Jungkook's POV.

“Get lost.” I ate his words for meals.

Drinking bottles at a hotel lobby just a year ago, there I met his empty eyes as if asking for healing. It never changes – or when it does, it’s either the eyes asking me to stay or the eyes asking for something only love could give.

Sometimes he gets so sad – so sad that he completely shuts down. At that very moment, I stare at him. I know for a fact that it doesn’t matter what I say to him so I deliver my words through our gazes.

Today, standing still in front of a messed up man, I take his beatings. It doesn’t even concern me because I’ve become analgesic. I understand his words through the punches he blows.

Stay by my side.

Don’t leave.

Help me.

I need you.

Please, fix me.

“Taehyung, let’s stop now.” I wanted to comfort him but words just can’t seem to find its way out of my mouth.

I didn’t know I would go this far for a person I barely even know then. But today, it seems like I’ve known him for a long time. Why and how has he become like this, I understand it through his eyes. His scars on his wrist and bruises on his side, he must’ve fought so hard.

“Sleep.” He mumbled while stopping himself from throwing a chair.

“Goodnight, Taehyung.” I smiled at him.

Whenever he says something rather than expressing it through violence, I feel his sorry. With his words, he feels his existence. He always gets lost on what his mind think is right to do, but the real him finds what his heart really wants.

If being with him means dying, I’d be grateful to die in his arms. But before death comes to find me, I wanted to fix him. I wanted to let him know that even if he had done things he wishes he could take back it’s never too late for a change.

I lay down on my bed just the right position to peek at the sky at this late hour. I positioned myself to get a proper vision at the stars which I beautifully watch shine. As I feel sleep seeping in, I heard the door creak. I sensed him walking slowly toward me.

I felt a kiss at the back of my shoulders. I fell asleep.

It’s Sunday and the sun comes to greet me a good morning. Sundays are rest days. Nothing happens at Sundays but that’s what makes me more concerned. He shuts himself alone in the bathroom and I sit at the door waiting for him to come out.

I make my way to the kitchen thinking what I’d make for breakfast. Bacon and eggs sound good. I prepared some leftovers for fried rice too. Taehyung isn’t really picky with food but what’s sad is he never eats at Sundays as well. He’s way too early to lock himself up in the bathroom that I never – ever – once saw him enter.

“Bacon. Eggs. Fried rice. I have orange juice too.” I said as I put his tray down.

I prepared my plate and sat down beside his food. At Sundays, the bathroom mat becomes my dining table.

“You know…” I swallow my food to clear up my throat.

“…the stars are shining so bright last night. But how come people only appreciate stars? Without darkness, they can never be seen anyway. Isn’t it better to appreciate darkness?” I added.

This is an ordinary Sunday scene similar to the confession room at churches where you talk to each other with a thin barrier that separates you both. One speaks and one listens.

I talked the whole day. A lot. Just to let him know I would never leave my place. And just to let him know there’s someone waiting for him. I talked about nonsensical denominations that make up the earth like how parrots talk and the existence of an elephant who can also speak. Things like even four-year olds find amazing. But at some point, I indirectly talk about him. Like why he had suffered in the thick of it all and how he has to throw himself out in that black hole; that it’s not a shame to change because I do understand him in every way.

I spend Sundays as if I’d never run out of words to say and I’m part grateful that I have someone who listens to all the gibberish I make up.

The darkness completely ate the sky up and it’s almost time for him to get out of his void. But things just don’t seem right when he opened his door. His eyes glitter, not with a blissful look, but with a jittery one.

“Get out.” He hissed.

I hugged him. Just like how I do every day.

“No matter how many times you tell me to leave, I won’t.” I insisted and hugged him tighter.

“Get out!” He nagged.

Taehyung escaped from my embrace and took a grip of my shoulders. His fingers tightly held me as if he was clenching his fingers into a fist. I flew. From his hands, I flew. I felt the wooden chair’s arm hit my side. He slowly approached me with a glass in his hands. I stood up not because I wanted to give him a hit too, but to give him a hug. He kept on throwing glasses at me but I kept on walking towards him.

In that moment, I don’t feel my existence. I feel him. His eyes seemed to be asking for a healing – a healing that never lets the damage control his life.

