Kang Seungyoon flirts too much.

Mino concluded after recalling the last few The Collaboration recordings for the hundredth time tonight. He was not jealous, of course.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely, definitely, certainly not jealous.

…

Oh, except he was. Song Minho was indeed very ing jealous.

Mino took a deep breath in and a deeper breath out; hoping he could exhale all the bitterness that sat on his heart, making it heavy.

Dark room made dim by Mino’s night lamp. He looked at the time.

1:21 A.M.

He laughed humorlessly at that special set of numbers.

“Seungyoon flirts too much,” his voice sounded awkward, he cringed, like he was reading instead of talking. Maybe saying it out loud would justify this indescribable feeling inside of him; a feeling urging him to do something, to confess to him, to curse at him, to march toward him, to run away from him. Something. Anything. But he knows better, he has no right. No right to be affected, no right to feel…jealous.

So instead, Mino stayed still, trapped by his own logic and reasoning. He side eyed his company expectantly, still waiting for a reply.

“Meow,” Johnny’s usually curious eyes stared at her miserable owner with the least amount of interest in the world, almost as if she was saying ‘I’m a cat. I don’t care.’ But unfortunately for poor Johnny, Mino was too busy feeling sorry for himself to take a hint.

He hugged Johnny tighter subconsciously, comforted by the warmth and softness that reminded Mino of him. Or maybe it was the other way around, maybe Mino was so fond of him because he reminded him of his precious, beloved cat. He shook his head and dismissed that idea, because A) that made him sound like a furry B) he is definitely a puppy not a cat and C) Mino was not sure if his feeling for him could be narrowed down to just fondness.

Mino continued his one-way conversation, “Johnny-ah, when you are old enough to fall in love and you meet a cat—or dog, whatever you are into—that is anything like Kang Seungyoon, make sure you run as far away as possible. Understand?”

Johnny crawled out of Mino’s arms and jumped off of his bed with a light thud. Mino watched his own cat abandoning him in his suffering and sighed.

“Or you will end up miserable like me.”

Mino rolled over to groan into his pillow. Maybe sleep will wash away all this bitterness sitting on his heart.

But he was not tired, not an ounce of melatonin in his system right now.

It seemed like the bitterness will stay the whole night.

This was what Mino had naively imagined.

He imagined that he could finally have Seungyoon all to himself. Seungyoon, whose attention seemed to never be solely on just him. Mino could finally get him away from all the distractions: Seungyoon’s affectionate hyung Jinwoo, charming oppa Seunghoon, and beloved maknae Taehyun.

Don’t get him wrong. Mino loves s dearly—he loves them with everything he has, everything he can offer—he just loves one of them a little more and a little differently. (Okay, maybe very differently.) And he figured he could love the rest a little easier without Seungyoon being all heart-eyes emoji around them.

So he imagined Seungyoon’s undivided attention.

Seungyoon’s eyes on him, only his reflection on those careful brown eyes he dreams about.

Seungyoon laughing at his jokes, his nose would wrinkle and shoulders would shake, laughing with his whole body.

Seungyoon leaning into his touches, Seungyoon finds comfort in skinship and Mino shows love with skinship.

Seungyoon breathing in his scent, and Mino would do the same in return and let himself be intoxicated by Seungyoon.

It wasn’t that these moments were strangers to Mino. In fact, he’s probably the one on the receiving end the most often. (The members don’t call him the teacher leader’s pet for nothing.) But their limited alone time together are…well, limited. It was never long before one of the other members popped up and burst his bubble of enchantment.

This time will be different, Mino had told himself, he would get days instead of hours.

But both bubbles and enchantments are meant to be broken.

Too caught up with his own fantasy, what Song Minho had forgotten was that Kang Seungyoon flirts with anything that breathes. That is, anything that converts oxygen to carbon dioxide.

Of course Cleverboy Mino had already expected Zico to be a dent in the plan. He knew Seungyoon would forget all about him once he sees his “twin”, wagging his invisible tail and running around Zico like an excited puppy.

