ENDING PAGE
F(x) Station- Ending Page- Philippines-DonkeyASS
“Mommy!”
“Mommy!”
“Mom!”
“I’m in the bedroom sweetie!”
A little girl came to her mother’s bed room wearing a deep rich purple dress with flowers with hair tied up in a bun and with purple and yellow green leaves flower crown, pulling the hem of her mother’s little black dress wrapped up in a golden belt around her waist.
“Wait a minute Bernadette. Mommy’s almost done.” She says as she fixes up her lipstick one last time and turns to her daughter. “Okay, so what is it?”
“I saw the current artwork you are trying to finish.”
“And?”
“And I am confused.”
Her mom’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why would you be confused?”
“Because you wrote there fin. Why?”
“What why?”
“Why did you made something like that? Usually your artworks were pretty wordy but this one… It was very simple. So I am confused mommy. Is there a meaning behind it?”
“Well I am not done with it. It’s not the only word I’d be putting there.”
“So what will be the next one?”
“That’s a secret.”
“Mommy please. I know there’s a story behind it just like your every artwork.”
“We’re going to be late. The event’s at 4.”
“It’s only 1. You can tell it up to 3.” The mother sighed at the persistency of the child. “Mommy please.”
“Okay.” The child smiled widely. “Sit here and mommy will tell you a story.”
“Yay!” The child hopped on the bed. “So? Where does the story begin?”
“Let’s just say it began a couple of years ago.”
“Hey it’s me I’m here. Where are you?”
“I’m here right behind you.” The person turns around with a smile. “So eager huh?”
“Shut up. Do you have what I need?”
“Of course.” The other person pulls out something from his bag and then grabs a small sachet. “25 grams. Just like we talked about.”
“Yeah thanks.” The latter grabs the small sachet and puts in the bag.
“Hey wait. You do mix it still with tobacco right?” The other one nodded. “Cool.”
“Ah ah ah. You forgot something. That delivery was for my friends. I believe you still have something in that bag personally for me.”
The other pulls out another sachet. “Here the shrooms your majesty.”
“Atta boy… So, till the next transaction?”
“Oh you mean tomorrow? Yeah sure.”
“Whatever. Here, that should be enough right?”
“Ahh... See this is why you’re my favorite. You always give tips.”
“Ha ha ha. Now off. Again, don’t let anyone see you.”
“Will do. See you next time Amber.”
I grabbed the sachet of mushrooms and grabbed a couple and chewed on them. When I opened the door, the blasting bass sounds from the speaker welcomed my ears as I hear them cheering me out to jump and enjoy the beats that the music was giving them. Oh and did I mention it was one of fx songs? Have you ever heard the wave? Well now you know.
“Come on baby ride the wave!”
Our bodies were moving up and down, heads banging to every direction as the fog of smokers breathing in their electronic cigarettes and puffing them creating thick smoke just made everything ing amazing. We were all wearing glowing in the dark bracelets as we bounced to the music like maniacs. Finally when the song died, I move to the mini platform and pulled out the sachet of weed and all of them started howling and cheering like crazy peeps. Well yeah, we were crazy. We were always crazy.
By them or we you guys are probably wondering who am I talking about? Well of course no other than my squad here in Seoul! Joel, Riley, Leon, Stefani, Tia, Shannon, James, Scott and my new found friend- Victoria. Not our queen Victoria guys. It’s Victoria Loi.
Another EDM chill track was played and we all chilled down and each of us grabbed a little bit of the 25 grams, ate some, mixed with tobacco and some decided to roll a full joint as we relaxed for a while before we jam into another full blast EDM song.
Well you guys are probably wondering why all of a sudden the so famous Llama turned into a wretch like I am right now. Well, if you really insist on knowing I turned into this ever since the so famous dating scandal of Kim Jongin and Krystal Jung was released to the public. I first found about it through a very close friend of mine who is an employee of SM. He even told me to brace myself and always remember to be calm as possible. I was actually wondering and wanted to ask him what the hell he was talking about well until my phone buzzed and it was Jackie from the other side of the globe was calling me.
“Yow Jackie what’s-“I wasn’t able to finish what I was about to say because she started ranting inalienable words. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on pal. What’s going on?”
“What’s going on!? I am here and you’re there yet you don’t know what the hell is going on?!” She deeply sighs as I gave her no answer. “Heads up Llama! You’re so called girlfriend is apparently the official girlfriend of someone else.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “Girlfriend of someone else’s?”
“Ugh! Just check the ing dispatch.”
She hung up on me and I looked into the social networking site called Twitter and I searched the word Krystal. For the first time in a long time I was actually nervous on what the results would show. I am just hoping that it was some kind of hoax. Finally the page showed the results and I have read each and every one of the tweets popped out on the screen.
EXO’s Kai and F(x)’s Krystal caught going out together from a restaurant having match outfits!
It is true! Kai and Krystal are dating! Hooray Dispatch! Hooray Kaistal!
I know shipping these two won’t bring me false hope. Congrats Kai and Krystal! #Kaistalfan
I looked at my friend who gave me a comforting look. “Is this the one you have been telling me to brace myself for?”
“Yes.”
“Are they planning to confirm it?”
“They’re talking to Kai and Krystal now with your managers. From what I heard, they started having feelings for one another by the start of the year.” I didn’t have a response to what he just told me. “Amber, maybe they’re just planning to cover-“
“I’m happy for them.” I gave them the fakest and believable smile I could offer him. “Thank you for the heads up.”
I turned my back on him and skated out from the neighbourhood. I didn’t know where I started, whether I turned left or right, did I violate some rules or such, whether I was sweating like crazy or did my cap flew away, was I recognizable by other people but I just skated my way out. Even if I was feeling the sweat from my forehead flowing through my eye, the beads of sweat forming through my chest and my back and the hot air that I keep on breathing out that I feel because I wore a face mask.
Regardless of all that I was feeling, I still decided to continue. Somehow I felt staying there in that building, in that neighborhood and would only make me angry. Which I can’t because in the first place I have no right to do so… I feel so stupid and broken and everything in the world doesn’t even make sen-
“Ow!!!! !”
Grabbing onto my left knee which was bleeding, I was starting to feel the tiredness and the exhaustion. My chest was moving up and down in a very deep motion so I decided to lay flatly on the concrete sidewalk and removed my face mask. I only planned to stop there for a moment and start skating again to nowhere but I didn’t… I couldn’t move. I was just there laying down looking at the sky fade away and slowly the sun setting down. Street lights were slowly turning on and even in the street light that was on my side . The once golden-ish sky turned into dark and stars slowly showed themselves once again. My vision of the sky starts to get blurry and I thought it was just my sweat as I control my panting. But sweats are suppose to make my eyes sting not like this… Slowly reaching out to my eyes I found myself shedding tears. I stared at the teardrop for a while and one tear after the other I found myself laughing and it was not just a simple kind of laugh believe me.. It was somehow like I was experiencing so much, too much that I didn’t know if I still had the right to feel these things. And probably, I am looking like a ing idiot so now I am laughing at my stupidity. My current situation is really pathetic I tell you.
Suddenly I heard my phone rang and grabbed it from my pocket. “What?”
“Amber.”
“Manager oppa.” I chuckled. “To what I owe the pleasure?”
“A staff told me you heard already.” He paused for a while. “Where are you? I’ll pick you up and give you a ride home.”
“I…” I blinked my eyes and looked around. “I don’t know where I am.”
“What do you mean you’re not sure where you are? C’mon look for a sign.”
“I- I am near a riverbank. And… there’s a little restaurant here.” I squinted my eyes. “Siksa-dong’s kimchi stew house.”
