The Exodus reverts back to Her usual state less than two weeks after Baekhyun's return: buzzing and alive with excited, drunken chatter. The communal hall is ten times larger tonight with the removal of the dining table and with the way it's decorated for this evening's festivities. A dozen multicoloured balloons of all mismatched shapes and sizes dot themselves around the venue with golden streamers haphazardly clinging onto walls and ceilings and floors whilst tonight's show stealer - a horrendous, fluorescent pink banner that screams the words 'Happy Birthday Captain ByunBaek!' in barely legible writing - drapes itself over a makeshift stage housing the ship's own 'band.' Tonight's entertainment is a slipshod ramble of clumsy 'musicians' possessing the talents of fumbling fingers and flawed senses of rhythm. They blindly strum out a half decent tune for their fellow pirates to 'get down' to, lost in their own little word in which proper tuning and technique is of no use to them.

Somewhere on the dance floor, Jongdae whips out a few of his party moves. Chanyeol cringes at the sight.

The red haired male sits alone in the corner, far removed from all the chaos. The scowl on his face is a permanent feature of today, matching splendidly with the silent seething that rolls off his figure in tidal waves. He drops the unpleasant expression for long enough to take dainty sips from the glass in his hand, savouring the bubbling of champagne against his tongue as he makes an attempt to drink his concerns away.

He had been strictly against this. Still is, if anyone were to ask him. They don't anymore, however, long since fed up with his party pooping ways. He had been adamant that there would be no party tonight and that he would not sit through the sound of any drunken shanties being screamed carelessly into the microphones because, "Captain Byun is still recovering and honestly Junmyeon is horrible at the drums." His words had fallen on deaf ears - though he did earn himself an angered retort from Junmyeon - for his voice was drowned out by the sound of the good time and booze that called out for the pirates.

"Relax, Chanyeol, it'll be good for the Captain," the wretched scallywags had said to him, already rolling barrels of beer down the halls.

Chanyeol huffs irritably as Kris blindly strums a wrong chord on the ukulele dwarfed against his chest like a children's toy. The nerve. 

He wonders how anyone could think this party could be good for Baekhyun in any way whatsoever: Baekhyun who is still covered in the stubbornly remaining marks of fading bruises and healing wounds, Baekhyun who can barely sleep a wink at night unless Chanyeol is there by his side to soothe his nightmares and the aches beneath his skin, Baekhyun who still looks radiant even under the gaudy lighting of a multi coloured disco ball, decked out in his pure black tuxedo and bow tie. The tie is pink and matches Chanyeol's and it just might very well be the only good thing about this night.

He sighs again, hot breath now collecting up a little gathering of storm clouds against the rim of his glass flute as he curses it all. "Baekhyun seems fine," people tell him. But the words do nothing to soothe this frustration. Yes, he agrees the man of the hour does look fine while laughing like a child at an intoxicated Sehun's inappropriate jokes. But he always looks like that. He's always pretending. He's always been trying up to keep a strong front. He's always trying to act like his infected wounds aren't torturing him with every twirl and like the scars in his soul aren't eating him away. But Chanyeol knows better. He sees things no one else can see. He knows him in a way no one else could ever know.

//

Captain Byun Baekhyun had been welcomed back onto the Exodus with a chorus of enthusiastic cheers, courtesy of his rowdy crew. Not a single one had gone missing in action or fallen on foreign soil. They'd all made sure to survive in order to witness the wild happiness that unravelled in their battered and beaten Captain's eyes when he was brought back home. The heartwarming reunion had even brought a smile to Chanyeol's own face.

Baekhyun had smiled wordlessly when Chanyeol had laid him down in bed that night. He had remained silent when Chanyeol examined him - covered in blood that actually was his own for once - and let him fall back against the soft sheets that easily swallowed up his small frame like the embrace of a mother. And he had wrapped his weak fingers around his wrist, pulled his hostage closer and asked him to stay when Chanyeol was about to bid him a good night. 

The Captain's soft voice had washed over the taller, sinking into his fatigued muscles and acted like cool balm against the cracks in his heart. How could he have denied him?

The normalcy had felt strange, it settled over them like a light layer of fresh snow when Chanyeol laid in bed next to Baekhyun, running calloused fingers through midnight locks. It had felt like it was just any other day, like Chanyeol hadn't just brought the shorter back from his doom on a mission heavy paid for in blood. But in all honesty he was just happy Baekhyun was back where he belonged. He knew Baekhyun didn't want the coddling, didn't want the medics fussing over him here and there, Baekhyun just wanted some peace and quiet and for everything to go back to normal.

Chanyeol wondered that night, when Baekhyun's head was buried in the crook of his neck and his breathing had evened out, where he fit in in Baekhyun's perception of 'normal.'

//

Chanyeol watches now as Baekhyun lifts up little Seulgi, who's all decked out in a pretty yellow dress they'd nicked from Earth. He spins her around in the air and she giggles vibrantly but the onlooker can only wince at the thought of how Baekhyun's bruised ribs must be crying out in protest, how the nerves in his sore arms must be alight with strain. But he doesn't intervene. Baekhyun had specifically asked him not to tonight. All he can do is sit and brood.

The little girl and the overgrown boy had taken a liking to each other, making up a sort of mismatched yet inseparable duo. While Baekhyun - once he'd come to his senses - had been the first to claim that "a pirate ship is no place for a little girl to grow up," he couldn't bring himself to leave her in the hands of an orphanage or in the hands of strangers, whether it be on Earth or on Mars. He wanted to keep her by his side, to protect her. And Seulgi, had wanted the same thing.

In a very similar sense, Chanyeol had wanted to keep Baekhyun by his side. His plan had succeed for the first few minutes of the party but it soon became apparent that his companion was ever the popular one for he was always being whisked away by his men, who so desperately wanted to sneak in a dance with their Captain. To Chanyeol's surprise and utter dismay, the shorter never refused a single offer.

