Chanhee isn’t sensitive per se but he is not someone who enjoys basking in other people’s attention. Especially when the stares are of judgemental ones. Byunghun was making a fuss in the supermarket and Chanhee wasn’t sure why but the younger suddenly started yelling and throwing the various groceries that Chanhee had previously put in their basket out. The elder guessed that his younger brother probably didn’t like a certain item that was in the basket and decided to express it by throwing all the items out of the basket that Chanhee was carrying earning several curious and judgemental stares from onlooking passersby.

Chanhee holds onto Byunghun carefully and tries to calm him down, trying to ask him what is wrong. But Byunghun just completely ignores Chanhee and thrashes around in his hold.

“Hunnie wait, is there something you don’t like here? Which is it? Hyung will throw it out alright.”

After spending half of his life with Byunghun, Chanhee already knows how to deal with such situations even though his methods may not always work but it’s worth a try.

“Scary!” Byunghun yells in Chanhee’s face, pointing to the brunch of broccoli that Chanhee had put in the basket.

The elder initially thought of making creamed broccoli for Byunghun and his wife for dinner that night but guess he’ll just have to change his menu then.

“Ok let’s not get this then. I’ll take it out.” Chanhee chucks the broccoli back onto the rack before going back to Byunghun who was on the floor together with his items that were strewn all over the place.

A mini crowd had gathered to check out the commotion but no one actually went up to help Chanhee, not that the man expected anyone’s help anyway. Chanhee was used to people watching them like caged animals in a circus. His absolutely discomforted by everyone’s judging eyes but he would always endure it for his younger brother’s sake.

Heaving a sigh, the blonde picks up the scattered groceries and place them back into the basket before taking Byunghun’s tiny hand in his as they proceed with their shopping.

Chanhee felt like people didn’t understand. He felt like society often come to conclusions and judge you before they even know your story. Byunghun was adopted by Chanhee’s parents when he was about three. His parents came home one day with a child in their arms, explaining to Chanhee that the boy was abandoned to a local orphanage by his own parents after they found out that he was autistic. Chanhee was only 19 at that point in time, he has learnt about autism in school and has seen autistic people in the neighborhood sometimes but he has never lived with someone who was autistic. He was taken by surprise when he noticed that at times, Byunghun would do things that normal people wouldn’t. For example, the elder found Byunghun rummaging through the trash bin in their kitchen one day after he returned from school and his mother patiently trying to stop him. Being the adolescent he is, Chanhee hated Byunghun. He didn’t understand why Byunghun was acting strange and how he often attracted stares from others. His favourite words to Byunghun were “go away” and “I hate you” when the both of them were younger.

However as Chanhee grew, he came to understand that Byunghun was different. He wasn’t like everyone else, he was special. Although the younger had difficulty communicating with people and reacting to his immediate surroundings. His movements were uncoordinated and mentally he ages slower than others. But he is amazing on the piano, gives the best company and says the nicest things.

Chanhee came to accept Byunghun as his younger brother and loved him very much, taking care of him whenever his parents were unable to do so. Unfortunately when Byunghun turned eight, Chanhee’s parents were robbed of their lives in a car accident leaving Chanhee to care for Byunghun alone. Thankfully a year later, Chanhee met the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, Solji who has now become his wife. Solji is very understanding and accepting of Byunghun’s condition and is always there, helping to care for Byunghun alongside Chanhee.

===

Chanhee is someone who is very particular when it comes to his sleeping schedule. He believes that a good deep sleep is key to his concentration and performance at work in the day. However he would willingly stay up to wash Byunghun’s toys at night, sacrificing a few hours of his precious sleep to ensure that his toys were clean and relatively free of bacteria because his younger brother had the tendency of putting his toys in his mouth. When Chanhee rewards the boy with ice cream, Byunghun would always kindly offer to ‘share’ the treat with his stuffed animals, putting the ice cold treat directly at the plush’s mouths dirtying the plushes, which means more work for Chanhee. But Chanhee just lets him do it because he knows that if he tried to stop the younger, the latter would only throw a tantrum and would just end up in tears and rebel against Chanhee.

Chanhee yawns as he scrubs the stuffed bear with antibacterial soap before soaking it into a pail of clear clean water. Earlier today, Byunghun has been on his best behavior and Chanhee decided to reward him with a sweet treat, the younger’s favourite strawberry lollipop.

