Nothing on TV caught your attention as you switched between channels mindlessly for the past hour or so. Taehyun noticed this the minute he arrived home, seeing you hidden by the arm of the sofa. His entrance barely fazed you, seemingly lost in your own string of thoughts. It was a strange habit of yours he’d come to notice in recent weeks.

“Hey…” He pokes your arm as he rests his chin by your head. You raise an arm over to ruffle his hair in a silent greeting.

“What’s wrong with your phone? I tried calling you.”

“You did?” You roll over to your side to face him properly and he searches your unreadable eyes. It irritated him how you’ve been distant somehow.

Taehyun hums with a light nod, reaching out to brush the hair over your eyes.

“It’s in the room, sorry.” You press a smile, “What did you want to tell me?”

“I want to take you out for dinner tonight.” Taehyun beams only to have you staring apologetically right back at him. He sighs inwardly, pulling his best pout which he knew was plain pointless.

“Let’s stay in, hm?”

You shift up, crossing your legs together as you squeeze his hands in a suspiciously happy tone. He looks at you for an answer to a question he didn’t know, it’s been too many times you brushed off his efforts to take you out.

“That would be the billionth time this month.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Tae.” You cup his cheeks with a small laugh, “I’ll whip something up, just let me take a shower one sec.”

“Well, I showered at the gym but if you say so.”

Just like his attempts with dates, any attempts to go further than holding your hand was a miserable failure.

“I’ll be quick.”

“And so will I.” He smirks playfully, catching the subtle roll of your eyes as you shake your head with a smile. He drops his head down into the cushion in defeat, seeing you run off before he could protest even further.

//

You were sure to be quick as you promised, knowing well that Taehyun had already caught up with your sketchy behaviour the past week. You slipped into a roomy attire –anything that made you a tad bit comfortable in being around him.

You’ve been grossly self conscious ever since a couple of unknown numbers have gotten a hold of yours, terrorizing you with mass text messages and phone calls. The first time it happened you remember being deathly terrified, shaking so hard that you dropped the phone onto the floor out of pure shock. It was something you wouldn’t dare bring up to Taehyun, scared that it might affect him more than it did you. 

Hence the constant dodging of his efforts for a date, thinking that staying low would be the best for the both of you right now.

He took your place on the sofa, his dark hair bobbing over the head of the furniture as he faced the TV.

“Let’s just order in?” He had his cheeks pressed on the furniture as he rests on his belly, looking at you over the kitchen sink.

“Come here, I hardly saw you this week.” Taehyun calls you over with outstretched arms, a boyish smile plastered on his face. You breathe out a soft laugh, giving into him as you settle the chopping board sloppily into the sink.

A startled laugh escapes him when you jump into the tiny spot beside him, feeling his longer legs wrapped around yours in an instant.

“Listen,” He murmurs, and you see him search your features as he gathers his words. And just as you expected, “Is everything okay?”

His brows curled in concern and you catch your nonchalant reflection in his wavering eyes.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” You force a smile, dismissing the tightness in your chest for lying so openly. Taehyun was the type to leave you to it, never forcing you to open up because you eventually will. As difficult as it was to believe, his cold exterior overshadowed the sense of comfort he actually has.

But he’d been waiting longer than he liked to for whatever it was that bothered you and you couldn’t blame him for asking.

“I don’t know, you seem off.” He narrows his eyes slightly as if he caught onto the lie.

“I’m fine, Tae.” You nudge the tip of your nose lovingly to his, closing your eyes as you apologize to him in your head.

He was staring at you when you open your eyes after a brief moment and you reach out to tug the corner of his lip to a smile.

“I’m fine.” You repeat once more, curling up into his neck and he knows that you were anything but that.

//

“So everyone will be there?”

“Yes.” He assures you for god knows how many times, eyeing you as you pace the living room in agitation.

The second he told you about the company’s party, he knew he shouldn’t have seeing the look on your face.

“I want you to come with me.” It was selfish of him to insist, but the only person he could think of was you and no one else.

“It’ll be fine, I promise.” He walks up to you, taking your hands off your hair as he tries his best to soothe you. “And if it’s not, we won’t stay long.” 

“Alright?”

“Alright.”

//

Upon exiting the lobby, it wasn’t difficult to spot him. Taehyun stood by the awaiting car with his hands in his pockets. Your heels clicked slowly with your steps as you sink in how overwhelmingly handsome he looks tonight. He had on a crisp white shirt over a dark suit, his usual parted hair slicked back to reveal his sharp features. Even through the dark you could tell how he lights up at the sight of you, which would normally bring you over the moon.

