Taehyun was overflowing with creative energy as he reached the front door of Winner's dorm.  He had gone to a newly opened art gallery in their area earlier in the evening.  Each piece left even the smallest imprint of inspiration on the talented maknae.  All that he wanted to do was get back to his room and create. He was debating whether to paint or compose as he opened the door and quickly closed it while he slipped off his shoes in the entry way.  He pivoted towards the living room and every artistic thought in his head died immediately.  

He tensed and his heart began to race when he noticed Jinwoo's legs limply sprawled across the floor, the rest of his body obstructed from view by the black leather couch.  Taehyun felt bile rise into his throat.  He swallowed thickly in hopes of forcing it back down as he desperately tried to remain calm.  He took a deep breath before shakily calling, "Jinu-hyung?"

He was met with silence.

Taehyun walked further into the space with trepidation, his anxiety rising.  He tried to call the man again, this time more forcefully.  "Jinu."  

His shoulders relaxed slightly when he heard a deep grunt from the other side of the couch.  He relaxed even further as he watched Jinwoo stretch his legs.  The mat-hyung was alive and responsive.  The maknae startled when a low gravely voice acknowledged him.

"Thought you'd be home later." Jinwoo's words were slurred and they dripped heavily with the singer's Jeolla dialect.  

Taehyun silently walked towards the older man.  He stopped in front of the older's feet and cast his eyes downward to where the man laid on the living room floor, sandwiched between the sofa and the coffee table that was littered with beer cans and an opened bottle of wine that was roughly halfway full.  The maknae's eyes widened and his slanted eyebrows shot upward as he noticed the glowing amber end of a cigarette hanging loosely from the mat-hyung's  frowning lips.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"Try not to do it often," Jinwoo began has he pinched the thin cigarette between his fingers, tapping the ash off into a nearby beer can, " it ruins your voice."  He chuckled humorlessly, murmuring mostly to himself, "Not that it matters."

Taehyun's face fell at Jinwoo's numb, detached tone.  He wasn't quite sure how to react.   He attempted to change the subject. "Is there any reason why you're on the floor?" He gently tapped his bare foot to Jinwoo's, hoping the teasing touch would bring the mat-hyung out of his bitter mood.  

Jinwoo took a drag of his cigarette before answering.  "Went to open the window and fell."  He took a second drag.  "Figured I'd just stay here."  Jinwoo finally turned his gaze away from the ceiling to meet Taehyun's unsettled eyes as the younger man hovered above him.  He watched the younger's lips part, but he cut in before Taehyun could speak.  "Before you ask, I put the cats in your room so they'd be away from the smoke."

"How thoughtful."  The corners of Taehyun's mouth lifted when he heard Jinwoo snort in response.  The easily amused hyung was still somewhere inside the empty vessel currently lying on the floor.  However, the good mood was cut short when he noticed that the older's eyes were  bloodshot and his cheeks were tear stained.  He knew it was a dumb question before he asked it, but Taehyun didn't know what to do with the frigid atmosphere.  "Are you okay?"

Jinwoo raised an eyebrow at the question and stared blankly at the younger man, a "no " dangling dangerously at the tip of his tongue.  He took another drag of his cigarette instead of responding to Taehyun with an overly harsh bite.  It wasn't fair to take his own emotions out on the younger man.

Taehyun bit his lip at the non-answer, muttering an understanding, "Right."  He ran a nervous hand through his hair as he tried to collect his thoughts.  "I was gonna grab a water from the kitchen, do you want anything?"

Jinwoo shook his head in response before putting his cigarette out on the top of his makeshift ashtray, brushing the embers into the opening of the can with the .  He turned his head towards the couch as Taehyun headed to the open kitchen area.