Baekhyun isn't a particularly skilled dancer, Chanyeol can definitely vouch for that. His eyes are glued to the way the other male clumsily moves to the beat - very much like he has been doing for the past few hours - and a laugh almost threatens to sneak past his lips at the embarrassed smile the shorter carries as he bobs his head in an off beat manner. However, his throat is soon closing up and running dry, preventing any sound from escaping besides a strangled gurgle of surprise as Baekhyun wiggles his hips good naturedly, looking up at his current dance partner with teasing mirth in his eyes. Chanyeol makes a mental note to mutilate whoever he was dancing with later. Those hips are only his to fawn over.

As soon as he tucks that thought away for sake keeping, a hand is curling itself around his arm, tugging insistently on the limb and stealing away his attention from the man who dazzles and gleams and has him growing hot under the collar. "Come on, sealegs!" Kyungsoo's unmistakable drunken slur invades his ears. Chanyeol cringes at the stench of alcohol that follows. "The Captain's been waiting all night for you to grow some balls and ask him to dance."

Chanyeol accidentally spills champagne over his new suit trousers as he's hauled onto his feet, but that's not the only reason why he's turning so red and spluttering. "Well, he was always so busy with other people so-"

Kyungsoo cuts off Chanyeol's sad attempt at defending himself with a hearty guffaw and a shake of his head. "You know he would've rejected everyone else if you'd only just asked."

From the centre of a crowd of inappropriately grinding bodies, Baekhyun looks over at the two men with amusement dancing in his eyes. He is ever the image of poise and confidence as he passes Seulgi's hand into Minseok's - who had been more than happy to leave his uneventful life behind on Earth and follow them onboard - so that she may retire for the night. He bids her goodnight with a tender kiss against her hair as Kyungsoo starts hobbling his way over to him, a reluctant Chanyeol in tow.

Knowing there was no way out of this, Chanyeol rolls back his shoulder and clears his throat, matching the Captain's - who straightens up when they grow nearer - levels of confidence with ease. Only the subtle way in which the Captain shifts from foot to foot and flutters his eyelashes as he waits for Chanyeol to close the distance between them gives him a glimpse at the shorter's carefully masked feelings. Chanyeol wonders what they could be. Nervousness? Dread? Apprehension?

But the easy smile Baekhyun throws in his direction steals the red head's breath away and has his thoughts flying off with it.

"I heard someone was longing for a dance with me?" Chanyeol's smooth baritone rumbles out from his chest, engulfing Baekhyun in the feeling of a falling as the taller steps into his personal space. The goofy grin that follows is enough to have the hammering of his heart dying down into a more steady pace, like they'd reached some sort of familiar territory, a comfortable limbo made just for the both of them. The thought is scarier than it should be.

Kyungsoo is quick to skitter away, giggling to himself and missing the way Baekhyun takes a reflexive step backwards to create some distance between him and the taller male. Chanyeol, however, doesn't and pulls him back in by the small of his back without skipping a single beat before settling them into a perfect waltz stance. He is in no mood to play to their constant push and pull, flippant hot and cold. Instead, today, he is hoping to impress. He's glad he'd been taught the art of dance growing up, it was a skill of his that always aided in charming his pursuits right off their feet.

"Are you talking about me or you?" Baekhyun shoots back once he regains some strength in his wobbly knees. Though his voice lacks the bite it usually possesses, it's enough for Chanyeol to remember his place, their dynamics. Baekhyun is not his pursuit, he is not his prey. It's quite the opposite in fact, always has been. But Chanyeol might just allow himself to be fooled into thinking that they're approaching even ground when the shorter leans in a little closer, resting his hand on the taller's shoulder.

"Both of us, hopefully," Chanyeol grins, finding his words once the music starts up again. Their performance begins with Baekhyun biting back the growing smile that threatens to spill across his face.

//

( "Of course you'd know how to waltz," Baekhyun mumbles none too quietly. Chanyeol would consider being mildly offended if it weren't for the light pink blush blooming across his dance partner's cheeks that sets off a warmth blossoming within his own chest.

"Happy birthday," he says in response, upturned lips pressing a kiss against his temple. )

//

Baekhyun is a clumsy student at first, all syncopated beats and rushed catches of Chanyeol's toes under his heels but he is also a quick learner under the guidance of the red head's expert teachings, learning from his mistakes and gaining confidence with every heavy pulse. The latter chuckles when he realises Baekhyun had taken to quietly counting beats under his breath, admiring the crease of his eyebrows as he concentrates his focus on mastering the footwork.

Baekhyun doesn't dare look at him, can't bring himself to peek up from beneath his eyelashes and catch the latter's eyes for the weight of an unwavering gaze on his face is far too heavy, far too meaningful to allow him to lift his head.

The music takes a sudden turn - and that's when they realise waltz music had been blasting through the speakers via record player rather than any kind of live instrumentation - when the band return from their break, refilled with liquid courage and all prepared to play the next song in their set. Despite how much Chanyeol despises their 'music,' he refuses to lose the proximity achieved between him and Baekhyun. When the latter makes a move to step away, Chanyeol only locks both arms around the shorter's waist, keeping him close and pressed flush against his chest. He marvels in the way his long limbs easily envelop the Captain's small frame, even if it's only to feign how he misses the way Baekhyun stiffens and hesitates before snaking his own arms around Chanyeol's neck.

"How old even are you?" Chanyeol asks conversationally, attempting to initiate some sort of dialogue between them for he knows Baekhyun never will. And also to take the Captain's mind off the cat calls being thrown their way.