Taehyun was like a walking dream, only making you drown further into your own insecurities. The only thing you could think of was if the dress you had on was too short or too long, or maybe those pumps not these strappy heels or maybe you should have let your hair down and hide yourself in it for the rest of the damn night.  

No words were needed when you were finally an arm’s reach from him. He pulls you to him as he places a firm hand on the small of your back, kissing a pleased smile by your temple.

“Okay?” He pulls back, fingers pressed on your shoulders and you could tell he sensed your uneasiness. You only nod in response, brushing past him as you scoot into the backseat of the car.

Taehyun remains quiet the entire ride. Guilt washed over you for being so obvious that you wanted to be elsewhere tonight, anywhere but a starstruck event that you didnt belong. His palm cupped your knees, feeling the pad of his thumb running soft circles over your jittery skin.

 The further the car drove, the more restless you became. City lights blurred, darkened by heavily tinted windows of the vehicle and you wonder if the air was this stuffy before. It wasnt until you swore that the walls were closing in and your unnerving thoughts clouded your better judgement. The leather of the seat rubbed loudly against your abrupt movement towards the driver’s seat.

“Stop –stop the car, please.”

“What’s going on?” Confusion dripped in his voice, failing to grab a hold of you when you rush out the car into the deserted alleyway.

You paced the corner of the street, trembling hands finding the back of your neck down to your elbows. The slam of the car door bounced off the brick walls, followed by the running of his footsteps to you.  

“What the hell?” Taehyun half shouts, his patience finally wearing to zero at your behaviour and you knew he was upset.

 "What are you doing?“

"I want to go home. I don’t think I can do this, Tae.” You were on the brink of tears, swallowing the aching lump in your throat.

“Do what?” The excruciating frown on his face deepens as he looks at you from a distance. “Jesus, Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

"I can’t do this.”

“ –do what?” His voice rose to a falsetto, breathing harshly through hands that ran over his face.  

“Being with you, Tae!” It came out rash, reckless words that you gave no thought on.

Taehyun froze, the glow of the street lamp washing over his deadpan, unblinking stare towards you.

“Are you cheating on me?” It was a whisper yet it thundered through the bitter air and you catch the hurt building in the corner of his eyes.

“What? No!” You shot back, glaring at him like he just lost his mind.

“Then explain to me why you’re always on your phone, tucking it away whenever I’m around and it’s ing me up in the head with you sneaking around–” Taehyun loosens his tie in frustration before you sharply cut him off.

 "I’m not sneaking around!“

"Then what the is going on?” He hisses, striding to you in demand.

“Oh you tell me!” You send him staggering back when you shove your phone roughly onto his chest. Texts and calls you’ve missed streamed your lock screen and Taehyun soaks in the reasoning behind your actions. His eyes gapes in muted shock, peeling his stare off the device to you.

You were pinned to the ground, feet burning as your toes gripped violently to the sole of your heels trying to keep yourself upright.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Taehyun softens at the realization, the intensity in his eyes disappearing into regret. It only pained you further because none of this was his fault.

“What, tell you something you already know?” You laugh dryly, hands quivering over your mouth as you try to keep it together.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Tell you I don’t deserve you? That you’re stupid to be with someone like me? That you can easily find someone else? That I’m not pretty enough? There goes your ing surprise Tae.”

“You don’t really believe all that do you?”

The disappointment was evident on his face when he meets your silence. It hurt to look at him, hot tears b your eyes as you look away.

“I may not love myself very much, but I do love you, Tae. More than I understand.” Your voice shook with every word, it was beyond you to know that he had thoughts of you cheating.

“They’re wrong.” He ignores you simply because he knew this without ever having to hear it from you.

“You’re more than I could ever ask for, Y/N. I still ask myself every ing night what I’ve done to deserve you.” Taehyun clicks his jaw, swallowing thickly. The sudden confession felt raw somehow, you could only stare at him at a loss for words.

“You should’ve told me.” He continues, his hand messing up his hair as he let out an exasperated sigh.  

“I didn’t want this to happen.”

“Well that turned out wonderful, didn’t it?” He snaps, turning his back on you. You could only stay rigid, tracing your eyes over his tense shoulders.

A group of teenagers walked past the two of you, the stiff air silencing their casual chatter and Taehyun was aware at how quick you were to look away.

You must’ve looked like an idiot, staring holes into the wall before you as you try to hold back tears. That was when you feel his arms snaking its way around your waist, crossing over each other to lock you into a back hug.

“I’m scared too, but you should’ve told me.” He whispers into your hair, tightening his hold around you when he feels you tremble in tears. A quiet apology was uttered next, and he was patient, and he was gentle.

“You’re so much more.” Taehyun squeezes you in a much uplifted tone after a while, “No one can ever convince me otherwise, not even you.”

 //