“WHAT?! SIKSA DONG?!?!?! Go and eat the restaurant. I am going to get you.”
“That will be 50 000 won.”
“Here, keep the change.”
“Thank you.”
“Welcome. Come on, let’s go home.”
Luckily after I got inside the van I still remembered my manners. “Thanks for the treat oppa.”
Instead of just giving me a nod and small smile he said- “What the hell Amber? Siksa dong? Really?”
“What about Siksa dong?”
“It took me an hour and a half to get here! How did you manage?”
I shrugged. “I just skated I guess.” He sighed. “Plus, there aren’t any skateboard traffic in Seoul.”
“Really that’s all that you’ve got?” I looked at him through the rear view mirror. “C’mon, I think you’ve got better than that.”
“…”
“Look, I’m sorry.” His voice was soft this time. “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”
“It’s fine.” I leaned on my head rest as I just looked the things we passed by. “Feelings fade, people change.”
After 2 hours or so because of the traffic, oppa finally managed to bring me home and he was even reluctant to let me go and wanted me to stay with Luna because we still had a China event tomorrow but I waved him off and went to my home. Opening the door I was welcomed by both of my dogs, you their names but I quickly ignored them, and just grabbed some pet food and threw them all on the floor before going to my room and locked it.
I looked at the area and everything, everything down to the last part reminded me of her… After all, it was she who designed the room.
“So princess this is the place.” I grinned as she looked around my newly bought apartment. “What do you think about it?”
“It’s nice.” She turns to me with a smile on her face. “I’m glad that you chose this one.”
“Well you recommended the place. I know you recommend only the best. By the way…” I walked towards her and gave her a back hug. “I never got the chance to say thank you to you. Thank you for accompanying me and go apartment hunting.”
“Only because the real estate agent you chose was a smoking hot red head chick.” She said with much sarcasm coating her words that I had to laugh at.
“Are we really going back to that? C’mon I already told you that she was the only available agent that day plus I didn’t have any other available schedule.”
“Whatever loser.” We stayed like that for a while and then she turned to face me. “Since you really want to thank me and since thanks to me the Llama has now a home to call her own…” She trails off and wrap her arms around my neck. “Why don’t you let princess design the interior as well.”
I was stunned for a while before being able to open my mouth. “Are you sure you’re chose this place for me or for yourself?”
“Considering the fact that I might-“
“YOU WILL LIVE HERE?!? PRINCESS I THINK-“ I wasn’t able to say the remaining stuff because she shushed me by clasping my mouth.
“MIGHT spend most of my time here.” She corrects. “Plus I know you don’t have a really good sense of design so why bother arguing with me.” I just rolled my eyes at her comments. “So? Did I won this argument?”
“You always win any argument.”
“Is that because I am a princess.” She giggled after saying her signature statement.
“And as a servant, I should abide with what princess wants.” I smiled. “So let’s hear that plan of yours.”
“You’ll love it. So what I had in mind was…”
I looked around at my bedroom which was included in her floor plan as well. Everything in here reminded me of the good times. Where she was not F(x) Krystal and I was not F(x) Amber. I was simply Amber and she was simply Krystal. She wasn’t even Krystal but she’s Soojung. Jung Soojung… and I wonder if she was still my Soojung or if she’s Kai’s Soojung now. I wonder if she was even my Soojung from the beginning…
Thoughts of her being the real her in front of someone that’s not me angered me. How could she be vulnerable to someone that isn’t me? Someone that she barely knew and yet somehow, she was able to open up…
“No. She can’t do that… She cannot be like that!”
Out of my emotions I lashed out a whole rack of cd’s and threw the corkboard and some stuff that fans gave me on the floor. Even the bed sheet was her idea that made me throw the sheet and tried my hardest to rip the pillow covers and all but due to everything that happened today, I lie down in my bed breathing heavily just like what I had experienced before. I looked up in the blank and plain ceiling above me until my eyes refused to look at them.
But even after what I knew about Kai and her dating, I remained civilized and even greeted them on twitter and even congratulated her when we went to China. Oh wait, lemme change that one. I WAS FORCED TO BE CIVILIZED BY THE COMPANY. I should act that way so that fans wouldn’t be so suspicious and would then conclude that nothing romantic happened between Krystal and I. That there was never a kryber ship to begin sailing with. But believe me, there used to be but sadly, the Captain left the ship to be on board and be the first mate of someone else’s boat, leaving her own personal first mate unsure of what to do.
So yeah, it was so ing believable that even my group mates started believing it. When I talked to Sulli over the phone she was doubtful at first but then turned out to believe too. Maybe I should’ve signed up for an actress then don’t you think so? Well I am pretty sure she knows that I was forced by the management to be okay with her dating scandal because she was riding along with every act that I made. And just like me, she was very believable too.
It was too much believable to the point that I was so pissed off of her. GOD I CANNOT BE WITH HER IN ONE ROOM FOR A MINUTE. SEEING HER MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE. I tried to wave the disgusting feeling off but I just couldn’t. She was a very unbelievable woman... I used to be so pissed at her and I told my friends that I want to forget about her and now, thanks to them, I don’t mind about her so much. And it started when they introduced me with the word called .
At first, I wasn’t really in favour because I knew that it’s bad for my body to intake too much but Scott asked me a favour to do it and the others helped me to get high too and one session after the other, I started liking it as well. Hell I am even better than everybody in this room. They even call me weed God for high tolerance to . And because now I have high tolerance and doesn’t easily get high, I take shrooms. And yes, they are like , but they take me onto a higher level. But let’s be discrete about this okay? My crew doesn’t know I take other type of drugs except .
“Wait let me hit the bathroom first.” I stood up.
“Hey be quick! The effects starts kicking on me and you might wanna hurry up!”
“Wouldn’t miss the chance of seeing that buddy!”
I went inside the bathroom and locked the door before grabbing the small packet of shrooms and took 3 of them ate it. I kept moving my head because the effect was slowly kicking in as I am still a newbie in this shroom area. I closed my eyes for a while and when I opened them, suddenly I saw an image of Krystal being on top of Kai as they ate each others’ faces and I was there witnessing all of it. She broke it off and they both turned to me with smirk on their faces.
“Lesbian.” Kai mutters.
“Why are you still here Amber? Can’t you see we’re having a good time?”
“Maybe she wants to hang around and see how much fun we’re having.”
“Ooohhh... That’s very of you Amber.” Krystal gave me a wink. “Well since you’re here, might as well start the show right?”
She turns to Kai and then started eating his face while she grinds on him. The mixture of their moans and the grunts made me want to puke. I wanted to drag her away from there and make her explain things that happened and make me understand what the hell’s going on but somehow there’s some this transparent wall between the three of us. I started to punch through in hopes of breaking the wall but every time I try harder they would end up laughing at me.
“Hey man, you really do live to the nickname stupid huh?” Kai said after breaking the kiss. “Did you really think you can break that wall, come over here and steal her away from me?” From the smirk on her face his aura turned into someone very serious. “You can’t and will never take her away from me ever again.”
“Oh yeah? Watch me.”
I took a step back and took a very huge swing. Hearing the smashing sound had me smirking and as I was about to show it to Kai and Krystal- I woke up to the reality. There was no Kai, no Krystal, no transparent wall. It was just me, with my fist held up on the concrete wall where the mirror used to be.
I slowly detached my hand and saw some scratches in it but I quickly washed over it and my face and then after that I took in one more mushroom and looked at myself in one of the broken pieces of the mirror.
“Stop Amber. Stop.”