( In the background, a smooth tenor voice melts into the microphone, vocals dripping from the singer's lips like honey. Baekhyun doesn't have to look up like Chanyeol does to know it's Kyungsoo that's crooning into the mic. )

"No idea," the raven haired male replies with a little chuckle. Chanyeol's glad he finally managed to pull one out of him. "I don't know how anyone even knows it's my birthday in amidst the abyss. These idiots just take any opportunity they get to have some booze and a party. It's probably September or something back on Earth."

Baekhyun hadn't seen anything besides his cell and darkness so he wouldn't know, but Chanyeol remembers the delicate cherry blossoms buds that had greeted them on Earth the day his bloody rescue mission took place. It had been Spring then. And it seems to be Spring now, softly unfolding like petals over Chanyeol's heart. Chanyeol loves the sound of light laughter lacing itself into Baekhyun's voice, wrapping around his flowering organ and infiltrating it with an undeniable warmth that blazes quietly beneath his skin before seeping into his very bones. He loves the universe of stars that unravel themselves in the smaller eyes which are nothing but replicas of crescent moons as he smiles up at him now. He loves the way they sway together, synchronised to the thump of a dulled out beat, addicted to his scent as he falls and falls and falls. He loves-

"Fly me to the moon,

Let me play among the stars."

Chanyeol quickly shifts his attention to Kyungsoo's befitting song choice rather than the curve of Baekhyun's lips so that he no longer has to entertain such thoughts. He twirls Baekhyun around, relishing in the loss of twinkling stars embedded in dark orbs if even just for a second. The brightness within them seemed to blind his judgement.

"When actually is your birthday then?" he asks, charming smile painting itself across his features again with practiced ease, unwavering unlike the flurry of emotion that creates a storm in his stomach. He hopes it's in Spring.

"Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars."

( "IT'S ! WHY DO YOU THINK I LEFT?" a drunken Sehun bellows above the music. His group of alcohol induced friends cackle along with him and Chanyeol watches with wonder as Baekhyun rolls his eyes, displeasure punctuated by an enchanting snort. )

"May 6th 1992."

"In other words, hold my hand.

In other words, baby, kiss me."

Chanyeol's eyebrows quirk upwards in pleasant surprise. "We're the same age," he announces. Baekhyun mimics his reaction. Chanyeol sees sparks. "But it seems you're older. Mine's November 27th."

Another melodic laugh rumbles from Baekhyun's chest and Chanyeol feels like he's floating, gliding across the dance floor with the petite man in his arms. "So you should show some respect to your elder and do as I say?" An arch of the shorter's eyebrow and the teasing lilt in his voice has the other male feeling braver, winking and leaning in close enough to ghost his lips against the shell of his dance partner's ear.

"I'm willing to tonight."

"Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more,

You are all I long for, all I worship and adore."

Chanyeol could not understand how the feelings he could not even begin to fathom could be so perfectly replicated and brought to life through a simple melody carried by a smooth tenor but he hardly thinks it matters with the way Baekhyun returns his soft gaze, embers flickering low in his smokey eyes as his pupils roam across the taller's face. As if he too were on the verge of discovering new islands, countries, planets within Chanyeol's eyes.

"In other words, please be true."

As if he too were on the verge on reciprocating the feelings that slowly unwind like a riddle within Chanyeol's soul. Like a realisation. Like an epiphany.

"In other words, I love you."

The trance is abruptly broken. Quickly shattered. The atmosphere left suspended in the air, to linger for the briefest of seconds before crashing to the ground. Spilt and spoilt.

It all comes to a halt when Baekhyun hastily rips his gaze away as soon as Kyungsoo lightly trills out words that weigh down like lead against his bruised ribs. The music dies out like the crescendo of Chanyeol's feelings: a flame doused by ice cold water. Taking a harried step back, the dark haired male leaves the embrace he let himself become wrapped up in, let himself become lost in, whilst the cold clots inside his veins. His breathing is ragged and harsh and with the way Chanyeol looks down at him, eyes carrying a painful mixture of emotions he does not wish to place, it only becomes harder for him to breathe.

"I- uh- I should tell everyone the party's over. The fun's gone on for long enough," Baekhyun rambles out, rubbing at the nape of his neck for lack of anything else to do. He cringes at how the syllables tumble awkwardly out his mouth, a few decibels too loud, too deafening, a few unstable notes too high.

"Alright," Chanyeol whispers. His eyes leave the wondrous creature before him who insists on running from him like hunted prey and instead situate themselves on the floor, ridden with colourful flakes of confetti and blackened with shoe polish. He is not oblivious to the cause of Baekhyun's sudden change in mood. He pinpoints it easily. Love. It sends a bitterness wracking through his body, smothering out the sweetness he'd tasted on his tongue, heard in his ears. He feels like the speculations that had been bubbling up beneath his lungs had finally been confirmed and put into a distressed rest.

"I'm quite tired," he announces, a little louder now. "I think I'll head back first."

Baekhyun silently nods, lips pressed tightly together before turning to make hasty work of shooing off Sehun and his gang to bed. He doesn't dare look at the other. Chanyeol finally allows his eyes to settle on the shorter, gaze easily resting on the porcelain of his skin, the gentle curve of his hips and the pink tint of his lips. He allows himself to gather up the courage to take a step closer and stoop down towards his - lover? bedmate? he's not sure - to steal a kiss goodnight but Baekhyun flinches at the sudden proximity, turning his head to the side without another thought so that chapped lips find shelter against his cheek instead of hitting home. A hot rush of a harrowing sigh is smothered against the smooth skin of Baekhyun's cheek, though he pretends to miss it.

The taller pulls back and turns on his heel without sparing Baekhyun another glance, demeanour deflated. "Happy birthday, Baekhyun. Don't be back too late," he says quietly from over his shoulder. And without another word, he takes his exit. Leaving the man of the hour feeling so familiarly hollow.