Taehyun rested his head against the cool grey metal of the fridge door, gripping the handles tightly in his fist.  He puffed out a stressful sigh.  Even at the height of their training, when Jinwoo was probably nearing a mental breakdown, he had never seen him this vacant; sober or intoxicated.  Alcohol usually just magnified Jinwoo's clingy, bubbly, flirtatious nature.  Taehyun was dealing with an entirely different monster and the mat-hyung's typical support system was nowhere to be found.  Seunghoon, Mino, and Seungyoon were away and he had to figure out how to pick up the pieces on his own. He had never felt more like the youngest than he did now.  He let out another long sigh before opening the fridge to search for a bottle of water, his mind swirling.  

It wasn't like he and Jinwoo didn't like each other, they were just so different that it it made it hard for them connect sometimes.  He did care for the man. He had wiped away the mat-hyung's tears on multiple occasions after all,  he just rarely stepped out of his comfort zone with ageyo and skinship for Jinwoo because he didn't really have to; Seunghoon, Mino, or Seungyoon could take care of it.  Plus, their interests were different as well.  He was more likely to take Seungyoon or Mino to an art museum or a gallery opening than he was Jinwoo.  It was just the way things worked.  A small wave of guilt rushed through him.  What if Jinwoo actually did want to attend these things, but he was too shy to ask?  The maknae shook his head.  It was even a chore for Mino to get Jinwoo out of the house once in a while.

Taehyun held the thick chilled plastic of a water bottle cap between his finger tips.  He glanced back to the living room where Jinwoo still laid motionless on the floor.  Part of him wanted to grab a second bottle for the mat-hyung while the other wanted to grab only his water and flee.  The maknae frowned at the idea.

Sure, he could technically just go to his room and let the older man sort himself out, but it seemed irresponsible.  Jinwoo was clearly not okay.  He didn't think Jinwoo would do anything brash, but it still seemed too risky to leave the man alone where he was and in the state he was in.  "Damnit..."  Taehyun muttered in frustration under his breath.  Any hopes of composing or painting flew out the window as he grabbed a second bottle and returned to Jinwoo's side.  Who knew how long the mat-hyung would be like this.

Taehyun bumped Jinwoo's foot again with his own.  "Still alive?"

"Mhmm."  Jinwoo lazily scratched his chin before turning his face towards Taehyun.

Taehyun placed the two waters on the cluttered coffee table before going over and drawing the curtains to one side.  He slid open the window and returned to Jinwoo's slack form.  He took a deep breath before sitting behind Jinwoo, his legs caging the older man in the confined space.  He hooked his arms underneath Jinwoo's armpits and dragged the limp man into his lap.  Perhaps human contact would ease the mat-hyung's sorrow.  Both men tensed at the sudden close contact for different reasons; Jinwoo in surprise and Taehyun in embarrassment.  Jinwoo adjusted himself so he was more comfortable against Taehyun's chest while Taehyun took small calming breaths to relieve his remaining tension.  His minor discomfort would be made less so the sooner Jinwoo sobered up.  It wasn't until now that Taheyun realized how quiet the living room was. Just how long had Jinwoo been sitting in silence drinking alone?

Jinwoo tilted his head so he could get a glimpse of Taehyun's face.  "You don't have to do this Taehyunie."

"I know," Taehyun began.  He focused his eyes on the open cigarette pack so he didn't have to look at Jinwoo's piercing stare. "I wanted to."

"Liar."

Jinwoo's deadpan response made the maknae snort.  Silence fell back between them.  The mat-hyung traced Taehyun's eye line to green and white pack on the edge of the table.  He languidly pointed at it, offering, "Want one?"

"No, I'm trying to cut down," Taehyun replied.

"Ah,"  Jinwoo stoically responded.  He was silent for a beat.  "Wanna split one?"

"Uhh, sure.  Do you have a lighter?"

Jinwoo nodded his head and reached into the pocket of his grey hoodie.  "Pass me the pack."

Taehyun did as he was told.  He silently watched as Jinwoo grabbed a cigarette with his lips before placing the pack in his pocket.  He cupped a hand over his mouth and raised a royal blue plastic lighter with the other.  Taehyun finally noticed how drunk Jinwoo truly was when he observed the older man miss the cigarette multiple times.  He couldn't even hit the sparkwheel or fork of the lighter correctly.  It was frustrating to watch, honestly.

