"i'm sorry."

i say, over and over as if i could abolish all my sins in just that one word. as if any amount of penance would reconcile what i've done to her.

"i'm so sorry."

one part of me wants to hug her. 
another part of me wants to punish her for causing a scene.

i fall to my knees. 
i'm crying and so is she. 
this is all her fault, i think.

"i'm sorry."

she's about to run out of the room but i stop her. i wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug. i can feel her body stiffen, but she doesn't push me away. she doesn't fight back.

"i'll never do it again."

i nuzzle my face into her neck and she flinches again but i'm holding on to her too tight for her to do anything.

"i'm sorry."

i don't want her to ever  be afraid of me. i don't ever want to hurt her again. 
i don't think i could bare to see her cry again.

"i'm so sorry, seyeon."

i'm so scared of losing her. but the tighter i hold onto the reins, the more tangled i become. 
and the more i'm strangling her.