She sat there, on the table located in the right side of the ballroom hall. The atmosphere in the room was very lively. People were clapping their hands loudly, keeping a smile on their faces while doing so. Who wouldn’t be happy? Her bestfriend got married to the one he loves…An occasion that completes a part of every person’s life. It’s natural that everyone would be happy. Even she was happy for him. She clapped along with the crowd, maintaining the same cheerful smile that everyone has. But deep inside, there’s a lingering feeling of pain—-the pain of losing someone you love. Sure, they are bestfriends, but even before that, there was much more than being just bestfriends. He was her firstlove, —-and her first heartbreak. It was her fault, anyway. Of course, you can’t expect love to bloom if only one is nurturing it. She kept all her feelings bottled to herself. She kept on saying that one day, one day she’ll be able to say her feelings to him. But too late. One day, he introduced her to his girlfriend. She felt like her world shattered into pieces—-the person she loves, loves someone else. She cried herself to sleep that night after that..then the days went on. Every day that passes, the pain slowly disappear from her system. She began to welcome the reality that the man she loves already has someone else. They remained best of friends. Then it came. She moved on. And then came the big announcement: He was getting married. And so, in this moment, she sat there, witnessing how a part of her bestfriend’s life about to unfold.

 

“Hey, not to happy! Jiho’s gonna cry if he’ll see you teary-eyed like that.”

 

Because of too much emotion, she didn’t notice that she was about to cry. Happy? Yes, she was happy. But somehow, she knew that there was a tiny bit of pain mixed in with the tears. After all, she went through a rough journey being with her bestfriend.

 

“It’s just…I can’t believe it. Jiho’s now married. It’s just like yesterday that he was a selfish derp. Now, he’s sharing his life with a woman.”

 

“Hahaha..yeah. our bestfriend is now a new man.”

 

A new man…the phrase made her think twice and look at the man who just said the words. To him, it was a representation for Jiho. But to her, there was another interpretation on the said phrase. She just smiled in response to the words the man said, and the man smiled back at him.

 

Big Mistake.

 

Her heart started beating faster, and she felt her breathe slowly increasing. This man beside him, oh his smile did all this ruckus to her. This man, who was always there to teach her, to help her, to make her happy…was her other bestfriend. Was, as she never expected that any of this will happen. She never expected it. It just came that way…one day, she woke up and then, BAM!!

 

She was inlove with him.

 

The man beside her was her other bestfriend, aside from Jiho. He was a bestfriend, an ally, a brother. While Jiho was her rapping mate, Minhyuk was her dance mate. The trio were bestfriends. It was a bit uncomfortable for her to have 2 males as her bestfriend, but it was all or nothing, so she got them into her bestfriends circle. Despite being guys, she liked how they respect her as a woman, and yet treats her as their bestfriend. Neither of the two men knew her love dilemnas, so when one day, or specifically, the day after Jiho introduced her girlfriend to his bestfriends, they were bothered and worried to death to see her looking like a zombie, with puffy eyes and a face striken with depression. Jiho cared about her, but it was Minhyuk who really looked after her, who sought for the answers. It was Minhyuk who would bug her to her wits when her heart was aching for Jiho; It was Minhyuk who sat with her for hours just so she would not lose her sanity; It was Minhyuk who was patient enough with her when she was losing it all; It was Minhyuk who cared for her when she was sick; It was Minhyuk who respected her decisions; It was all Minhyuk. On her journey towards being happy again after Jiho broke her heart…It was Minhyuk who was with her all along. It was Minhyuk who helped her cope up with everything. It was Minhyuk who helped her gained back her usual, old self. And then one day, She just moved on. She knew she finally moved on. Gone were the feelings of jealousy and sadness…and in comes the weird feeling.

 

She started feeling all shy and flustered around Minhyuk. She started looking forward to seeing him. She would get uneasy when she sees girls hanging around with him. She started craving for more time with him. After a few months like this…it hit her.

 

She was falling in love…no, scrap that. She IS in love with Minhyuk.

 

She fell in love with her bestfriend. Now, she is inlove with her other bestfriend.