"Here, let me."  Taehyun took both the lighter and the cigarette from Jinwoo's grasp.

The mat-hyung sighed in defeat.  "Can't even do that right..."

Taehyun chose to ignore Jinwoo's self criticism.  He had the cigarette lit in seconds.  He took a long first drag, the smoke slowly escaping his mouth as he handed it to Jinwoo.  They traded back and forth until it was gone.  With the nicotine in system, Taehyun felt like he finally had enough nerve to console the mat-hyung.  He quietly thought of something Seungyoon might say to comfort the older man.  He cleared his throat before speaking.

 "This will pass, Hyung.  We'll get our time to shine, we just have to be patient."  Taehyn cringed at his insincerity.  He was cynical about the future of their careers himself, but he carried on anyway.  "It's going to get better."

Jinwoo harshly chuckled in response. 

Taehyun's heart sank at the stinging sound.  The familiar warmth of Jinwoo's famous Imja-do laugh was completely gone; this laugh was hollow and cold.

"For you maybe.  You actually have talent. Hell, all of you.  You, Mino, and Seungyoon have music.  Seunghoon'll be good at anything he does. But me?"  Jinwoo released another bitter laugh before slapping a hand to his chest. " I'm ed."

"Hyung, that's not tru--"

"--No," Jinwoo interrupted.  "You can stop building me up.  It's time I accept I have no future in this business.  I wasted my youth in a practice room for nothing."

Taehyun's blood ran cold at Jinwoo's words.  "Hyung..."

"I'm gonna be twenty-six Taehyun," it was like Jinwoo hadn't even heard the younger man, " twenty-six.  What do I even have to show for it, huh?  All I am is a nugu with a pretty face."  He circled a finger around his face to emphasize his point. "This is all I got Taehyunie."

Tension and anxiety seeped back into the maknae.  He was witnessing Jinwoo at his rawest.  There were no tears, no self-deprecating humor, there was only unbridled self-pity and anger.  All he could do was sit silently and let Jinwoo's poisonous rant spew from his lips.

"And it's not like my face'll get me work.  YG has enough models and actors as it is."  Jinwoo released another breathy, bitter laugh.  "Besides, I'd be working if I was actually talented.  I fail at the one that got me into the company, they certainly didn't want me for my voice. Isn't that sad?"  There was a pregnant pause before Jinwoo murmured, "Maybe they just wanted me for my looks... Huh, guess I am useless after all."

Taehyun's chest was tight.  He tried to steady his breathing and fight back the tears pricking his vision.  Was this all Jinwoo truly thought he was worth? Had Jinwoo's growing confidence just been for show to get everyone off his back?  Maybe Jinwoo had finally had enough.  Perhaps wave after wave of disappointment was finally breaking him down.  The man that had once been coined Winner's rock on the corner of the sea seemed to be crumbling.

"Hey, do me a favor." Jinwoo's voice was softer but no less empty as he turned to face Taehyun.  "Don't forget about me when you're all famous and successful... Please."

This time, Taehyun couldn't hold back.  A muted sob escaped his lips.  His bit the inside of his cheek to trap any other sounds that risked coming out.

"."  Jinwoo brought a remorseful hand to the maknae's cheek.  "M'sorry Hyunie..."

Taehyun's voice cracked as he replied, "It's fine."

"You're lying,"  the mat-hyung gently patted Taehyun's cheek, "but thanks."

 The maknae's eyes widened when the mat-hyung wiped away a stray tear before abruptly nuzzling his face into his neck.  Taehyun's stomach clenched at the action; even more so when he felt Jinwoo's stubble rub against his skin repeatedly.

Taehyun tried to mask his bashfulness from the older's actions by bluntly asking, "When was the last time you shaved?"  He smiled softly when a squeaky giggle erupted from his neck.

Jinwoo's reply was muffled. "Don't know."

