You’d been pacing outside the front gate for the past thirty minutes with your patience hanging on a thin thread. The phone felt hot against your ears as you struggle to keep yourself from screaming out your frustration, anything to make you look less like an idiot.

“What do you mean you have to clean the house?” You swing your legs the other way when the security guard shoots you yet another quizzing look.

It was by far the stupidest excuse he’d thrown at you, not an ounce bit convinced that they would actually clean the house, or anything really.

“I swear to god, Kang Seungyoon you better–”

“Seunghoon hyung’s coming though.” He says after a while, only to infuriate you further because it really meant that they actually cancelled on you. No one should be at a funfair alone, and you hated how childish you became. They were the one that pestered you to no ends, after all.

“What?”

“Yeah, shouldn’t he be there by now?” There wasn’t a tinge of regret in his voice and you were fuming.

“Yah! Stop messing around, you all stood me up and–”

Your ears perked at the sound of your name voiced out loudly behind you, and you spin around to see Seunghoon coming into view. He was dressed for the occasion, in dark flannel and shorts, topped with a bright red baseball cap. So casual yet he manages to look so put together without even trying, just like always.

He was practically skipping towards you and no one could say no to a happy Seunghoon. You shove the phone into the pocket of your cutoffs, ultimately hanging up on Seungyoon and you couldn’t care less.

“Where’s the rest?” You ask as you eye him from a distance, trying not to sound so annoyed.  

“They told me they’d catch up.” Seunghoon shrugs, hopping to a stop dangerously close to you and you stagger back out of reflex.

“Like what –after they clean the house?”

“What?” He snorts a little too loud and you quirk your brows in agreement.

“They’re not coming, Hoon.” You groan, throwing your arms out loosely on either side as your dip your head back in irritation.

“Are you that disappointed?” He plays out his own disappointment, crossing his arms over his chest grudgingly.

It wasn’t that you were, but despite hanging around the same crowd it was on rare occasions that you’d be left alone with him. It was odd how the two of you became close unknowingly. Plenty of times you rushed in late, always seeing him save you a seat squeezed between him and Taehyun during lunches. He was the other half of the McDonald’s tray when it was too late at night to be eating so much junk, the other hip and elbow that knocked against yours when he helps you out in the kitchen, the amused eyebrow raise to your inside joke that no one else seemed to get. And the sly, teasing nod from across the room when you look for him only to find that he’s already staring.

“No.” You rush, “They’re lucky you showed up. Seungyoon better sleep with one eye open tonight.”

“Ah, always such a delight.” He laughs, and you wince when he ruffles your hair, “Seems like you’re disappointed though, so is it Mino? No wait, it’s Jinwoo hyung isn’t it?”

“Shut up.”

“Yah –I’m cute too.” Seunghoon sighs, draping an arm over your shoulder as he guides you towards the ticket booth. You craned your neck up to glimpse at him, half amused, yes, yes you are.

It didn’t take long for you to forget about the rest of the boys ditching you, mentally sorting out the order of attractions to binge ride this evening. You held an impatient arm out, his fingers loosely gripping as he secures the admission band around your wrist.

You waste no time, tugging his hand as you race through the entrance, eyes fixated to the one thing that was visible even from a mile away.

“No, no –no way!” Seunghoon plants his feet abruptly to the ground when he realizes what it was that caught your full attention, springing you back towards him as he stops. Fear wavered his eyes and he wasn’t seeing straight. Clearly, he wasn’t up for this at all and you fight a laugh rising from your chest.

“No one’s telling you to go, you noodle.” You nudge his shoulder playfully, and he remains unmoved, gawking at the rollercoaster that seemed to loom over the entire park.

“You’re really going on that thing?” He was whispering, his dry lips before he looks at you in utter disbelief. You purse your lips hard seeing the colour drained from his face when you nod back with excitement.

“I’ll –I’ll go.” Seunghoon blinks slowly, stuttering out his terror and you couldn’t help but feel a little bit sorry.

“Promise me you won’t faint? I’ll leave you there if you do.” You joke and he gapes at your empty warning.

