When do you tell somebody you love them? When is 'I love you' really worth it and suffice?

Maybe during a storm, when lights go off and roars of thunder scare the core of your being. You'd call him, you'd say you're scared, and he would come rushing to you. You'll be hugging each other through the night, trying to calm yourself down barely understanding if the harsh beating of your heart is afraid of the thunder, or your feelings.

Maybe when he's really down, as his tears fall off, hearing very bad news from someone. His heart shatters, but yours were already crushed. In midday, you'd feel very dark inside, because both of you are falling apart, although you wanted to be strong for him.

Maybe when he's drunk, and all consciousness is lost. He's staring into you as if he's looking into your soul, into the depths of your entire being. And you knew it would be the safest thing on Earth, for him to fall into your arms whilst sleeping in the cab. "I..." You almost utter the word 'love,' but he just encountered a breakup, and he did not need any more than support.

Maybe when he's sleeping, with his eyes fully closed, mind already deep into his dream. You take a closer look at the wonders his serene face makes as he slowly inhales and exhales. Until he smiles, and you suddenly think, "What for?" for he does not smile for you. In a matter of seconds, not only his smile faltered, but also yours.

Maybe when he's wide awake, telling you he's moved on, that he's already okay. That brings you to life, because he is your life, that as long as he's happy, you're happier. But you'd ruin it, you think. And in the midst of a wonderful conversation, some important parts were definitely left out.

Maybe when he's singing, a passion he had ever since he was a kid. His hands smoothly glide over the keys of his grand piano and you hum along to the music, afraid you'd mess up the tune. He looks at you, sitting beside him, and he smiles. There you go again, you tell yourself you're ready, that you can't love him more than how you're feeling right now. And you do. So much. But his heart ached. He said so, and you figured maybe he needed more of a comfort than additional pressure.

Maybe when he's sick, when he needed you more than you know. He holds your hand by his bedside and whispers to you the words, "Thank you for being there for me even when no one was." And it makes you smile, although it was not the words you were expecting, or rather not the one you wanted. And you hate it, too much, that you kept your mouth shut, and tried to be what he expected of you.

Maybe when he's well, when he looks you in the eye in the perfect state of mind, and you know it would just be harder for him to say no. But you can't, you can't take advantage of him like that. You shrug as he puts his arm around your shoulders and leads you to your favorite restaurant.

Maybe when it's your birthday, because all you really wished for was to be with him, in all troubles and comfort. And he justifies that by giving you a locket, which he romantically puts around your neck, however platonic it seems to him. And he says, "Happy birthday, to my closest, and dearest best friend," and all your mouth could muster was an inaudible thank you.

Maybe when it's Christmas and all you want to do is watch the snow with him. It was a beautiful sight, as you watch flickers of white fall down from the sky and it seems as if the the cold breeze was telling you to snuggle. Maybe in the warmth between each other's arms there is solitude, and there is love. And you realize he's the greatest gift God could have ever bestowed upon you. However, you were not his, as he sees a woman from the past before both of you, and his grip on your hand suddenly loosens, and all you're left with is the cold.

Maybe when it's Valentine's day, in moments when you see couples around you and wonder, what if you told him today, and that if he said yes, he does so too, you could be like the people around you. So you gather up all the courage and all the strength and wrapped chocolates to come along with it. Before you could go to him, he goes to you, and hands you a rose. "Happy Valentine's day, I love you," he says and you were getting ready to say yours, but then he quickly adds, "Would that suffice for her, you think?" And you hold your chest, nod, and excuse yourself before he could even hear your heart shattering. 

Maybe when you're quite older, when all has passed, when feelings have passed, when the hurt has stopped. All there is left are wives and husbands, maybe even grandchildren. Maybe then there are only laughs, no what could've beens, because there is no other way back. But that will never happen. You will never get to see his old, wrinkly face, because he never reached that phase in his life.

Maybe when you stare right into his coffin, locket in hand, tears all over your face, and your clothes. In moments you wish to see his eyes, even in the final second, in moments you wish you'd smell his scent, knowing he's always right beside you, in moments you wish you could say three words you've kept for so long, that he could hear it, and he could answer, even answer no, say anything, or just breathe, but he can't. Now he wouldn't know, and you wouldn't hear. You glance at him, one last time, and know that this is the time to do it. You must, you must definitely. And you do, you lean closer, to his young face, which bade farewell too early, and whisper, "I shouldn't have loved you like this, Baekhyun."

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Edited through phone so.. sorry~~~