“Why don’t we try to cry together, Taehyung? You don’t have to suffer it all alone.” I don’t want to stop him because that’s when I feel his genuine feelings - his anger, his agony, his misery, and his sorry. At the very least, taking his beating is the only way I can sympathize with him.

I hugged him tighter but he kept on breaking it loose.

“We can be something better than this. Let’s fight together, okay?” I wanted to feel him as safe as possible but I’m hurting. I’m sure it isn’t from his beating it was from something else.

We’re both an emotional wreck. I felt scars as if it was embossed on his back. My fingers slowly brushed his back carefully feeling his wounds.

“Is this new?” I asked him as I cautiously scan his marks.

I found myself crying silently when I reached his wrist. I felt a thick liquid streaming down his hands.

Blood.

“You’re a wonderful human being. And if you think you’re a monster for reaching this state all the way, remember that everyone has his own creature inside him.”

When you love someone, you make them feel your love. That’s what I believe. And even though he’s drowning in the seas of self-destruction, I wanted to rescue him. I hugged him a little tighter and there I heard my lullaby. His heartbeat brings me a sigh of relief. As long as he lives, I don’t mind dying on my own.

“Sleep.” His voice sounds croaky.

I kept on brushing his back lightly and it felt calm. It was quiet and he is still. I know that whenever he lets me go to sleep, I have nothing to worry about. He’s got himself together.

“I will.” I replied as I brush his back more.

I wiped my eyes before I cut it out. I freed him from my embrace and slowly walked away.

“Goodnight, Taehyung.” I turned my head towards him and gave him a smile.

Right when I entered my room, I looked at myself in the mirror. Another scar, another bruise. It’s nothing new. I was diagnosed with analgesia months ago and it doesn’t matter to me anymore.

I found my way creeping onto my bed. And as I was about to fall asleep, I heard the door opened. It’s been like this every night, him crawling in and kissing me, and I, pretending to be in deep sleep because I liked it that way.

He kissed my neck good night and I log some Z’s.

Our year was full of beatings, tears, and never-ending eye contacts. I’ve never even heard him say a word-full sentence but I live with his words.

Then came another Saturday night, when I found myself embracing his punches. I like how he throws his punch – it seemed like a punch of relief – it makes me want to protect him more. The way how he slams his palm on my back and at my side, it allows me to sympathize with him. And the way how he hurls me against the wall, I want him to break me just as how broken he is.

 “I love you, Taehyung.” Our eyes meet again.

Please, don’t get tired of me. Fix me, Jungkook. I heard his eyes.

“I will.” I mumbled.

“Sleep.” His voice is the only voice that makes me crawl to my bed eagerly.

I walked towards him and reached for his hand. “Alright. Good night, Taehyung.”

I turned away and made my way to the room. The stars are again shimmering as if it was meant to be watched by me. I slowly close my eyes thinking over the different ways of how I’d help him when I suddenly heard him enter my room.

He kissed my hand good night and left with a few words. Words I’ve never even expect to roll out of his tongue.

“Thank you for keeping up with me. It’s been a long journey.”

Then he left.

But things just don’t feel right. His voice was a little husky as if he was stopping himself from crying. It made me tear up. I buried my face on the pillow so I wouldn’t be too loud. I found myself sobbing in the state of non-existence. I felt blank.

Come to think of it, there’s only a few hours left till Sunday comes to greet us. And I have to puzzle out the mystery of Sundays that’s been ringing my mind. I stayed up all night waiting for him to make his way to the bathroom.

2:00 am.

2:00 am and I heard his door open. Was he always that early to lock himself up?

And so I made my way out of my room to check what’s up. My heart’s pounding so hard and tears just gather around my lid. I can’t even understand what I feel when I saw him walk toward the bathroom.

I’ve never seen a single tear stream down his face but now he’s crying. He’s crying. Like a little kid I see on the streets, he’s crying.

He’s got new scars – scratches around his neck, slits on his wrist, ripped skin on his collarbone, and his totally messed up self. Before he enters the bathroom, I ran to give him a hug.

What more can I do? I’m a mess too.