“It’s nice to know where we stand.” He nods sourly, judging the entire span of your being as he narrows his eyes at you.

The whole way to the ride was the most quiet he’d ever been since you met him. You never thought you’d come to witness the day silence and Seunghoon coexist, but it was a lie to say that this didn’t entertain you the slightest bit.

Startled, Seunghoon jumps in his seat when a staff member shakes the overhead restraints for one final check up, and he shoots you the most convincing smile when you peer to his side.

All was lost the second the train hiccups forward, and the distant cheers of fellow ride goers disappears into thin air as it crawls up the lift hill. The ground zooms out from your line of sight and a giddy smile erupts across your face when you see the train almost touching the blue of the sky. Seunghoon locks his knees rashly together as the ride decelerates before the big drop, gripping the restraints so hard his knuckles turned white. The anticipation fueled your adrenaline and he squeezes his eyes shut when you let out the most exhilarating laugh.

As the train tipped down to an almost ninety degree position, you catch him hiss out a string of obscenities and you couldn’t help but burst out in hysterics. It all started with a scream, and another, and another.

It was hard to believe that anyone could make such sound, but Seunghoon did. He was wailing passionately next to you, through every loop and every bend until you swore your ears were bleeding. He was left lifeless, slumped back on his seat once the ride came to an end, you had to heave him out of there yourself.

“I swear no one should be that high up.” He whispers, gripping the rail of the exit stair as he steadies his wobbly legs. The wind had assaulted his hair to an unruly mess but he didn’t care, barely having the strength to look you in the eye. “Not unless the lord is calling for your damn soul.”

You stifle an amused laugh, biting the pad of your thumb before it could get any louder and it earned you a glare from him.

“How are you this happy?” Seunghoon half cries, sulking his way through the crowd, “What’s next? Spare me, please.”

A strained whine surfaced at the back of his throat when you jump up and down happily as the two of come to a stop.

Welcome to the Haunted Manor

“ no.” He rasps, closing his eyes shut in miserable defeat, “No.”

Seunghoon scurries away in full speed at the sight of the haunted mansion, and you grab his wrist, yanking him back.

“Please, Hoon!”

“Ah seriously, Y/N!” He protests heavily, and he really was restraining himself from you with all his might.

“Yah –you gotta set an example, Seunghoon-ah.” You press, seeing kids no older than twelve crowding the line.

“You owe me, big time.” Seunghoon settles, looking up to the sky with a groan. His reluctant steps finally making way to the wooden steps, flinching with every creek.

The second you step foot into the house, he was already cowering behind you, gripping your shoulders as he holds you out as a shield. Considering your height and his, this was hilarious since he would need to be on his knees to be entirely hidden. You sigh, rolling your eyes in the darkness because he really was just unnecessarily tall for nothing.

Hallways stretched out endlessly and it wasn’t so bad, you think– he was behaving. Well until a zombified butler flies out of nowhere and Seunghoon had become one with the floor, exhaling out an ear splitting screech.

You grab onto him, and he swats your hand away while he pleads for his mother, crying out something about how he won’t ever forgive you. You weren’t sure if you should laugh or cry from the massive amount of amusement that is Lee Seunghoon, literally begging the zombie to leave him alone before he goes into cardiac arrest.

The rest of the journey consisted of him clinging onto your back, trying to outrun you at the same damn time. Your shoe was bound to be left behind when his terrified steps caught onto yours. There was no way you were going around the rest of the night with one bare feet, leaving him to scream out for you once again when you rummage through the dim lights for it.

“For the love of god –I’ll buy you another one!”

You ignore his desperate pleas and by some miracle he manages to grab a hold of your shirt, scampering after you like a lost child. When the fresh outside air hits your lungs, you were breathless from undying laughter.

Seunghoon collapses onto the floor, burying his sweat downed face into his knees. You kneel down before him, reaching out to rub his shoulder in efforts to comfort him.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t that bad.”

