My pen drums erratically against the side of my History textbook. The silence of the library is deafening, squeezing out any information that tries to enter my brain. I can't do this anymore. My pen flies to the edge of the table, and I inch out as quietly as I can out of my seat.

Both of the Library's floors are packed with students burying their heads into books. The classrooms I pass by reflect the same situation as well.

How do people stare at their books the entire day? I really don't get why everyone is so stressed up. The tests in two weeks are what they are-- tests. They aren't even examinations!

And yet, here I am, being one of those who is stressed about them. I blame this on everybody else for creating such a stress-invoking environment!

I wander aimlessly around the school, trying not to let the sight of students boring into their books beside me add to any stress.

My mind drifts to Mr Park Bogum, and my stress seems to quadruple. 

Was I wrong for smiling at that actor, and many other actors, so that our club session could progress smoothly? What did Park Bogum want me to do, genuinely and sincerely bang my fist on the table to show my inner dissatisfaction towards them?

Agh, I thrash about. I want to whine about this to someone. Why did I have to offend him in the first place? 

  "Jae-eun!" someone calls me, and I instantly straighten my back. It's our club's dependable Chairman, Minhwan running over.

I've got to hand it to him; he really is dedicated. To be honest, it seems like no one else puts in effort for the Club, except him.

 "Hello!" I smile as bright as I can. Maybe if I smile extremely brightly my eyebags won't be noticeable.

  "Jae-eun ah, how's your preparation for exams?" He asks with a faint smile.

 Okay, now this is awkward. All I wanted was a solitary break, not a chat with Mr Chairman. 

  "It's stressful, but we can all do this!" I chirp, clenching my fists with a bounce. He laughs, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He isn't here to really ask me about how I'm coping. Knowing Minhwan, he's probably worried about something to do with the Drama Club... 

  I wait for him to continue, but all he does is just laugh and look at everywhere else except me. This is going nowhere.

  "Oh by the way, what happened to our publicity?" I say, innocently,  "Wasn't Hongki in charge of that?" 

Minhwan's eyes dart to me.  

"Well, you know Hongki." Minhwan draws a long sigh, "There's no proposal from him even though I told him about it last week." By now, Minhwan's downcast eyes are forming slits. I knew it! If only someone gave me a prize for reading people, I could buy myself countless Seventeen concert tickets. 

Minhwan continues to mope, and I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He looks like he's going to cry! 

  "If you need my help, just let me know okay?" I say. At once, I regret what I say.

  Minhwan's eyes light up. Not a good sign. He shakes my hands excitedly, "Really? Do you mean it? Could you help to write a script for a trailer? Something really short will do!"

  The long to-do lists flood my mind, at the prospect of cramming every day. Not to mention, what if I need to talk to those cool kids again? They would definitely grumble and make a fuss of everything and not take me seriously.

  "Okay, sure. You sure just anything will do?" I say.

  I smile. Never forget to smile.

  "Yes! Yes! Jae-Eun ah, you're the best! Thank you so much!" He thanks me profusely, shaking my hands with an exhilaration entirely different from the depressed soul who approached me just minutes ago.

  "No problem," I say.

---

  I'm so stressed about this new responsibility that when I return back to my seat in the library, I can't help but knock over a few chairs in the process. Angry students give me sideway glances, which is Library Code for, "SHUT UP CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M STUDYING?"

WELL, I HAVE A LOT MORE WORK THAN YOU.

I carelessly shove into my seat. 

I breathe in and out. I CAN DO THIS. Furiously scribbling, I grasp at whatever ideas are floating in my mind.

Drama trailers. But they take far too much time for prop-making, rehearsals, directing, editing-- Just, no. 

  I cancel out 'Trailer' even though Minhwan just told me to write a script for a trailer.

  My scribbling halts. I've got it!

  An interview with the cast. That way, I only need to write out questions for them, and prop-making wouldn't be necessary. 

A standing ovation for Jae Eun, please! Imaginery Minhwans pop up around me and gush about what a genius I am.

I know, I know.

---

  "What do you mean I have to be there?" I ask, my mouth gaping.

  "Sorry, Jae-Eun ah!", Minhwan says, not looking very sorry. "Jonghoon was supposed to be the cameraman but he has a family emergency." Minhwan laughs awkwardly, but I can see the frenzy creeping into his eyes.

