 

“Minhyun!”

 

I don’t want to answer. Same question every single time. And she’ll get the same answer from me. So why bother?

 

“and Yoongi!”

 

a guy, with a sleepy face. I never really talk to him. Hahaha. I never really talk to anyone actually.

 

He’s just like me. But we never communicate with each other. I still remember when both of us got screwed by same teacher. But we never greet each other. He looks cold. He looks like he will never want to understand people.

 

He’s quiet, but he has a lot of friends, actually. He has a few words, but all his words are heavy, meaningful.

 

I wonder, what type of person he is.

 

“Come and meet me now! Both of you!”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

-flashback-

 

“You’re fat. Go away!”

 

“I don’t want to be your friend”

 

“You can’t be a princess! There’s no fat princess!”

 

“Ugly!”

 

“You should die!”

 

you should die

 

You should die…

 

I should die…

 

If I try to kill myself, don’t blame me…

 

Cause people said, I should die.

 

-end flashback-

 

“What’s wrong with both of you? If you guys can’t stop from being like this, you guys may not have any future. I’m worry.”

 

Ms.Park said to us with her worried face. I know, she doesn’t hate me, but I still don’t like her.

 

I hate everyone.

 

“Tell me, what’s your dream? Minhyun?”

 

Silence. I have no dream. I just have one wish,

 

To die silently.

 

“Yoongi? Tell me, what’s your dream.”

 

Carefully, I look up at him. He looks calm. He started to move his mouth, wanting to say something, but there’s only silence can be heard.

 

“Fine. If you guys don’t want to help yourselves, I can’t do anything. You can walk out from my room.”

 

Without any words, I stand up from the seat, and move away from Ms.Park.

As I walk away, I heard someone said, in a very deep voice.

 

“My dream is to be happy.”