He lifts his head up, cheeks flushed red from a mixture of fear and exhaustion, probably from all that screaming. “You’re hurting my pride, Y/N-ah.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t expecting much from you anyway.” You bite back a huge smile seeing him throw you a look far from impressed. Guilty, you pull him up with you as you got to your feet, “What do you want to go on?”

That was how you ended up on the carousel.

“If you think going in circles on a miniature horse is all I can manage, you’re right.” He says almost too happily. You felt sorry seeing how he died a thousand deaths moments ago, so you obliged.

Old, circus music looped in the background and for the first time today, you could tell that he was genuinely at ease. The smile on his face reminded you of how summer nights should be. The sun washed the skyline with a honey glow, your skin clammy as the air whipped through the material of your shirt as the ride went on.

Not a care in the world was given by him, the fact that the two of you were the only ones too old for galloping play horses. And this was one of the many things you adored about Seunghoon. He spoke his mind fearlessly yet rarely of his feelings. But oh boy, when he does, you realize that all he ever does is give, give and give without ever taking anything in return.

Being with Seunghoon meant adventures without having to leave the room. He always had you on your toes, always so loud and his entire being brims with life. People say that the two of you were like the opposite sides of the same coin; you tamed the fire in him yet you were the source that sparked it alive.

He was the kind to make you believe in soulmates, even when you don’t. The way you were with him made you wonder if he could be yours, and maybe he was. Not in a romantic sense of course, nothing like that.

Friends don’t look at friends that way.

Are you guys a thing or what?

What do you mean you’re not together?

“You’re up for another round?” He chuckles, waving a hand over your face and he wakes you from your thoughts. His long face came into focus, sharp eyes that softened into smiley arcs when he beams at you this way.

You shake your head with a small smile and he cups your elbows as you hop off the ride, his hand mindlessly sliding to the small of your back to usher you out the gate.

“Oh!” Seunghoon sings, spotting a nearby cotton candy stand and he sprints without a second thought, “I don’t remember the last time I had these!”

He was so happy it could fill up the emptiest of hearts. Already digging through his pockets for spare change and he hands the candy over to you. It was triple the size of your face and he was hidden behind the humungous thing. You gladly chew into the pink floss, savouring the soft sweetness that melted on your tongue in an instant.

Seunghoon lets out a hearty laugh and you blink away your confusion when he tugs your wrist, seeing him stuff a mouthful of floss from the other side. You catch him fish out his phone, swiping the screen with a swift finger and it was only after the sound of the shutter that you knew he’d snapped a photo of you.

A scowl from you had him giggling, stuffing the phone back into his pocket before you could snatch it away. He swings an arm over your shoulders and the two of you walked through the fair, picking on candy floss in comfortable silence.

You walked past a path of carnival games, the bright chattering of children filled the space, accompanied by gleeful claps every time someone scored a goal or knocked down the entire stack of milk bottles. Colourful fairy lights blinked lazily across stalls and something else caught your eye: a heated game of ring toss from a young boy determined to win his girlfriend a giant toy plushy.

You gasp, wide eyed when he scored three rings in a row to a top row target, the two of them squealing out unexpected victory. Seunghoon was just as impressed, uttering a low woah as he stood next to you and he runs up to the stall, waving you to come with him.

“I’ll get you that one.” He points confidently to a fluffy, stuffed panda, half the size of you.

“Alright.” You reply coolly and he stops, looking at your skeptical face. Seunghoon tips his head to the side, huffing out a slow breath and you knew he was offended.

“Moral support would be nice?”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Exactly.” He mutters and a smile twitched his face when you curled your arm in, mouthing an exaggerated hwaiting!

It took him three attempts to gather enough points for the winning prize, and when he did Seunghoon burst out into a mini dance routine of his own, his unwavering enthusiasm never failing to amuse you.

“Oh yeah!” He grins out loud, biting his lip as he shuffles back to a make believe beat. A laugh bubbles out of you, shaking your head at the dramatic commotion he fussed but Seunghoon never minded the prying eyes.

“Told you.” Seunghoon holds out the panda, snuggling it towards you with a laugh. He looks at you adoringly when your arms wrap the toy, your head straining to peak at him.