 

She feels bad for it, really. She feels like she is in a taboo…or is she really is in a taboo? To fall in love with both of her bestfriends? It’s not like she fell in love in the same time with them right? Isn’t that just fine? If it is wrong,why? Do they think it is easy to stop a heart from falling in love? It feels like the world is hitting her slowly in the back. To fall in love with her bestfriends…it’s a pain she deals with everyday…but somehow…the pain is also her source of hope. Her love, it’s a tension of opposites. Somehow she loves how she is inlove, yet, it brings pain knowing the person she loves is her bestfriend. She’s tied between following her heart and mind. She did not know what to do. Is it to confess her hidden love, so as not to regret anymore, or keep it a secret, so as not to break the friendship between them? She did not know…she did not know. But who was she kidding? She knew the answer all along…She’s just refusing to accept it. Somehow she was still torn with her decision. She knew that if she has to choose immeadiately, she would choose professing her love to him. But every decision requires a sacrifice. It’s either she sacrifice herself, or she sacrifice their friendship. She chose to sacrifice herself…for now. Maybe when she finally is confident and secure about her love for him, and when he is showing signs of falling for her…just maybe she would confess then.

 

Deep in thought, she was startled when a hand crawled in her shoulders.

 

“Hey sweetie, it’s just oppa. Why look so blank on my wedding day?”the dashing groom asked her. The dinner was about to be finished, so the groom took this advantage to look out for his friends. Bestfriends, to be exact.

 

“It’s nothing. I guess reality haven’t really sank onto me. Really Jiho, really? You’re married now. Congratulations.” She replied, trying to mask her worries. Jiho giggled at her response. And somehow, he was like her too. He feels like he’s in a trance. He can’t believe he is now married.

 

“Awwww…don’t worry. We’ll still be together you know…we’ll still be bestfriends after this. I know you and Minhyuk will kill me if I’ll leave you just like that. I value my life too much, you know. And besides, I just got married. I wanna enjoy my married life! Don’t kill me!” His response drew laughter from his bestfriends, especially Minhyuk.

 

“Yeah, men. Just laugh at me like that. You’re next in line you know. You’ll get married too!”

 

“Yeah, Jiho, I know. But do i look like I’ll get married right after you? Like as in very soon? And besides, who knows, our little lady here might be next too..”

 

 

 

“our little lady here might be next too..”

 

Somehow, it shocked her when Minhyuk said those lines. Getting married? Her? Are they serious? If only they knew how she really feels…

 

“Well, that may be true. Our little lady here can come first. haha~~ yah, when will you introduce someone to your oppas, huh?” Jiho asked her.

 

“It’s not my priority as of now, you know.” She answered back. Truth is, she loves Minhyuk oppa. Oh, if only she can say now…

 

“Yah, Minhyuk..see that? I’ll bet you’ll be second after me. And you’re the old man in our . You gotta be the first you know.”

 

“Well, we never know Jiho…” Minhyuk’s words were followed by a slight smirk. Of course, she noticed those. The tone of Minhyuk’s voice, and the slight smirk. Wait, is there something fishy around here? She could feel something. She could feel that Minhyuk is hiding something. How could she not? They’ve been bestfriends. She loves him. Of course she would. This made her a bit uneasy.

 

“Hey guys, restroom.”

 

“Ok. Don’t drown in the sink.” Small laughters erupted. She rolled her eyes, but that made her smile.

 

The groom and the bride had arranged this after wedding party for their friends. For the last time, the couple want to experience how it feels to be young, wild and free. The after party was held in the new club in downtown. Minhyuk came with her, since Minhyuk did not bring his car, stating that it was a waste of gas and that she is there anyway. She pretended to be annoyed about how Minhyuk is such a cheapass and dependent on her, but deep inside, she liked the idea of him being with her in the car.

 

She noticed that Jiho was still in his groom attire, while his bride changed into a pretty cocktail dress that accentuates her assets, but still quite conservative looking. She and Minhyuk did not bother to change anymore, since their outfits earlier were fit for clubbing too. She fixed her makeup to adjust with the clubbing scene.