I woke up to the continuous vibration on my phone inside my pocket. I start to squint my eyes and looked around the penthouse we rented for the night and looked over my friends who are wasted as and I couldn’t help but chuckle at their stupid, drunken faces. Again my phone vibrated so I got my phone and answered the call. It was from my sweetest member ever- Luna.
“Where the hell are you?!”
“Just woke up.”
“Get your here. We can’t practice without you.”
“Never took you guys for disabled people.”
“So much with sarcasm...” She said. “30 minutes.”
She hung up the phone and that made me sigh to myself. “... I love my life.”
Oppa came to fetch me and asked me a few things on what I did last night and continued to walk me through my schedule today. After manager picked me up in Siksa-dong he was always concerned about my well-being even though I am pretty sure that he knows about my current vices because for example right now, I am pretty wasted and smells like . But one of the things that I like about him was he was never the nosy type of manager.
He stopped by my apartment and told me to get cleaned for practice today. After waiting for some time I got back inside of the car and we drove to the SME Building. My favourite place on Earth. I hope you do get my sarcasm there folks.
“Well, well, well. Look who finally came to visit us.”
“I’d take that as a way of you saying that you miss me.”
“Take it as-“ Luna threw a towel on my face. “You’re such an for being this late!”
I chuckled and went to her to wipe off her sweat. “Where are the others?”
“Went out to buy some snacks. Vic’s taking a call from China and Krystal- you know where she is.”
I nodded my head. “So that is why you are being so grumpy grumpy on me.” I ruffled her hair.
“Amber!!!!” I turned around and thankfully caught Victoria unnie just in time.
“Yah! What if I wasn’t able to catch you?”
“I know you would it’s called trust catch.”
“And there’s me being deaf as well.” I put her down and she laughed. “Just be happy I wasn’t into that mode today.”
“It’s so nice to finally see you!” She squeezed my cheeks.
I looked at Luna who just shrugged. “You know her issues with coffee.”
I sighed. “Okay unnie, I miss you too!!!!” I squeezed back her cheeks.
“Yahhhhhhh!!!”
“Aigoo, look at you two.” She then grabs her cellular phone and takes a video of us.
“Hey guys I’m back I’m sorry-“
And there she is, wearing a plain white sweater, black leggings and her favourite practice shoes that was a pair of black high cut sneaker from converse. Phone on her left hand, bottle of water on her right with her face mask down and all natural beauty that matches her jet black hair. For a minute there I thought she was really shocked to see me to be here. I bet she thought that I wasn’t gonna show up and tell some petty excuse just like what I did for the past days. Well it was true, I was too drunk, too high or a little too much of both to practice. I didn’t want them to worry about me. They might even think and be concerned with my personal life and I don’t want them to do that. They have their own problems and probably too much that I don’t want them to be concerned about mine.
“Hey.” I was the first one to greet her.
She regained herself and stared at me darkly. “Where have you been Llama?”
I gave her a shrug. “Been to places.”
She rolled her eyes. “You may be so famous and all but don’t forget- you still have F(x). We need you to show up.”
“Oh you mean my COMMITMENT to the group?” I said. “Wow, just because you have a relationship now you can lecture us about this commitment and LOYALTY.” I smiled at her forcedly but I bet she could see right through me.
“Okay, okay enough now.” Victoria puts water to the emerging fire between me and Krystal. “Let’s get to practice shall we?”
And so we practiced. But due to my current vices and other personal vices I wasn’t able to keep up and most of the time I’d be out of breath, or we had to take breaks because I couldn’t keep up with the choreography for our upcoming 10th year anniversary. Well yeah, thanks to you guys, we are still here in the industry and seriously, we couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you for being with us with every step of the way. Now for our 10th year anniversary, we were planning to have a concert here in Seoul and for those who are not able to see, fear not because I suggested that we should do a live streaming activity so that every one of you can be with us even though virtually but still, we are one at heart.
Now going back to this pain in the arse choreo. Jae told us to rest for 5 minutes and then we go back again and I am pretty sure he knows I have been out of my figure because the whole time he was looking at me and I was ing conscious the whole time. Jae and I we were pretty close as we go way back even before I debut and I know, by now that there is something wrong with me physically and I know that I am going to be answering a lot of questions before I can even go out from this building. And just to add to the bad luck I had this day, Krystal was staring at me from time to time! I think she’s pretty assured that I don’t know that she’s looking at me but mirrors and reflections don’t lie. Well, at least with her, I don’t have to worry about my answers because I know she won’t bother asking. She’s too all over Kai to notice me. now I sound like a bitter ex-lover which I wasn’t- and I never will be.
“Okay guys that’s a wrap!” Jae claps his hands as we sighed in relief. “Good job. But that doesn’t mean there’s going to be changes. See you all tomorrow at 9.”
“9?!” I argued.
He looked at my direction. “Amber I want you to stay for a moment because I wanna do something about your solo choreography.” See here goes his step about asking me questions.
“Of course Jae. No problem.”
“Okay guys, get change, clean yourselves, thank you for your hard work for today.”
“Thank you for teaching us too.”
One by one left the room and even the members left me as well. Manager tapped me on the back and said he will be waiting for me outside and left the room as well. I took baby steps towards Jae as he was fixing his stuff as well. This is going to be a long talk.
“So, you wanted to talk about my solo performance?”
“I think you know that I only used that as an excuse to personal talk to you.” He zips his bag and turns to me. “What the hell is happening to you?”
I sighed. “Jae I know that I may have been out of-“
“MAY HAVE BEEN?” He sounded so disbelieved with what I said. “That’s an understatement. You know that if you would’ve been fixing and focusing yourself we would finish the whole entire thing 4 hours ago.” I looked at the clock and it says 11 pm.
“So much for putting all the blame on me.”
“Amber do you think I am stupid?” He said. “For years Am, I have practically choreographed everything. I have seen you grow and trust me you were never like that. You have been so active and the last time I saw you so active was 3 years ago. Now, tell me honestly, is there something you want to open up with me? You know I am here as a friend. Whether it’s about the singer life, the lifestyle, the struggles with composing and staying inspired...” He changed his tone of voice and taps my back. “Am, we used to hang out so much but now I rarely see you... Is this about-“
I removed his hand that was now on my shoulder. “Stop. It’s not about that.” He sighs and I know he still doesn’t believe me. “You know what Jae, people change. I cannot be the same as I was 3 years ago. And you cannot return to the person you were 3 years ago. You can’t say to my face that you haven’t changed because in some way, I’m sure you noticed you changed. May it be taste wise, physical, mentally or even emotionally. There’s going to be some changes in you and you just have to accept that every one changes...” I trailed off. “Even the ones who promised they won’t.”
It took him for a while to answer back. “Fine. If you wanna answer me like that then I will accept you answer and I’ll try my best to believe and understand that’s how you truly feel.” He looked at me with much concern in her eyes. “But even though everyone changed, Amber I hope you do realize that our bond will never be affected by that. I am always here for you.”
He taps my back and swings his bag and leaves the room while I was there just finishing my drink and looked myself in the mirror.
There’s going to be some changes in you and you just have to accept that every one changes...Even the ones who promised they won’t.”
“Stop being like this. You are so far from what you used to be and you are better than this. Stop making it so obvious that you are so bitter with what happened. I thought you were able to move on? I thought you were going to show to her that her new found relationship wasn’t going to affect you and you’re going to show to your friends that knew about you guys the same. Stop-“
“Never took you for someone who gives a pep talk to your own self.”
I turned around and saw her leaning by the door. “Don’t you have a boy friend to attend to?”
“That’s why I am still here waiting for him.”
I scoffed. “Okay. Good luck with that.” I went to my bag and start to fix my things.
“Amber I have noticed something in you.” She said as I had my back behind her. “You were a little off with the choreography and all.”