//

The Captain's quarters had turned into a shared room for two bodies ever since the whole 'Baekhyun-gets-taken' fiasco. Baekhyun had claimed it calmed his nightmares to have someone sleeping next to him and, as usual, Chanyeol didn't - couldn't - refuse him. He finds it's a curse. But tonight, as Chanyeol lies back against soft, familiar pillows alone, he feels as if it is not his place to be in that room, as if he has no right to be here. As if he were not welcome.

When he was a child, Chanyeol had stumbled across a bird with a broken wing on his way home from school. The small thrush's desperate song had sounded like a plea for help directed specifically at him and without another moments hesitation, Chanyeol had scooped it up and carried it home with him, cradled between the nest of his palms. He couldn't have left it to fend for itself, he couldn't have lived with the guilt of not knowing whether it survived or not, of knowing that he could've done something to help it yet didn't. His father had unsurprisingly told him to take it back to where he'd found it, that he shouldn't have wasted his time on something that has such low chances of survival and that he couldn't get in the way of what nature wanted but Chanyeol for the first time ever - the first of many yet to come - had refused to listen to him. He'd earned himself sanctions for that: the silent treatment, sloppy left overs for dinner and his father's scorning expression of distaste every time he witnessed how Chanyeol had relentlessly tried to nurture and care for the creature until it was all healed, undeterred by his father's objections.

That's Chanyeol had worked, how he has always worked. When he sees something broken, he has to fix it, even if the situation looks helpless, he has to at least try. He has to help even if it means compromising his own self. Even if it devours him from the inside out until he wonders why he ever let himself get so deeply entwined in a mess he's so unable to get out of.

"You didn't care about me, you just wanted me gone because what we had scared you."

"What do we have, huh? The relationship between a captor and his captive? A ruffian and a law abiding daddy's boy?"

"Baekhyun-"

"No. You didn't care about me either. It was all just out of pity, wasn't it? That first night when I broke down, the second night and all the nights afterwards? Don't try to pin this all on me, Chanyeol. We have both done evils to each other in this relationship and don't for a second think that either of us are unaware of that."

Chanyeol replays the scene in sepia, remembers the words like a tattered script in his solitude. It's always the same: always the same harsh scowling of Baekhyun's face, always the same sinking feeling of his heart, always the same realisation that maybe Baekhyun wasn't completely wrong. Without the male here by his side to distract him, he relives the situation and withstands the pain that crystallises in his veins.

The conversation had taken place a few days after Baekhyun's return when the tension between them had reached a breaking point, when the turbulent waters beneath a calm exterior became too much to hold in and broke past the flood barriers. A couple of other things had broken that night: some lamps, some plates, two hearts. They hadn't really spoken about it after that, not when they could just revert back to normal life and pretend like everything was alright. Normal. But Chanyeol goes back to that night whenever he's alone, entertains his demons in moments like this, when he's waiting for Baekhyun to join him in bed. It's like an infection that you never tell anyone about, the emotions and doubts that poison his blood. You just let it sit there because you think it'll go away on its own but really it's festering under your skin, spreading it's disease and crippling you from the inside out until eventually you're left hollowed and blackened.

Through ignoring their problems, neither of them learn from their mistakes, nor do they make an effort to right them. They are left stagnant, in the middle of a breakdown that neither moves forward nor backwards, but stays constant. They are left in constant pain.

The first night might have been out of pity, but he's not so sure about all the nights after. The urge to protect, to fix the older male may be nothing but Chanyeol's need help those in need, to make a difference in their lives, but the hammering of his heart, the warmth that paralyses him at the sight of the shorter's smile. They couldn't be born out of pity, could they?

With a sigh, Chanyeol buries his head into a pillow that's too soft for his liking. Baekhyun was probably helping clear up the mess from the party or waiting for him to fall asleep before he takes the risk of sneaking in. He decides he might as well do the shorter a favour and closes his eyes, falling into a slumber plagued with smokey dark orbs that carry a black ocean of devouring waves within them.

//

The Exodus is quiet at this time of night. The lights are dimmed - as per Baekhyun's request - and the Captain prowls down the corridors of his ship, heels of his boots clicking against marble floors, echoing around quietness. The sound ricochets off marble and comes to a halt along with his movements when he nears the man waiting for him at the end of the corridor.

"You wanted to see me?" Baekhyun asks his right hand man who waits by the door of his room, tired and irritable. He smooths delicate fingers over his features, fully aware of what a mess he must look like with his make up blotchy and fatigue stark against the muscles of his face. He can't bring himself to care too much when all he wants to do is sleep. He is so exhausted, he almost misses the envelope that Kyungsoo clutches in his hand, fingers clinging onto it for dear life.

"When we went to Earth to retrieve you," the alien starts, extending his hand out towards his Captain with a little exhale, "I also got you this." Stone like eyes flash violet with a resolve that shakes the other male and sends a lightning strike of curiosity through his bones. No traces of the intoxicated young man from earlier can be seen, all that's left in his place is a robot of steel adopting the skin of a human.

Kyungsoo elaborates no further but instead compels Baekhyun to take the envelope from him with his eyes. A beat of silence passes between them as the smokey eyed man warily examines the offering before shooting a questioning stare up at his closest friend, only to be met with an unwavering, determined gaze as impenetrable as the sheets of metal he controls. The look forces him to blink his gaze away as he slowly takes the envelope from him, opening it up with hesitancy to find a file within it. Crumpled up, tattered and torn, with the name 'Captain Park' stamped across it in bold red.

For a moment, all time freezes. All time catches up to him. And all time melts away like space matter into the void.