He probably knew that Jonghoon would back out, but was afraid to say no to Jonghoon taking up the role from the start.

"You just need to press 'Record'! That's all you need to do!"

  How can anyone say no to a pleading Minhwan? 

  "Okay, okay," I say, trying to hide my annoyance. There go 5 hours that could be used for studying.

  "Jae-Eun ah! Really, thank you so much!" Minhwan pats me on the back, as he drags me to our clubroom.

 To our horror, the clubroom is empty.

  "Where's... everyone?" I ask.

But Minhwan has already disappeared, scouring for the runaway actors.

  After a few minutes of prancing around the empty room, my phone *pings*-- a text message. 

  Un-buh-leav-able. None of the actors are picking up their cell phone. Apparently, only Park Bogum said he would be late. Ha! I laugh at the absurdity. HA! HA!

I bet on my geniusness that they aren't going to come. It's obvious-- they agreed because they didn't want to turn the Club's Chairman down in his face. But what's the use of agreeing if they weren't planning on showing up anyway? 

At least Park Bogum is coming.

Park Bogum is coming. 

Park-"What a disappointment"-Bogum.

I feel sick in my stomach. 

I know what's going to happen.

The two guys are definitely going to be in their own world of Interveiwer and Interviewee, while I, the Press-Camera-Button Person who conveniently happens to be a Park Bogum Offender would be completely ignored. My jaw falls. And then, to brush away the awkwardness, I would look at my phone constantly even though no one ever texts me, and pretend to be extremely engaged with my phone! 

THE. HORROR. 

I could flee right here and now! Say that I have an emergency. Just like what everyone else would say when Minhwan sees them after Club Activities resume. 

But my feet stubbornly stay rooted to the ground. What if Minhwan actually cries?

Why? Why? Why is my life so difficult?

And so, I whip out my pen and start scribbling. Since Park Bogum is coming, we can still make something out of this. He is, after all, the actor who drew attention to our club. 

  I rearrange and edit the questions to address Park Bogum instead. Maybe something lighthearted and yet personal-- that's the trend in television interviews nowadays anyway.

  After a whole lot of circling and arrowing, I am pretty much done. Smiling brightly, I wring my arms to stretch them. Minhwan is taking pretty long, I wonder--

  I sit up with a start; my heart jumps. Park Bogum is sitting next to me, typing away on his phone. When did this guy get here? 

  Do I greet him? How? Where is Minhwan? Do I greet him? Am I supposed to greet him? 

(What if he gives me an icy reply?)

But he isn't looking at me! I continue staring at him, in hopes that he would look up. 

  Which would be easier, to outrightly show him how uncomfortable I feel, or pretend that his confrontation last week didn't take place?

  Sensing that someone is staring at him, he finally does look up, and I garner the courage I need. I can do this! 

  Our eyes meet.

  "Erm, hi!" I wave, smiling. "I didn't know you were there." That came out awkward. I don't know where to look, so my eyes end up darting uncontrollably between his eyes, nose, ears, and the floor.

  "Hello, Jae-Eun ah," he says, his Bogum smile living up to its name, revealing his gums in all their glory.

  I laugh nervously. When in doubt, smile right?

  "I don't know where everyone else is... But I don't think they're coming. Minhwan went to look for them." I say helpfully, glancing back and forth between my script and Park Bogum.

  "I know," He nodded, "I saw it in the group chat." 

  I smile. Of course. Group chat.

What do I say now?

He's probably cursing at me behind that smile. But I guess it's good that he's pretending nothing happened last week. 

  "Jae-Eun ah?" He asks, and I tilt my head to look at him. He beams at me even more, which is surprisingly possible, and says, "I wanted to apologize for what I said last week."

  Huh? I feel my smile fall as it gives way to a contorted expression.

  "Yup. I'm saying sorry. Sorry Jae-Eun ah," he smiles, radiantly.

  I stare at him.

  "See," he says with a smirk as he goes back to doing whatever he was with his phone, "This is how you should apologize."

  And then, silence fills the room. I turn back to my script awkwardly, pretending to scribble more things, when there's really nothing to write.

Breathe in, breath out.

  WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! (Continue scribbling, he isn't looking at me is he?) So, is he apologizing now? For what? For being rude? For scaring me? For calling me "a disappointment"? Is he even genuine? (What is taking Minhwan so long?) Was he really apologizing or was he saying all that to mock me? "This is how you apologize"? Maybe he's just saying all this because he's afraid I would rattle about his coldness. Is that it? But then, why would he say sorry with that innocent and glaring smile? (Scribbling in the air is getting really awkward now!) That smile looked genuine, though. In fact, it looked beautiful. Agh. But then why would he add sarcasm at the end? 

  "Guys!" Minhwan says, appearing at the perfect moment and saving the day. I have never been happier to see him.

  "Chairman!" I practically shout, bouncing out of my seat to where he is.

  He walks past me to where Bogum is, his brows furrowed as he shakes his head. I force a smile, and follow behind him.

  "It's no use. Should we postpone the shoot instead?" He says sadly to Bogum, his shoulders drooping.

  "Sure," Bogum says, smiling slightly, but then frowns, "But will we be on schedule?"

  "That's my worry as well. What are we going to do?" Minhwan says.

  I clear my throat behind Minhwan, only to have both guys still wallowing in misery.

  I continue, even though I could be talking to walls.

  "I actually edited the script to revolve around Bogum-shi. He's our main character after all. Do you want take a look?" I say, with a nervous chuckle.

  To this, Minhwan finally responds. He snatches the script and glances over it. 

  "Alright!" His says, face brightening. "Let's go ahead with the shoot!"

  I smile, glad to be of some use, and also proud that my suggestion was accepted. At the corner of my eyes, I sense Park Bogum's stare on me, but I don't dare to look. Instead I make a beeline for the camera, busying myself with setting it up.

---

  The interview goes really well. Park Bogum answers questions about himself with a good sense of humour. I must admit, he isn't a popular kid for nothing. He never panics, always answering the questions in a calm and gentle manner, with his beautiful smile peeking every now and then. If he didn't have a split personality, and wasn't quite arrogant, he would be perfect.

  I continue to busy myself behind the camera, concentrating solely on monitoring the screen, and pressing the "start" and "stop" button as how Minhwan deems fit.

  The interview reaches its second last question. I heave a sigh of relief. Just a little while more, Jae-Eun, and you can go home and escape from these two guys! And get to your books!

  "Bogum-sshi, other than the heartwarming and hilarious student-teacher relationships in the production, I also heard that it would be focused on friendship. I want to ask what friendship means to you?" Minhwan asks.

  At the question, Bogum's smile slips. "Yes? Can you repeat that again?" He says.

  "What does friendship in high school mean to you?" Minhwan asks.

  "Friendship..." Bogum repeats the word, looking lost. I peer at him from behind my camera. What's wrong? Maybe the almighty Park Bogum has a poor vocabulary.

  Bogum seems to break out of his trance as his bright smile returns, and he starts to say, "To be honest, I can't imagine what I'd be today if I didn't have my friends around me." 

  Isn't that pretty cliche? I think to myself. Looks like he really thinks of himself as a famous actor. I laugh under my breath.

  He continues, "You know, when there's nobody there for you, when nobody understands you, I'm really..." He halts.

  I look at him through the camera screen. 

  His smile is still plastered on his face, but his eyes are shining, not with their usual sparkle but a strange glaze.

  "Sorry," he laughs shakily, and continues, "I'm really... thankful..." His voice gives way to a sob.

  He covers his mouth with the back of his hand, as he squeezes his eyes shut momentarily.

  "Ahhh... Sorry," he laughs, tilting his head back to blink back his tears. "Ah, I'm really sorry."  

  I bristle, searching my pockets for tissues.

  "Can we stop for a moment?" Bogum says, wiping his tears daintily with the tips of his fingers. 

  I'm about to press 'stop', but Minhwan motions me at the side to keep going. I'm startled, and confused, but do as he asks, feeling a sense of dread as the film continues going.

  Minhwan's voice is calming and soothing, "Are you okay? You must have experienced some problems with your friends." 

  Bogum nods slightly, and I'm amazed that he smiles even when he's crying. Unbelievable. He heaves, gasping for air, shoulders shaking uncontrollably. I look away, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. It's as if I'm intruding into his personal space just by watching. 

  "Ah, this is so embarrassing really," After a while he laughs shakily, with a sob. I glance back at him. He levels his gaze to Minhwan, "It's just that, that's what friendship is supposed to be. And when even your closest friend doesn't understand you, it's so... disappointing."

  His voice cracks and gives way to a few more sobs.