“Don’t worry Krystal.” I swung my bag and faced her. “I’ll do my best to keep with you guys so can you please stop with the little angel act and show me the devil? You know since we’re the only people that’s here right now.” I once again faked my smile at her. “Oh right, I can’t dare being in the same room as you. So I guess this is good bye.” I was about to leave when she suddenly pulled my arm back which I was quickly to pull away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Amber, I am concerned about you. Literally.”
I had to scoff at that. “You know, just because your tone is somewhat soft and your eyes are filled with much worry, doesn’t mean I am gonna fall for your trap again. If you were really concerned about me, you would tell me about him, you would tell me that he was courting you and somehow you could’ve told me that you were going to say yes to him someday!” I shouted right at her face. “You knew what my feelings for you are and you played me around your palm. You told me that you love me but you just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and I was okay with that. You said you want me to wait and I was okay with that, you said you didn’t want me to be involve with other girls and want me to focus on you and I was okay with that. I asked you when are you coming around and what do you always say? Just wait. Someday the world is going to know about my feelings for you and guess what? I was okay with that...” I trailed off. “And when you were cold to me and I did everything to make you and us back to the way things used to be but you said you needed time to think about us- I was okay about that. When you promised me to wait again for you to come back, I was okay with that... And when the news of you dating him popped out and you never told a thing- I was okay with that.” I tried my best to not cry right in front of her. I never wanted to look weak in her eyes. “I am trying to be okay with that Krystal... Now all I ask from you is to stop being concerned about me, stop from entering my life again. You walked out of it on your own. And I am done. Because I have opened and welcomed you countless times but you just wouldn’t come in and stay for a long time. So I am done.”
“I’m sorry you had to find it out that way...” Tears were falling from her eyes. “I was planning to tell you and you know that. But they were so fast revealing the photos and the confirmation and stuff that it was too late to personally tell you that-“
“That even after all the things I have done for you and for us, you still chose someone else beside me.” My voice starts to crack and I know that I can’t stay here anymore. “I get it... I am not that stupid.” I smiled. “So for the best of both of us, I need you to off. I don’t need you anymore. In fact- believe it or not, I am trying to stop loving you. And I am getting there. One day, I’ll wake up and I’ll look at you without hurt in my heart. One day Krystal... I am going to un-love you and when that day comes, I hope you’re going to be okay with that.”
I left the room and started to make a run for it outside. I could even hear manager oppa calling me but I disregarded him and just ran. Similar to what I did when I found out the dating news. I could still see some people so I hung my head low and started running faster than the usual before turning right to the silence alley where I freely took my hood off to have some air but it was bad decision because someone I know very well was in my direction and caught me. I tried escaping from his grasp but he held me down tight even when I try my best to squirm off of his hold.
“Amber what happened?! Why are you running off like that?”
“Let me go!”
“What? Let you go?”
“Just let me go!!!”
“No way Am! Not unless you settle down and talk to me!”
“I am no room for talking Henry! Just let me go and let me run!”
“Just like I said Am-“ He tightens his hold of me. “Not unless you settle down.”
And by now I know that Henry wouldn’t let me off the hook I just decided to shout what I feel “AHHHHHH!!!!”
I’m right next to you but I feel blue
Even if I try, it’s all the same
I’m like a puzzle piece that fell out
Honestly, I’m lonely, it’s an unbelievable irony
Like a withering flower covered by your shadow, I slowly harden
Are we feeling distant because the camouflage of love is coming off?
I am trying to be okay Soojung-ah... But not seeing my future with you makes it so hard to continue moving forward...
Days, weeks and months have passed and Amber has never been the same. Her addiction to and these called “mushrooms” got worse. She went from 3 dosages monthly to 3 dosages weekly which caused depression and destroyed her much of her apartment and of course indulged herself with the pleasure of only now the 25 grams was solely to her. Her friends couldn’t even stop her and so what they could do was to take turn in taking care of Jackjack and Tuna whom she almost killed because of the side effects.
And now she met new friends because of her supplier. At first her source was a bit reluctant because he knows how popular Amber is and he knows he’s in big trouble when her other client knows about this because Amber knew the dealer through one of her good friends- Girls’ Generation Hyoyeon. And now, since Amber always remembered what she promised herself, she wanted to tough drugs and so she started asking for some Khat and then she followed it with LSD Drug which caused mood swings like hell and every time Amber is on her LSD, she hears weird voices and thoughts and there’s even a post effect on this one. And as if it was not enough to torture her body- she starts to use Amphetamine, a very fatal drug but every one of Amber’s intake in her body seemed to be leading to one thing- depression.
And people from all over the world, may it be fans, news casters, bloggers, youtube people and every netizzen noticed the change in Amber physically. Even some people from both different and same entertainment has been very concerned with her but she waves everyone forcing that she looks okay and tells them that it’s just stress and she’s just tired. She has destroyed her phone and rejected every call from her family, friends, manager, member. She has been so intoxicated that the management decided that she needs to take a break for a while and so she stays in her messed up apartment, taking these deadly pills and going on wasting her life, in hopes she fulfils what she promised to herself. She would even risk her life, all for forgetting of one girl- Krystal Jung and all the happy memories she had with her.
Behind the closed door is your space and I’m led there
I need to read in a different language
Deviated thoughts, mismatched visions
Turn me back like a winding back a clock
Turn me back to the happy times
Find me the innocence that made my heart rush the most when I saw your face
But something happened one fine spring day in Seoul. Particularly in Amber’s apartment. You see, Amber has made an agreement with her postman that goes to her apartment that he would personally send the mail to her doorstep and slip it through so that she won’t have to bother going down and up again which the postman agreed and he got a free dinner after the agreement.
Now she’s under influence of various drugs, she’s a bit more sensitive hearing things and so when the postman slipped the mail through her door, she made her way to the door and started opening the mail. Most of them were fan mails, saying that they hope that she’d get well soon and eat more and be well soon so that she will be back on the stage. But she just all threw them away on the floor one by one until a very unfamiliar type of envelope caught her attention. It was too overly decorated. And curiosity killed the cat like what they say because when Amber opened the letter and saw what was written on it- she was really like a dead human being for inside that envelope wrote-
“Kim Jongin and Jung Krystal Nuptials.”
Anger took over her and once again she trashed some stuff and made her whole apartment a dumpster. She was raging and screaming all around the establishment and yet one idea came into her addicted and drowned mind. She quickly washed her face and went to her bedroom and grabbed the very first jacket she saw and ran downstairs, grabbed a cab and went to the location of the neighborhood.
She was asked to be dropped off on a neighborhood that was pretty quiet. She paid the driver and opened the gate to the house, remembering the pass code of it. She starts to knock continuously on the door, pounding it every second in hopes that someone from the other side would hear her and open the door for her. She knocked continuously for about 10 minutes until she could hear footsteps approaching and when the door opened- the person Amber was looking for was right the person in front of her.
“Amber?” Krystal said in surprise. “What are you- Amber wait!” Krystal could no longer protest as she was dragged inside towards the living room. “Amber what the hell?!”
“What the hell!? This is what the hell!” Amber threw the invitation on her face. “What the is this?!” Krystal didn’t have the heart to answer her. “WHAT THE IS THIS KRYSTAL!!!!!!!”
“It’s my wedding invitation.” Krystal finally found her voice. “I think it’s wise to invite you.”
“Wise in what area specifically huh? Did the SM told you that? Did manager told you that? DID KAI TOLD YOU TO DO THAT?” And when Krystal didn’t answer back it made Amber angrier. “Wise my ! You have only known him for about three years and now you’re saying yes to him?”