 

“Aww…our princess is looking pretty.” Minhyuk said. It made her giddy on the inside, but she maintained her calm look.

 

“Yeah Minhyuk, nice try.”

 

“Yah, be thankful that I complimented you. Just accept it. And that’s oppa to you! Aish! mean lady!” Minhyuk pretended to be annoyed and scowled at her. She surpressed a laugh, but she threw in giggles, which made Minhyuk’s scowl a bit deeper.

 

” Yeah, yeah whatever. Oppa. Shall we go inside now? They’re waiting, you know.” This made Minhyuk turn his scowl into a cute smile. *thump* And it made her heart beat faster. Oh Minhyuk, why so handsome?

 

Inside the club, music was blaring loudly, and bodies were wildly dancing in the floor. The smell of cigarettes was creeping too, and alcohol is present in every corner of the club. A VIP room was prepared for each of the bride and the groom’s friends. The two went up to the designated room, and their friends, along with Jiho, welcomed them.

 

“This is my last day where I can party all night and be wild. So guys, help me out. Let’s party!!!!!” Jiho said to his friends, along with a toast of champange. She felt a bit bad for Jiho, but then, she was sure this won’t be the last time Jiho would enjoy clubs. She was betting against herself that even in his married state, he’ll find a way to go clubbing.

 

They were all having a good time. A few talks, a walk down to memory lane, few drinks, wild dancing…All of them were having fun. As the night get deeper and deeper, the fun continues, and so is the exhaustion. She decided to stop partying for a while and recharge some energy. She can feel that this party would last until the morning, so she needs all the energy she can get.

 

“Tired now?” Minhyuk asked her. He seated right beside her, making her heart beat faster.

 

“A bit. I need a bit of rest to conserve energy.”

 

“Yeah, just sit right back and relax. I can feel we’re really gonna have a goooooooood time here.” Minhyuk answered. He decided to sit back and relax with her. She was right. They need a whole lot of energy if this party would drag until the wee hours of the morning.

 

Jiho did not fail to notice that his bestfriends were missing in the dance floor. He looked around for them and saw them seated in the couch, talking while taking a break.

 

“Hey guys, tired already?”

 

“Yeah Jiho. Minhyuk and I would just sit here for a while. Go back there. Have fun.”

 

“Naw, it’s ok. My bestfriends are here anyway. Haha.” So the three decided to rest for a while. While resting, Jiho decided to keep the atmosphere hype by talking to them.

 

“Now that I’m married, our friendship…I wonder how would it be now.”

 

“Yah Woo Jiho, don’t worry about that.” Minhyuk said in reply. “It’s not like you died or something, you just got married. Friendship is still intact, you know.”

 

“Yeah Jiho. It’s not like you;re leaving or something. You just had another commitment added into you. No biggie” She added.

 

“Well, yeah. You both have a point in there. Anyway, I still wonder who would be next between you two.”

 

She just kept silent about it. She was mum on the topic. How would she say to them that her lovelife would depend on Minhyuk? She really wanted to avoid the topic, for it was making it hard for her. But then, sooner or later, she knew that she had to face it. Especially now when one of them is already married.

 

“Well, speaking of that…” Minhyuk blurted out. His words got their attention. Jiho look enthusiastic on what Minhyuk was about to say. Meanwhile, she was anxious. They both knew that with this tone of voice that Minhyuk is using, he was gonna reveal something. So, what will he reveal? This better be a good news…for her.

 

“Goodness Minhyuk, I know that kind of tone you’re using. Spill it men!” Jiho exclaimed. Meanwhile, she was just getting more anxious and anxious.

 

Well, I… *thump thump* there her heart goes…beating more faster and faster with every word Minhyuk puts down.

 

“…I…I actually have a…a…”

 

“Jeez Minhyukkie, don’t be such a tease. Spill it out now.”

 

*thump thump thump*

 

“Well, guys, sorry for keeping this from you ok…Don’t kill me…but…but…I already have a girlfriend…and…”

 

*thu-*

 

She felt like the world tumbled down on her. She was losing her breath. Her heart stopped beating. She was frozen.