  I stare, muted. Tentatively, I hand him some pieces of tissues. He looks up at me, and smiles, accepting them and dabbing away at his eyes.

  "Shall we continue?" Minhwan asks, after a whole minute has passed with Bogum desperately wiping his tears away.

  "Wait a minute, my eyes feel puffy," Bogum says, whipping out his phone and examining his eyes through the selfie-camera. 

  "Do I look okay?" He asks, looking at Minhwan, then at me. I gulp, and give a weak thumbs-up.

  After adjusting his fringe awhile more, he nods that he is ready, and filming continues smoothly.

  Minhwan doesn't ask the question about friendship again, and the filming wraps up.

  "Take a good rest, Bogum-ah," Minhwan says, patting Bogum on his back as Bogum gets up to leave. Bogum nods, and waves as he leaves, flashing his smile briefly to both of us, but I can tell he's embarrassed by the way he doesn't look us in the eye.

  After Bogum leaves, Minhwan turns to me, and says, "Good job-"

  "Chairman," I address him politely, "I'll help you edit the video. Just tell me how you want it."

  "Really?" He says, nodding happily, "Just keep it simple, add in music. Oh, and be sure to include the part with him crying."

  "What?" I ask, my suspicions being confirmed, "I don't think that's a good idea."

  Minhwan halts from packing up his things, and he turns to look at me, a serious look coming over his face, "Why not? We're not tarnishing his reputation or anything. In fact, he may gain more fans."

  "But he clearly said to stop the recording," I insist.

  Minhwan stares at me for a moment, before adding, "Jae-Eun ah, do you really think he was crying for real? He's an actor. You've seen him act yourself. Of course he'd have to ask us to stop filming; it looks more natural that way. Don't you see? He did it for the publicity of the event. Don't act so clueless and just add it in." 

  "Ok?" he says, grinning, as he slugs his bag over his shoulder in a swift motion, and turns to leave. 

  Without a goodbye, he's gone. I pack up the filming equipment in silence. Did I really read Bogum wrongly? But I'm sure the Chairman knows Bogum better than me. 

  Still, I can't shake off this uneasiness I am feeling.

  If that is so, then why didn't the Chairman ask Bogum if he could add in the clip?

  ---

  Once home, I rush to my computer, and begin editing.

  Bogum's face fills up the screen, but I skip over the front parts, arriving at the dreaded moment.

  In the corner of my room, I watch in silence as I witness everything with a clearer view.

  I watch again, helplessly, as he heaves and grunts as he tries to control the tears. His effort to stop crying by forcing a smile backfires on him as he looks even more of a mess-- his face contorting and twitching at weird places. He repeatedly wipes at his eyes with his fingers, but the tears keep flowing. My heart tingles slightly as I gnaw at the inside of my cheek.

  After blinking several times, he gathers himself. I curse myself for not handing him my bottle of water at that moment, as he struggles with his tears alone on screen. Fortunately, the next moment I see my hand handing him a few pieces of tissues, and I nod approvingly at Me behind the camera. His face lights up, as he graciously accepts the pieces of tissue paper with two hands.

  "Do I look okay?" I hear him ask, and I laugh, in spite of the tears forming at my eyes. Even at this moment, the popular kid cares about his looks.

  I'm beyond curious as to what happened to him and his "best friend", but I'm even more suspicious as to whether this was an act like what Minhwan said. 

  I could just ask Bogum myself whether he was fine with me including the clip. As I think this, I start typing a message addressed to him. But then I halt, and fling my phone to the corner of my room instead.

  "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," I whine out loud, shaking my head furiously. I can't message him; it's too awkward.

  Sighing, I rewatch him crying. Once, twice, many times, until I'm fully convinced that this was not an act.

  How can it be, when he's sobbing so heavily and he's carrying such a pained expression? 

  Sorry to say this, but I don't think even Bogum can act that well.

  As I scrub the video back to the part where he breaks down, I can't help the chills that run down my spine. For some reason, this particular moment feels like a significant moment in my history, a moment caught in between the past and present. It feels like from this point onwards, as Park Bogum's tear-stained tear-rolling face is ingrained in my mind, everything is going to change. 

  As I ponder on how this image of Park Bogum may be embedded in my mind forever, whatever doubts I had of him evaporates.

---

[A/N:]

Seriously though, I think Park Bogum's crying face is my weakness.