“Nevermind –here, let me hold it.” He grabs it back seeing you waddle as you bear the size of the plushy, swinging it under his arm easily.

Panda was left by the gate when Seunghoon drags you to the swing ride, your excitement ceasing at the lack of challenge it offered. But he’d endured so much already and the least you could do was give in to his wishes. He took the swing behind you, whispering your name repeatedly and you kept your gaze to the front, refusing to look at him with the biggest smile on your face.

The wind lapped violently against your face when the swinging picked up, the sea of lights fluttering to a blur beneath you and it didn’t take long before the nausea kicks in. Seunghoon was still devoted to calling out your name, laughing breathlessly when you turn around and he noticed the distaste in your expression.

“Stop laughing!” You shout into the gushing air, scrunching your face into your chest.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N-ah!”

“I’m going to throw up, you idiot!”

“You really need to lighten up!”

“No –really, I’m not–”

You ended up resting your head on his lap by the waiting bench once you stumbled out of there, your hands clasped over your eyes praying that you’ll regain back your balance. A muffled groan leaves you, pressing your head to his stomach and you catch whiffs of his cologne, dampened by the humid air.

“Okay?” His voice was light and warm, feeling him run his hand over your head. You sit up and you were met with the concern in his eyes. Seunghoon reaches out to flick his thumb gently over the tip of your nose, wiping off left over cotton candy onto your shirt.

“Oh my god, I had that all this time?” You rest your finger on your shocked face and he nods, smiling as he scans your face.

“The boys planned this didn’t they?” It was a question that hung on your tongue, unsure if it should be uttered. He’d beaten you to it and you didn’t know if you should be glad or worried.

“You think so?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Why though?” You laugh meekly, and he stares at you with a different meaning. In that moment you were convinced that for the first time, you both knew.

It was starting to get late and Seunghoon clears his throat through the suddenly heavy atmosphere. He asks you what the two of you should go on next before leaving, though he’ll have to pass up any death defying ones. A ferris wheel was close by and he throws you a look –you sure you’re not going to puke on me?

You shuffle up, and he remains seated looking at you through an unreadable gaze. Dismissing the foreign tug in your chest, you motion your head towards the ride.

“Are you coming? Is it too high? Will it wuss you out?”

“Ah, seriously! I’m not that weak, Y/N-ah.” He grumbles, striding past you in a huff.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to be confined with Seunghoon in such a small space, silently thanking the panda when you place it next to you hurriedly, leaving him to take his seat across you. His skinned knees bumped to yours clumsily and you didn’t know why you shifted away, it normally wouldn’t bother you this much, if not at all. 

Silence lapsed between the two of you as the wheel turned, and you busied your mind elsewhere, immersed in the view that splayed out below. The carnival twinkled against the darkened July sky, it was beautiful and you find yourself gasping for air.

“Some things aren’t meant to be admired up close.” You say under your stolen breath, not realizing that you’d spoken out loud.  

“Only some.” He replies, seeing him pressed up the glass window the same way as you glance his way. “That’s why you tend to miss out, even when it’s right in front of you.”

Seunghoon peels his eyes away to you and it was too late to pretend that you weren’t staring. His words caught you off guard, it wasn’t every day that he would sound so serious and be sincere about it.

“What are you doing?” Your eyes shot up to his standing frame, hanging his head terribly low to avoid the roof of the pod. He scuffles, clutching the panda away and he sits in its place next to you.

“Sitting next to you.” He gives you a faint smile, eyes roaming your surprised features and he was too close for your own comfort. Seunghoon swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing in response and you could swear that he shifted closer to you.

Everything felt new for a reason you couldn’t comprehend, your heart picking up its pace and you were suffocated by the overwhelming realization. It’s not possible, you can’t.

You can’t.

“What did you think I was going to do?” His voice ruptured the tense air and he lets out a light laugh as if to ease your nerves.

It didn’t.

“Not… missing out?”

Seunghoon breathes out a short sigh and a smile you couldn’t quite make out. He looks at you in a new light, your mind rushing through all the infinite moments you spent with him for the same gaze, but you couldn’t.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

//