“Why all of a sudden this matters to you? Weren’t you the one who told me to OFF!?”
Amber took a step forward and took a very tight grasp on Krystal’s shoulders. “When I meant off I didn’t say ing marry him...” Amber trails off. “So tell me, why you are marrying him.” And what Amber was about to hear was something she wasn’t expecting.
“Because I love him.”
Hearing that from Krystal’s mouth directly and being under the influence of drugs, she harshly pushes Krystal towards the wall and a hand on her neck. When they looked at one another, it was the very first time Krystal saw Amber after long while. And she was also one of the people who saw the drastic change in Amber physically. And just because they are not together, doesn’t mean she’s going to be okay with it.
“You can’t marry him.”
“And why would I listen to you? Tell me why Amber. Why shouldn’t I marry him?”
“You just can`t.”
“Not enough.”
“Marriages are such a waste of time and money. It’s a useless reason.”
“The only thing that’s useless is your reason.”
“Because...” Amber was running out of excuses.
“Because what?” Krystal’s voice was taunting Amber. “C’mon tell me. BECAUSE WHAT AMBER!?”
“BECAUSE HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU!” Amber used her right hand to thrash the displays found on the table beside them. “Do you really think he deserve someone like you?”
“So do tell me Amber, who does deserve me? Someone like you perhaps?” She looks at her. “Someone who’s gone downhill, someone who is drug dependent suicidal human?” Amber was surprised when Krystal knew about her new hobby. “When I said I was concerned about you I meant it.”
“And so you go on and investigate about my private life?”
“Look at you Amber! I can’t believe you can do something like this to yourself! Amber...” She puts her own hand that was wrapped around her neck. “You need to come to your senses. Please.”
“About what exactly? Are we talking about my drug addiction? Or the fact that you are never coming back to me?”
“Both.” Answers Krystal. “Stop this Amber before it gets too late.”
“How can you be with him and love him so much?” Amber’s tears fell from her face. “How can you be with me and love me so less?.. I gave you the world, my entire being and yet you are choosing someone you met for three years to be your partner in life. Did he gave you more than what I had that’s why you are choosing him?” Anger was then from her eyes. “I waited for you, and I went through hell because of you. I am what I am obsessed getting you out of my heart…”
“…”
“How can you un love me so easily? Did you even love me? DID YOU EVEN TRY?!”
“OF COURSE I ING TRIED!”
“THEN WHY DID WE END UP LIKE THIS?!
“BECAUSE YOU ING CHEATED ON ME!” Krystal screamed at her face. “I SAW YOU ING ANOTHER WOMAN!”
“Is this about my one night stand with Ellin again? Krystal I told you that was just a mistake!”
“And out of all the mistakes you made, that was one of them that I had to see with my very eyes. So don’t go tell me that it was just a mistake because that mistake- WILL BE THE BIGGEST AND MOST PAINFUL HEARTBREAK IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!” With every emphasized word that came out from Krystal’s mouth she punched Amber. “Just as when I was ready to fall in love with you and be with you… Do you understand me now Amber? I didn’t just try to fall in love with you. I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOU…”
“But we tried fixing everything. You have accepted my forgiveness.”
“But I cannot love and trust you the same.” Krystal said. “I have accepted the public’s hate while you received mercy where in fact it should be the other way around. But I accepted that Am. I have accepted the hate that you gave me because I understand you are hurt. But don’t put it all on my shoulders. Because you… You were the first one who destroyed the possibility of us first.” Krystal looked back at Amber with tears in her eyes. “I am sorry for breaking you. But you don’t deserve me, and neither do I deserve you. Knowing that I will never have you hurts already. The thought of losing you forever is much more painful. Please Amber save yourself.” She cupped the latter’s cheeks. “I need you to be alive and be well.”
Amber released herself from Krystal’s hold and just stood there for a while. And then all of a sudden she makes a run for it. She runs away again from Krystal and tries to escape the realm of reality by calling her source of unlimited fantasy.
“Let’s meet in 15. Usual spot.”
When Amber got there, her runner was already there standing by the light post with a huge sling bag, beanie and a face mask. Amber approached him and when he finally notices her, he grabs something from his bag and hands it over to Amber. It was a water bottle and when Amber finished drinking and finally has composed herself he already got the goods ready.
“The usual LSD, Mushrooms and .”
“I need stronger than that one.” Amber looks at him. “I need coke.”
“What?! ? Oh hell no.” He shakes his head. “Have these.”
“Aren’t you supposed to comply with your customer’s request?”
“Yeah but I will be beheaded by Hyo. So no thank you.”
“So do tell me buddy. How should I get it from you? You know that I am still under the influence of the drugs man. Do not test me.” Fearing for his life he decided to give the coke to Amber as she throws him a roll of cash. “Good boy.”
Amber settled herself locked up in her car and was about to do the worst thing she could possibly do in her entire life and that is allowing herself to be indulged in the power of . She was still doubtful whether to go or not to go with this addiction but she had no choice. Krystal’s words were reflecting on her mind and she keeps it hearing even when she’s inside the car. She tries to get it out of her head by screaming back and holding both onto the wheel. Her body was sweating like crazy, she was breathing like crazy. She wanted to get this over with. She wants to end this here, right now. So she prepares the and drank some vodka. And just as she was about to do it, she gets a knock on her window shield. She decides to ignore it at first, but the continuous knock made her lose focus and so she had to address the problems first.
“WHAT?!” She said with much annoyance but when she came face to face with the person- her eyes couldn’t believe it.
“Amber right? Remember? We used to go to a show together.”
“Of course, how could I remember Dara-unnie.”
Dara smiles at the tomboy. “Can we go to your apartment and drink the rest of your vodka?”
Even though Amber was very reluctant at first, Dara still insisted that they should stay at her house. And when she opened the door, she expected Dara to be so surprised and continuously ask her questions about such and all that annoying crap but she never acted like that. Instead, just like a normal visitor, she slipped off of her shoes and entered the home.
She told her that she should wait by the living room while she go and prepare chips and went to the living room and she could see Dara helping herself with the bong left in her living room. When they looked at one another and Dara smiled to her once again.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t worry, help yourself.” Amber sits beside her and opens the chips. “Here, eat some.”
“You know, you have a better house than Bom’s.” She lets out a small smile. “Her place was full load of I tell you.” And now she takes a puff of smoke. “Here, want some?”
“Thanks.” And so Amber helped herself with the .
Dara took a swig of vodka too. “I’m glad I caught you there you know.” Amber knew what she was talking about. “I always see you running Amber... So I wanna ask you something. What are you running from?”
“A lot of things.”
“You mean like your relationship with Krystal?” Amber didn’t answer. “Don’t worry I know. I’ve been there. Falling in love with someone- with your co-member is the worst type of love at all.” She shakes her head. “So, why can’t you just face it? Your problems I mean.”
“I don’t know...” Amber hung her head low.
“You can’t run away from what’s happening just because you can’t accept the fact that it’s already happening. You have to face it and not run away and turn to dependence of something that will be the result of your death. Look at yourself. You’re not the same Amber anymore. Not just physically but mentally. From what I heard, the Amber they knew was strong. She always knew how to pick herself up when she got down. And from what I see now that’s not the Amber I was hoping to meet.”
“People change.”
“Some do change for the worse, and some people change for the better.”
“So I decide I changed for the worst then.”
“Amber, it’s not too late. You can still turn things around and change the other way around. You can spend days and waste them all trying to figure how the hell did you end up like this or the possibilities of what could have happened if things turned out to be different or you can leave all the broken pieces of the past and move on.” She says. “Close the door and burn the bridge to stop you from coming back to it ever again. End this here Amber. Better yourself, because I know you know that you deserve a better death than just being overdosed inside a car.”