"It contains everything about him. His current whereabouts included," Kyungsoo narrates as Baekhyun flips through the file with shaky fingers and staggering breaths. His face is pale and his pupils skim over the information in front of him, unbelieving of the resource in his hands. Kyungsoo wonders if he's even listening or if the adrenaline thrumming in his ears is blocking out the sound of his voice. He continues regardless. "It seems he settled down on the planet of Solaria a year or so ago. I took the liberty of changing the Exodus' course last week and we should be docking at the planet by tomorrow morning."

Tired, incredulous wide eyes beseech him for some kind of answer. For something to tell him that this is all some kind of joke. That this isn't real. That everything he has been working for, dreaming of is not actually coming true so easily. It feels like a dream. A hallucination. "How did you-"

"It was Chanyeol's idea, in all honesty," and then Baekhyun is left quivering in his place. "However, he asked me to destroy the information as soon as you were back on board. I don't know if it was his plan all along or if he'd suddenly changed his mind on letting you see this - but either way I thought I shouldn't do anything without showing it to you. Think of it as a joint birthday present of sorts."

Baekhyun's mind is a flurry of conflicting emotions, of a million different scenarios that could play out depending on what step he took next. Then he thinks of the one name that resonates through his entire body. Chanyeol. He remembers hurt eyes and a heart that painfully ached knowing that he was the cause of them. He can't hurt him again, not when they're already walking on such tight ropes. But he knows for a fact Chanyeol doesn't trust him, can't trust him, not anymore, not after what he's done. And though it tears himself apart inside, the knowledge of this, the knowledge that his captive had tried to keep his father's whereabouts a secret from him - no doubt in an attempt to protect him - makes him wonder if he can trust Chanyeol. Every fibre in his being wants to so desperately but he's not sure anymore.

Revenge, one part of him wails longingly. Peace, another screams in anguish. He wonders if one can bring on the other and if there were an easy way to solve all this.

Baekhyun's silence proves to be too long and too messy for Kyungsoo so he edges him on, knowing he has to give his closest friend an option to end it all or walk away. He doesn't try to influence him in any way, knowing the Captain doesn't need to be more conflicted than he already is.

"It doesn't mean you have to go after him, though. When we dock later, we can leave as soon as or as late as you want us to. This is your choice, Baek. Yours and yours alone."

And then, from the pocket of his black trousers, he produces a glass syringe, its contents swooshing in a manner of clear, deadly promise. Without another word, he presses the cool surface of it into Baekhyun's shaking palms.

"What's this for?" he whispers, though Kyungsoo thinks he should already know what it's for. Thinks he should already know what choice to make and wonders why Baekhyun is trying to deny himself of what he wants and has always wanted. Maybe he's changed.

"In case you make your choice and lover boy gets rowdy."

//

For once Baekhyun can actually tell the difference between night and day. Light chases his footsteps, hot on heels as it tries to keep up with his endless wandering. Outside, dawn scatters the darkness and the nearest star in this corner of space - Solaria's sun - burns a bright blue, bathing the corridor in sky hues. It's a contrast to Baekhyun who's a spider in black.

He'd spent the entire night of his birthday re-exploring the Exodus like an uncharted island, fingertips tracing over familiar walls and table tops though he's had every corner of his ship engraved into his heart for a while now. He busied himself with cleaning up whatever messes were leftover from last night's shindig, sneaking himself some cookies from the kitchen, nagging his men who hobbled drunkenly through that halls to make themselves scarce. Anything that would distract him, even if just for a second. The ship is going to dock in the next few minutes and the thought alone has Baekhyun impatiently willing time to go on faster whilst dreadfully willing it to stop altogether.

When he finally, finally slips into his room, a single white envelope clenched tightly in his hands like it had been throughout the entire night and a glass cylinder weighing heavy in his pocket, he prepares himself to break apart everything that had been salvaged and mended from an already hopeless situation. 

But as soon as his eyes skim over the body of the male, peacefully sleeping in his bed, he finds that it is him that's breaking instead.

Baekhyun hates how ingrained Chanyeol is to the very core of the ship. He saw him with every turn, saw him in everything: the cookies, the halls, the corridors and now his bedroom. The Captain was planning to just watch the sleeping figure of his- his- 'what even is he to me?' If he was lover, friend, companion then he surely won't be for any longer, yet Baekhyun's feet - his body, his heart - are ever the betrayers, taking on minds of their own and he finds himself crossing the distance of his room with memorised steps to crouch down by the taller's side.

His heart lurches as his eyes automatically set off a well-known path, sailing over every bump and ridge and smooth curve of the taller's face, admiring how peaceful and angelic the male looks encompassed in the sweet embrace of sleep. It would surely be a lot sweeter than anything Baekhyun has ever offered him.

With a quivering finger, he glides the soft pad of his finger lightly down the bridge of Chanyeol's nose, touch feather-light as he mumbles a familiar tune under uneven breaths.

"Fly me to the moon,

Let me play among the stars,

Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.

In other words, hold my hand.

In other words, baby, kiss me."

Baekhyun worries his lower lip between his teeth. He remembers how he'd felt when he'd first shut him out. The regret that had poisoned his blood. The feeling of knowing he should've kept the tall male close instead of forcing him away. The knowledge that he needed him to feel sane. Safe. Like he wasn't the only broken one in the galaxy.

But then he remembers why he'd pushed him away, why he refused to let him in. Chanyeol had thought it was because he was scared of it getting too serious, and he was half right. His decision was based on fear. The fear that Chanyeol sticking to Baekhyun will only ruin him. That Baekhyun's demons would seep into Chanyeol, like ink onto pure white paper. Because he's seen it happening, he knows what's going on. Chanyeol smiles are less bright, less blinding than they were when he first came onboard; he's draining the life out of him. He's like poison to Chanyeol, slow spreading yet effective, reaching all corners of his interior, blackening his insides, hardening his heart. He had to let him go to spare him, but now he has to fight the tiny voice within him that wants to beg for the taller to stay.

