Seoul. 01:10.

"I love you. I love you, Junmyeon ---" 

"That's the problem, Xing. You love me. You love me so much and I know it. You always make me feel that love. Each time I search your eyes for some hint of doubt, of regret - you always fail me." 

Junmyeon is tired. His body cannot take any more cuts, bruises and marks. His mind cannot take any more questions. He cannot continue on like this. He wants to free himself from this ugly bond that he knows deep inside he has made. He wants to untangle from life. But he cannot take Yixing with him. His love for Yixing is the only truth in his life right now. In this moment, that love for him is the only emotion he recognizes. 

"Your love scares me, Xing. It scares me that I will not make it without your love. But it scares me more that you are giving me all the love that you have. I don't want you to lose your light. Your being. Because you spent it all on loving me. In sustaining me. In keeping me alive." 

Junmyeon saw that pain in Yixing's face, his eyes, his body. He steels his face, looking down to the marble ground. He cannot bear to look at Yixing in this state. He cannot dare look back. He hears him take a few steps back, stopping and then gaining hurried steps forward. Hesitating to come closer the footsteps stopped. He can hear Yixing's soft cries. He can feel him running his right hand through his hair. He opened his eyes and saw white shoes facing him. Yixing's hands reaching out to his waist, fingers lingering for a few seconds.

"You will be fine, Xing. You don't need me. You've never needed me. I don't wanna drag you down. You've always been trying to give me your light and I don't wanna eclipse it with this darkness in me. Please leave. Please leave me. Leave. Now."

Then Yixing suddenly retracts. 

Junmyeon feels the change. Every atom in his now too frail body is convulsing trying to give him the heat that has long escaped his heart. His last words to Yixing were cold. He meant it to be that way. He has sharpened his words. Practiced them so many times in his head until he believes they are strong enough to hurt him. To make Yixing hate him enough to leave him. To make Yixing not care for him anymore. And this time it seems he has done exactly that. 

Junmyeon's mind is screaming.

He has given up on me! He is letting me go! He is not gonna hold me in his arms! He's gonna leave me now! Go, Xing. Turn around now. 

"Do you really want this, Junmyeon.? If I leave will it make you feel less burdened of my love?" Yixing asks in a broken voice. There is no way to understand what he is being asked to do. He has so much to say to Junmyeon. He has plans laid out for both of them. At least for the remaining days that they can be together. And now this. 

"I am tired, Xing. Please stop asking me these questions. Please...please just...leave...now. Please you know deep inside that you don't want to hear the answers to your questions ---" 

But these words just remained in his mind. He cannot speak anymore. It would not kill Yixing if he doesn't answer, right? He can just leave his words hanging in his mind. He can just leave Yixing with his questions unanswered because that is the best way now. 

Blur the questions with uncertainty because the truth will not set both of them free. The truth in Junmyeon's answer will hold Yixing further down with him in this state he is in. The truth in Junmyeon's answer will not set Yixing free. It will not lead him to live a life Junmyeon thinks he deserves. 

"I want. I want your answer. If you don't love me enough to make me understand at least have the decency to answer." Yixing never uses this tone to speak to him. He is now holding his waist again trying to pull him close. Desperate to make Junmyeon keep him. 

How dare you hurt him this way! You're a fool Junmyeon! You should have just taken that last flight out yesterday! You should have just vanished and never said your good bye to him! Look at what you've done! 

"I cannot go on like this, Xing. I don't ---" His words were caught up in the sobs he's trying to hold inside. He closed his eyes. He cannot look at Yixing. Not when Yixing is softly mumbling his name. No, he cannot give in to the tears now. The end is so close. 

And then he heard the foot steps again. Slow but firm. He knows the rhythm of those steps. His heart knows it very well. 

He has turned around. He is walking away from me. He is leaving me. 

When that first sob escaped his throat, he collapsed to the marble floor of the cathedral. Sitting, holding his knees close to his chest, letting out the cries he has held back so successfully in front of Yixing. His Yixing. His love. His light. 

 I'm sorry. My darkness will consume your love, your light. Please give that light to someone else who deserves it, Xing.