“Why are you helping me?” Amber was really curious. “All of a sudden I mean, I am just surprised.”
“I have been watching you for days as you slowly surrender yourself to your very own demons. And I am helping you because in the past, I was unable to help a very good friend of mine. And now, she’s with her demons and I’m filled with guilt every day. So if I can’t change her, then maybe I can help you. Once you get into Amber there’s no going back I tell you. She had countless rehabs but still she uses it. She’s nowhere to be found so let me ask you again Amber, do you want to have the same ending as her? Because if you do, then I’ll willingly give you your .” Dara throws the sachet on the table. “Your choice. Will you change for the better? Or will you rather continue to change for the worse?”
After weeks of preparation finally Krystal Jung wakes up to the most important day in her life. It was finally the day every woman dreams to have her own. Her very own wedding. Krystal wakes up and freshens up her face only to be reminded again with that one event that she wished it never happened.
“How can you be with him and love him so much? How can you be with me and love me so less?.. I gave you the world, my entire being and yet you are choosing someone you met for three years to be your partner in life. Did he gave you more than what I had that’s why you are choosing him?”
“How can you un love me so easily? Did you even love me? DID YOU EVEN TRY?!”
“OF COURSE I ING TRIED!”
“THEN WHY DID WE END UP LIKE THIS?!”
“BECAUSE YOU ING CHEATED ON ME! I SAW YOU ING ANOTHER WOMAN!”
“Is this about my one night stand with Ellin again? Krystal I told you that was just a mistake!”
“And out of all the mistakes you made, that was one of them that I had to see with my very eyes. So don’t go tell me that it was just a mistake because that mistake- WILL BE THE BIGGEST AND MOST PAINFUL HEARTBREAK IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!”
She finally comes back to reality when she saw her sink was overflowing with water. She successfully turns off the faucet before turning back to the mirror. “Stop... Just stop thinking about it.”
It was kind of like a mantra to Krystal every time she would remember her last encounter with Amber. How Amber looked so weak and how much she wanted to help her. But she couldn’t do that anymore, not when Amber hates her to that extent. After Amber left, pain from the past event occurred to her that brought pain to her heart. What she said to Amber was true. Heck she even had a bag full of surprises just how to surprise her stupid servant but Amber just chose the wrong night to be drunk and the wrong place to bring over Ellin.
Amber was right. They did try to patch things between them but every time Krystal tries, she just cannot fully trust Amber the way she trusts her before. Even up to this moment, it’s very hard for Krystal to accept Amber’s forgiveness maybe that’s why she cannot trust Amber a hundred percent because she was afraid of giving trust over and over again for the same damn reason. She was really like her sister with her relationship also with her co-member and now her sister found herself in the arms of someone else.
She cannot be with Amber because she would just become a paranoid and super possessive girlfriend so she decided to look for that trust in someone else, and that’s when Sehun invited her for dinner with Suho and Kai. And everything from then on just went to where they are right now. And Krystal is now in love with Kai she knows that herself. But without closure from Amber, she cannot give herself fully to her soon-to-be husband.
“Soojung? Are you ready? Let’s head off to the church now.”
“Dae unnie. I’ll be coming now!” She screams from the other side of the door.
When they got there the place was really beautiful and she thanked God her stylist unnie found a very talented wedding planner and arranged everything as it is. The church itself was ready for the wedding. Her sister escorted her to her prep area where she saw the gown and the make-up staffs were already there and greeted her. She greeted them back as they went on with the preparation. After a little while bridesmaid were arriving one by one and there are the good friends of Krystal, which is of course, the fx members including Sulli, her college and friends from the USA travelled this far to see her happy in this special day.
They did a little photo shoot of the bride together with the bridesmaid and the girls cheered them on as they went outside for the entourage. Her parents came inside to greet her as well and now, her very own older sister Jessica was fixing some last minute retouches and her dress which she personally designed as well.
“You look so beautiful!” Jessica cheered. “I cannot believe you’re marrying someone now... It seems like yesterday you were off to play soccer or whatever dirty.” They both laughed.
“Unnie?” Her sister hums. “What were you feeling when you were about to get married?”
“I was feeling a lot of things that day Soojung. But in the end, it was a day to remember. I was so happy that day. Do you remember? You told me that the whole entire day I was smiling. That broke the record of the ice princess right?” She giggled.
“But unnie, before you got married, did you ever thought about Yuri unnie? How did you feel knowing that you guys aren’t gonna end up together?”
Jessica was surprised of the question. “Honestly? I do. I think about her every preparation I go to and wonder what kind of preparation we would think about if it was our own wedding. And you know what, I was thinking about her before I walked on the aisle. And suddenly I found myself crying... It was filled with so much regret and pain Soojung. And even now I am with him, I do think about her.”
“But you are happy in his arms now right? He makes you feel so much love that you were able to move on from her.”
“I am trying to be Krys... Because no amount of love can ever compare my love for her.” Her sister lets out a sad smile. “We make decisions in life, some make us happy, some makes us sad, and some makes us want to go back to the time and change it. But of course, we cannot. The best thing to do is to keep moving forward with every choice we make.”
“I understand...”
“Okay, now stop worrying about my love story and worry about your fairytale come true.” Jessica finally finishes the process. “Now go there and get your happy ending okay?”
Jessica kissed her sister’s cheek one last time before leaving the room. She tries to sit down and calm herself down but then again the door opened and her sister appeared again. “Soojung I am so sorry. I really tried.”
Krystal’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wae?”
Jessica sighs. “Someone wants to talk to you.”
After Jessica said the last word, Amber entered the room and Krystal had to hold back her breath. Seeing Amber again after so long really shocked her. She even thought Amber couldn’t make it to her special day... Jessica leaves the two of them alone in the room and even after they heard the door clicked, they still remained silent. Amber looked good- no scratch that, Amber looked better and probably the best since the last time she saw her. She had meat in her and her skin was livelier. She looked at her eyes and they were alive this time. She felt as if she saw the old Amber staring back at her with her messy black hair and tuxedo and of course, her Jordan’s...
“Sorry if I didn’t follow the dress code.” Amber breaks the silence.
“Don’t worry, I know you love your Jordan’s more than anything.” Krystal smiles. “It’s nice to see you Amber.”
“It’s nice to see you too Krystal.” Amber finally smiled. “And you know, I got to be honest with you. It really took a lot of courage to show-up today. I uh, I want to say something to you. And it’s very important that you hear this before you get married to him.” She breathes out heavily. “Okay so after the talk I had with you I thought if I was the first person to destroy the possibility of us, then I am responsible of losing you. I am responsible of you getting married to Kai... And I- I couldn’t accept it you know so I ran away, and made a decision to finally end my life. So I ordered from my supplier.”
Krystal gasped. “Amber no, I didn’t mean it like that! I-“
“Relax...” She assures her. “So right when I was about to drown myself, Dara-unnie came and helped me realize things. She helped me realize that I need to accept things and stop running away from reality. I should stop living and drowning myself with the thoughts of the millions of possibilities and just move forward. She also made me realize that if people do change, then we must change for the better. And so that night- I decided that I would change for the better.” She smiles. “I fixed my apartment, took my pets back, started to live well and go to rehab and psychiatrist. There are still temptations but I am never going back to that lifestyle again. Now that’s my first wedding gift to you.” She said. “I did what you asked of me. To be alive and be well...”
“Thank you Amber.” Her voice was filled with gratitude. She cannot thank Dara unnie enough for being an angel sent from heaven and helped Amber realize things.
“Now, my second gift is here.” She hands out the small box and an envelope. “Open it.”