( Some would be deluded enough to call it love. Baekhyun thinks no love could ever be so selfish. )

He wants to stay with Chanyeol and him goofy smiles and his undeniable warmth, but he can't. He knows he can't. He doesn't have anything to offer the taller male for all he has within him are monsters. And Chanyeol deserves much better than Baekhyun's monstrosity. Because although he pretends to be conflicted - forces himself to be conflicted - he knows the answer that sings though his entire body. He knows what decision he has to make. He has known it ever since Kyungsoo had first offered him a choice last night, only he had wanted to deny it. He had wanted to deny that he was still the same, bloodthirsty bastard he was so many months ago. He wanted to believe he'd changed, that Chanyeol had changed him but his hand still itches for his sword and vengeance is still what keeps his heart pumping. His fingertips still ache for a peace that can only come through him slaying all his demons. It still consumes him. He's surprised he has the capacity to even ponder on the thought of love. There's no space for it inside of him, no matter how empty he claims his heart to be. His darkness takes up too much of him.

And that's what he has to change. That's why he has to do it.

He needs to do it once more, he needs to betray him once more because then and only then, only after giving way to all the evil within him can he be set free and be free enough to offer Chanyeol all of him.

If he were to still even want him.

"Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more,

You are all I long for all I worship and adore.

In other words, please be true.

In other words"-

The words stick to the back of his throat. He can't bring himself to finish the dreaded song. Not with the syringe hidden in his pocket.

The male on the bed stirs ever so slightly, eyelashes fluttering as he forces his eyes open to look up at him sleepily. The sight is so lovely Baekhyun has to clutch onto the glass cylinder for resolve. For courage.

"Baekhyun?" Chanyeol's raspy, low baritone calls out to him like a siren song. Like he's calling out for him to halt in his tracks, forget his plan, forget everything and just climb into bed so they can pretend that they're ok together. However, his muscles are not bold enough to give into him, just as his tongue isn't brave enough to able to force out a reply for him. Instead, he presses his lips together and injects determination into his restless veins.

With a shaky breath and a tightening grip around cool glass, he makes his choice.

"Baek-"

Chanyeol doesn't even get the second syllable out before a needle is in his neck. The betrayal painted clearly on his features is slowly slipping off as he drifts away into the hands of a deep slumber. Baekhyun almost lets himself pretend that he's just sleeping like he had been before.

Biting back the urge to never move from the taller's side, Baekhyun leans forward to drop a soft kiss onto Chanyeol's forehead, mimicking the action that the latter loves to carry out so much. "I'm sorry," he whispers against soft red curls before taking his leave, feet heavy as lead as they carry him to meet his destiny.

"In other words, I love you."

//

Baekhyun finds him in the outskirts of the capital. Captain Park sticks out easily enough, a single human weaving in and out between a small crowd of multi coloured aliens. He wears a cape of brown cotton, hood pulled over his head angled down towards the ground. Whether it's to shield himself from the relentless rays of Solaria's burning sun or to save himself from Baekhyun's predatory gaze, the latter doesn't know.

The old man wearily pumps gallons of fuel into his hovercraft, frail figure dwarfed by the large rucksack he has slung over his shoulders. It's almost like he's on the run, like he's trying to outpace the past that is set on catching up with him.

Blood boils like lava inside of Baekhyun's body as his smokey, midnight eyes follow his prey with hunger. Hunger for vengeance. He's on auto pilot now as he begins taking menacing steps closer to his target, forgetting everything else, forgetting the sleeping male he has left behind in his room, forgetting all the possible consequences and outcomes that could be born as the aftermath of his run-in with the Captain of his broken past.

Fine sand grains beneath the worn out soles of his boots drift away, creating a mini red hurricane and it stops him from forgetting for a second. It reminds him of someone he shouldn't think of right now. Not when he's about to kill his father.

( But he thinks of him regardless. Thinks of what was, of what could have been. He doesn't think of what will be because who knows what will happen to them after this? )

"Captain Park," Baekhyun rasps out to him once he's close enough, voice feral. His father's ice cold face flashes across his very eyes, the conjured sight causing his grip to tighten around his trusty longsword. The addressed man turns around slowly. His shoulders droop and a sigh wracks its way through his entire, tired body. He's been expecting this. He's been waiting for the moment where his sins could be laid bare for him to face.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," Baekhyun says with the bitterest of chuckles. It's dry, it's demeaning, it's demonic. All of a sudden it's like nothing has changed and Baekhyun is still the same man he was 6 months ago, before he'd met Chanyeol, before he'd ever felt the taller's light touch his dark soul. Humanity is replaced by animalistic animosity and Baekhyun wonders how he could ever have thought about passing an opportunity to carry out his revenge.

A few seconds tick by and the Captain that Baekhyun used to work under - slaved under - still doesn't say a word. He doesn't even look at him, eyes settled somewhere over his shoulder, to a far away past filled with mistakes he could never take back.

The silence that stretches between them only builds up the tension in the raven haired pirate's muscles, jaw painfully grinding teeth together out of pure detrimental wrath. He waits no longer before baring his teeth and unleashing his ire, fury unfurling across his features faster than a sand storm can take its form. He grabs the older man by his shoulders and slams him against the nearest wall, watches how he drops the device used to fill his vehicle's fuel tank and observes the thick black petrol that spills across red sand. He wants to spill red across it next.

No one notices them. If they do then no one cares. Solaria is solely focused on the idea of self-interest. No one else matters here but yourself. No one else is going to interfere or intervene. Nothing else matters right now except for Baekhyun finally getting to complete his life's mission. "I've been looking everywhere for you," he repeats himself, increasing the venom in his voice tenfold, closing the distance between them, cornering in on his prey. He doesn't know how else to describe the thrumming of his heart, the trembling in his body besides pure, unadulterated rage. His father's singing voice plays out in his ears again and again, urging him on like a reminder of why he has to do this. "After all the torture you have plagued upon my life, you don't even have it in you to look me in the eye? Do you even remember me, Park? Do you even know my name or am I still just a replaceable human being to you?"