 Taehyun let out a relieved chuckle at his hyung's cuter tone.  It looked like Jinwoo was slowly returning to his bubblier state of drunkenness. 

A soft yawn buzzed against his blushing skin.  "Getting tired?" Taehyun asked while gently patting Jinwoo's shoulder.

"Uh huh."

"Let's get you to bed.  Can you walk?"

"M'not sure."

Taehyun let out a soft huff.  "I'll take that as a no."  He once again hooked his arms underneath Jinwoo's and then lifted the limp man up and into a standing position.  He thanked the universe that Jinwoo was so light he dragged his dead weight all the way to the man's bedroom.  He placed Jinwoo on his bed and removed the man's gray hoodie in the process.  Taehyun turned to leave when a soft hand clasped around his wrist.

Jinwoo's eyes were focused towards the ground, his voice soft as he asked.  "Can you stay?"

Taehyun was torn. He had his fill of the older man tonight and he just wanted to be alone now.  But at the same time, Jinwoo still seemed so vulnerable. "Jinu-hyung, I--"

"--I-I know it's asking a lot but, please?"  Jinwoo looked up into Taehyun's apprehensive eyes.  "Just until I fall asleep?"

Taehyun could never resist Jinwoo's soft pleading eyes when he was like this.  He huffed in defeat.  "Fine."

The corners of Jinwoo's mouth lifted into a tired smile.  "Thank you."  He scooted over to make space for his dongsaeng.  

Taehyun stiffly took his spot next to Jinwoo,  this was usually Seunghoon's job.  He hesitantly brought his hand to Jinwoo's silky hair and it gingerly.  "Is this okay?"

"Mhmm."  Jinwoo yawned again, leaning into the touch.

Taehyun laid in quiet as he watched Jinwoo slowly fall asleep.  The mat-hyung's chest gently rose and fell with each breath, a small snore escaping Jinwoo's lips occasionally.  He looked much more at peace than he did on the living room floor, but he couldn't help but notice the deep dark circles inked beneath his eyes.  The second hiatus was really taking its toll on the older man.  The thought made Taehyun frown.  It was naive to think that Jinwoo wasn't affected, but he was too wrapped up in his own frustration and angst to notice how bad it was.

 Once he was certain the mat-hyung was asleep, Taehyun carefully removed himself from Jinwoo's bed.  He made sure the man was on his side and brought over Jinwoo's trash can in case he needed to vomit during the night.  He returned to the living room and grabbed the abandoned bottles of water before going to the bathroom to collect a bottle of headache medicine and a bottle of stomach medicine.  He placed the items on Jinwoo's bedside table and left the mat-hyung's room for the final time, closing the door with a quiet click.

He went back to the living room and flopped onto the couch.  He could finally decompress.  He dragged his hands down his face, a quiet "" leaving his mouth.  He laid in quiet for a while before getting up to dispose of the beer cans.  He eyed the open bottle of wine with desire.  He needed a drink.  Taehyun poured himself a glass before corking the bottle and placing it in the fridge.  He continued tidying up by closing the window and curtains.  He made sure the front door was locked and the lights were turned down low before he made the journey to his room.

A soft fatherly smile appeared when he opened to the door to find both his and Jinwoo's cats snuggled together on his bed sound asleep.  Mino's cat stood near his hamper, batting the sleeve of a dirty button-up with her paw.  Seunghoon's dog was currently at a friend's house so he didn't have to worry about the energetic greyhound tonight, thankfully.  He gently pushed over Jinwoo's sphinxes to make room for himself.  He nursed his wine silently while petting the various felines around him to comfort himself.   His brain was still spinning from the night's dark turn of events.  To see Jinwoo so hollow, was haunting.  

The man's eyes were constantly so expressive and twinkled no matter what the man did.  He always laughed and smiled so easily.  But tonight, there was nothing.  Even as he spilled his heart out to Taehyun, his eyes were lifeless and dull and his face devoid of emotion.  He never wanted to see Jinwoo in such a dark place again.