But it was okay, it was all under control.

Because no matter how narcissistic Kang Seungyoon is for flirting with his own identical copy, Zico still loves Mino more. please, he was the only reason why Seungyoon even got close to Zico in the first place (although Mino wasn’t sure if he has any regrets regarding that matter seeing what had happened after that one time he wasn’t at the airport with Seungyoon).

Mino had monitored these two’s relationship closely, in the name of brotherhood and friendship—or at least that was what he had told himself at that time—and made sure they stayed purely hyung and dongsaeng. Nothing more and nothing less. So Zico = not a threat, game over.

But who’s keeping score?

Well, Song Everything-Is-A-Competition Minho definitely is.

Clever Song – 1  

Flirt Kang – 0

What Mino had not expected was Seungyoon taking his flirting game international and across language barrier.

And the winner of WINNER is….

Clever Song – 1

Flirt Kang – 1,000,000

Mino first noticed Yu Tian when Seungyoon pointed him out while they watched his solo performance backstage.

“Oooh, look at this guy,” Mino tried to ignore how Seungyoon’s eyes sparkled, “I think he and I would be totally compatible if we got paired up,” he also tried to ignore the awe in his voice, “Don’t you think? His voice is quite nice too.”

“Your voice is better,” Mino didn’t know how he said that so casually or why he even said it in the first place, but in that moment he would like to punch himself in the face, with a ing hammer perhaps.

Eyes still on the TV that hung above them, Seungyoon chuckled, in the cute way that Mino liked. Mino had always loved all of his unique little laughs.

“It would be nice to be on the same team with him since I can’t do it with you,” Seungyoon’s tone was challenging, Mino speculated. Then he felt his intense eyes on him, but Mino didn’t look back.

Instead, he turned up the TV volume so Seungyoon wouldn’t hear the racing heart that had made him speechless. Too scared to open his own mouth because his heart might just jump out and expose itself and all the secrets it holds to Seungyoon, the real owner of this very heart.

“Are you…I need that someone…are you that someone…someone…” Seungyoon hummed along as they continued to watch Yu Tian’s performance without saying another word to each other.

Seungyoon’s voice is definitely better, Mino thought.

Seungyoon got his wish and was paired up with Yu Tian, and Mino was paired up with Jacky Xue. Both happy with their partners, Mino and Seungyoon started to get busy with preparations for the show.

Seungyoon and Yu Tian clicked almost immediately.

Of course they did, Mino had thought, it’s impossible to not warm up to Seungyoon. But Mino, on the other hand, haven’t had much luck with his partner, as Jacky was busy with promotions. So Mino thought it was completely normal to envy Seungyoon and Yu Tian’s growing partnership and friendship. He was envious only because he couldn’t get to know his partner as well as Seungyoon and Yu Tian did, he told himself. And this ugly feeling that had been building up inside of him definitely had nothing to do with Seungyoon’s attention straying away from him once again.

But Song Minho, did you know envy and jealousy are two different things?

Mino watched on as Seungyoon and Yu Tian rehearsed for their first stage. Seungyoon had asked him to be there, he said he needed his input. So Mino agreed, sacrificing his resting time without a millisecond of hesitation. They are a team after all.

Besides, he could never really say no to Seungyoon. Especially when he needed him.

He wished he had said no, though, because now love was in the atmosphere and he felt like he was going to suffocate to death.

Here’s the thing: Kang Seungyoon flirts, and he does it shamelessly.

Mino knew this, of course he did. Mino probably knows Seungyoon better than he knows himself. And it was because he knows Seungyoon, he kept his own feelings to himself, decided long ago that he would carry this burden alone. It was his own selfish way of protecting Seungyoon. And he was damn good at it. Good at hiding every passionate feeling, rather it be fire or ice, no matter how overwhelming it gets.