Captain Park doesn't move. He shakes under Baekhyun's own unstable grip. Frustration rushes into his blood at his unresponsive target, it forces Baekhyun to rip off the hood covering the wretched face of the man before him so that he may watch his features twist in pain and regret when he finally drives his sword through his heart and ends all the torture. Baekhyun rips off the hood as oceans within dark, smokey eyes begin to overflow and spill past weakening barriers. Baekhyun rips off the hood and looks into the eyes of a dead man walking.

And he freezes.

He is not rendered shocked by what he sees. Had been expecting it, in fact. Had been hoping it would be what he'd find.

In those faded brown spheres all he sees is a ghost, haunted by the decisions of his past. Suddenly the sunken shoulders, the sunken cheeks, the sunken spirit make sense. The tension in Baekhyun's muscles drains out of his frame in a way he refuses to acknowledge, suspense bleeding out the air into nothingness. Shaking his head with such emptiness, the younger Captain stumbles backwards, svelte hands coming up to rub at his throbbing temples. This is not the Captain Park he'd remembered. This is not the pompous bastard, who spat words of hatred towards those he'd thought inferior to him. This is not the man who had ruined Baekhyun's life and took his father's without even a bat of an eyelash.

This is not a man Baekhyun can hate. And he's almost glad for that. This is a man just as lost as he is.

It seems a lot of people are these days.

//

When Baekhyun gets back onboard the Exodus a few hours later, Chanyeol is awake. He is awake and livid.

Before he can even register the movement, he is being slammed hard against the wall of his bedroom, not in an act of passion like he usually would be subjected to but in an act of pure fury. When his senses return to him, he looks fixedly into Chanyeol's eyes, the flamboyant rage within them unfamiliar to him and wonders if this is all his doing.

"What did you do, Baekhyun," Chanyeol spits at him, nostrils flared and eyes bloodshot. He looks torn between killing him and breaking down into hysterical sobs. A hand curls its way around his neck in a deathly grip and Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol has it in him.

"I'm guessing Kyungsoo filled you in?" The shorter finds himself quirking a small smile at the corner of his lips, an intentionally cruel gesture that only makes the tall red head tighten his grip around his windpipe. The shorter relishes in it, lets out a shaky breath before gasping in another as he allows all the fight left in him to exude out his body. He accepts the punishment he knows he deserves. He no longer has anything to fight for, anyways. Chanyeol only lets out an animalistic growl in response, eyes burning like a furnace that threatens to swallow Baekhyun whole with the flames of his anguish.

Staring into Chanyeol's eyes now, Baekhyun can't take it. He can take a lot of things, can take the burning in his lungs, the scorn from the universe, the feeling of Chanyeol's ever tightening grip on him, but he can't take seeing the pain he has caused him. Even if suffocating in guilt is what he deserves. He supposes even villains have their limits.

The red head's eyes follow his movements sharply when the shorter male moves to pull something out of his pocket. Chanyeol's jaw clenches painfully as Baekhyun scrambles to pull out a thin bangle with intricate engravings of ancient letters and patterns from his pocket, snapping it around the hand that Chanyeol assaults him with. He briefly notices how beautiful it looks worn by the taller before his legs buckle beneath him.

Gritting his teeth, Chanyeol's eyes flicker between glaring at the man who is at the mercy of his wrath and the gleaming gold object around his wrist. Without much gentleness to his actions, he releases the man reluctantly, refusing to spare him another glance as he turns away from him. He allows his attention, currently focused on sprouting words of self-hatred over his inability to kill the damned pirate, to be stolen by the bracelet instead. He forces himself not to watch as Baekhyun collapses onto the floor as soon, forces himself to ignore the way the shorter's eyelids flutter dangerously as consciousness floods his lungs and forces himself to block out the sounds of him coughing and gasping for oxygen.

He doesn't the deserve his concern anymore, even Chanyeol himself knows that. Yet it's still all the taller feels in that very moment.

"It's from your father," Baekhyun manages to gasp out, though his throat burns. Burns from Chanyeol's touch. The latter's eyebrows quirk upwards in a silent question that Baekhyun hears loud and clear before he can stop himself. "I didn't kill him, Chanyeol. I wanted to but I couldn't. We talked instead, though. He says he's sorry. And he loves you. He hopes you can forgive him." As he relays this information he feels a pang of pity for the broken man he remembers. Tears had brimmed in his old Captain's eyes as they talked about what had happened so many years ago and what had happened after, but he'd never let them fall; a Captain, a man of honour, indeed. It doesn't mean he is any less resentful to the Captain who had caused him father's death, but rather that they had reached some sort of quiet truce that left Baekhyun feeling emptier than it should.

There is a beat of sickening silence before Chanyeol speaks up.

"And you?" he asks, angered breathing now slowing down to a more normal in and out after being assured the safety of his father. He fiddles with the new bracelet, feels the cool metal against his skin, admires the single black pearl that shines dully back at him but still doesn't look at the other male.

Baekhyun chuckles quietly, though he never wishes to speak again. He is not in the right state of mind to do anything besides sit there and let his buzzing thoughts consume him. He can't trust his mouth to filter any of the damning emotions that grow within him, they make him feel more vulnerable than he would like to let on. But he figures Chanyeol will refuse to talk to him after today - he most likely doesn't even want to talk to him now - so he should probably get a few things off his chest before he is exiled from the taller's life forever. "Me? Well, I'm definitely sorry - you know, for sedating you and all that - but love? I mean what even is love? Is it even real if it is, is it something like the feelings I have for you or is it something different? I do-"

"Baekhyun, that's not what I mean-"

"I do hope you forgive me, though," he raises his voice a little so he can be heard over Chanyeol's tired baritone though his scratchy throat protests and cracks on the last vowel. But that could just be down to the fact that his throat is closing up and his eyes are stinging. He's not sure. Not sure what to focus on, really. He just lost his entire purpose to live, let it slip through his fingers and yet here he is, trying to make things right with someone who will probably never forgive him after everything he's done to him.