Taehyun sighed and took his phone from his pocket.  He contemplated texting Seungyoon.  It was the smart thing to do, Seungyoon was the leader and should know about it.  But at the same time, Taheyun understood the amount of stress and pressure already weighing heavily on his friend's shoulders.  He dragged his teeth across his bottom lip and chose against texting him.  Perhaps it was better to keep this a secret. The maknae placed his phone on his charger, finished his wine, and got ready for bed.

Taehyun awoke in the late afternoon, his Scottish fold's tail acting as an alarm.  He cuddled the soft animal for a while before getting out of bed.  He sluggishly made his way to the kitchen.  He stopped when he noticed Jinwoo sitting alone at the dining table nursing a large mug of green tea.  The previous night's events flew back into Taehyun's head. He nervously croaked, "Morning."

Jinwoo responded back softly, his own voice raspy from sleep, "Morning."  He took hold of the warm mug and rolled it across his forehead, hoping to it get rid of the rest of his hangover.

Awkward silence formed between them.  Neither man wanted to discuss what had happened. 

Taehyun coughed uncomfortably and headed over to the fridge for water.

Jinwoo anxiously drummed his fingers against the white porcelain of his mug.  He waited with baited breath for the younger man to mention last night.  He felt so ashamed and embarrassed that Taehyun had witnessed him at his absolute worst.  He didn't even think Seungyoon had dealt with him like that.  He took a deep breath and forced himself to be the hyung.  "Taehyunie, can you come over here when you're done?"

Taehyun clenched his eyes shut.  It was a necessary evil, but he really didn't want to talk to Jinwoo right now.  He sighed deeply.  "Yeah."  He grabbed a bottle of water and joined the nervous mat-hyung at the table.

Jinwoo took hold of his spoon and began swirling it back and forth in the liquid, distracting himself so he didn't have to look Taehyun in the eye.  He took a few relaxing breaths.  "So last night..."

"Yeah..." Taehyun anxiously cracked his knuckles. "What about it?"

Jinwoo hesitantly brought his hand to Taehyun's.  He tapped the younger man's knuckles with his fingers.  "I'm sorry you had to see that." Jinwoo released a self-deprecating chuckle in hopes of easing the tension. "That's why I try not to drink alone."  

The maknae smiled halfheartedly in response. He focused his attention on Jinwoo's long elegant fingers.  He had so many question.  He cleared throat to risk asking one. "Is--"  He paused when he noticed the mat-hyung's hand tense.  He looked into the older's eyes and saw anxiety flow through them. He was going to ask Jinwoo if it was always this bad, but the fear apparent in the older's face stopped him. "Nevermind."  He watched every bit of tension leave Jinwoo's body with that single word.

They were quiet for a few moments.

Jinwoo bit his lip in thought.  "I was gonna make ramen, do you want any?" He then rose from the table and headed around the counter.  

"Uh, Sure."  

Taehyun silently watched Jinwoo move around the kitchen.  He frowned slightly.  How could Jinwoo disassociate so easily?  The mat-hyung apologized like he had just bumped into him and spilled wine on his favorite white shirt.  Jinwoo's raw words still clung so tightly to his mind, and yet the older man was acting like he hadn't broken down in front of him.  There were so many layers that Jinwoo kept hidden.  Why couldn't he share them even after all of these years?  Taehyun didn't know if he should feel disrespected or sad.  He startled out of his thoughts when a steaming bowl appeared in front of him.

There was a soft smile on the mat-hyung's face as he asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired."  Taehyun coughed into his hand to clear his throat.  This was risky, but he needed to say it.  "Next time you're like that, come get me and I'll drink with you."

Jinwoo's face fell and he bowed his head in shame. "Okay."  He returned to his bowl, dragging a chopstick through the broth.

They ate in silence, both men slowly erasing the night between them.

A/N: Well then... This was a melodramatic, hot  mess.  This was only supposed to be a drabble, guys. Sorry for all the projection and angst, and sorry for being such a long-winded author.  Now that all of this is out of my system, I'll get back to something fluffier and/or ier lol.