 

“…I’m planning to propose to her soon.”

 

And then the world crashed on her. This is it. She lost another chance at love again. She was too late now…

 

“already have a girlfriend…”

 

“…I’m planning to propose to her soon.”

 

Minhyuk’s words keep echoing through her mind. And in every word, her breath rapidly decreases…her heartbeat slowly stopping…she suddenly felt suffocated.

 

“God Minhyuk!! THAT’S AWESOME MEN!” Jiho’s eager reaction to what Minhyuk said. She didn’t even care about Jiho’s reaction anymore. This is it. It’s all over. She abruptly stood up, shocking the two men with him.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Minhyuk asked her. She’s on the verge of breaking down, yet she tried her very best to keep her composure and at least say a proper goodbye. She doesn’t want them to suspect anything.

 

“Sorry guys, I just…I just suddenly felt dizzy. I think the club’s getting onto me too much now. I’ll go home now…And..and Minhyuk…uhmm..cong..congratulations… She said. After that, she scrambled onto her feet and hurriedly went out of the club.

 

“Yah! HEY! YAAHHHH HEEJOON-AH!” She heard a scream as she walked fast through the sidewalk. She can’t take it anymore. She has to get away as far as she can. She walked much faster.

 

“HEEJOON-AH! STOP!!! And she stood frozen into her place. With that tone of voice, she knew sha cannot do anything but obey. As much as she wanted to run away from that angelic voice screaming for her ears to hear, she knew she cannot.

 

As he approached near her, he grabbed her right arm, making her face towards him. He was panting, as he ran all the way from the club just to catch her. He needed answers. And his conscience was bugging him. He was her bestfriend after all. He has part of his life onto her.

 

“Yah, heejoon-ah, are you alright?” His angry tone changed into a softer tone now that he was near the woman. He can see that she was looking tired. But the dejectedness on her face, he failed to see. All he thought was she really is tired that he failed to see the deeper meaning behind her.

 

She just stood there frozen. She want to run away. She didn’t have the strength to respond anymore. All she wanted was to run away. The pain is too much. Reality is too hard on her. But why, why does fate keep on pushing her to him?

 

“Yah!” the harshness in his tone came back. “Oppa is talking to you. I’m worried Heejoon, what’s wrong? Come on, say something.” the worry in his tone suddenly made the woman in front of him cry. He was shocked. What did he do? Is she mad because he kept on screaming at her? He didn’t mean to be mad at her. He was just worried. Why is she crying?

 

On the other hand, she finally burst out in tears. All the pain, the madness she was keeping inside her, it finally broke out free.

 

“I’m sorry Minhyuk, I just…I just…Sorry. It’s better this way. You won’t want to get hurt. Cong…cong..congratulations Minhyuk…” then, she broke free from his grip and walk straight into her car. Minhyuk just stood there, contemplating on what she said. As she started her car, she saw Minhyuk, still frozen on the sidewalk. His face was masked with confusion and worry. She wanted to run to him and feel his comfort, but in the end, doing that would just hurt more. What a coward, she thought to herself. She laughed bitterly. Up until the end, even if everything was over, she cannot bring herself to tell the truth. Maybe she was doomed to be like this forever. To love secretly, and get hurt in the end. Maybe it really is her fate to have unrequited love, a one-sided love. Maybe it was really how her life should go…to love and get hurt.

 

As she lets out all the sorrows in her heart, she pressed the pedal, making the car go much more faster. She speeds out of downtown, and she felt herself slowly going away from the pain…from everything. And for once, reality became a bit better.

 

The last thing she heard was a loud screech, and she saw bright lights, before her world turned into the darkness.

 

 

--

 

 

and that’s it.tried my hand on writing. hope this does not disapoint. criticisms are widely accepted.

 

This fanfic is dedicated to my dear friend Frances who was my motivating force for me to write this. inspired by this dream that i have. i do not own any characters mentioned. everything is purely fictional. sorry for the typos :(

-blowfishprince