When Krystal opened it, she gasped in surprise. It was her necklace that was given to her by her grandmother. “Amber, how did you found this?”
“Well, I was cleaning and then I saw this. I was originally planning to give it to you earlier but I think giving it on your wedding day would make you happier.” She grins. “Would you like me to wear it to you?”
“Yes please.” Amber went to her back and placed the necklace. “I am so happy to be wearing it today.”
“I know.” And now Amber was standing a little bit closer to her. “And for my final gift to you Krystal...” She pauses for a while. “During the group talks in rehab, I learned a lot things and one of those things was closure. The guide told us that we cannot move forward in life if we don’t have the closure from the past...” Amber trails off. “And that will be my last gift. I will you closure so that you can move on.”
Hearing that from Amber brought her to tears. “Oh Amber...”
“I used to blame you for everything that has happened to me. The hurt, the pain, the addiction, the lost of interest in living, and perhaps every negativity that has happened in my life I’ve always blamed it to you... But I was wrong. I was so wrong for putting it all on you. You were right, I was the first one to break your heart and destroy every possibility of us. I am sorry for hating you and for hurting you. I am sorry Soojung. I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I am sorry...” Amber was in tears as well. “I am so sorry for breaking your trust...”
Krystal pulled Amber closer to her and they hugged each other tightly. It was so relieving to be back in someone’s arms after for being apart for so long. It was like being away for a military assignment and then coming back to home. That tingling feeling and sudden shiver that you feel from you system as you smell the aroma of home. Krystal cried hard in Amber’s arms as well as Amber as she presses her lip on the latter’s shoulders. This hug is commonly known for the name of bittersweet hug. It usually happens to couple who cannot be together anymore regardless of the reason so every love they feel for one another is being poured down to this final hug...
“Listen to me Amber. When I said you didn’t deserve me it was because you didn’t deserve someone who’s so insecure of the past you didn’t deserve me because you deserve someone who can see past through your mistakes and still love you no matter what. When I said I didn’t deserve you it was because I never deserved such a big heart. I cannot give you something that’s worth your love Am. That’s what I was trying to say.”
“Shhh shh..." Amber cupped her cheeks. “I understand.”
“You will find your girl someday. And that girl will love you far better else than anyone has ever loved you. Someone’s going to love you.”
“Krystal... That girl you’re saying is standing in front of me.” Amber smiles. “And though we can’t be together, I believe that your love for me will never be beaten by any other girl.”
“Stop...” She sniffs. “Stop making me cry.” Amber laughed as Krystal cups Amber’s cheeks as well.
“I believe this is where we end princess.” Although it pained the two of them, Krystal nodded her head.
“Our ending page.”
Amber nods. “Did you thought of us ending this way? Did I looked like this?”
Krystal shook her head. “I’ve imagined better ones.”
That made Amber smile. “Me too. Now wait here, and let me get Jessica and we’ll get you freshen up okay?” Before Amber left Krystal called her attention. “Yeah?”
“Thank you for coming.”
“Now, now, now. I wouldn’t want to miss my princess’ happy ever after do we?” She winks and leaves the room.
After closing the door, Krystal turned to the mirror and smiled. “Thank you for ending our page in a good note.” She exhales one last time before preparing herself for another start of the novel in her life.
“That’s it? That’s it!?” Her daughter grumbles. “What the heck?”
“Hey young lady, watch your manners.” Her mother glared at her.
“But mommy! They shouldn’t have ended it that way!”
“Why? Do you think of other ending?”
“Yes. During the walk the wife would realize that she’s still in love with him and so she’ll break off the wedding and they’ll run away from all of the mess. They would start anew.”
“But they had closure to start anew individually.”
“Mommy! Can’t you see? The two of them still love one another! Their ending page cannot end like that! I just can’t accept it that they had to end it that way! They are both cowards in the society for not fighting what they want, and clearly they want one another.”
“Sometimes in life my little Bernadette, there will be battles in which you cannot win. It’s just sad to say that they lost their battle with destiny.”
Bernadette crossed her arms. “Well so much hate for that destiny.”
Her mother couldn’t help but chuckle. “Aigoo… Come on let’s get going. We have a piano recital to attend.”
“Mommy Krys?”
“Yes baby?”
“Destiny or not I think they should belong to one another.”
Krystal smiled at her daughter. “Okay, I’ll take note of that.”
Bernadette follows her to the living room. “Is daddy coming?”
“Well he hasn’t texted yet. But don’t worry, I will text him and ask if he can be there.”
“No mommy, it’s fine. I have already accepted that he’s got another family to attend ever since you divorced him.” She smiles. “Let’s hit the road honey.”
It has been a long time since Kai have bonded with our daughter Bernadette. I know you are a little confused but don’ worry I will give you a walkthrough of it. After my wedding and a few more years in the industry, fx has decided that our time as a girl group has been done. Although it saddens us, I was just so happy that we have the most supportive fans in the whole wide world. They have already prepared themselves for this event and I am happy that even after our life as girl group they still continued to support us for our individual activities. And we never fail them by posting the five of us hanging out together.
But of course, we had busy schedule and after 2 years of the disbandment, Amber left the country all of a sudden and it has been the four of us that has been continuously hanging out. Of course I want to go back to the States so that I could give our child a normal childhood but Kai couldn’t agree yet because he was still out there performing. When Bernadette was three years old she was almost kidnapped by his saesang fans and our house has been compromised that it wasn’t safe. I tried to myself to convince him to already leave the group because they were not SM’s top priority now but still he decided to go against it and every day we fought to the point where he doesn’t care anymore if we fight in front of our daughter. He gets mad at her for being too noisy he cannot practice so that’s when I decided that it’s enough. So I filed a divorce against him and threatened him that if he doesn’t agree to it, then I will reveal our marriage life to the public. Of course he didn’t want that and after 7 months our divorce, he got married again to another young artist. It never pained me, but I was feeling sorry for my daughter and so to completely run away, we packed our bags and left to the States and we have been living here for 3 years now.
I was so focus in taking care of Bernadette that I have no time to take care of my own but it’s okay, I have Bernadette and that’s all the love I need.
“Mommy park by that spot! That’s my friend’s car.”
“Wow, how’d you know it’s your friend’s car?”
“I used to wait for her during summer classes.” She hops off. “C’mon mommy let’s go inside!”
Bernadette is such a sweetheart. She is also a music lover and a piano lover too. Well she’s also a dancing machine but I just love the fact that she fell in love with piano more. When I got inside the room I saw Bernadette in the front row playing with someone whom I assumed her best friend. I am so happy that my daughter has found a friend over this summer music class program by their elementary school.
The program has started and each of the 20 students who registered in the program and every performance was really good. I appreciate all the efforts that the teachers made and as well as the students that tried their best to learn. Bernadette was next and she played the very famous ballad music River Flows In You. The whole time I was recording and I know that I am looking like a stage mother but of course it only goes to show how proud I am to be her mother.
The next performer was next and it was my daughter’s best friend and she played the violin very beautifully. It was such a sad song and I was touched by it and it brought sadness in her song and when she finished she had a standing ovation and was even awarded for being the best performer of the entire summer class. I had to fetch my daughter back stage. Finally I was able to locate my daughter and she was together with her best friend and perhaps the father of her best friend. And when she looked at me, she smiled and went to my direction.
“Mommy, you’re just in time. I want you to meet my best friend!”
“Okay I am excited to meet her as well.”
“Aiden! Meet my mommy Krystal! Mommy this is Aiden and her mom-“
“Hey Krys.”
“Amber?”
After that awkward meeting with one another, we decided that we let the kids decide where should we eat. And it had to be more awkward because the kids decided that we should eat at McDonald’s plus our cars were parked together.