And right now, looking at Seungyoon with this handsome stranger sharing shy smiles together, it was one of those more overwhelming moments. Despite joking around casually, Mino could see that Seungyoon was carefully studying the older boy at the same time and making a mental note of every little detail. Seungyoon is good at reading people, Mino had witnessed his high EQ at work many times. Seungyoon would observe people quietly while making the perfect strategy in his head to win them over, then he would strike at just the right time and it would be another perfect kill. Mino has a testimony of his own. This train of thoughts led Mino’s mind to wander back years ago, when he first met Seungyoon. These days, he often thought back to those days. Did it start that early? His forbidden love. 

His focus shifted back to the two men on stage as they started to communicate through body language after all attempts of English and Chinese had failed. His body stiffen when he saw Seungyoon putting his hand on the small of the other’s back guiding him to where he should stand.

Mino remembered pulling Seungyoon out of his late night Chinese study sessions when he couldn’t bear to watch him overwork himself night after night anymore.

Oi, Kang Seungyoon, I’m not going to go soft on you now that I know this was the alternative. Mino tried to tell Seungyoon telepathically.

Mino felt a vibration in his pocket, his phone notified him that Jacky would not be able to join him at rehearsal today. Mino was already expecting this to happen. He understood and sympathized with his partner’s inconveniences. But when he looked back up and caught the sight of Seungyoon and Yu Tian sharing a polite hug on the stage after a good run of their performance, he thought he had never felt more pathetic.

Pathetic because of feeling left out or because of getting jealous over trivial things, he didn’t want to find out.

Fire or ice, he hid it well.

Mino sat through the rest of the rehearsal with needles in his heart.

“How was it?” once Seungyoon and Yu Tian had wrapped up their rehearsal, Seungyoon came over to Mino immediately and asked.

Mino tried his best to remember their performance, but all his brain could manage to process were the pain in his heart and on his palm.

“It was impressive. I was so touched,” Mino tried his best to sound genuine and gave Seungyoon and Yu Tian a thumb up.

Mino didn’t tell him that he was too occupied keeping his breaths shallow so the needles inside of his heart won’t prick.

Mino didn’t mention that he was too busy keeping his fingernails from digging too deep into his palm every time Seungyoon sang into Yu Tian’s eyes. 

Pleased with Mino’s response, Seungyoon smiled at him and all the needles in Mino’s heart turned into jello.

There are so many things you don’t know. All the secrets that I will never tell.

He smiled back.

Mino watched as the bond between Seungyoon and his partner grew stronger with each recording. Seungyoon seemed to always be in touch with Yu Tian, always thinking of ways to perfect their next performance. Seungyoon works hard, Mino knows that, he always gives his 100% in everything he does. And is was true what they said, you reap what you sow; Mino would be lying to himself if he said they were not the team with most chemistry.

Mino wanted to be happy for Seungyoon, but being selfish was easier. Selfishness is human nature after all.

After the first few episodes had aired, it turned out everyone and their grandmother loved Team YoonTian. Mino didn’t blame them though, Seungyoon basically forced it onto all of their fans with his shameless flirting. (Somehow it made it worse seeing fans liking them so much, as immature as it sounded, Song Everything-Is-A-Competition Minho felt betrayed.) And Seungyoon, being a hoe Seungyoon, gave the people what they wanted generously by showing off PDA via social media. Mino knew it was nothing more than fanservice, he was sure.

If only his heart can be as understanding as his brain.

Finally, Mino settled. He accepted defeat gladly.

Because Seungyoon was shining on stage, in his true element. Maybe love knows no selfishness. It was a useless battle anyway, if he could even call it that.

So he settled, content with just having Seungyoon dozing off next to him on the short flights back home. Mino never slept a blink on those flights, no matter how tired he was. He needed to stay awake to store the memories of having Seungyoon close by.

He stored these moments along with all of his other secrets, in the deepest and most vulnerable corner of his heart.