Byunghun was biting on a chicken drumstick toy, the plastic ones you can get at a toy store that comes in a cooking set for young children to play pretend. His eyes lights up when he saw that Chanhee has a wrapped strawberry lollipop in his hands. Throwing the plastic chicken drumstick toy aside carelessly on the floor, he runs up to Chanhee and tries to snatch the candy out of the elder’s hands.

“Hold on Hunnie. Patience.” Chanhee held up his hand to stop Byunghun from jumping on him.

Byunghun takes his firm instructions well and wounds his arms around the blonde’s waist, looking up at him with his puppy-like eyes.

“You have to unwrap the candy first you see, like this.” Chanhee demonstrates to Byunghun as the younger just watches on in anticipation, unable to wait till his could pop the sweet treat into his mouth.

Chanhee rarely allows Byunghun to take sweets in fear that it would trigger his sugar level sending him high on the sugar and lose control.

“Here you go.” Chanhee hands the candy to Byunghun who has his eyes and mouth wide open as though the candy was sparkling brightly under the sun.

“Lolly!” Byunghun yells and jumps away from Chanhee, crouching next to his stuffed bear and putting it roughly on the bear’s mouth.

“Nice?” Byunghun asks the bear as Chanhee reminds the younger to be gentle with the bear.

“You have to be soft with ‘your friends’ Hunnie, or they will get hurt.”

Chanhee was always afraid Byunghun might one day be rough with people around him and that would become a problem. Byunghun turns back to Chanhee, gently rubbing the candy all over the stuffed bear’s mouth. Chanhee smiles and pats Byunghun’s head, telling him that he was doing a good job.

===

Chanhee is someone who likes things neat and tidy. A clean and organized environment boosts his mood. But wherever Byunghun was around there will never be such a thing as tidy. Byunghun had very quirky habits usually causes the house to be a mess afterwards.

When both Chanhee and Solji are off to work, Byunghun is left alone at home after he returns from school. Chanhee usually asks their neighbor to keep an eye on Byunghun but requests the neighbor to leave Byunghun to his own devices as Chanhee ultimately wants his younger brother to learn to be independent. Byunghun could do a lot of things on his own and had no problem staying alone in the house alone during the day. However, Byunghun would often do things out of anyone’s expectations.

It just so happens that it was a day where something inside of Byunghun is triggered and he began to rummage through the trash bins that were at home, taking everything out and throwing them around the house. Rummaging the trash bins was something that Byunghun occasionally does without warning. As much as Chanhee hates this habit a lot, it is beyond his control to stop Byunghun from doing it.

Every time he does that, Chanhee has to come home to clean up the mess that he makes despite the tedious day he already had at work. But never once did Chanhee complain.

===

Chanhee wasn’t someone patient. He is one that taps his feet restlessly when he has to stand still for just a minute. But when it comes to Byunghun, he really has to be extremely patient with the boy. It was hard but Chanhee always tries his best.

When Chanhee brings Byunghun out on snowy days, Byunghun would try to eat the snow.

When Chanhee brings Byunghun out to the beach in summer, Byunghun would try to eat the sand.

When Chanhee brings Byunghun out for meals, Byunghun would play with his food and bang spoons on the bowls loudly disrupting the peace in the restaurants.

During such situations, Chanhee had to always use a very gentle and soft voice to explain to Byunghun why he shouldn’t do what he is doing. He had to explain to Byunghun very patiently that snow and sand are not edible and you would get tummy aches from eating non-food items. He has to patiently try to pry the cutleries that Byunghun is holding and feed him so that he wouldn’t play with his food or bang the different utensils together creating a din.

===

For Byunghun, Chanhee has made a lot of sacrifices.

Chanhee hates it when people view Byunghun as someone with an illness.

Chanhee hates it when people stare at Byunghun as though Byunghun was plague or some kind of disease.

Byunghun is Byunghun. He isn’t ‘that autistic kid’ or that ‘crazy boy’.

Byunghun may be different but he is not abnormal. He is just like most people. He loves sweet treats and is scared of thunder. He enjoys playing the piano, he loves drawing and he goes to school like everyone else.

The most important bottom line is that no matter what, Chanhee loves Byunghun all the same. Byunghun is, and will always be, his precious younger brother.

===

When I was a student many many years ago, I once wrote an essay on autism. My teacher liked it a lot so I decided to recycle the plot a little.

TLDR: Let’s all be more empathic and try to understand others. Lend a helping hand to people whenever they need it. Spread autism awareness and work to a better and inclusive society for all of us to live in.

xoxo

byungtokki