On the way to the fast food, my heart starts to beat crazy. After so long, we finally met again under a very crazy circumstance. I hit the break and waited for the light to turn green. I was tapping the driver’s wheel and when I turned to my left I saw Amber already looking at my direction while her daughter was trying to steal her attention. She smiled at me before turning back to her kid and somehow that made me smile and all flustered which because I felt like I was 18 again. AND STUPID BECAUSE SHE’S MARRIED NOW.
“MOMMY!”
“Oh my God!”
“C’mon mommy they are getting ahead of us!”
When we arrived at the place, Amber was already in the front line with her jolly kid and Bernadette skipped her way through and joined them while I was walking slowly trying to control my heart.
After finishing receiving orders we ate together and there are times where people would comment that we were a beautiful family, or she was so handsome and cool or I was pretty and all. We would look at one another from time to time and would just smile praying the kids wouldn’t know about the comments made.
After eating, Aiden invited Bernadette to play and when they did, it left me and Amber all alone. And finally after a moment of no one talking, the silence was destroyed when Amber chuckled and shook her head.
“I’m sorry. I was kind of hoping that I would meet you again. I… I uh- just wasn’t expecting to be this way.” She chuckles again.
“Don’t worry, I did imagine eating with you. But not in a fast food chain.” We both laughed at our situation. “So, what happened to you?”
“Went to Taiwan and studied music. We just moved back here.”
“And by we you mean you, Aiden and your husband?”
It surprised me again when she chuckled. “Aiden’s my adopted kid. I met her at a Taiwanese orphanage and I have been in love with her ever since.”
“So… You’re not married?”
“I’m not. I’ve only been in love with one girl since I was 23 and that hasn’t change and that will never be changed.” Amber stared at me. “I just hope she knows how much I love her.”
It took me a while to response in a cool, non-chalant way. “Maybe she knows by now.” Then I gave it a short shrug.
“Enough about me. What brings you here? Did Kai finally decided to live here?”
“Nope…” I trailed off. “I decided things, he made some, we didn’t see each other eye to eye and poof.” I looked back at her and she has this unexplainable look on her face.
“I was about to ask you about your married life but scratch that. I wanna ask about your divorced life.”
“Hahahahahaha of course. Only if you tell that mystery girl of yours.”
Amber shakes her head as she looks at me and smiles. “Deal.”
“Mommy I’m tired…”
“Me too mom.”
Amber and I looked at one another before I looked at my daughter. “I guess let’s hit bedtime then.”
We both carried our daughters and placed them in our separate cars and we looked at one another. Again after the comfortable aura we had earlier, now we are back to the awkward silence. Amber said good bye first and I did the same. Just as I was about to enter the car with a pout on my face she called my attention that made me swiftly get out of the car. STUPID KRYSTAL!
“You know they’re going to be best friends forever now right?”
“Your point is?” I said innocently but I had the smirk on my face.
“I mean, if you want to grab a cup of coffee and hang out while we wait for them to be out or something… I just want you to know that we can do that. I’d be willing to do that.” She scratches the back of her neck. “Or whatever.” She nervously chuckles.
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Yep, sure no problem.” Amber was about to get in the car when I called her again. “Yeah?”
“There’s going to be a parents’ meeting this weekend for the up-coming academic year of the kids.” I looked at her. “Maybe we can do you cup of coffee or hang-out or whatever.”
We both laugh at her stupidity and she nodded her head. “Yeah. Yeah I’ll see you there.” We both looked at one another. “Good night Krys. It was really nice meeting you.”
“Good night Am. And it was nice meeting you too.”
The drive home was me bouncing to every beat of happy music played on my iPhone. I remembered the talk I had with Amber earlier and found out what she has been doing after she left Seoul. She went to Taiwan and became a music teacher and just travelled all over the world until she met Aiden which was her child and decided to come back here and live in the United States while I opened up some memories of the past with Kai and boy I don’t know if my mind was playing or something but I noticed that she was kind of pissed off and even lectured and cursed at him for not being an ideal father and husband and then I told him that I just finished studying arts and basically just planning to start my very own studio soon.
When we arrived home, I gave Bernadette a bath, brushed her teeth and gave her some good bed time story. I was about to leave the room because I thought she was asleep when called my attention.
“I think I know what you were planning to write in your artwork mommy.”
“What was it baby?”
“Fin Page... Or in English- Ending Page.”
I smiled. “You are such an intelligent kid.”
She smiles at my compliment. “Mommy Aiden and I promised one thing together earlier.” She paused for a while before continuing. “We promised that we would enter the same elementary, middle school, high school and college!” She smiles.
“And which college did you guys plan to attend?”
“I want Julliard but Aiden wants Berkley. I know Aiden can’t live without me so I am pretty sure she’ll tell me she has decided to go to Julliard as well.”
I smiled. “And I hope you guys can become the best of friends then.”
I kissed her forehead and bid her good night before moving towards my studio when all of a sudden I remembered about something that Amber said to me a while ago earlier.
“Do you still have you grandma’s necklace?” I nodded my head.
“I plan to give it to Bernadette when she’s 21.”
“Krystal... Did you opened the envelope I gave to you along with the box?”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “What envelope?”
“Ah...” She chuckles. “Never mind.”
And then suddenly I remembered I have always placed my grandmother’s box with that envelope. I guess I have been too busy with life that I never had the chance to open the letter. So I went inside my room, pulled the very first drawer and there was the box. Underneath the box was a small sized letter that I grabbed and slowly opened. There was nothing special inside the letter, it was just a very small patch of paper that says-
"If this is our ending page... Then I hope we will have a sequel.”
It was such a simple letter yet it warmed my heart so much. Amber did give me that closure on that day. But she wasn’t giving our love story a closure just yet. We were defeated by destiny once but somehow after all those years, destiny plans us to meet again.
I placed the letter in my heart and looked outside of the sky. With a smile on my face, I said to no one-
“I guess this is the sequel you were talking about.” I shake my head. “Stupid.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT I WAS REALLY PLANNING TO BREAK YOUR HEARTS HUH?
WELL I GUESS YOU DON'T KNOW ME THAT MUCH NOW.
Anyway, it's 12:05 here in my country and I am so happy to greet every one- HAPPY 7TH ANNIVERSARY MEU'S!!!
Lots and lots of love from the Philippines. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of this F(x) Station and c'mon guys, why don't we give props to @slho91 and other authors out there who participated in this united event.Thank you so much! Now, I know you guys are wondering- DONKEY PROMISED US TWO STORIES BUT WHY THERE'S ONLY ONE.
Due to my lack of time management, I wasn't able to finish my second story in time. BUT! Fear not because I will upload it soon and it will be a connection to something. What's that something? I won't tell you yet. ;)
Now back to the ENDING PAGE ONE SHOT STORY. I am pretty sure you guys have noticed that I changed the fonts from time to time only because I wanted to elaborate on the different time phases. Now I am hoping that you guys like the story. (I know you would, otherwise why are you still here reading my note?) Jokes aside, I decided to come with my fave genre which was angst and I hope I gave the story a little twist. KRYSTAL WASN'T THE FIRST CHEATER. AMBER WAS. I got the idea of Amber cheating first from my girl friend a.k.a. my wife plus the instagram issue thing and all. But all in all, I hope you like the story and will leave crazy comments about how much you love me. The story.
So I will keep this short and simple as I will hit the ing sack because I still have an exam tomorrow. Help me to get high grades and pray for my country as I will do to yours. World peace and love man. Happy 7th anniversary again and see you on my other fics!
DonkeyASS walkin' out! :P
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