On one of their trips back to Korea, Mino randomly remembered their recent Japan concert, how he had read a fan-written message that said, “when Kang Seungyoon is on stage, there can be no wrong.” He smiled at the reminder and listened to Seungyoon’s steady breathing next to him. Mino decided he was happy for Seungyoon, genuinely.

Love knows no selfishness.

He unlocked his phone, opened weibo, still unsure on how to use this new social media account he had made for himself. While trying to figure out how to upload a picture, he saw Seungyoon’s face on his feed. And next to Seungyoon’s face, was Yu Tian’s face. He stared at the picture for a moment.

He can be happy for him and jealous as at the same time, right?

(Then he scrolled further down Seungyoon’s profile to find the pictures Seungyoon had uploaded of himself fixing Mino’s shirt.

He put his phone away, decided he would just ask Seungyoon to teach him how to use this foreign social media platform. Excited for having another excuse to spend more time with Seungyoon, Mino went back to listening to Seungyoon’s breathing.)

The morning after Mino’s pity party, Mino was woken up by hurried knocks on his door. Mino opened his eyes slowly, wondering when exactly had he fell asleep last night. He stared at the ceiling.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Go away,” who said the pity party was over? Welcome to the after party.

The knocks stopped for whole three seconds, Mino counted.

“It’s me,” Seungyoon’s voice was quiet but impatient at the other side of the door.

Mino didn’t answer him, didn’t want to face the source of all of his current problems.

Another three seconds passed. The door opened.

“I said go away, do I need to throw a ing dictionary at you?” Mino covered his eyes with the inside of his elbow, voice low and annoyed, not holding back to let Seungyoon know his presence was not welcomed.

Seungyoon didn’t step inside the room, respecting the imaginary boundary line. Mino wished he did though. He felt like he had always been waiting for Seungyoon to cross the line, always waiting for him to be the brave one. But he never did, leaving Mino forever waiting on the other side. It was for the better, he thought.

Things are better this way.   

“Seunghoon told me you were being all miserable and emo last night and even skipped dinner,” The impatience was now gone from Seungyoon’s voice and was replaced by a firm gentleness. Kang Leader mode on, Mino noted, “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m on a diet. You always wanted me to lose weight, don’t you?” Mino sat up on his bed and stared at Seungyoon with the blankest expression he could put on. Seungyoon looked good in his causal clothing, Mino observed, hair un-styled and make-up free. In fact, He looked damn good. He had just come back from the company, Mino could tell by the lingering scent on him that was exclusively Seungyoon’s studio.  

“Do you think that’s why I always feed you, buy food for you, and eat out with you?” Seungyoon rolled his eyes at him, then crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

Mino hates when Seungyoon answers his question with another question. He always does that when a member asked him a stupid question. Mino continued to stare blankly at his leader.

Seungyoon gave up, softened and sighed, “Go get ready, we are eating out. Just the two of us.” And with that, he retreated back into the hallway and then back into his room to change.

Just the two of us. Mino considered how nice that sounded coming out of Seungyoon’s mouth.

But now is not the time for weakness.

“I’m not hungry,” Mino’s tone hard and stubborn, loud enough for Seungyoon to hear from afar.

“I hid all the ramen in our apartment, you can either starve to death or come with me,” Kang Seungyoon, WINNER’s reliable leader, always have a Plan B.

…

“Song Minho, I’m leaving in 5 minutes, with or without you!” Seungyoon is now at the door, Mino identified.

Mino was really not that hungry, and he could always just order take-out-food after Seungyoon left.

But Mino could never really say no to Seungyoon.

“Wait! Let me see what you are wearing first!” Mino hurriedly got out of bed.

After another 30 minutes of coordinating their outfits, Mino and Seungyoon finally made it out of their apartment. The restaurant they were going wasn’t too far and seeing the nice weather today, they decided to just walk there.

Walking closely side by side, Mino counted how many times their hands bumped into each other’s. These sort of petty body contact had stopped affecting Mino a long time ago, or at least he had gotten better at concealing it. But Mino had been Seungyoon deprived lately and his heart was going a thousand miles per hour. He used all of his body strength in the form of self control to not give in into impulse and intertwine his needy hand with Seungyoon’s teasing one.