( He doesn't even know how he can forgive himself. Even after all this time, he still feels so empty. Even after all this time, he's still a monster. )

Chanyeol gapes at the pirate dumbfounded and Baekhyun's heart flops uselessly by his side when he recognises the look he's been given to be one of uncertainty. Disbelief.

He feels hot. Baekhyun feels hot. He wants to run again.

"I meant, do you forgive him?" Chanyeol says instead when he's out of other words to say. When he doesn't know what words to say.

In his head, a single syllable that had awkwardly tumbled off Baekhyun's fumbling tongue plays on repeat and he ponders on it quietly. Love. Is it possible to love the lost? To love those who don't know how to reciprocate it? Is it possible to love when you're only half a soul? He looks at Baekhyun, seemingly more broken now than ever and witnesses all the ways in which a soul can fall apart.

No, he concludes. Baekhyun's not capable of love. Not yet. At least, not the normal kind of love.

( Chanyeol squashes down the small part of him that's willing to accept whatever sick, twisted form of half love that Baekhyun's capable of mustering up and offering. He doesn't know why he still continues to care. He doesn't know why he still continues to love. )

Baekhyun takes in a shaky inhale of cool air, letting his head drop back against the wall with a thud, neck tired from supporting a mind that's too full. The taller positioned a safe distance across the room from him resists the urge to slide his fingers through raven locks and gently rub at the lump that's no doubt forming underneath. He resists the urge to help. To fix.

He figures now that maybe his father was right about one thing; some things are too broken to fix.

Instead, he waits for Baekhyun's next words with bated breath.

"I was a fool for thinking getting revenge on one man would make my life instantly better." It's not the yes or no answer Chanyeol had wanted but he listens quietly anyways, moving to sit on the edge of their bed as Baekhyun's eyes grow redder with every passing second. He doesn't know how much longer he can call it 'theirs,' for. "Death and destruction has followed me every point of my life, Chanyeol. One more death wasn't going to make anything better. Granted it wouldn't have made anything worse either, but I suspected you wouldn't have been too happy with me."

"I'm surprised you thought of me at all," Chanyeol says quietly, his laugh is as cold and clipped as it was back in the dungeon when he had casually touched on the sensitive topic of how Baekhyun had pushed him aside like he was worth nothing. His words once again sink in too deep for the both of them to handle and bring a pregnant pause in tow. It is now Chanyeol's turn to feel like running away.

They can't bear to look at one another. The red haired captive settles his gaze on a random spot on the duvet whilst the other catches himself staring out the window, the view painted in the pale pink hues of a setting sun. They still have yet to depart from the planet where Baekhyun's life had fallen apart for the second time.

"I always think of you," Baekhyun whispers just when the atmosphere starts to smother them both, veiling over them like a thick cloud of ash. At the sound of his fragile voice, Chanyeol feels more suffocated than ever. "He looks like you, you know. With the big, round eyes. Goofy ears. I thought of you then, when I noticed all the similarities. I'm thinking of you now, too, even though you're right in front of me." The raven haired male lets out the bitterest of laughs, though he finds it difficult to even breathe with the pressure squeezing against his lungs, the stinging in the back of his throat and eyes. "I'm thinking of what could've been before I went and ed everything up. But now I realise I've been ing up for so long now, I don't even know where the breaking point was. Maybe it was always meant to be like this. Maybe we were never meant to fall into place like I wanted us to - and I did, I really did want us to. I thought maybe you could save me but I guess- I guess, maybe we were distant stars from the beginning-"

"Baekhyun-"

"I told him I loved you," he continues because he's feeling brave now, thankful for the way Chanyeol is easily silenced. "He asked how you were. I told him you were loved. It seemed to make him happy so I said it." A rippling quiet passes between them but Baekhyun tells himself that he cannot let this moment go. He tries again. He really wants him to understand. "I think I love you."

Now Baekhyun is resentful for the way Chanyeol stays silent. His nerves are on edge and his vision is being obscured by useless tears because he's lost everything including his pride and yet Chanyeol isn't even looking at him. He doesn't know how someone as empty as him can still have the ability to show such weakness. But then he realises that being a hollowed out shell of a person with nothing left to live for is probably the greatest weakness of all.

"Who's saying this?" Chanyeol asks after extending the silence out for a couple of beats too long, because he's actually really curious. "The Baekhyun who is consumed by anger and revenge and frankly doesn't seem capable of caring about anyone else besides himself or the Baekhyun who likes cuddling and singing and who I might actually be in love with, too?"

Now it is Baekhyun's turn to stay quiet. He digs his teeth in his lower lip with enough force that he tastes the metallic tang of blood on his tongue as he lets the first tear fall. He's glad that Chanyeol isn't looking at him now, he knows the taller would only give in and come comfort him. He needs Chanyeol to hate him. He needs to stop deluding himself into believing he could ever be loved, could ever be saved.

"I don't know."

Are they two different Baekhyun's? Are they so different that they can't be the same? Is either one even alive anymore? He doesn't know.

Chanyeol makes no effort to respond and Baekhyun leaves it at that, screwing his eyelids shut and wondering if this all means he can finally have some peace.

a/n -  

THIS LIKE 10K MAN THATS LIKE THE SIZE OF A NORMAL ONE SHOT OMG

ANYWAYS ILY AND BYE PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE COMMENT AND UPVOTE <3