Have you ever feel like you had give your very best for something that you are passion about but its not enough?? I feel it right now... Feeling helpless, useless and I can't even do a damn about it.. I guess the depression and frustration had taken it's toll on me... I know that I've promised her that I'm gonna fight for her, f(x) and MeU but I learn it in the hard way that it's never enough to impress the agency... It's never be... No matter how much ideas or suggestion I gave them, they end up rejecting it and say that I'm not experienced enough to give any of that... So what about my album before? All the collaboration that I've been working with? Isn't all of that are the proof of my work??  They act as if I'm not even capable to give my own ideas... I've done a lot of thing to show them what we've got for them... Not only me, all the member are working their off for the company... Vic unnie had become their main pawn to enlarge their share and power in the main land that exhaust her yet she always laugh it off when we told her to always take care of herself, stating that now she feel old because right now it's always us who remind her to take care of herself instead of her reminding us. Luna have been working on her strict diet and she even participate in a lot of event, beauty blog and many else that end up exhausting her too but she always try to hide it by saying it's okay as long as people know fx more... and her... my princess, she's also trying her best to be recognize by outside world by participating in a lot of commercials,photoshoots and she even agreed to play this particular drama even though her schedule quite packed already with Etude and Tod's event..All of us are giving our very best to be recognized by the outside world but what do we get instead?? Nothing... They insist that the main reason why we haven't got a comeback yet because Vic unnie is busy till the middle of the year so we need to wait patiently till then, but who's fault is it her schedule are packed till middle of the year?? Who?? Arghhhh!!! I'm pissed off yet I can't do anything right now...   I've never feel so down like this... The last time I felt like this was when her dating news was confirmed but I didn't expect to feel this kind of feeling again... Enough... I need to refresh myself or else I'm gonna get crazy just thinking about this thing... I stretch my arm as my hand land on my phone on the other side of the bed... I haven't open my phone because I'm not ready to tell anyone the reason for my instagram post even though some of them can guess about it already... But eventually I just opened it because I know certain someone gonna be dead worry about that post.. I turn on my phone and let it be for a while as I stand up and went inside the bathroom to refresh myself... After a good 10 minute relaxing in the tub, I went out and wear my black boxer and singlet as I try to prevent my mind from over thinking about the thing that pissed me off... I reach for my phone and check it and as I expected, tons of messages from my friends and the members come in and I read their worried messages and reply to each of it as I try to convince them that I'm okay and I'm just a bit stressed out with the condition right now... Wait, there's no messages from the princess... Hmmm... I guess she didn't know about the post that I've upload in the instagram... Just when I want to put the phone away, her name immediately flash up on my screen, I hesitate at first but eventually I just answer her facetime...

"Hey princess..." I tried my best showing her my toothy smile even though I wanna cry at that time..

"Stop your façade... I know you're not okay..." her stern yet worried face make me wanna smile a bit... I guess all the years we've been together make her know every bit of me...

"I'm okay princess... Look, I can smile.." I smile again at her

"Amber, you are human and it's okay to not be okay... You don't need to convince everyone that you are okay when you just wanna cry out loud... Stop torturing yourself Am..." She look down for a bit before she wiped her tears and look at me again... Honestly, my heart hurt when I see her breaking too.. I felt guilty,because I made her cry and I'm the reason behind it...

"I'm sorry...." is all that I can mutter.. I try my best not to let my tears fall because I know, I won't stop crying and I don't want to look weak in front of her...

"Am... Stop pretending... I know you're on the verge of crying... Just....let it go..." And that's it... I cried like a little baby in front of her, I don't wanna hide it again and I guess I'm tired pretending that I'm okay... I don't know for how long I've been crying but when I look at the screen, her nose is also red and her eyes swollen a bit, meaning she's crying with me too...

"Princess I'm sorry... I made you cry... I'm sorry"

"Stop saying sorry... It's not even your fault this thing happen"

"But I've made you cry and I know you are worried too about me"

"Who say I'm worried about you? I just dont want to search for another servant