So needlessly to say, he was having much trouble paying attention to what Seungyoon was babbling on about.

“Mino?” Seungyoon stopped in his tracks and stared at Mino, eyebrows furrowed and lips slightly parted, almost looking offended. (Mino thought he looked tempting instead.)

“Hmm?” was all Mino could manage.

“Did you even hear a word I have said?”

Not sure as to what to say, Mino only gave Seungyoon an apologetic smile.

Seungyoon observed Mino carefully, his expression changed into a worried one.

“Mino-ah,” Seungyoon’s voice was so gentle Mino thought he could die right then right there, “what’s wrong?”

He only needed half of a second to come up with a perfect lie.

“I was just thinking about what I should order later at the restaurant,” Mino was good at lying to Seungyoon, or he thought he was. He had been lying to him ever since that night they spent together in his studio a few years ago. He fed him lies after lies and Seungyoon believed them all.

Seungyoon broke out a laugh and continued walking. Mino followed.

“Wow…Song Minho…as expected,” Seungyoon said as he shook his head, his smile never left his face.

Mino ignored the numbness in his heart and rolled his eyes at Seungyoon playfully.

“So what were you saying?” he brought the conversation back.

“Long story short, I’m just really glad we got to do The Collaboration,” Seungyoon’s voice was serious and sincere, dramatically different from the teasing tone he had used on Mino just a few seconds earlier.

“You mean you are really glad to be paired up with handsome Yu Tian.” Mino wiggled his eyebrows, attempting to lighten the mood.

In normal circumstances, Seungyoon would right back without missing a beat. But today was different. Now that Mino had thought about it, today had felt different ever since Seungyoon came knocking on his door.

Seungyoon lost in his own thoughts briefly, eyes staring straight ahead.

“No, that’s not it,” hesitation mixed with uncertainties flew past Seungyoon’s eyes, so fast Mino almost missed it, “I’m glad because I have you by my side.”

Then he turned to look at Mino, and Mino’s eyes were already on him. Mino didn’t know how to reply or if he should reply at all. So he just looked at him, the one that he loves.

“We’re almost there,” Seungyoon broke the eye contact.

Mino looked up and found their destination right across the road.

They made it there in 78 steps, Mino counted as his eyes were on his feet for the remaining journey.

Seungyoon held the door open and he looked at Mino again. This time, more sure of himself, more intense.

The tension from before still hung in the air between them.

Seungyoon’s eyes desperately searched for something in Mino’s. And Mino didn’t know what he was looking for. The string of logic and reasoning in his mind stretched and tightened, and then…and then it broke. Lost to the heat of it all, Mino let Seungyoon in and gave him a glimpse into the deepest corner of his heart, where all the secrets and the memories he had so carefully stored were kept.

After what seemed like a whole century had past between them, Seungyoon must have found what he was looking for because he gave Mino a smile that knocked the air right out of his lungs. It wasn’t one of his puppy smiles, which always made Mino feel warm and cozy inside, it was a painfully handsome smile that was full of boyish charms and Mino’s heart quake.

“After you,” he smirked at him, that ing bastard smirked at him.

“How many in your party?” the hostess asked them as Mino tried to figure out if he was having a mini heart attack or not.

“Just the two of us,” Seungyoon smiled at Mino, tender and warm. And Mino felt genuine happiness for the first time since last night.

One day, Mino finally gathered the courage to ask the question that have been bothering him for months.

“What makes you like Yu Tian right from the beginning, anyway?” he tried to sound casual, showing his best “No-Homo Dude” Straight Bro™ impression.

“He is a 93 liner with dark eyebrows and tanned skin, he’s exactly my type.” Seungyoon winked at him.

Seungyoon flirts too much.

Mino concluded and replayed Seungyoon’s wink a thousand times in his mind.