I held him tightly. “Everything’s going to be okay, Taehyung. Just hold on.”

I heard a tiny sound from the floor as if it fell from his touch. I looked down, and tears came out like a reflex.

“Please, let me fix you. Don’t lose hope, Taehyung.” I can’t control myself from crying. I buried my face on his back and I felt his breathing.

Is he sobbing?

He breathes so heavily. I kissed the back of his neck just so he knows that he’s safe with me.

“Let’s fight this together, okay?” I whispered.

He faced me then pushed me away. He was weeping convulsively. The tears he’s been hiding, finally made its appearance in front of me.

“But what can you do?! What can you do when you don’t fight back against me?!” He shouted.

I was shocked by how his voice sounded thick and smoky.

“What can you do when you’re all screwed up?! What can you do when, at the very least, you don’t get what I say when I want you to leave?!” He’s words are shaky.

I walked closer and we were both crying.

“Then let’s hate ourselves together, let’s be a mess together, let’s leave together, and let’s heal each other. Why can’t we do that? Is it wrong to be sharing the same pain together?”

Right, if we’re both at that state, why can’t we do things together? No one can have greater pain and we’ll be hurting the same way.

“Because I love you, Jungkook. I love you so I hurt you. I hurt you so you’d leave. I wanted you to get away from me because I’m a monster…” He kept on pulling his hair and kicking stuff on the floor.

“…People think so, too. And I think I was born like this, you can’t do anything about it. Don’t you know how cruel I get as long as I live? So I must end it now before…” He stopped.

“Before, what?” I was curious.

“…I happen to kill you.”

“Liar.” My hands seem to find its way through his torso.

“Get away from me! Don’t you get how dangerous I am?” He continues to escape from my arms but I won’t let him go this easily.

“If you wanted to kill me, you must’ve done so before. If you wanted me to leave, then those eyes won’t be asking me to stay. Your eyes speak the truth and I can’t just ignore that, Taehyung. It must’ve been hard for you, I understand. But please, don’t push me away like this. Tell me to leave when you really don’t need me anymore.”

I looked up meeting his eyes. I felt his tears drop on my cheeks. I loosen up my embrace and reached for his face. Then I found my lips touch his.

It was soft and passionate. I didn’t know his lips were full of unsaid things. I felt his helplessness, his anxiousness, and his need to be loved.

“Let’s survive this mess, Taehyung.” I said as I wipe his tears away.

“Alright.” He replied.

And so we spend the night sleeping together - cuddling calmly under the same sky. We lay down in my room where the stars are visible from the window.

“Darkness is a blessing.” I heard Taehyung mutter.

“Yes, and it brought us two together.” I positioned my body now facing his face and carefully scanned him. I closed my eyes as I slowly touch his forehead, to his eye brow, his eye, down his nose bridge, his cheek, and then his lips.

“What a lovely face you have.” I gushed. He replied with a chuckle.

Then he pulled me in burying my face onto his chest. He slowly tapped my back as if telling me to go to sleep. It was warm and nice – sleeping in the arms of the person you love. So I wrapped my arms around his side telling myself to hold on to him.

“Don’t leave.” I mumbled my words as I fall asleep. Then I felt a kiss on my forehead.

Today, it wasn’t the sun that greeted me a good Sunday morning. It was his beautiful face.

“Good morning, Jungkook.” It’s amazing how contagious his smile is. My lips involuntarily arched up as soon as I looked at him.

“Good morning, Taehyung.” I greeted him back.

It’s assuring seeing him around on a Sunday. As soon as I got up, I thought of preparing a special breakfast on a special day like this. But seeing all these food prepared on the table, it left me speechless.

“I woke up early so I prepared these.”

A tear of relief suddenly rolled down my face. He getting better is the best thing that’s ever granted in my life. And I will never run out of patience of helping him to be the best version of the Taehyung I have yet to find. Because when you truly love someone, you don’t give up.

A/N: So this came up a little early, eh? ;v; (ayye don't trust my words bec idek when i will post the update on Let's Not Fall In Love) I hope you liked it. Keep reading my ass writings!! Thnx ya piece of gem. Harteuuuu~ 

-koraens