I couldn't handle it anymore, it was too much. Too much for anyone to handle to tell the truth. You might think that I'm weak, or am unbalance mentally. I'm not, my parents are...or maybe my life is just too messed up.

I ran up the stair, not caring if anyone jeered, leered, sneered, anything that will trigger me more to do my task. My mind was set. I was going to do it. My heart soared at the fact, I can leave this world behind. And all the cold people behind.

I stepped on the railing, feeling excitement bubble on my stomach. I looked down at my shorts, revealing all the bruises I had to endure. Bruises from my drunk parents.

I saw some of the lighter ones and smiled at them. Those were caused by me.

Whenever I get depressed, my stomach gets this painful feeling, so painful I pinched myself. The pinch was slightly, just slightly more painful than the feeling, so it eased whatever I felt. Just a tiny bit though.

But I got used to the pinching feeling. I started biting myself. It felt so much better. Then, as a last desperate resort, I started cutting myself.

I smiled happily at the fate awaiting me. I couldn't wait to face it. I couldn't wait.

I started moving forward, anticipating. I could leave my abusive parents behind, my cold 'friends' that beat me up everyday, and...and Hana. I felt slightly guilty about leaving Hana behind, but she didn't really do anything to stop my parents or friends. But she didn't do anything to hurt me either.

I took a deep breath, but a strong hand gripped my arm.

I widened my eyes in surprise, was it a teacher?

"Who are you?" my voice wavered; I was too scared to turn around.

"Don't kill yourself. Please," the voice was deep. It was beautiful. Too heavenly for this world. I wondered if I was already in heaven.

The hand jerked back and I fell on a solid body. It was muscular and the body length was slightly longer than me. That means the person as taller than me, a boy. A boy saved my life. Why? How?

"Please don't hate me, just don't kill yourself. Please."

I turned around to see Choi Seunghyun, the most handsome boy in school. The most popular too. He was famous amongst the girls, and even some of the boys.

"Why don't I deserve to die?" my voice cracked. I cursed myself. I hated getting emotional.

"You didn't do anything to die. You just lived and couldn't take the pressure of life anymore. That's not your fault, it would be the people around you. Even me," he solemnly answered.

I took a sharp breath, trying to calm my nerves. "I don't want to live anymore. Just please understand that," I tried to free my arm from his grip, but his hand was strong, so strong it could have been made out of steel.

"No," he breathed, whirling me around so that I could face him. "You don't deserve this."

"Please," I croaked, "just let me leave this cruel world. Why are you doing this to me?"

He hugged me. I felt like I was being healed for the first time in my life. Nobody had ever hugged me with this much passion.

I fell in love with Choi Seunghyun.

Or so I thought.

The day he proposed to me was the day I wanted to kill myself again.

We were eating dinner with Daesung, at a fancy restaurant. Originally Seunghyun wanted us to have a date, just him and me. I couldn't do it. I wanted to break up with him, I just wanted to with no reason at all. So I urged him to bring Daesung along, to ease his heartbreak. He agreed; he would do anything for me.

We were talking about marriage, and I thought, this is the perfect time to say, 'Seunghyun, I'm sorry.' But Seunghyun interrupted me.

"Please hold onto your thought Seungri." So I did the one action I will forever regret. I shut my mouth. "Thank you," he smiled, relieved.

I nodded, just waiting for him to finish saying what he wants. My eyes widened at the sight of a beautiful black box appearing from his bag. It was obviously a wedding ring.

He opened it and revealed a huge diamond ring, so big, so shiny, so expensive. Daesung and I gasped for different reasons. I, for feeling defeated that I cannot worm my self out of my troubles, and Daesung from heartbreak.

"Daesung," he asked my heartbroken friend, "Will you be our witness?"

Speechless, Daesung nodded. Seunghyun smiled gratefully at him and turned to me, leaving the poor soul behind.

"Lee Seungri, I have courted you for 3 years. The day I met you, is the day I'll never forget, for it was the day I met my love. And that love is you. I love you. It is simply a math equation. You love me, I love you, we are meant to be. I don't ever want to break your heart, and I don't care if you break mine. After all, you are the one doing the breaking, I am not. I at least will preserve your beautiful heart. But let's not talk about breaking up. Let's talk about love. Our love has held strong for 3 years. We got past the big 3. We can multiply that by 10, make our own family, make a life with us together and forever. And I want to do that. Lee Seungri," he looked up at my eyes, meeting them, "Will you marry me?"

What was I supposed to do? Say no, kindly somehow? Break his heart, but heal Daesung's? Say yes and keep Daesung's heart the same and Seunghyun's whole and hearthy? There was only one option.

"Yes."

The first funeral I had to attend to was my grandfather's. Everyone was crying, sobbing, or doing some sort of action that resorts in having a watery liquid pouring out of their eyes.

I didn't have anything like that.

My eyes were dry.

I didn't know my grandfather.

He was always sick in the hospital, and he actually refused to see me. Or let me see him.

I didn't have any love for him.

I only saw him once, and that was last week on Tuesday.

My mom forced my to walk in and hug him